Does anybody know any good ones? I got some family from Gopher country, and the war has already started......
Good jokes to rip on MN Gopher fans
- Thread starter jpete24
- Start date
Likewise, any joke you've heard about IA, ND, SD, or WI could probably be sligthly tweaked...
I've heard that if you travel up to the IA/MN border late at night, you can hear them sharpening their ice skates, preparing for the attack.
Isn't that used for Missouri? I think there might be more truth to the joke when used with Missouri instead. But we can use it for Minnesota as well. What ever gets the job done.
I'd question it too, except these were the geniuses that thought it was a good idea to elect Jesse "The Body" Ventura as their governor :twitcy:
Minnesota Golden Gophers Jokes!, Go Iowa State Cyclones!
It was reported that Minnesota head football coach Glen Mason will only be dressing twenty players for the Iowa State game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Minnesota campus?
A: A visitor.
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A Minnesota Golden Gophers fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."
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One foggy night, an Iowa State fan and a Minnesota fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Ames. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.
The Minnesota fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"
Likewise, the Cyclone fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.
The Minnesota fan walks over to the Cyclone fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."
The Cyclone fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."
The Cyclone fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Golden Gopher fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Golden Gopher fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Golden Gopher fan hands it back to the Cyclone fan and says, "Your turn!"
The Cyclone fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."
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Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the Minnesota Golden Gophers?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.
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Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the University of Minnesota campus?
A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the Golden Gophers cheerleaders back on board.
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Q: What should you do if you find three University of Minnesota fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
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Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Minnesota library?
A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
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Q: What does the average University of Minnesota student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.
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Q: What do Minnesota and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!
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Q: Why do University of Minnesota fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
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Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at University of Minnesota weddings?
A: To keep the flies off the bride.
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Two University of Minnesota fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.
The first Minnesota fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."
The second Minnesota fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."
The first Minnesota fan asks, "Why not?"
The second Minnesota fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."
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Q: Did you hear about the University of Minnesota fan who locked his keys in his car?
A: He couldn't get his family out.
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Minneapolis-Saint Paul News Report: Football practice in Minneapolis-Saint Paul was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Glen Mason, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.
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A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good Minnesota joke?"
The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a Minnesota grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a Minnesota grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's a Minnesota grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"
The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."
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Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: a Minnesota, an Iowa State grad, a Florida grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.
As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They argued all the way up the mountain, and when they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom.
Not wanting to be out done, the Florida grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Gators!"
Seeing this, the Iowa State grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Cyclones!" and pushed the Golden Gophers fan off the side of the mountain.
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Q: Do you know why the University of Minnesota football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
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Q: Why don't Minnesota Golden Gophers fans let their kids play in sand boxes?
A: Because cats keep covering them up.
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Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Minnesota's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
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Q: How many Minnesota fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but he gets 3 credits.
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Q: What's the hardest thing about being a Minnesota Golden Gopher fan?
A: Telling your parents that you're gay.
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General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie. The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish."
The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."
The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."
"Well," the General responds, "then can you have Minnesota win a bowl game this year?"
The genie thinks for a moment, then says, "Let me see that map again."
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Q: What do you call a Minnesota player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!
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It's 11:27 and Minnesota STILL sucks!
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Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Minneapolis-Saint Paul?
A: Ames: 187 Miles
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Q: How do you make University of Minnesota cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
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Q: How do you get a University of Minnesota grad off of your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.
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My two favorite teams are Iowa State and whoever plays Minnesota!
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Q: What do you get when you cross a University of Minnesota fan and a pig?
A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.
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Q. What did the Minnesota graduate say to the Iowa State graduate?
A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"
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Did you hear about the Golden Gopher fan who was so upset that the Cyclones beat Minnesota that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?
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Q: What's the difference between a Minnesota fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
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One day in an elementary school in Minneapolis-Saint Paul, MN, a teacher asks her class if the Minnesota Golden Gophers are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.
