Help: I’m going to be a father

[KnappShack]

“never in my life imagined I’d have a baby out of wedlock” …..proceeds to raw dog his girlfriend. Always laughed at statements like that.

New father myself. The game changer for us was understanding sleep cues and getting our baby on a schedule. My wife is a Taking Cara Babies follower. I was optimistic at first but couldn’t argue with the results.

Did Taking Cara Babies and also we never used baby food. Regular food. I believe it was called Feeding Littles.

The kids have a great relationship with food. They don't binge junk food or over eat.

Also, opinions on child raising and a-holes....everybody has one.

 

[JP4CY]

Not for the dog.

Most have natural protection and ear-grabbing instincts.

Our dog has been amazing with ours and vice versa.

 

[ImJustKCClone]

Most have natural protection and ear-grabbing instincts.

Our dog has been amazing with ours and vice versa.

The springer I had when my firstborn was working up to toddler stage would poke him in the belly with her nose when he was sitting on the floor. He would grab her ears and she would slowly pull back and up with him still hanging on. She literally taught him to walk. Some dogs are better with kids than others.

 

[Gonzo]

The springer I had when my firstborn was working up to toddler stage would poke him in the belly with her nose when he was sitting on the floor. He would grab her ears and she would slowly pull back and up with him still hanging on. She literally taught him to walk. Some dogs are better with kids than others.

Dog + baby can be great and amazing.

Puppy + baby is never a good idea IMO, for a lot of reasons.

 

[NickTheGreat]

There's a million ways to do it right or wrong. And some of them directly conflict with each other.

I saw it summed up that you have two jobs now: protect your child and love their mother. It is that simple.

 

[CyJam]

Good evening all, my girlfriend and I (25 and 26) recently learned she’s pregnant. I never in my life imagined I’d have a baby out of wedlock, though I’m confident this is the woman I was going to marry regardless. I definitely will now! Outside of the fear of telling her parents, I’m very excited and looking forward to this chapter. I am a home owner, I’m financially stable, but again, not married. My dad passed away via suicide when I was 4, so my memories of a father-son relationship are slim and none. Any advice in general for this process and any must-know’s for being a “young” dad that wants to be the dad I never had? My mom passed away last year so I’m really anxious to have a family of my own.

I'm a male and my father left when I was 8 and I was raised primarily by my older sister and mom. I've always had a difficult time connecting with males vs females. I was very confident I could raise a daughter, but was not confident I could raise boys. I now have twin 13 year old boys and it has been amazing.

Just remember, no parent is perfect. You will make mistakes. But be kind, present, listen to your kids, and love them powerfully. Every family is different, but in our house there are lots of hugs, kisses, cuddles, and I love you's.

You'll also realize all the things you missed out on by not having a father around. And that can be difficult to process. Lean on your wife when you need to, it takes a strong bond to raise kids together and get on the same page.

Congrats, and you will be amazing.

 

[cowgirl836]

I have a 6 and 3 year old. Here are my suggestions, do what fits you:
Read to your kids every day even in the womb.
Say yes more than you say no, so give them 2 choices you are comfortable with.
If you don’t like their behavior, check your self first, they could be imitating you. They are copycats.
Coach them to speak for themselves. They want to respond but might not know how.
Treat them like any other human being. Treat them like you would want to be treated.

Same aged kids and the 2 choices hack is such a good one for these power hungry tyrants. They need socks on to leave.but refuse. "Do you want to red socks or blue socks? Do you want to get them or do you want me to get them?" Gives them the feeling of control while you still get your desires outcome, socks on. But this will fail 50-60% of the time and you will still carry a screaming, sockless tyrant into childcare. But you tried!

 

[nfrine]

Raise them right...

 

[abd4cy]

The best advice I got when we had our first child was:

"Everyone is going to share their opinion of how you should be doing things. None of it matters."

I'm not saying that there isn't good advice out there, but every child and situation is different, and everyone has an opinion. Just keep moving forward and everything will be fine. You will feel overwhelmed and not know how you are going to do it. That passes as you get used to your new normal.

One other thing we did with both our kids was not be extra quiet when they were asleep. We wanted them to get used to normal noises, now they sleep soundly regardless of what's going on outside of their rooms.

 

[DRH]

Someone said “you come last” from here on out. That can be tough, but I think it’s a necessary mind set more times than not.


Also, don’t freak out if you don’t feel a connection for a while. This screaming thing that never existed before just shows up. And then you take it home. It’s wild. And the first 3 months almost exclusively suck. So the “love like no other” feelings can take some time to really feel. Focus on your girlfriend and her needs during this time. You’re basically useless to the baby initially anyway, so make sure you do everything you can for her.

