Summer of OT: What That Forever Changed Your Life
- Thread starter Farnsworth
- Start date
For the first 24 years of my life certain family members were alcoholics and this turned me off alcohol forever. In addition, every little argument would end one of two ways depending on which one you were talking to: either "I should just kill myself" or "do we need to put you on drugs" because threats and manipulation are the only way they know how to resolve a conflict.
Of course, they would also fight each other at 2am, which was great when it happened on a school night because I would get no sleep and they would wonder why I was grouchy and doing poorly in school. But I could never tell them the truth because then I would just hear the threats: "I should just kill myself/do we need to put you on drugs." They still don't understand why I don't like talking to them. The best part is they would apologize in the morning as if that makes up for the lack of sleep.
Finally graduate from high school and go off to college, only to find myself surrounded by alcohol everywhere. By 2011-2012 I'm having very strong suicidal ideations. Withdrew about $500 from my bank account and gave it away to random students in $20 increments. Made a post to facebook just before Christmas 2011. Had one singular talk with the residence hall director and other than that nobody seemed to care (and personally I felt the RHD didn't care).
The thoughts just kind of went away during the second half of 2012. Then in 2018 a high school classmate died leaving behind a husband and two young kids. It made me simultaneously more and less empathetic. While the outpouring of love and support was touching I couldn't help but feel some resentment. Would these mutual friends have cared at all had I gone through with it in 2011? I've never had many friends so whenever I see some popular person talking about "mental health y'all" I get annoyed.
I just needed someone to listen and not judge me.
Of course, they would also fight each other at 2am, which was great when it happened on a school night because I would get no sleep and they would wonder why I was grouchy and doing poorly in school. But I could never tell them the truth because then I would just hear the threats: "I should just kill myself/do we need to put you on drugs." They still don't understand why I don't like talking to them. The best part is they would apologize in the morning as if that makes up for the lack of sleep.
Finally graduate from high school and go off to college, only to find myself surrounded by alcohol everywhere. By 2011-2012 I'm having very strong suicidal ideations. Withdrew about $500 from my bank account and gave it away to random students in $20 increments. Made a post to facebook just before Christmas 2011. Had one singular talk with the residence hall director and other than that nobody seemed to care (and personally I felt the RHD didn't care).
The thoughts just kind of went away during the second half of 2012. Then in 2018 a high school classmate died leaving behind a husband and two young kids. It made me simultaneously more and less empathetic. While the outpouring of love and support was touching I couldn't help but feel some resentment. Would these mutual friends have cared at all had I gone through with it in 2011? I've never had many friends so whenever I see some popular person talking about "mental health y'all" I get annoyed.
I just needed someone to listen and not judge me.
On a lighter note, the 2020 derecho...
The 1st severe weather event I had experienced was in November 2005 when one of the tornadoes from that outbreak got within half a mile of my house. 15 years later I'm working night shift and therefore I sleep in until 10-10:30 in the morning. On August 10th I wake up right as the sirens go off and I have zero idea what's happening. I get to the basement and the power goes out. My area was largely spared of any serious damage but the power stayed out for about 10-12 hours.
That night before the power came back is what I would call a religious experience. Very unAugust-like temps with low humidity. And my God, with no clouds and no light pollution I had never seen so many stars in the night sky nor had I ever seen the Milky Way before. When the neighbors porch lights came back on I almost yelled at them to "turn their damn lights off".
The whole event made me realize that most of my problems are truly insignificant.
The 1st severe weather event I had experienced was in November 2005 when one of the tornadoes from that outbreak got within half a mile of my house. 15 years later I'm working night shift and therefore I sleep in until 10-10:30 in the morning. On August 10th I wake up right as the sirens go off and I have zero idea what's happening. I get to the basement and the power goes out. My area was largely spared of any serious damage but the power stayed out for about 10-12 hours.
That night before the power came back is what I would call a religious experience. Very unAugust-like temps with low humidity. And my God, with no clouds and no light pollution I had never seen so many stars in the night sky nor had I ever seen the Milky Way before. When the neighbors porch lights came back on I almost yelled at them to "turn their damn lights off".
The whole event made me realize that most of my problems are truly insignificant.
A positive one: a school mate (guy a year below me)'s dad took me fishing once or twice and showed me a technique with small jigs that was quite literally the most effective way to find fish even if they weren't necessarily active.
*many people would be amazed at how many fish are hanging around a log or in slower current.
Aside from that I remember him telling me about different flowers/plants and how different fish might be in areas along with just paying attention to all of the other wildlife around the water.
*many people would be amazed at how many fish are hanging around a log or in slower current.
Aside from that I remember him telling me about different flowers/plants and how different fish might be in areas along with just paying attention to all of the other wildlife around the water.
She retired. When she had to pass the torch for our situation she said to us "I'll see you back here some day and it will be good news." We did and it was good news.
She was/is incredibly calming. So dignified.
