The Greatest Line Every Simpson Character ever delivered

[Clonefan32]

Homer: Moe, I need your advice.
Moe: Yeah?
Homer: (attempting to cover the fact that he's the one asking for advice) See, I got this friend Joey Jo-Jo Junior...Shabadoo?
Moe: That's the worse name I've ever heard.
[Man runs out of Moe's crying]
Barney: Joey Jo-Jo, comeback!

 

[cyclones500]

Duffman: Duff beer is brewed from hops, barley and sparkling clear mountain ... what?
Titanic: Goat!
Duffman: Eh, close enough.
Homer: (taking a drink) Mmm, you can really taste the goat.

 

[bawbie]

My favorites off the top of my head:

Ralphie: I eated the purple berries ... they taste like burning

Marge: That's not God, that's a waffle Bart tossed up there
Homer: I know I shouldn't eat thee but... mmmm sacrilicious.

 

[Antihawk240]

My favorite off the top of my head is :
Hi I'm Troy Maclure, you may remember me from such help videos as "Smoke yourself Thin" and "Get Some Confidence, Stupid!"

 

[Clonefan32]

Homer- "Go to English? Why would I ever need that, I'll never go to England."

 

[cyclones500]

Homer: Hawaii? What about Hawaii? Who's going to Hawaii? Am I going to Hawaii?

 

[Fishhead]

A quote I use a lot when someone tells me a story I don't understand, or explains something I don't understand.


Ralph Wiggum : "My cat's name is mittens"

 

[kilgore_trout]

The way the bolded lines are delivered cracks me up every time. Couldn't find clips ...

Homer: Used grease is worth money? Then my arteries are clogged with yellow gold!
Homer: Marge, I'm a little busy right now achieving financial independence.Marge: With cans of used grease?
Homer: (mockingly) No, through savings and wise investments! Of course with grease.-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lisa: What a perfect outing for a beautiful autumn day.
Marge: I feel sorry for everyone who's cooped up inside watching the 7th game of the World Seies.
Homer: (mockingly) Yeah, they won't learn anything about apples today.

 

[jbindm]

Two Kent Brockman gems -

[the residents of Old Springfield discover gold in the river after Homer turns off the dam]
Kent Brockman: Thanks, Mayor Simpson! From now on, we'll all be taking golden showers.
[muffled laughter is heard in the background]
Kent Brockman: What?


And...

Kent Brockman: Mr. Simpson, how do you respond to the charges that petty vandalism such as graffiti is down eighty percent, while heavy sack beatings are up a shocking nine hundred percent?
Homer Simpson: Aw, you can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. Forty percent of all people know that.
Kent Brockman: I see. Well, what do you say to the accusation that your group has been causing more crimes than it's been preventing?
Homer Simpson: Oh, Kent, I'd be lying if I said my men weren't committing crimes.
Kent Brockman: [pause] Well, touché.

 

[fsanford]

Umpire: Okay, let's go over the ground rules. You can't leave first until you chug a beer. Any man scoring has to chug a beer. You have to chug a beer at the top of all odd-numbered innings. Oh, and the fourth inning is the beer inning.
Wiggum: Hey, we know how to play softball!


And the time Homer gave up beer for 30 days during which he attended a baseball game.
[h=2]“I never realized how boring this game is without beerâ€￾ — Homer Simpson[/h]

 

[CycloneErik]

Is FXX not working on Mediacom? I see some real classics here in the next 90 minutes, and that's the only channel that isn't working.

 

[sdillon500]

Two Kent Brockman gems -

[the residents of Old Springfield discover gold in the river after Homer turns off the dam]
Kent Brockman: Thanks, Mayor Simpson! From now on, we'll all be taking golden showers.
[muffled laughter is heard in the background]
Kent Brockman: What?


And...

Kent Brockman: Mr. Simpson, how do you respond to the charges that petty vandalism such as graffiti is down eighty percent, while heavy sack beatings are up a shocking nine hundred percent?
Homer Simpson: Aw, you can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. Forty percent of all people know that.
Kent Brockman: I see. Well, what do you say to the accusation that your group has been causing more crimes than it's been preventing?
Homer Simpson: Oh, Kent, I'd be lying if I said my men weren't committing crimes.
Kent Brockman: [pause] Well, touché.

Kent Brockman is the greatest fictional newsman of our generation. Sorry, Colbert.

Kent Brockman: Professor, without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say it's time for our viewers to crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside?
Professor: Yes I would, Kent.

[video=youtube;p4m-lNi61Rk]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4m-lNi61Rk[/video]

 

[HFCS]

Lisa too?

ESPECIALLLY Lisa!

But especially Bart.
[video=youtube;WZsX6t5djd0]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZsX6t5djd0[/video]

 

[CycloneErik]

Ohhhhhh, yeah. Mr. Plow!!!!!

Monorail in an hour!

 

[theshadow]

Is FXX not working on Mediacom? I see some real classics here in the next 90 minutes, and that's the only channel that isn't working.

SD channel still working. HD channel MIA.

 

[CycloneErik]

SD channel still working. HD channel MIA.

Yup, that's what I've got.

Out of all the channels to fail, it had to be the only one that mattered.

 

[theshadow]

Yup, that's what I've got.

Out of all the channels to fail, it had to be the only one that mattered.

Indeed. Recorded 8 hours of nothingness today.

 

[bostrem00]

[video=youtube;-Bt4Ly9_9Qg]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Bt4Ly9_9Qg[/video]
By far, the best town in Missouri.

 

[enisthemenace]

Homer: Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive?
Marge: That's because you were drunk!
Homer: And how.

 

[enisthemenace]

Ok, I've been watching this, off and on. Think I've just heard the best Simpson's quote ever, and it comes from Jasper in the 2nd "Who Shot Mr Burns" episode:

"You shot who in the what now"?

Same episode of the Moe lie detector, which is awesome.