Help with Texas/Austin Jokes

[ForbinsAscynt]

McConaughy is an easy target for some light humor. Maybe start off with alright, alright, alright

 

[NickTheGreat]

Tell them that celebrating losing the Alamo is stupid. Cowboy hats belong in old movies. And the only thing that's actually bigger in Texas is their women.

And run really really fast. Maybe wear a Kevlar vest.

 

[jcyclonee]

I can't decide if Austin is the only place in Texas currently that you Shouldn't tell this joke, or if it is the only place in Texas that you should tell this joke. Probably better to stay away from any wall take in general haha

You probably want to stay away from clock tower jokes too.

 

[Cycsk]

Maybe a joke about being disappointed to learn Austin City Limits has always been filmed indoors! And not even in front of a window.

 

[Cycsk]

Proximity to Waco should be good for a bunch of jokes.

 

[Cycsk]

You can thank everyone for coming to the conference. It really helps the city fulfill its informal motto: Keep Austin Weird.

 

[Cycsk]

Make fun of how they reacted to the snow last week in Austin.

 

[jbhtexas]

Who the eff ever thought college baseball was relevant?

People in the south. It's why the UT baseball stadium which now has a seating capacity near 7000, was renovated some years ago to add more seating. Meanwhile the new UT basketball area will be dropping its seating capacity from 16,000 to 10,000...

 

[ca4cy]

"Hey folks, great to be here! You wanna know why there are so many accidents down here when it's raining? Because you dipshits have no idea how to drive in the rain."

I guess that's more of an observation than a joke. You're welcome to use it if you want though.

 

[VeloClone]

People in the south. It's why the UT baseball stadium which now has a seating capacity near 7000, was renovated some years ago to add more seating. Meanwhile the new UT basketball area will be dropping its seating capacity from 16,000 to 10,000...

Just like several midwest states have wrestling as a big draw, but there aren't many delusions that it is anywhere near as relevant as football and basketball as the linked information seems to indicate for baseball.

 

[Cyclonepride]

Just start with a "Horns Down" and hilarity should ensue

 

[intrepid27]

Make a joke about how Texas wants the wall to built on the Oklahoma border!

That would go over great as that bad blood goes way beyond football.

In fact, 3 years ago Texans were throwing hand grenades across the Red River at Oklahoma. Okies were pulling out the pins and throwing them back.

 

[AuH2O]

Talk about the wall. Everybody's lighthearted and open-minded about that topic.

Yeah, that's a little heavy. I'd probably soften them up first by talking about racism, religion and the government's role in health care.

 

[CyberJJJ]

Thanks gang! Keep em' coming if you have more.

 

[ianoconnor]

 

[SCyclone]

Who the eff ever thought college baseball was relevant?

Oklahoma State fans

 

[SCyclone]

How can you tell if a Texas guy has a girlfriend?

(Answer - there are tobacco stains on both sides of his pickup)

 

[SpokaneCY]

How do you make Texas the union's 3rd largest state? Cut Alaska in half...

 

[jbhtexas]

Just like several midwest states have wrestling as a big draw, but there aren't many delusions that it is anywhere near as relevant as football and basketball as the linked information seems to indicate for baseball.

I think baseball is a little different than wrestling here. There are actually P5 schools where total baseball attendance outdraws total basketball attendance, including LSU, Ole Miss, South Carolina, Texas A&M, Miss St, Clemson, Florida St., Oregon St., TCU. And there are a couple of more major schools (UT, Florida, Miami (FL)) where the baseball/basketball numbers are within 15% of each other. I'm pretty sure that's not true of wrestling at any P5 school.

 

[nfrine]

Go high end with your humor.
This was seen on the wall of a bathroom stall at DFW airport...

"Here I sit with cheeks a'flexin,
Giving birth to another Texan."