The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"
Little Jimmy says, "The Iowa State Cyclones "
The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"
Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Cyclone fan, my mom is a Cyclone fan, I guess that makes me a Cyclone fan."
The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"
Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a Minnesota fan."
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Q: How many University of Minnesota freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
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Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?
A: On the University of Minnesota campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.
It was reported that Minnesota head football coach Glen Mason will only be dressing twenty players for the Iowa State game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Minnesota campus?
A: A visitor.
A Minnesota Golden Gophers fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."
One foggy night, an Iowa State fan and a Minnesota fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Ames. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.
The Minnesota fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"
Likewise, the Cyclone fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.
The Minnesota fan walks over to the Cyclone fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."
The Cyclone fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."
The Cyclone fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Golden Gopher fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Golden Gopher fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Golden Gopher fan hands it back to the Cyclone fan and says, "Your turn!"
The Cyclone fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."
Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the Minnesota Golden Gophers?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.
Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the University of Minnesota campus?
A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the Golden Gophers cheerleaders back on board.
Q: What should you do if you find three University of Minnesota fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Minnesota library?
A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: What does the average University of Minnesota student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.
Q: What do Minnesota and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!
Q: Why do University of Minnesota fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at University of Minnesota weddings?
A: To keep the flies off the bride.
Two University of Minnesota fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.
The first Minnesota fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."
The second Minnesota fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."
The first Minnesota fan asks, "Why not?"
The second Minnesota fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."
Q: Did you hear about the University of Minnesota fan who locked his keys in his car?
A: He couldn't get his family out.
Minneapolis-Saint Paul News Report: Football practice in Minneapolis-Saint Paul was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Glen Mason, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.
A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good Minnesota joke?"
The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a Minnesota grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a Minnesota grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's a Minnesota grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"
The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."
Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: a Minnesota, an Iowa State grad, a Florida grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.
As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They argued all the way up the mountain, and when they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom.
Not wanting to be out done, the Florida grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Gators!"
Seeing this, the Iowa State grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Cyclones!" and pushed the Golden Gophers fan off the side of the mountain.
Q: Do you know why the University of Minnesota football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
Q: Why don't Minnesota Golden Gophers fans let their kids play in sand boxes?
A: Because cats keep covering them up.
Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Minnesota's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Q: How many Minnesota fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but he gets 3 credits.
Q: What's the hardest thing about being a Minnesota Golden Gopher fan?
A: Telling your parents that you're gay.
General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie. The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish."
The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."
The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."
"Well," the General responds, "then can you have Minnesota win a bowl game this year?"
The genie thinks for a moment, then says, "Let me see that map again."
Q: What do you call a Minnesota player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!
It's 11:27 and Minnesota STILL sucks!
Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Minneapolis-Saint Paul?
A: Ames: 187 Miles
Q: How do you make University of Minnesota cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Q: How do you get a University of Minnesota grad off of your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.
My two favorite teams are Iowa State and whoever plays Minnesota!
Q: What do you get when you cross a University of Minnesota fan and a pig?
A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.
Q. What did the Minnesota graduate say to the Iowa State graduate?
A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"
Did you hear about the Golden Gopher fan who was so upset that the Cyclones beat Minnesota that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?
Q: What's the difference between a Minnesota fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
One day in an elementary school in Minneapolis-Saint Paul, MN, a teacher asks her class if the Minnesota Golden Gophers are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.
The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"
Little Jimmy says, "The Iowa State Cyclones "
The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"
Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Cyclone fan, my mom is a Cyclone fan, I guess that makes me a Cyclone fan."
The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"
Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a Minnesota fan."
Q: How many University of Minnesota freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?
A: On the University of Minnesota campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.
Yeah, I've heard it both ways. And I've met some folks in the northern reaches of Minnesota are very similar to Missourians.
Yeah, the Gophers have a football team...too bad the most excitement anyone's seen at their home games over the past 2 decades involved two Hawkeye fans and a bathroom...
