Married Fanatics: Joint money or separate money?

[Jer]

I want to know where all these "joint account" couples found time to consolidate auto-paying/auto-depositing accounts... GET A JOB YA BUMS!!

Maybe that's part of it - we started dating at 16 and married at 23 so everything was in our co-names to start absent our starter checking accounts - but those immediately became one.

 

[madguy30]

I've always found this whole topic so intriguing because I always thought there was one option.

My wife and I started dating when I was 16 (now 41) so we've been together 25 years this November and just had our 19th anniversary on Monday. During that time, it just seemed like the only thing to do was make what was mine, ours, and everything of her's, ours. We never even had a conversation about it, I guess we just figured that was part of marriage - 2 becoming 1 so to speak.

Now, we obviously have our own things to an extent - i.e. we have our own computers, headphones, and even bedrooms (I snored horribly prior to CPAP), but it all comes out of the same (shallow) pool of money. There isn't money that is mine vs hers or spending that I cover or she covers.

Always incredibly intrigued by the separate accounts and bills/spending. My personal perspective was it seemed like a lack of full commitment to each other... but I no longer think that based on the sheer volume that do that model.

As others have mentioned it comes down to communication no matter the approach.

Things also change where different expenses pop up, job loss/change etc. and the response may need to be to change the whole approach.

 

[Jer]

my wife and i have separate bedrooms. its the best

We have a walk-out ranch. My wife stays upstairs in the master, I have a big bedroom and bathroom right off the family room in the basement (sorta my man cave since it's the biggest tvs, couches, etc). Works amazing as she can do her wind-down things at night and go to bed when she wants and I can do the same. Probably saved our marriage a long time ago.

Of course that means sex is a nonstarter.

 

[3TrueFans]

We have a walk-out ranch. My wife stays upstairs in the master, I have a big bedroom and bathroom right off the family room (sorta my man cave since it's the biggest tvs, couches, etc). Works amazing as she can do her wind-down things at night and go to bed when she wants and I can do the same. Probably saved our marriage a long time ago.

Of course that means sex is a nonstarter.

Meet halfway for sex, easy.

 

[madguy30]

We have a walk-out ranch. My wife stays upstairs in the master, I have a big bedroom and bathroom right off the family room (sorta my man cave since it's the biggest tvs, couches, etc). Works amazing as she can do her wind-down things at night and go to bed when she wants and I can do the same. Probably saved our marriage a long time ago.

Of course that means sex is a nonstarter.

Maybe someone should start a thread about this topic and they can tell you that it didn't.

 

[JP4CY]

Meet halfway for sex, easy.

The stairs

 

[CycloneErik]

Meet halfway for sex, easy.

@Jeremy 's new theme:

 

[StateThrowdown]

Personally, I think it depends on the disparity between incomes for the spouses whether or not it works. My wife and I make very similar money and have separate accounts. We both take different bills (other than the mortgage, which is 50/50) and it comes out pretty close to even. Now, if I made three times what she makes it would definitely be unfair. My parents have been married for 40 years and have always done it this way. Seemed to work for them so we did the same. As this thread shows, it’s obviously up to the individual personalities as to which one works better.

Before we got married we had premarital counseling with a pastor. He told us not to have separate accounts because it was like “pre planning a divorce”. I had to remind him that after we’re married, it doesn’t matter if I have fifty thousand in my account and she has ten, it’s getting split evenly no matter what. Whatever keeps the couple happiest is the best answer and this works for us.

 

[cycloneG]

What I'm getting from this thread is couples with joint accounts think they're superior to all other couples.

 

[FriendlySpartan]

As others have mentioned it comes down to communication no matter the approach.

Things also change where different expenses pop up, job loss/change etc. and the response may need to be to change the whole approach.

I think each persons past experience plays a roll as well. Most of my friends that were kids of divorce either have some form of separation or a pre/post nup. Having lived through it as kids, even though they have no plans on breaking, up statistically it’s a toss up so they will so put some guard rails in place.

 

[el tornado]

Every husband should have a joint account to experience the beauty of how fast their wife can make money disappear.

 

[cymate]

I think each persons past experience plays a roll as well. Most of my friends that were kids of divorce either have some form of separation or a pre/post nup. Having lived through it as kids, even though they have no plans on breaking, up statistically it’s a toss up so they will so put some guard rails in place.

My wife is set to inherit a large sum of money from her late Grandma's Farm sale. The aunt who was previously divorced and is now in-charge of the estate forced me to sign a pre-nup three weeks before our Wedding. She threatened my wife that if I didn't sign it, my wife would not receive her share of the estate.

It was not a happy time in our house.

 

[TrailCy]

I want to know where all these "joint account" couples found time to consolidate auto-paying/auto-depositing accounts... GET A JOB YA BUMS!!

What? Spend 5 minutes less on CF and BOOM, it's done.

 

[SEIOWA CLONE]

Holy crap you print off a copy of a receipt every time you buy something online!?! Do you just not buy that much stuff online or have you been burned badly in the past? Genuinely curious as I’ve never heard of someone doing this.

It's make it easier for us to track what we are purchasing, and did we actually get it. We have a folder by the computer, and when we get the email for something we purchase, generally from Amazon, we just print it out and drop it in the folder. At the end of the month, we compare the slips to our banking statements, and make sure everything lines up. It generally takes 20/30 minutes, but it also ensures that we did get everything we ordered online.

 

[cycloneG]

It's make it easier for us to track what we are purchasing, and did we actually get it. We have a folder by the computer, and when we get the email for something we purchase, generally from Amazon, we just print it out and drop it in the folder. At the end of the month, we compare the slips to our banking statements, and make sure everything lines up. It generally takes 20/30 minutes, but it also ensures that we did get everything we ordered online.

I just keep the Amazon email in my inbox then delete it once the order arrives.

 

[JP4CY]

What I'm getting from this thread is couples with joint accounts think they're superior to all other couples.

I'm not shaming anyone over either choice but for me it just seems like like hassle. Less accounts open, less checkbooks, less debit cards, less internet logins.
We have about 3 credit cards and know which ones to use per situation (fuel, dining, travel for example). Most purchases go on our Costco card to be honest. Great rewards.

 

[CYCLNST8]

Separate accounts. I manage the budget/pay most of the bills. Just celebrated ten years this month. We rarely argue over finances; just wish we were wealthier.

 

[cycloneG]

I'm not shaming anyone over either choice but for me it just seems like like hassle. Less accounts open, less checkbooks, less debit cards, less internet logins.
We have about 3 credit cards and know which ones to use per situation (fuel, dining, travel for example). Most purchases go on our Costco card to be honest. Great rewards.

I don't really have a horse in this race. Banks are for suckers! Mattress full of cash is the way to roll.

In terms of simplicity, each person will still have one account to monitor, one checkbook, one debit card, and one login regardless of joint or separate accounts.

 

[houjix]

I just keep the Amazon email in my inbox then delete it once the order arrives.

I have folders in my email for purchases and such. Printing emails out is giving some vibes of the guy that prints off the internet in that Progressive commercial.

 

[cycloneG]

I have folders in my email for purchases and such. Printing emails out is giving some vibes of the guy that prints off the internet in that Progressive commercial.

I'm pretty sure the last time I printed off the Internet was when I used MapQuest back in the day (18+ years ago).