be careful how you address this, if he has a learning disability getting tough and beating him down will do nothing but send him south. A lot of times kids that are LD start out trying really hard but their effort does not yield any results expect negative feedback about who they are or what they are. Their confidence and belief in themselves gets shattered and they do what they feel is the smart thing (subconsciously), and focus their brain power on other efforts rather than paying attention and making an effort at school. Most of these LD kids will test high for IQs, but their learning style is different than how things are taught so despite the high IQs, they grow up believing they are dumb and wither on the vine. So make sure he does not have a learning disability.
How To Fix a Dumb Kid
- Thread starter cyclone4L
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I'm not sure it's necessarily a learning disability. That's just 6th graders. He's at the age where he's supposed to be learning responsibility to do work. In earlier grades, kids are helped to do their work in school and given reminders. As they get older, that moves to their own responsibility. Some kids struggle with that transition.
Since you're not around him all the time, it'd be hard to do things necessary like restricting fun activities if they miss work. So your probably better off looking for positive reinforcement to help him. Take him out to dinner or buy him a game if he reaches a certain level of grades. Talk to him often about his work and what he's learning.
Also, we've found with our kids that sometimes missed assignments are because they just don't understand the content. This was especially true in math. Our kids had done it so easily in the past that when they get a subject that they don't understand they tend to ignore it. So few kids learn how to try and fail at something these days that they just can't face it. So they need to be encouraged to try it and not be bothered if they don't get it right the first time.
Since you're not around him all the time, it'd be hard to do things necessary like restricting fun activities if they miss work. So your probably better off looking for positive reinforcement to help him. Take him out to dinner or buy him a game if he reaches a certain level of grades. Talk to him often about his work and what he's learning.
Also, we've found with our kids that sometimes missed assignments are because they just don't understand the content. This was especially true in math. Our kids had done it so easily in the past that when they get a subject that they don't understand they tend to ignore it. So few kids learn how to try and fail at something these days that they just can't face it. So they need to be encouraged to try it and not be bothered if they don't get it right the first time.
IMHO This is exactly the type of attitude causes people like the original poster to step away and do nothing. Granted the choice of words could be better but he obviously cares and wants to try and help the kid. Your response is to be little a person who cares and is attempting to help because of his choice of words. Any advice or ideas? Guess not. Too many "enlightened" people telling us cretins how to act and then feeling satisfied they did their part w/o doing anything constructive.
Some scary information for those younger people on this board as it relates to basically everyone. We become our parents for the most part. We may/will have some changes but the vast majority of us will be si liar to our parents. Why? Because they are our role models whether they want o be or not.
Right now this kids role model is his mom who doesn’t care, so he develops that attitude and style. OP be a positive influence in his life and show that being a slappy isn’t cool and he can accomplish more than what he sees in his nonexistent dad and uncaring mom. His future looks bleak with that situation, I’ve seen it several times and is fairly predictable. He needs guidance and/or a mentor. He will use the victim card also, people are trying to use it for him in here already with your title choice, that is common.
Focus on the completion of work more than if he had As or Cs. If he completes it with any effort, generally a C or better is common. Kids don’t get held back now at his age due to academia being for concerned about hurting their feelings, so if there is no intervention by someone outside, he will be bumped along until he fails some HS classes and either quits or go those poor alternative schools. It will take time from you, please step in and be his guidance.
Right now this kids role model is his mom who doesn’t care, so he develops that attitude and style. OP be a positive influence in his life and show that being a slappy isn’t cool and he can accomplish more than what he sees in his nonexistent dad and uncaring mom. His future looks bleak with that situation, I’ve seen it several times and is fairly predictable. He needs guidance and/or a mentor. He will use the victim card also, people are trying to use it for him in here already with your title choice, that is common.
Focus on the completion of work more than if he had As or Cs. If he completes it with any effort, generally a C or better is common. Kids don’t get held back now at his age due to academia being for concerned about hurting their feelings, so if there is no intervention by someone outside, he will be bumped along until he fails some HS classes and either quits or go those poor alternative schools. It will take time from you, please step in and be his guidance.
When I was in school I was originally going to be a teacher. One of the reasons I changed majors was a story a cooperating teacher told me in one of my observations about a student she had that didn't do any homework, never participated in class, and failed nearly every test. When she asked the student how they expected to get a job if they never did anything they responded with. "All I have to do is act crazy and the government will send me a check every month. That is what my mom does."
