Help: I’m going to be a father

[cowgirl836]

Kids are a blessing.

Kids are also ********.

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Good friend lives on the other side of town near a childcare center. Says she swore she saw my husband walk out one day with another woman and a child in a stroller at pickup. She's like is he cheating!??!?!?! (Joking)

I'm like sure, anything's possible but if he is, there is NO chance he's stepping out to go play dad to someone else's toddlers during the only hour of the day that I and the kids are gone. That's prime video game time.

 

[Fitzy]

Another thing I’ll add that I don’t believe has been mentioned yet, unless I missed it… Before the baby arrives, make sure you do some of the things you and your partner enjoy (outside of alcohol and other pregnancy no-nos, of course), especially anything outside the house. Not because you won’t be able to do them ever again after the baby comes, but because the logistics become much tougher when you have to plan around naps, feeds, lining up a babysitter, etc.

 

[Fitzy]

When the baby arrives, get comfortable with being overly patient. All of the regular annoyances/responsibilities in life are still there, and then you add on a tiny human who cannot be reasoned with + is entirely dependent on mom/dad. Not to mention your partner will be mostly out of commission during postpartum, and potentially thin on her own patience during it all. It’s simultaneously a wonderful and very stressful time; the more steady/patient you can be for your partner and baby, the better.

After the newborn stage, let your kid do things with you, even if it’s just the mundane stuff. My 2.5 year old daughter loves to “go to the blue store” (Walmart) every Friday, and I’ve been outside pulling dandelions in the yard this spring and she loves to follow me around and find all of the “yellow flowers.” I could do both of those things a bit faster by myself, but she has fun and it’s nice to spend time together while also being productive.

 

[ClonerJams]

Look into hospitals in the area that offer new parenting classes. They were very helpful.

 

[Dirt Boy 2]

I want add one more. You are going to do the things that work for you and your family, but thereb are big dividends to be gained parenting well. It is not easy but if you put in the work early it shows later on. Little kids, little problems to fix, big kids, big problems to fix. Fix issues early.

 

[JP4CY]

Look into hospitals in the area that offer new parenting classes. They were very helpful.

100% agree even if I was never able to complete a good swaddle.
(Thank God for velcro ones)

 

[GoClone]

Congratulations.
Parenting is largely on the job training. Best advice we ever received was, "if you love them, kids are really pretty tuff to screw up."

p.s. Some days it will be really hard to love them like they need...do it anyway. It is most important that you do so on those kind of days

 

[burn587]

Happily childfree here so no parenting advice from me- just wishing you good luck.

One piece of relationship advice I would give is to have a pretty frank family planning discussion with your girlfriend. Get on the same page on the number of kids you want, and then reassess as you go. My wife and I initially thought we wanted 2, then that became 1 as we aged and it eventually became 0. Once you hit the number that you want and you’re sure of it- GO GET SNIPPED. You don’t want to invest another couple of decades in another kid when you were ready to move onto the next stage in life and it’s seriously the easiest procedure I’ve ever had done, I’ve had tooth fillings hurt more than my vasectomy.

 

[nfrine]

Happily childfree here so no parenting advice from me- just wishing you good luck.

One piece of relationship advice I would give is to have a pretty frank family planning discussion with your girlfriend. Get on the same page on the number of kids you want, and then reassess as you go. My wife and I initially thought we wanted 2, then that became 1 as we aged and it eventually became 0. Once you hit the number that you want and you’re sure of it- GO GET SNIPPED. You don’t want to invest another couple of decades in another kid when you were ready to move onto the next stage in life and it’s seriously the easiest procedure I’ve ever had done, I’ve had tooth fillings hurt more than my vasectomy.

Signed, One Hung Low...

 

[throwittoblythe]

Father of two kids, 10 and 6. Best advice I’ve ever gotten was “Remember, you are raising adults, not children. When this is all done, they should be adults.” It helps keep your eye on long term decisions vs easy short term fixes.

A few practices we use that have helped us along these lines. Obviously, these do not apply to newborns but worth starting when you can. As others have said, every kid is different so these may not work for all.

- Help your kids learn to solve problems. When our kids need help with something they can handle, they need to at least present a solution to the problem first. As others have said, give them choices. We stress that life is the result of decisions.

- Talk to them like they’re adults, not kids. It’s cute when they pronounce simple words wrong, but copying them doesn’t help them when they’re 10, or 16.

- Don’t underestimate what they can understand. Kids are smarter than you think. Don’t shy away from explaining complex topics to them and trying to help them understand them.

- Read to them. Let them see you reading. Teach them that learning is fun, not a burden.

- As early as you can, let them order their own food at restaurants. Read the menu and let them pick before they can read. When they’re ready, have them tell the waiter what they want to eat. Our kids starting this when they were about 3 or 4.

- Include them in adult conversations. It’s easy to give the kids screens while the adults are talking at a restaurant. But letting them be part of the conversation builds their confidence.

- Give them healthy independence whenever you can. When they’re ready, let them go to the bathroom alone at a restaurant, or run into the gas station to buy something all alone, etc etc. This part is really hard but important as they get older.

Lastly, WHEN you screw up (not if), make sure to apologize. Everyone messes up. I get mad and yell at my kids. Or, I say something unkind in a moment of weakness. Too much of that is unhealthy, of course. But letting them know you’re sorry and will try to do better is very important.

 

[CYCLNST8]

16 years from now you will still be screwing things up and not know what your doing half the time. It’s ok.

