Why Your Town Sucks #1: Coralville

[dmclone]

I left ankeny about a year ago and thought I'd miss it, quite the opposite. I was there for 6 years and miss a few restaurants but not enough to even drive up there. Terrible place. I'm kinda on drake/beaverdale now and so much better and has character.

My goal when finding a place to live is to find the place with the absolute lowest amount of character available.

 

[Macloney]

Vine wings used to make Coralville tolerable at a minimum, but it has definitely been a long time since I've been there.

 

[Gorm]

Vine wings used to make Coralville tolerable at a minimum, but it has definitely been a long time since I've been there.

They now use different Wings. Also, they use very small / bad wings on their Wing promotion nights.

 

[nfrine]

Whar" Ames and Decorah?

 

[Macloney]

They now use different Wings. Also, they use very small / bad wings on their Wing promotion nights.

Downtown Vine was doing something like $2.50 lbs in the late 90s. We were beating them up.

 

[Scruff]

While the point is certainly obviously true, there are exceptions. Monica’s? Chez Grace? Wig and Pen? There are a few …

We order Monica's delivery like once a month. Wig and Pen we actually order from the new North Liberty location, we limit our orders from there. As good at it is, its still expensive for Pizza. I hadn't heard of Chez Grace, but we're going to try it now. Thanks!

I'd add Iowa River Power & 30 Hop to your list. To you're point, yes there are more here than I thought. The beauty of being here is even driving to a neighboring town for good food isn't a big deal. The two downfalls are being surrounded by hawk fans and IowaCity/Coralville really like to tax the property owner. I enjoy the nice roads and trails, but hot dang!

 

[Scruff]

I made it through this roast of my hometown but this really triggered me for some reason. Who am I kidding, its been more than a couple decades.

My kids aren't that old yet, but did the creation of Liberty High hurt both City High and West High in sports having less kids? Or could someone speak to if the creation of a second Ankeny High School hurt the original in sports?

 

[Scruff]

I figured it was named after the rich coral reef in Lake MacBride. Guess you learn something new every day.

I'd never heard the Coalville thing, not sure if thats a joke. Everything I've ever read is that this was a hotspot for coral fossils and that's why it got the name Coralville.

 

[Scruff]

Last time I was in Coralville (a coupla weeks ago), it's smelled strongly of Eau de Hog Manure. (seriously)

I live here and can't say I've ever smelled that, but we are in Iowa so all it takes is the farm upwind from you to fertilize his fields and the entire area reeks for days.

 

[NorthCyd]

I left ankeny about a year ago and thought I'd miss it, quite the opposite. I was there for 6 years and miss a few restaurants but not enough to even drive up there. Terrible place. I'm kinda on drake/beaverdale now and so much better and has character.

I understand some criticism of Ankeny, but terrible? Does a little disservice to people who actually have to live in terrible neighborhoods. Guess everyone is all about the hot takes on this issue.

 

[Rural]

I'd never heard the Coalville thing, not sure if thats a joke. Everything I've ever read is that this was a hotspot for coral fossils and that's why it got the name Coralville.

Coralville used to be two ratty motels and a fruit stand.

 

[Gorm]

Coralville used to be two ratty motels and a fruit stand.

It was also the "dirty industrial" hot spot for Iowa City in the 80s. The giant fuel tank farm you see coming off I-80 will ALWAYS be a reminder of that lovely spot in history. They have done a TON of work trying to "beautify" that area ever since.

 

[Scruff]

It was also the "dirty industrial" hot spot for Iowa City in the 80s. The giant fuel tank farm you see coming off I-80 will ALWAYS be a reminder of that lovely spot in history. They have done a TON of work trying to "beautify" that area ever since.

Seems they're trying hard to make it a decent place. The Coralville Strip still isn't the prettiest street to drive. I worked at West Bank in WDM just before they built their new Coralville location. There was a lot of talk about it.

Iowa River Power area is starting to look nice with the new arena, but it better considering Coralville's bond rating was lowered after they took that project on.

 

[arobb]

Do Boone.

People who think Boone is bad have never been to Clinton or Keokuk.

 

[Brandon]

People who think Boone is bad have never been to Clinton or Keokuk.

Well I haven't been to either.

 

[Macloney]

It was also the "dirty industrial" hot spot for Iowa City in the 80s. The giant fuel tank farm you see coming off I-80 will ALWAYS be a reminder of that lovely spot in history. They have done a TON of work trying to "beautify" that area ever since.

Didn't Dolls used to be around there? I've never been, but you hear things.

 

[NoCreativity]

My kids aren't that old yet, but did the creation of Liberty High hurt both City High and West High in sports having less kids? Or could someone speak to if the creation of a second Ankeny High School hurt the original in sports?