Kids mimic the behavior they see at home. Have parents that work hard? That will be reflected in a child's behavior. Have parents that don't give a ****? The child won't either. Their are some outliers but the majority of the time this is the case.
Saying good job and thank you for little things can go a long way.
Kids mimic the behavior they see at home. Have parents that work hard? That will be reflected in a child's behavior. Have parents that don't give a ****? The child won't either. Their are some outliers but the majority of the time this is the case.
Saying good job and thank you for little things can go a long way.
This pisses me off to no end. My wife and I would be terrific parents but the powers to be rather see the world burn than let us.
In and amongst the usual CF bickering, I think there’s some good advice in here.
1) Since you’re not a parent, your options for negative consequences are pretty limited, and will likely be counterproductive.
2) Mentorship/roll model: based on your description, there’s not a good adult influence. Be a kind, sympathetic ear, and try to lead by example. Be interested/involved in life as a whole, not just academics.
3) Positive rewards. All the assignments got turned in this week? Great, let’s do x thing that you enjoy. No? Bummer, let’s get it next week. How can I help?
I appreciate that you give a rip and want to help. At this point, it’s about habits and work ethic. Grades will follow.
1) Since you’re not a parent, your options for negative consequences are pretty limited, and will likely be counterproductive.
2) Mentorship/roll model: based on your description, there’s not a good adult influence. Be a kind, sympathetic ear, and try to lead by example. Be interested/involved in life as a whole, not just academics.
3) Positive rewards. All the assignments got turned in this week? Great, let’s do x thing that you enjoy. No? Bummer, let’s get it next week. How can I help?
I appreciate that you give a rip and want to help. At this point, it’s about habits and work ethic. Grades will follow.
If you spend only 1 week every 2 months I would think it would be difficult to really have some influence but I guess anything positive you can bring to his life is better than nothing.
What does the mother do that week that her son is staying with you?
What does the mother do that week that her son is staying with you?
First of all, I know you were being facetious, but the kids probably not dumb. He;s most likely not motivated and if his mom doesn't care, it's hard to make him care.
My wife is a 7th grade special education teacher. It actually is plausible that he's not assigned "homework" in his grade. That is assuming that he gets all his assignments done during class time. Some schools have gone away from sending work specifically as homework because for a lot of kids it is not effective.
Also, in this day and age if your child is this far behind, it's because the parent is really not paying attention. You can see updated grades and assignment status online in many school districts.
My suggestion would be to sit down with the kid and encourage him to get caught up on everything. Most schools let you turn in late assignments, though some cut it off at semester breaks. Make it an accomplishment for him that he can have pride in and he might just do it.
If he's that far behind his teachers are probably concerned as well. Talk to the mom and let her know that if she doesn't encourage him, that it's going to get infinitely harder as he gets older. 6th grade is one of the first grades where they really get on kids about self sufficiency. They don't hold their hands anymore, and as they get older, it only gets worse. This kid is going to plummet in high school if he doesn't figure out how to keep up with everything.
My wife is a 7th grade special education teacher. It actually is plausible that he's not assigned "homework" in his grade. That is assuming that he gets all his assignments done during class time. Some schools have gone away from sending work specifically as homework because for a lot of kids it is not effective.
Also, in this day and age if your child is this far behind, it's because the parent is really not paying attention. You can see updated grades and assignment status online in many school districts.
My suggestion would be to sit down with the kid and encourage him to get caught up on everything. Most schools let you turn in late assignments, though some cut it off at semester breaks. Make it an accomplishment for him that he can have pride in and he might just do it.
If he's that far behind his teachers are probably concerned as well. Talk to the mom and let her know that if she doesn't encourage him, that it's going to get infinitely harder as he gets older. 6th grade is one of the first grades where they really get on kids about self sufficiency. They don't hold their hands anymore, and as they get older, it only gets worse. This kid is going to plummet in high school if he doesn't figure out how to keep up with everything.
Teacher on lunch checking in - there are a lot of great suggestions here. I want to highlight a few of them.
1. Focus on completion and effort. Refining his understanding of the content will come with time and effort. So focus on building new, good habits like giving effort and completing assignments. Praise the good strides he makes! Acknowledge and encourage him to improve upon the poor habits that linger.
