Gabby Petito found dead in Wyoming

JEFF420

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If my kid calls and says "Gabby's gone, I need a lawyer", I'm probably not going to go down the path of helping them cover up a murder.

for sure. we all would like to think we'd do that but i don't fault these people. they effed up big time and are scum bags. but i love my kids so much
 

Cyclonepride

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for sure. we all would like to think we'd do that but i don't fault these people. they effed up big time and are scum bags. but i love my kids so much
I get the thought process to an extent because they're your kids, and they mean everything to you. Also, people sometimes make really bad decisions in moments of extreme stress. However, I think they definitely bear the responsibility of that decision too.
 

CloneLawman

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I guess we're just different. I fault them for their actions after the Wyoming murder.
Maybe if they'd tried to teach their son to be accountable for his actions and how to seek help with his mental illness rather than enabling him, he wouldn't have killed Gabby and them offed himself. Just a thought.

There's plenty of room between loving your child and helping them face up to their actions and alternatively trying to cover up his or her bad acts. Getting him a lawyer was great...nothing wrong with that At all. Get your kid into therapy immediately, have a lawyer to protect his rights, and show him you still love him despite his actions. Let the chips fall from there.
 

CyCoug

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I get the thought process to an extent because they're your kids, and they mean everything to you. Also, people sometimes make really bad decisions in moments of extreme stress. However, I think they definitely bear the responsibility of that decision too.
We had a situation in my town that reminds me of this.

I was out shoveling snow early one morning when the police drove by and said to get in the house because a gunman was on the loose. A home had been invaded and the homeowner shot.

Anyway there were helicopters and police cars going around all day while we had to stay locked in our house. Listening to the police scanner stream it became apparent that the police knew exactly who they weee looking for. In the late afternoon they finally called off the search.

A couple days later they announced they caught the guy (in Provo which is about 30 miles away).

They also arrested his mom and sister who lived a few streets over for obstruction of justice. After the robbery went bad he called them and they helped get him out of the neighborhood.

Apparently the guy was well-known to law enforcement in the area. I also couldn’t help wondering about how often his mom carried his water and enabled some of his behavior, if she was willing to help him escape after he shot someone.

I’m sure she panicked and just reacted. But usually in panic situations we default to our pre-programmed behavior.

P.S. I doubt she got to many neighborhood BBQs after she served her sentence.
 

mj4cy

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If my kid calls and says "Gabby's gone, I need a lawyer", I'm probably not going to go down the path of helping them cover up a murder.

I often have to check myself that I'm not just stepping in and fighting my kids' battles for them. My son is currently in Middle School and is experiencing his first dose of exclusion from what he thought were his friends. It broke my heart to see him cry when telling me. My first thought was well what did he do wrong? Next thought was I'm going to go give their parents an earful....then I realized all I can do is listen, acknowledge those feelings suck and its not fair to not know why. And also to just tell him to be confident in himself and still be kind no matter what.
 

Cyclonepride

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I often have to check myself that I'm not just stepping in and fighting my kids' battles for them. My son is currently in Middle School and is experiencing his first dose of exclusion from what he thought were his friends. It broke my heart to see him cry when telling me. My first thought was well what did he do wrong? Next thought was I'm going to go give their parents an earful....then I realized all I can do is listen, acknowledge those feelings suck and its not fair to not know why. And also to just tell him to be confident in himself and still be kind no matter what.
That's one of the toughest parts of being a parent. My son is about to turn 26, and I still have that impulse.
 

mj4cy

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That's one of the toughest parts of being a parent. My son is about to turn 26, and I still have that impulse.

It's really tough....no one wants to be excluded....maybe that's why ISU fans are so passionate. We're always told we're not good enough.
 
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Cyclonepride

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It's really tough....no one wants to be excluded....maybe that's why ISU fans are so passionate. We're always told we're not good enough.
All you can do in most of those situations is be there for them, and try to build them up. I always felt like I made it through the tribulations of childhood so well because my family always created a firm home base for me to fall back on.
 

BCClone

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All you can do in most of those situations is be there for them, and try to build them up. I always felt like I made it through the tribulations of childhood so well because my family always created a firm home base for me to fall back on.
You gotta let your kids fail. I’m not saying to flunk grades but do poorly on tests, miss a special function because they messed up somehow, actually sit in detention because of an action maybe they didn’t even do. Trust me, they will learn from this. Actions have consequences and sometimes things aren’t fair and you get hosed. If they learn that failure happens, they will learn how to adjust and pivot from it and not be like a video game where mom and dad hit restart for them.
 

