Help with Texas/Austin Jokes

ForbinsAscynt

Well-Known Member
Dec 8, 2014
5,050
6,302
113
McConaughy is an easy target for some light humor. Maybe start off with alright, alright, alright
 

NickTheGreat

Well-Known Member
SuperFanatic
SuperFanatic T2
Jan 17, 2012
10,803
4,773
113
Central Iowa
Tell them that celebrating losing the Alamo is stupid. Cowboy hats belong in old movies. And the only thing that's actually bigger in Texas is their women.

And run really really fast. Maybe wear a Kevlar vest.
vauEUgn.gif
 

jcyclonee

Well-Known Member
Apr 12, 2006
23,262
26,176
113
Minneapolis
I can't decide if Austin is the only place in Texas currently that you Shouldn't tell this joke, or if it is the only place in Texas that you should tell this joke. Probably better to stay away from any wall take in general haha
You probably want to stay away from clock tower jokes too.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: srjclone

Cycsk

Year-round tailgater
SuperFanatic
SuperFanatic T2
Aug 17, 2009
28,429
17,347
113
Maybe a joke about being disappointed to learn Austin City Limits has always been filmed indoors! And not even in front of a window.
 

Cycsk

Year-round tailgater
SuperFanatic
SuperFanatic T2
Aug 17, 2009
28,429
17,347
113
Proximity to Waco should be good for a bunch of jokes.
 

Cycsk

Year-round tailgater
SuperFanatic
SuperFanatic T2
Aug 17, 2009
28,429
17,347
113
You can thank everyone for coming to the conference. It really helps the city fulfill its informal motto: Keep Austin Weird.
 
  • Like
Reactions: DarkStar

Cycsk

Year-round tailgater
SuperFanatic
SuperFanatic T2
Aug 17, 2009
28,429
17,347
113
Make fun of how they reacted to the snow last week in Austin.
 

jbhtexas

Well-Known Member
Oct 20, 2006
14,322
4,370
113
Arlington, TX
Who the eff ever thought college baseball was relevant?

People in the south. It's why the UT baseball stadium which now has a seating capacity near 7000, was renovated some years ago to add more seating. Meanwhile the new UT basketball area will be dropping its seating capacity from 16,000 to 10,000...
 

ca4cy

Well-Known Member
Dec 6, 2009
7,101
9,118
113
North Central IA
"Hey folks, great to be here! You wanna know why there are so many accidents down here when it's raining? Because you dipshits have no idea how to drive in the rain."

I guess that's more of an observation than a joke. You're welcome to use it if you want though.
 

VeloClone

Well-Known Member
Jan 19, 2010
48,460
39,265
113
Brooklyn Park, MN
People in the south. It's why the UT baseball stadium which now has a seating capacity near 7000, was renovated some years ago to add more seating. Meanwhile the new UT basketball area will be dropping its seating capacity from 16,000 to 10,000...
Just like several midwest states have wrestling as a big draw, but there aren't many delusions that it is anywhere near as relevant as football and basketball as the linked information seems to indicate for baseball.
 

intrepid27

Well-Known Member
Oct 9, 2006
6,011
5,079
113
Marion, IA
Make a joke about how Texas wants the wall to built on the Oklahoma border!

That would go over great as that bad blood goes way beyond football.

In fact, 3 years ago Texans were throwing hand grenades across the Red River at Oklahoma. Okies were pulling out the pins and throwing them back.
 
  • Funny
Reactions: Cycsk

AuH2O

Well-Known Member
Sep 7, 2013
13,003
20,971
113
Talk about the wall. Everybody's lighthearted and open-minded about that topic.

Yeah, that's a little heavy. I'd probably soften them up first by talking about racism, religion and the government's role in health care.
 
  • Funny
Reactions: jcyclonee

jbhtexas

Well-Known Member
Oct 20, 2006
14,322
4,370
113
Arlington, TX
Just like several midwest states have wrestling as a big draw, but there aren't many delusions that it is anywhere near as relevant as football and basketball as the linked information seems to indicate for baseball.

I think baseball is a little different than wrestling here. There are actually P5 schools where total baseball attendance outdraws total basketball attendance, including LSU, Ole Miss, South Carolina, Texas A&M, Miss St, Clemson, Florida St., Oregon St., TCU. And there are a couple of more major schools (UT, Florida, Miami (FL)) where the baseball/basketball numbers are within 15% of each other. I'm pretty sure that's not true of wrestling at any P5 school.
 
  • Informative
Reactions: Cycsk

nfrine

Well-Known Member
Mar 31, 2006
9,889
12,074
113
Nearby
Go high end with your humor.
This was seen on the wall of a bathroom stall at DFW airport...

"Here I sit with cheeks a'flexin,
Giving birth to another Texan."
 
  • Funny
Reactions: GTO and Prone2Clone