2. I don't know him or his situation, but from the sounds of it he could really benefit from a positive role model. While you want to help him build good habits and make an effort, building a positive relationship with him where he understands there will always be a degree of unconditional love and respect can be the most impactful thing someone does for a kid.
Think back on your favorite or most influential teachers/coaches/role models. Do you remember them for their lessons and subject material or do you remember them for how they made you feel? My favorite teacher believed in me, and that, more than anything I learned in their class, is the biggest influence they had on me. If this adult that I respect and look up to believes in me, then it is a lot easier for me to start to believe in myself.
One thing to consider, this does not mean that you relent on your expectations or go for a strictly friend-like relationship. Instead, it demands that you lean into that relationship to reinforce those goals and expectations. My go-to response when I have to lean into that relationship to motivate a student is the classic, "I'm not mad, I am disappointed" because if there is a mutual understanding that I, as their teacher, care about them and their success both within and outside my classroom then typically there is a desire to meet the expectations I have for my students. Bear in mind, that even when disappointed the child needs to know that the door to meeting your expectations is still open. This goes back to establishing his understanding of your respect and unconditional love for him.
3. Positive reinforcement is a probably going to be the best course of action considering there is little you can do while he is with his mom. Find a carrot he will chase and attach it to a stick. If you don't know what might motivate him fear not, by building a positive relationship with him you will most likely discover what that could be.
4. Discovering what it is like to enjoy the fruits of our labor is a thing that many of us take for granted. Sadly, many kids are denied this lesson and instead are being brought up in an instantly-gratifying world that reinforces low-effort behaviors. We all know that the beer after mowing the yard on a hot summer day is probably the best tasting beer we have had - all because of the effort that went into mowing the yard beforehand. Likewise, the bike I saved up for by mowing yards when I was a child felt much more precious to me than the bike my friends had bought for them by their parents. They would drop it on the ground and leave it in the yard overnight while my bike always had its kickstand in working order and was put away each evening.
What are some things that he may be interested in that would demonstrate the value of our efforts and sweeten the fruits of his labor? Are there any activities or skills that he might have an interest in that require time and effort to become proficient in? Athletics, music, carpentry, and enjoying the great outdoors are some of the activities that impressed this idea upon me as a kid.
Every kid needs a champion. Thank you for being in this young man's corner and being the champion he deserves.
1. Focus on completion and effort. Refining his understanding of the content will come with time and effort. So focus on building new, good habits like giving effort and completing assignments. Praise the good strides he makes! Acknowledge and encourage him to improve upon the poor habits that linger.
2. I don't know him or his situation, but from the sounds of it he could really benefit from a positive role model. While you want to help him build good habits and make an effort, building a positive relationship with him where he understands there will always be a degree of unconditional love and respect can be the most impactful thing someone does for a kid.
Think back on your favorite or most influential teachers/coaches/role models. Do you remember them for their lessons and subject material or do you remember them for how they made you feel? My favorite teacher believed in me, and that, more than anything I learned in their class, is the biggest influence they had on me. If this adult that I respect and look up to believes in me, then it is a lot easier for me to start to believe in myself.
One thing to consider, this does not mean that you relent on your expectations or go for a strictly friend-like relationship. Instead, it demands that you lean into that relationship to reinforce those goals and expectations. My go-to response when I have to lean into that relationship to motivate a student is the classic, "I'm not mad, I am disappointed" because if there is a mutual understanding that I, as their teacher, care about them and their success both within and outside my classroom then typically there is a desire to meet the expectations I have for my students. Bear in mind, that even when disappointed the child needs to know that the door to meeting your expectations is still open. This goes back to establishing his understanding of your respect and unconditional love for him.
3. Positive reinforcement is a probably going to be the best course of action considering there is little you can do while he is with his mom. Find a carrot he will chase and attach it to a stick. If you don't know what might motivate him fear not, by building a positive relationship with him you will most likely discover what that could be.
4. Discovering what it is like to enjoy the fruits of our labor is a thing that many of us take for granted. Sadly, many kids are denied this lesson and instead are being brought up in an instantly-gratifying world that reinforces low-effort behaviors. We all know that the beer after mowing the yard on a hot summer day is probably the best tasting beer we have had - all because of the effort that went into mowing the yard beforehand. Likewise, the bike I saved up for by mowing yards when I was a child felt much more precious to me than the bike my friends had bought for them by their parents. They would drop it on the ground and leave it in the yard overnight while my bike always had its kickstand in working order and was put away each evening.
