Many very good points here from both sides of the fence. Personally I lived in the dorms my first year, frat years 2&3 and apartment my last year. I had a great time in the dorm, but for me the fraternity, and the bonds I created were incredible. We have one member who lives right by the stadium and we do reunions every five years or so and it has been incredible.
My son just enrolled at Iowa State, (from California, and yes I couldn't be happier) we went back for multiple orientations, and I left the decision up to him. He is very thoughtful and takes his time with these decisions, and decided to join a fraternity right away. I was obviously quite proud he joined the same house I was in, and having multiple other members with kids in the house, I feel comfortable with his decision. There are a number of great houses on campus, where your son can't go wrong. Others, not so much.
I was surprised to run the numbers and see that the fraternity was a less expensive option. While some may not be interested in campus activities, the Greek system does encourage campus involvement, and it is a great resume builder. I'm in my mid 50's and several of my close friends are retired already. I can say without hesitation the house, and their involvement in the house, and campus activities played a big part of their success. Unquestionably this is not for everyone.
If the OP wants to contact me directly I would welcome the chance to visit with you. I've spent a lot of time the past few months visiting with friends and students involved in campus, and the Greek system and am happy to provide what information I can.