We were worried about our cranky old cat. He did eventually bite our toddler once (not hard; just a warning shot), but it was because she wouldn’t let go of his paws. I saw it all happen in slow motion. Now they are best friends. Didn’t see that coming.

 

[cyfanbr]

If you're considering putting your child into daycare, get on the waitlist ASAP.

This x1000

 

[CapnCy]

Some have said "do what works for you and your girlfriend" and I'd add to that just pause and be on the same page and know there will be outside influences. You can be cool with a decision, but then a coworker or social media post will make you question it.

You have a plan for a bday party, Halloween, youth sports, etc. and one comment can get in your heads.

 

[CapnCy]

If you're considering putting your child into daycare, get on the waitlist ASAP.

Lol, so true. For the readers currently without a kid or even a wife (or even like 20 years old) put your name on now just in case, lol.

 

[cycub51]

My 2 cents as a parent of 3 ages 7 and younger.

If it makes your life much easier there is a good chance it’s worse for the child. Giving your child screens/phone time is one huge example of this. It’s easy because your child is occupied but it’s horrible for them long term.

A lot of the containers to put infants in can stunt their physical and mental development in the first year. I’m talking the swings and bumbo seat type things.

Lastly depending on how your diet is you don’t need to prepare separate dishes for you and your kids. My kids eat all the vegetables we serve them and that’s because they were given that from a very early age. The kids who eat nothing but chicken nuggets and Mac and cheese is only because parents only served that to them and continue to give in. Candy is basically crack for kids and will change their attitude.

 

[KnappShack]

Lol, so true. For the readers currently without a kid or even a wife (or even like 20 years old) put your name on now just in case, lol.

And consider a HELOC or multiple side hustles to pay for the child care

 

[Dirt Boy 2]

A few practices we use that have helped us along these lines. Obviously, these do not apply to newborns but worth starting when you can. As others have said, every kid is different so these may not work for all.

- Help your kids learn to solve problems. When our kids need help with something they can handle, they need to at least present a solution to the problem first. As others have said, give them choices. We stress that life is the result of decisions.

- Talk to them like they’re adults, not kids. It’s cute when they pronounce simple words wrong, but copying them doesn’t help them when they’re 10, or 16.

- Don’t underestimate what they can understand. Kids are smarter than you think. Don’t shy away from explaining complex topics to them and trying to help them understand them.

- Read to them. Let them see you reading. Teach them that learning is fun, not a burden.

- As early as you can, let them order their own food at restaurants. Read the menu and let them pick before they can read. When they’re ready, have them tell the waiter what they want to eat. Our kids starting this when they were about 3 or 4.

- Include them in adult conversations. It’s easy to give the kids screens while the adults are talking at a restaurant. But letting them be part of the conversation builds their confidence.

- Give them healthy independence whenever you can. When they’re ready, let them go to the bathroom alone at a restaurant, or run into the gas station to buy something all alone, etc etc. This part is really hard but important as they get older.

Lastly, WHEN you screw up (not if), make sure to apologize. Everyone messes up. I get mad and yell at my kids. Or, I say something unkind in a moment of weakness. Too much of that is unhealthy, of course. But letting them know you’re sorry and will try to do better is very important.

Good stuff and it works! After dinner responsibilities and household responsibilities at a young age as well. Started having our kids take pot holders back to the drawer after dinner at two. I had to help them at the table and at the drawer with them but they each were so excited to be contributing I cried inside I didn’t start sooner. It takes a lot of work but now both kids provide valuable help to get things done. Our clean up music is juicy wiggle.

 

[ImJustKCClone]

Good stuff and it works! After dinner responsibilities and household responsibilities at a young age as well. Started having our kids take pot holders back to the drawer after dinner at two. I had to help them at the table and at the drawer with them but they each were so excited to be contributing I cried inside I didn’t start sooner. It takes a lot of work but now both kids provide valuable help to get things done. Our clean up music is juicy wiggle.

LOVE it! Make it fun

Our weekly "clean the house" music for me & my two teenage boys was REO Speedwagon's greatest hits. We sang along, loudly. They knew that if they worked hard, they were done when Riding the Storm Out ended. They never wanted me to restart the tape.

C'mon, guys - don't judge. It was the early 90s!

 

[throwittoblythe]

Good stuff and it works! After dinner responsibilities and household responsibilities at a young age as well. Started having our kids take pot holders back to the drawer after dinner at two. I had to help them at the table and at the drawer with them but they each were so excited to be contributing I cried inside I didn’t start sooner. It takes a lot of work but now both kids provide valuable help to get things done. Our clean up music is juicy wiggle.

This is a great one, as well. Our oldest is responsible to set the table while our youngest clears it. Both are responsible for getting their own dishes to the kitchen.

This is where "parenting is different for every kid" is true. Our oldest HATES chores and especially cleaning. Our youngest LOVES to clean. For our oldest, we learned she loves checking things off a list. We put the list on the fridge and she loves getting her chores done just so she can check it off. In fact, she got mad at us one time for setting the table for her because that meant she couldn't check it off the list. Our youngest willingly does the chores just because he wants to help.

 

[throwittoblythe]

LOVE it! Make it fun

Our weekly "clean the house" music for me & my two teenage boys was REO Speedwagon's greatest hits. We sang along, loudly. They knew that if they worked hard, they were done when Riding the Storm Out ended. They never wanted me to restart the tape.

C'mon, guys - don't judge. It was the early 90s!

Cleaning the toy room is the hardest thing in our house. I think our kids would rather saw their own leg off than clean the toy room. It's an ongoing struggle despite trying many tactics.