I think for everyone around me, yes. For me, no. By that I mean, the time of day it happened and what was going on at that time of day, my first thought was were am I going to find him at. I was the only family member at home at the time, so to me I think he had the opportunity knowing that I was there yet to take care of the daily farming operation. It did happen in the winter so just daily livestock activities.
I will say that once I had determined his death, called my mom at work to tell her, called authorities, and until someone finally came home, that 10-20 seemed like an eternity! I was trying to process so much that it really seemed like days.
To this day I tell people my story and they are like OMG! They were amazed at my ability to do what I did at 18 years old! I didn’t have time to mourn, with me being the guy to take over things and the only on how things worked. For the first week or so, everyone wanted to help me and I just wanted to be alone and do it myself. My uncle came and spent a few days with us and we talked about things and I credit him for getting me out of my funk and open up for others to help out. I’ve really never looked back on what happened, but will really never know….Why?
In my experience, from traumatic brain injury (stroke, concussion) To PTSD and CPTSD (alcoholic parents) To depression, anxiety and insomnia, Cereset brain rehab helps where everything else fails to.
The video below will launch and play in Vimeo if you click on the learn more. Great summary video for those interested.
Www.Cereset.com
The video below will launch and play in Vimeo if you click on the learn more. Great summary video for those interested.
Www.Cereset.com
I was at my first semester at Iowa State. I was a grad student. I was married so my wife was with me. We were both from Missouri. Her family was 3 hours away. Mine was 5 hours away. It was October 1994. We were living in University Village. The apartments we lived in had flooded the year before in the flood of 1993.
On October 17, my mom calls me and tells me that my brother is in the hospital for an eating disorder. I would later find out that it was more than just an eating disorder. He was going through a lot of mental issues which included him contemplating suicide.
On October 19, my wife found out she was pregnant with our first child.
On October 22, we went to visit my brother in the hospital. My mom and dad were there too.
The next morning my dad called me to tell me my cousin (and best friend) was killed in a car accident.
My hospital did not let my brother leave for the funeral if he wanted to come back, so he just left.
When we got back to Ames the next week after the funeral, my wife started getting sick. We discovered that the smells in the apartment caused by the flood were causing it. She was not able to stay with me.
I took her back home and came back to Ames by myself. I was alone. No family. No friends. My cousin had just died. My brother was going through all kinds of mental problems. My pregnant wife was 3hours away from me. I was living in an apartment that probably was full of mold.
That first semester at ISU was hard. I also struggled in the classroom more than I ever had in the past.
But in the end, it strengthened me. We were able to get into a new apartment by February. My wife moved back with me, and our son was born in June 1995. My brother eventually got better, although he still has his ups and downs.
I am going through some medical issues right now, but what this time in my life (when is was only 24) did for me was to help me realize that if I could make it through that time in my life, I could make it through anything. I could have left ISU and moved closer to home, but I am glad I didn’t.
On October 17, my mom calls me and tells me that my brother is in the hospital for an eating disorder. I would later find out that it was more than just an eating disorder. He was going through a lot of mental issues which included him contemplating suicide.
On October 19, my wife found out she was pregnant with our first child.
On October 22, we went to visit my brother in the hospital. My mom and dad were there too.
The next morning my dad called me to tell me my cousin (and best friend) was killed in a car accident.
My hospital did not let my brother leave for the funeral if he wanted to come back, so he just left.
When we got back to Ames the next week after the funeral, my wife started getting sick. We discovered that the smells in the apartment caused by the flood were causing it. She was not able to stay with me.
I took her back home and came back to Ames by myself. I was alone. No family. No friends. My cousin had just died. My brother was going through all kinds of mental problems. My pregnant wife was 3hours away from me. I was living in an apartment that probably was full of mold.
That first semester at ISU was hard. I also struggled in the classroom more than I ever had in the past.
But in the end, it strengthened me. We were able to get into a new apartment by February. My wife moved back with me, and our son was born in June 1995. My brother eventually got better, although he still has his ups and downs.
I am going through some medical issues right now, but what this time in my life (when is was only 24) did for me was to help me realize that if I could make it through that time in my life, I could make it through anything. I could have left ISU and moved closer to home, but I am glad I didn’t.
When I was 9, little brother was 1, older brother 14. Our Dad was in a car crash as a passenger. He lived 2 weeks and then died. My mother was 33 at the time. She remarried twice but was never happy again. She lost her one true love and could not recover. Obviously, the entire rest of my life was changed from that point forward.
At age 57, my Mom died of colon cancer. I was 33. I was single at the time. I had been married. But 6 years into that union, unknown to me, she had started dating again. And by dating, I mean, well, you know.
So, those were the three life-changing events for me. All were of course incredibly painful. Divorce is hard for anyone, but when you don't see it coming and have no say in the matter, well, I felt like I would never trust anyone again.
But, in fact I married again, 36 years ago. I have a 33 year old daughter, who has a 3 year old daughter. My wife and I are retired and we live on 5 acres with our daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter in the main house, us in a barndominium. I missed out on so many years with my parents, you never forget that, but you go on and try to live the life they would have wanted for you.