The original Ankeny doesn't seem to be hurting. They've been in the state championship game in football the last 2 years.

 

[RoseClone]

Welcome to the new weekly series: Why your town sucks. Twice per week I'll highlight one of the bland, dangerous, or outright worthless towns in Iowa.

Some people love where they're from. Here's why they shouldn't.

Your Town: Coralville. Population 22,318 (+18% from 2010)
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Coralville is for people who think Iowa City is too liberal. Biden only won Coralville by 55%, so it's slacking for Johnson County. If you like living in the "majestic rolling hills" of Iowa, but not rich enough to afford houses designed to look like the unwashed toilet bowl that is Kinnick Stadium, this place is for you. Whether you want a chain restaurant or a chain big box store, you're in hog-heaven here. Home to both rich people and poor people, Coralville is the bland surburban town for everyone.

Your County: Johnson County. Population 152,854 (+17% since 2010)

One of the few counties that is growing in Iowa, Johnson County is home to the Iowa Hawkeyes, rent assistance fraud, and a hospital parking ramp that local residents use as a porta-potty during football game tailgating. Johnson County residents think they are smarter than other Iowans, but they're just thinner. Probably from all the cocaine available from the Chicago-suburb transplants that pay $30,000/year to learn how to write real good.

Your High School: Iowa City West and Clear-Creek Amana.

Iowa City West is for the kids of professors and multiple racist social media posts. Though they've won multiple state championships in basketball, tennis, and soccer, much like their collegiate counterparts at U of Iowa, their football team hasn't won anything major in their students' lifetimes. Girls end up going to Iowa to study journalism or marketing and boys go to Iowa to drink and eventually burn through their parents' trusts funds on Old Style and Black & Milds.

Clear Creek - Amana is so meaningless they had to combine multiple towns to come up with a district name. If your school has a hyphen, it's not worth mentioning. Located in Tiffin, and much like the education you'll get here, it has a driveway that leads nowhere.

Your college: Obviously, Kirkwood Community College. The home to cosmotology students and the finest welders in the area, Kirkwood is the main source of fandom for the Iowa Hawkeyes. A walk through the sprawling campus will show Chicago Cubs tshirts, Hawkeye hats, and Let's Go Brandon bumber stickers.

Your mayor: John Lundell. John looks like a nice-enough guy. What makes him look smart is his official portrait. A red tie and yellow I on his lapel. A real Cyclone at heart, sly enough to fool the rubes in Coralville.
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Your elected representative: Mariannette Miller-Meeks. Three M's is better than three K's. Although who knows...
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Your industries: Retail, hotel accomodations, and Kirkwood professors. A real who's who of capitalism. Klein Quarry is just outside city limits. A $15 minimum wage would probably double the household income in Coralville. The mall isn't going to staff itself.

Famous People: Nate Kaeding. Nate was a kicker for the local college and somehow got drafted into the NFL. If you dream hard enough, you too can find a ticket out of this suburban wasteland. Nate made 53% of his field goals in the playoffs. If that was a batting average he'd be the best to ever play the game. Unfortunetly, 53% for a kicker is awful. Just like his hometown.

What's new that sucks: Auburn Ridge subdivision. If your wife wants a "custom home" that looks like every other house in Johnson County, except for a different shade of granite quartz countertop, this is the place for you. Barn doors and shiplap? Maybe. A white floor-to-ceiling coat/backpack cubby in the entryway? You betcha! The standard three car garage is perfect for your husband's Ram 1500 and boxes of woodworking equipment he'll never use. According to the website, "Auburn Ridge's builders' experienced notoriety is hard at work designing memorable and trendsetting homes." Uh huh.

What has always sucked: The Coralridge mall (seen here in true 1998 colorvision) Home to both Auntie Anne's Pretzels and AT&T, this center of early 2000's fun has been a staple here since 1998. Just about the last time Iowa City West mattered in football.
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What doesn't totally suck: Costco. The only retail store along this soulless stretch of middle America that pays its workers decently. If your "custom home" needs TP, a backyard playset that your kid will use for 6 weeks and then forget about, or 14 roast chickens, this is the place. The liquor is so cheap here even Kirkwood students can afford it. Hooray, Costco!

If this doesn’t sum up CF, I don't what does.

 

[Cyrealist]

After all, don't we all live in Gopher Prairie, MN?

 

[DeereClone]

you are really taking this personally

I don’t give a rip about Coralville. I just get tired of @Gunnerclone ‘s “ eVeRYtHInG SuX eSPEciaLLy in IoWaaaH” schtick.