The baby’s personality starts coming out at about 3 months, and you’ll be there. And then it starts getting awesome.

This is absolutely true. I’ve never felt less effective as a partner or human than in the first 3 months no matter how hard I tried. Im in the middle of it with our 2nd now.

 

[demoncore1031]

Congrats, man. Enjoy every minute of it, the good and the bad. It's an amazing experience.

 

[FriendlySpartan]

Good evening all, my girlfriend and I (25 and 26) recently learned she’s pregnant. I never in my life imagined I’d have a baby out of wedlock, though I’m confident this is the woman I was going to marry regardless. I definitely will now! Outside of the fear of telling her parents, I’m very excited and looking forward to this chapter. I am a home owner, I’m financially stable, but again, not married. My dad passed away via suicide when I was 4, so my memories of a father-son relationship are slim and none. Any advice in general for this process and any must-know’s for being a “young” dad that wants to be the dad I never had? My mom passed away last year so I’m really anxious to have a family of my own.

Won’t speak to the parenting part but if the marriage isn’t official before you are expected to deliver you should really talk about getting a medical power of attorney in place as well as advanced directives. If you don’t have these in place most decisions will be made by her parents without your (and possibly her) input.

 

[Cychl82]

Good evening all, my girlfriend and I (25 and 26) recently learned she’s pregnant. I never in my life imagined I’d have a baby out of wedlock, though I’m confident this is the woman I was going to marry regardless. I definitely will now! Outside of the fear of telling her parents, I’m very excited and looking forward to this chapter. I am a home owner, I’m financially stable, but again, not married. My dad passed away via suicide when I was 4, so my memories of a father-son relationship are slim and none. Any advice in general for this process and any must-know’s for being a “young” dad that wants to be the dad I never had? My mom passed away last year so I’m really anxious to have a family of my own.

Congratulations first and foremost! I was 35 when I found out I was going to be a dad the first time. Even at that age I will be honest I called my dad 5 months in and cried because I was so overwhelmed I’d finally be a father and knowing how much that means to be the best you can be for your children. My only advice is patience and living in the moment. One minute we had 1 on the way and next minute I have a 5 and 7 year old that are asking me what they were like when they were little…..again congrats

 

[Todd]

I alway recommend this book to new parents. It really helped us raise infants. Best of luck and enjoy the ride!

Amazon.com : baby wise book

 

[engineer_doug]

If you're considering putting your child into daycare, get on the waitlist ASAP.

 

[throwittoblythe]

Father of two kids, 10 and 6. Best advice I’ve ever gotten was “Remember, you are raising adults, not children. When this is all done, they should be adults.” It helps keep your eye on long term decisions vs easy short term fixes.

 

[motorcy90]

but in reality it's a fun time raising kids, I had my 1st at 26 and it's been a great time watching him grow, added a girl last fall. was pretty much in the same situation, knocked up the GF (now wife) at the time a few months after I bought my 1st house we lived in.

 

[RagingCloner]

Good evening all, my girlfriend and I (25 and 26) recently learned she’s pregnant. I never in my life imagined I’d have a baby out of wedlock, though I’m confident this is the woman I was going to marry regardless. I definitely will now! Outside of the fear of telling her parents, I’m very excited and looking forward to this chapter. I am a home owner, I’m financially stable, but again, not married. My dad passed away via suicide when I was 4, so my memories of a father-son relationship are slim and none. Any advice in general for this process and any must-know’s for being a “young” dad that wants to be the dad I never had? My mom passed away last year so I’m really anxious to have a family of my own.

Congratulations first and foremost

Second, being a dad is freaking awesome. You will not be perfect, and most of the time being a parent is just about controlling the chaos. There will be moments where you wonder how you will ever get through certain situations, especially during the baby phase. But you’ll blink, and 2-4 years will go by. It’s a tough balance of emotional stress/enjoying the moment.

I’m not sure what generation/age you are but the fact that you are even reaching out here shows you are miles ahead. In today’s hookup culture, so many of the “sperm donors” just leave the woman/child to fend for themselves. I say that, as I have witnessed many friends/peers who are those sperm donors. Now, I am not knocking the single parents at all when I say this, but having close friends that are baby daddy’s rather than be fathers aggravates me. Creating a human from the male perspective is fairly easy, it’s the leading and the raising of said human that’s difficult for most. Be there for your gf/wife, and if you come home from work someday and she’s dipping pickles in vanilla ice cream, just shut the **** up and offer to rub her feet

 

[FerShizzle]

Kids are a blessing.

Kids are also ********.

 

[Cychl82]

Also, this is a suggestion for any parent in this post. Buy the book “The daily dad” if you like to read about self help. It says dad in the title but it’s amazing for all parents.