How To Fix a Dumb Kid

[cyclone4L]

Hey Everyone.

So I have a bit of a dilemma...
I take care of my "nephew" (not blood related) usually once every two months. He spends a week with us every time he comes. Ever since I have known him, I knew he struggled in school; however, I never had the relationship with him to look into his grades and get involved with his school. Recently, I grew suspicious because he's in 6th grade and he told me that his school doesn't give homework in 6th grade (I find that really hard to believe).

Today, I took a look at his grade report..... missing assignments, failing grades and nothing positive. I confronted him (politely) about what's going on and he did not answer me. I do not have children, so I'm completely lost with how to deal with this situation. I know he is at a PIVOTAL point in his development and we need to turn this around.

Any thoughts about how I may be able to motivate him?

 

[Cdiedrick]

You did the right thing about confronting him and keeping your cool. I have never been in this situation but having a 6th and a 3rd grader, maybe I can offer advice. First off I’d ask questions and just talk to him, there has to be a reason for his slacking. Then offer to help him or at-least be in the same room if he needs help. I think your situation is difficult so asking questions and giving out feelers would be the best way to proceed before the next step. If things go god and he starts doing work, rewards are nice, aka cash, a trip, gift, etc.

 

[jdoggivjc]

(committed to posting this as soon as I saw the thread title without reading the OP, so sorry)

 

[michaelrr1]

 

[carvers4math]

His parents should be requiring him to complete assignments before doing whatever he likes to do. Until they decide to parent, there is not much you can do with limited contact with him. You can certainly make sure work is completed when he is with you, and try to instill some sense of responsibility.

 

[1100011CS]

Hey Everyone.

So I have a bit of a dilemma...
I take care of my "nephew" (not blood related) usually once every two months. He spends a week with us every time he comes. Ever since I have known him, I knew he struggled in school; however, I never had the relationship with him to look into his grades and get involved with his school. Recently, I grew suspicious because he's in 6th grade and he told me that his school doesn't give homework in 6th grade (I find that really hard to believe).

Today, I took a look at his grade report..... missing assignments, failing grades and nothing positive. I confronted him (politely) about what's going on and he did not answer me. I do not have children, so I'm completely lost with how to deal with this situation. I know he is at a PIVOTAL point in his development and we need to turn this around.

Any thoughts about how I may be able to motivate him?

Are you sure he doesn't have any undiagnosed limitations? Like dyslexia?

 

[cyclone4L]

His parents should be requiring him to complete assignments before doing whatever he likes to do. Until they decide to parent, there is not much you can do with limited contact with him. You can certainly make sure work is completed when he is with you, and try to instill some sense of responsibility.

That's the big problem I face. His mom doesn't care and there is no father in the picture.

 

[cyclone4L]

Are you sure he doesn't have any undiagnosed limitations? Like dyslexia?

I'm sure there are a underlying issues there, but we can't find those out until he tries. I have never seen him work on an assignment, so we need to change that first.

 

[JM4CY]

You did the right thing about confronting him and keeping your cool. I have never been in this situation but having a 6th and a 3rd grader, maybe I can offer advice. First off I’d ask questions and just talk to him, there has to be a reason for his slacking. Then offer to help him or at-least be in the same room if he needs help. I think your situation is difficult so asking questions and giving out feelers would be the best way to proceed before the next step. If things go god and he starts doing work, rewards are nice, aka cash, a trip, gift, etc.

This. Build a relationship with him before pushing him. If he doesn’t trust you he won’t don’t jack **** for you.

 

[helechopper]

He's a wild young horse, so he's gonna buck you if you try to ride him about his educational failings. I'd probably sit him down and let him know the outcome of the conversation before you get into it, that you want him to leave the room feeling understood and not in any trouble (this time). Then put your plan together and offer to do anything you can to help him get to his final goal...better grades and feeling good about himself.

 

[madguy30]

I'm sure there are a underlying issues there, but we can't find those out until he tries. I have never seen him work on an assignment, so we need to change that first.

Find something he's interested in learning about--anything, it can have nothing to do with what's at school...perhaps it will spark something and it also shows an investment on your part.

 

[BCClone]

If he lives at all close. Swing by to his house once in awhile. Be an adult male figure to him. Help him with his homework, 30-44 minutes a night will go a long ways. Concentrate on completing assignments first. He could be a genius or dumb as a post, but you won’t know if he isn’t doing the work. Tell him you will take him to an ISU game/the zoo/movie or whatever if he has all his assignments turned in next time he comes to your place.

 

[inCyteful]

I wouldn't be so sure lack of intelligence is the issue. Might be the opposite. The work may not challenge him and he might be bored.

I know 2 males in our family that went the same route

Maybe there is a discipline or school activity that gets him interested? Maybe its an out of school activity? If they can get fired up about something it can be a good lever for the mundane things.

 

[jsb]

I know you probably didn't mean anything by the title, but try not to think of him as "dumb". Kids can internalize that stuff and the kid probably knows when people thinks he is dumb and then tries to make it a self fulfilling prophesy.

If you are willing and the mom is willing, check in with him to see how his homework is going. Encourage him. 6th grade is still pretty young and my first instinct is that the kid needs love.

 

[NorthCyd]

Calling him dumb already tells me you aren't in the right mindset to help this kid.

 

[ISUTex]

That's the big problem I face. His mom doesn't care and there is no father in the picture.

Help him out with it, but don't actually do it for him. Stay positive, but don't let him get out of it. Sounds like he has a great mother. Is she a party mom, or a spoil the kid rotten to compensate kind of mom?

 

[CyCrazy]

I wouldn't be so sure lack of intelligence is the issue. Might be the opposite. The work may not challenge him and he might be bored.

I know 2 males in our family that went the same route

Maybe there is a discipline or school activity that gets him interested? Maybe its an out of school activity? If they can get fired up about something it can be a good lever for the mundane things.

This was me, if it was way to easy I got bored as ****. If something was a challenge I could focus. I also have ADHD so that plays a part for me anyway. Fixing a "dumb" kid is not a good way to put it.

 

[BoxsterCy]

Since mom doesn't care and a 6th grader isn't likely to confide you should probably call and talk with one of his teachers. If mom really doesn't give a **** they might like hearing from a family adult that does.

 

[cyfan92]

Mom was a behavioral assistant for a central Iowa elementary school for a LONG time. I didn't get very far into your comments and I knew this kid has had terrible parenting and mentorship in their life.

Mom always said the easiest way to help a kid was to be their mentor. Someone they can trust and look up to. But you don't want to be too much of a friend or they will walk over you by that age. Almost all kids, even those with ADD and ADHD can do the work. They just need the mentorship

So many unqualified parents in this world really works me up... Especially with the number of couples I know who are having a hard time having a family over their own.. World is not a fair place

 

[qwerty]

Hookers and blow. That should get him going.

edit: added the jimlad for those that can't pick up on obivious