At age 57, my Mom died of colon cancer. I was 33. I was single at the time. I had been married. But 6 years into that union, unknown to me, she had started dating again. And by dating, I mean, well, you know.
So, those were the three life-changing events for me. All were of course incredibly painful. Divorce is hard for anyone, but when you don't see it coming and have no say in the matter, well, I felt like I would never trust anyone again.
But, in fact I married again, 36 years ago. I have a 33 year old daughter, who has a 3 year old daughter. My wife and I are retired and we live on 5 acres with our daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter in the main house, us in a barndominium. I missed out on so many years with my parents, you never forget that, but you go on and try to live the life they would have wanted for you.
I've told both stories on here before, but here is the first.
In HS, my cousin committed suicide. It crushed me since he was one of the two cousins my age on my mom's side, so we were close. I went into uber-invincible teenage mode and would drink a LOT when I went out.
One night, I drank excessively and drove home (yeah, stupid). I must have passed out at some point because as I was cresting a hill on the blacktop road home, I was woken up by the horn of a car passing by me on the right side of the road.
I swerved to the correct side of the road, pulled off at the next gravel road and cried for about 10 minutes. I could've killed someone that night. Just selfish and wreckless. I stopped drinking and driving that day.
In HS, my cousin committed suicide. It crushed me since he was one of the two cousins my age on my mom's side, so we were close. I went into uber-invincible teenage mode and would drink a LOT when I went out.
One night, I drank excessively and drove home (yeah, stupid). I must have passed out at some point because as I was cresting a hill on the blacktop road home, I was woken up by the horn of a car passing by me on the right side of the road.
I swerved to the correct side of the road, pulled off at the next gravel road and cried for about 10 minutes. I could've killed someone that night. Just selfish and wreckless. I stopped drinking and driving that day.
I love those that have shared their stories. It's threads like this that makes me so appreciative of this site.
In my dealings with my own depression among the things that get me through the bad thoughts are how suicide affects family left behind and how it would destroy them especially my mom.
As the years go by and I slowly lose family members I'm scared of the day where enough close family aren't around when I have a bad episode.
When my daughter was almost 2, my son was born with HLHS, a heart condition that required three surgeries, the first being a week after birth. It had an 80% success rate.
He went through the surgery and it seemed to be going well. 6 days later, his condition worsened and we spent the entire day watching a team of doctors discussing his scenario while the little guy was hooked up to more machines than seemed possible for his size.
We spent the night at the Ronald McDonald house in the hospital. At 1:15 AM, we were called to the room and told that he was not going to survive if he was removed from the ECMO machine. We made the terrible decision to remove our son from life support. We held him while he took his last breath at 1:55 AM.
Being helpless to help and protect my family broke me down. I hit a low I didn't know was possible. If I didn't have my daughter and wife to give me purpose, I'm not really sure what would have happened. Fortunately, my wife and I communicated through it all and were there for each other when the other was weak, which was sporadic and often for quite a while.
It absolutely changed my life. I'm not a helicopter parent for my daughter, but I don't miss her events. I don't take the time we have with her for granted. I don't put things before my family, because I know they likely saved my life. I value every meal, game and every laugh.
He went through the surgery and it seemed to be going well. 6 days later, his condition worsened and we spent the entire day watching a team of doctors discussing his scenario while the little guy was hooked up to more machines than seemed possible for his size.
We spent the night at the Ronald McDonald house in the hospital. At 1:15 AM, we were called to the room and told that he was not going to survive if he was removed from the ECMO machine. We made the terrible decision to remove our son from life support. We held him while he took his last breath at 1:55 AM.
Being helpless to help and protect my family broke me down. I hit a low I didn't know was possible. If I didn't have my daughter and wife to give me purpose, I'm not really sure what would have happened. Fortunately, my wife and I communicated through it all and were there for each other when the other was weak, which was sporadic and often for quite a while.
It absolutely changed my life. I'm not a helicopter parent for my daughter, but I don't miss her events. I don't take the time we have with her for granted. I don't put things before my family, because I know they likely saved my life. I value every meal, game and every laugh.
My dad shot himself, that sucked. I do believe in the butterfly effect though and don't think my daughter would be in our life had that not happened though. Life is funny that way.
I think reading thru this thread I've been naive in life to not know how much suicide there is.
I'm sorry friends.
I'm sorry friends.
I've had 2 high school classmates take their own lives post high school. 1 I was really good friends with.
It's something that I think is getting more in the public eye regarding the mental health discussion.
When I was 15 I asked my grandmother who was the kindest soul I've ever met what she was most proud of. She thought for a moment. My grandmother had a picnic table outside her home along the railroad tracks in no where MN. She was known to feed anyone who needed it. She responded "No one ever came to my home hungry and left that way".
Yeah, my second major turning point was the birth of my son. The world stopped revolving around me immediately.
