My fiance isn't a devout catholic so that makes it easier. WHen we were asked if we would do our best to raise the children catholic her response to the priest was "Define try"
Non-Catholic Marrying Catholic
- Thread starter cycopath25
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Same here. We got married just about two years ago - wedding at a Catholic Church but no full mass. I actually really liked the priest and some of the marriage prep. Things like talking about where you'll spend holidays, who will handle finances, how will chores be split, and things like that that as others said, sometimes get lost in the wedding planning. Forcing you to really think about some of those hot spots (he also made us talk about what things annoyed each other about our future spouse and how we could handle that) is something all couples should do - religious or not.
We had to do both a natural family planning seminar (which was painful for me as a person working in repro) and a weekend retreat which some couples enjoyed but I was just happy to have over with. I know other couples were able to combine that stuff into one seminar so it really varies by the priest.
edit: I did not convert
I did. My family switched churches a few times when I was a kid (mom was raised Catholic, dad was Lutheran, we were attending Methodist services by the time I graduated HS), so it was kind of all the same to me, but it was a big deal to her family so I did it. And the Waterloo joint parishes that I converted through were great and accommodating to all my skepticism about "Catholic stuff", so it was actually a pretty positive experience. Of course, by the time we were married my sister-in-law had come out as a lesbian, which led to my wife's immediate family basically abandoning the Catholic church, so my original stance of "It's all Christianity, who really gives a ****" becomes more justified as time goes on.
My parents got married 36 years ago. My dad was Catholic, my mom was Methodist. They went through the courses and at that time, my mom was still not considered Catholic (I think it has changed now though). My mom never felt comfortable with the religion and my dad had been told by a priest at his Catholic high school that he would make a good Methodist, decided to become Lutheran. They waited until they moved out of the area where my grandparents lived so that they wouldn't cause small town rumors. I was actually baptized Catholic, but the rest of my siblings were baptized Lutheran. I like to say that either I am in big trouble because I am a lapsed Catholic or I am in good shape because I was baptized 
Each person's individual expirence kind of matters on their own religious beliefs though. I suspect there are non-catholics who end up marrying catholics and don't really care too much about religion, so they'll just go along. Religion mattered to my parents and I think they were lucky in that my Dad didn't have some belief that catholism was the only way to go.
The big issue I have seen with people my age now is that the people getting married seem to be OK with everything, but the parents aren't. I've seen a few instanes where a couple is getting married in a protestant church and the catholic parents are NOT happy about it.
Each person's individual expirence kind of matters on their own religious beliefs though. I suspect there are non-catholics who end up marrying catholics and don't really care too much about religion, so they'll just go along. Religion mattered to my parents and I think they were lucky in that my Dad didn't have some belief that catholism was the only way to go.
The big issue I have seen with people my age now is that the people getting married seem to be OK with everything, but the parents aren't. I've seen a few instanes where a couple is getting married in a protestant church and the catholic parents are NOT happy about it.
I wouldn't sweat any of it then, unless your priest really starts throwing up roadblocks for performing your marriage. None of it is as bad as it sounds at first. In fact, I kind of enjoyed getting a chuckle out of the pre-marriage inventory and meeting with our sponsor couple. Maybe it's kind of lame, but it was cool having a neutral older couple with a good marriage, that wasn't a blood relative, to bounce some things off of. It's one of those things where you get out of it what you put into it though.
I did not convert. While I share the same core beliefs as my wife, there are some things that I just cannot accept and it would be a lie to myself and the church if I joined it. I do attend church with her however as we both believe we want our kids to be in a faith community growing up.
My dad was Catholic and my mother Lutheran. They have been happily married for 25 years come July. No family members had problems with the "mixed marriage" besides my great grandmother who was a very devout old-school Catholic and a little bit racist. My parents were clear, however, on things relating to religious beliefs, such as what church their children would be baptized in and attend. My brothers and I also attended a Lutheran school through 8th grade.
IMO, it is an important issue if religion is remotely important to either partner or to their families. A family friend who used to teach Sunday school at my church always told his students that married couples should agree on religion because it may be the only thing that they agree on. I don't think this necessarily means that a married couple should both be Catholic, Lutheran, Methodist, Jehovah's Witness, etc. but it does mean that they should agree on how they will handle their religious beliefs, how the kids will be raised, and even how often they attend church.
IMO, it is an important issue if religion is remotely important to either partner or to their families. A family friend who used to teach Sunday school at my church always told his students that married couples should agree on religion because it may be the only thing that they agree on. I don't think this necessarily means that a married couple should both be Catholic, Lutheran, Methodist, Jehovah's Witness, etc. but it does mean that they should agree on how they will handle their religious beliefs, how the kids will be raised, and even how often they attend church.
Honest questions: Are these same unacceptable facets of the church not an issue for your wife? If they are an issue for her, what is keeping you from going to another faith community that more closely resembles all of your true beliefs? Why do you have such a desire to keep your children in a faith community where you will eventually have to explain to them what things they are told to accept on faith your family actually believes and which they don't?
That's kind of what my parents did. My dad did convert from Catholicism to Lutheranism shorty before my oldest brother was confirmed. He still admits that he does not agree with all teaching of the Lutheran church. My parents, do, however, share the same core beliefs and that is ultimately what is important, IMO.
I'm Lutheran and my wife is Catholic, we took the test and came back being completely compatible. I said I had no plans to convert but our kids will be raised Catholic and they accepted that. We were married in a Catholic church by a priest with no full mass. It was actually a pretty easy process. I've been attending mass with her and our son ever since and still have no plans on converting.
Almost exact same as me except I grew up Methodist. I do play drums once a month or so for a Methodist church in Ankeny which helps take care of the need to worship in more of a style I'm accustomed to.
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