What are some things that he may be interested in that would demonstrate the value of our efforts and sweeten the fruits of his labor? Are there any activities or skills that he might have an interest in that require time and effort to become proficient in? Athletics, music, carpentry, and enjoying the great outdoors are some of the activities that impressed this idea upon me as a kid.
Every kid needs a champion. Thank you for being in this young man's corner and being the champion he deserves.
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Let me start by saying "good to you for looking after your nephew and his grades." Taught for over 30 years, so let me give you some advice.
1. You need to talk to your sister, his mom, without her consent, you can not access his school records. So go to her and tell her about your concerns, and that you need her to call the school, and add you as a contact for the child and its ok for you to see his grades and so forth.
2. You then need to call the school, make sure your sister had already called, tell them who your are, and your concern, give them you name, email and other information. Tell them you want to be able to access their grading program so you can exam his grades. Schools generally use one of two programs Power School or JMC, find out which one, and ask if assignments are post online and if so where? Schools use a variety of systems but many use Google classroom. Be sure you get the code to log into the system.
3. Once this is done you should be able to access his grades, do so and find out who his teachers are, you can get their email address through the school website. He may have anywhere from two to 6 core class teachers. Once you find that out, send them an email. Do NOT call them, we are busy enough the way it is, tell them who you are, voice your concerns and ask them why they think the child is struggling, be sure to include that all of this has been approved by the mom and office, and they are free to check. Be sure to tell them you want to help. tell them you want to be informed by the grade program when any assignment is given.
If any teacher does not get back to you in a couple of days, send another email and again wait 2 days, after that email them a 3rd time along with the principle.
Few kids these days fall through the system by 6th for getting checked for ADD or ADHD,
Now comes the hard part, you have to be the parent and tell him, you have access to his grades, and assignments, and want to know why they are not getting completed. By 6th grade they have homework, maybe not nightly but at least 2 or 3 times a week per class. Be the adult, look daily and if you see that he has been given a zero, email or text him and find out what is going on. You have to be a pain in the ass to him. He is going to ask "why do you care, you are not my dad and the rest of it." Stand firm, and just tell him, "we do not raise losers in our family, and we are not starting now. "
I would say its already getting late by 6th grade, he is already behind his classmates and it will just get worse. You need to act now, or forget it, because by 8th/9th grade he will be too far behind to ever catch up.
Good luck and go CYCLONES.
1. You need to talk to your sister, his mom, without her consent, you can not access his school records. So go to her and tell her about your concerns, and that you need her to call the school, and add you as a contact for the child and its ok for you to see his grades and so forth.
2. You then need to call the school, make sure your sister had already called, tell them who your are, and your concern, give them you name, email and other information. Tell them you want to be able to access their grading program so you can exam his grades. Schools generally use one of two programs Power School or JMC, find out which one, and ask if assignments are post online and if so where? Schools use a variety of systems but many use Google classroom. Be sure you get the code to log into the system.
3. Once this is done you should be able to access his grades, do so and find out who his teachers are, you can get their email address through the school website. He may have anywhere from two to 6 core class teachers. Once you find that out, send them an email. Do NOT call them, we are busy enough the way it is, tell them who you are, voice your concerns and ask them why they think the child is struggling, be sure to include that all of this has been approved by the mom and office, and they are free to check. Be sure to tell them you want to help. tell them you want to be informed by the grade program when any assignment is given.
If any teacher does not get back to you in a couple of days, send another email and again wait 2 days, after that email them a 3rd time along with the principle.
Few kids these days fall through the system by 6th for getting checked for ADD or ADHD,
Now comes the hard part, you have to be the parent and tell him, you have access to his grades, and assignments, and want to know why they are not getting completed. By 6th grade they have homework, maybe not nightly but at least 2 or 3 times a week per class. Be the adult, look daily and if you see that he has been given a zero, email or text him and find out what is going on. You have to be a pain in the ass to him. He is going to ask "why do you care, you are not my dad and the rest of it." Stand firm, and just tell him, "we do not raise losers in our family, and we are not starting now. "
I would say its already getting late by 6th grade, he is already behind his classmates and it will just get worse. You need to act now, or forget it, because by 8th/9th grade he will be too far behind to ever catch up.
Good luck and go CYCLONES.
Fat fingers. Was going for 45 on my phone and was too lazy to correct it. Figured it was close enough. Government workers.