Frog

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I often have to check myself that I'm not just stepping in and fighting my kids' battles for them. My son is currently in Middle School and is experiencing his first dose of exclusion from what he thought were his friends. It broke my heart to see him cry when telling me. My first thought was well what did he do wrong? Next thought was I'm going to go give their parents an earful....then I realized all I can do is listen, acknowledge those feelings suck and its not fair to not know why. And also to just tell him to be confident in himself and still be kind no matter what.
Good for you! We have all been there living it or guiding our kids. These issues started in middle school for both my kids. I was bullied a lot in grade school and first couple years of J.H. and mostly dealt with it on my own so that helped me with my talks with my kids. My wife had a little different approach but her childhood was much different although girls are worse. In my house these talks happened usually at night. I added the phrase time heals all wounds at the end of talks and explained what that meant. Obviously in the moment that makes no sense but after they got older they realized what that really meant.
 

BCClone

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Good for you! We have all been there living it or guiding our kids. These issues started in middle school for both my kids. I was bullied a lot in grade school and first couple years of J.H. and mostly dealt with it on my own so that helped me with my talks with my kids. My wife had a little different approach but her childhood was much different although girls are worse. In my house these talks happened usually at night. I added the phrase time heals all wounds at the end of talks and explained what that meant. Obviously in the moment that makes no sense but after they got older they realized what that really meant.
After the time heals all wounds did you immediately have the sex talk with them and say but not herpes, that stuff there is no heal to, so make sure to wear a rubber? ;).
 

JEFF420

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I often have to check myself that I'm not just stepping in and fighting my kids' battles for them. My son is currently in Middle School and is experiencing his first dose of exclusion from what he thought were his friends. It broke my heart to see him cry when telling me. My first thought was well what did he do wrong? Next thought was I'm going to go give their parents an earful....then I realized all I can do is listen, acknowledge those feelings suck and its not fair to not know why. And also to just tell him to be confident in himself and still be kind no matter what.

my kids are under 4... not looking forward to this. hope im a better person at that age (for them)
 

BCClone

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my kids are under 4... not looking forward to this. hope im a better person at that age (for them)
Be calm and listen first. Also realize that all kids lie to a certain degree (all adults do also) and all kids screw up. The screw ups are learning moments so help guide them through those the best you can. Don’t blame the other kids if your kid gets in trouble, explain that sometimes we have to not follow the leader or do everything our buddy does if we know we shouldn’t. Things like that and you’ll do fine.
 
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BCClone

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Be calm and listen first. Also realize that all kids lie to a certain degree (all adults do also) and all kids screw up. The screw ups are learning moments so help guide them through those the best you can. Don’t blame the other kids if your kid gets in trouble, explain that sometimes we have to not follow the leader or do everything our buddy does if we know we shouldn’t. Things like that and you’ll do fine.
One thing I’ve always told my kids is the punishment gets worse with time. That it’s better to tell me about things right away so I can help/guide them out of the jam then to hope I never find out and it blows up later.
 
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Frog

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After the time heals all wounds did you immediately have the sex talk with them and say but not herpes, that stuff there is no heal to, so make sure to wear a rubber? ;).
Only my son, Chasity belt for my daughter had a lot more years left on the lock so didn't have to say anything. LOL.
 
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HOTDON

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my kids are under 4... not looking forward to this. hope im a better person at that age (for them)
Hearing their age qualifies your original statement in the thread a little better. They are still firmly in your shadow. The lengths you'll go to for them (which should be pretty limitless right now) are based on how little they can do for themselves and how few choices they make of any consequence. That ratio really shifts in the late teens/early 20's and you as a parent become an example and an advisor, not the responsible party. At some point you aren't (or at least shouldn't be) owning their mistakes. The Landries let bad, unbelievably bad, go to worse because they allowed themselves to take some ownership. Panic does strange things. I have to imagine they would do it differently 10 out of 10 times if you asked them now. Without knowing any of them this seems like a kid who never fully left the shadow of his parents. Whoever's fault that was.
 
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