Friday OT - Am I the A-Hole?

[Al_4_State]

My in-laws grew up in and around Town A. My wife was raised either in town or just on the outskirts. My MIL worked right in town her entire career.

When my wife was in college, they moved to an acreage about 10 miles out of town, where they still live. This acreage’s 911 address is in Town B, where they didn’t work.

After making the move, my MIL kept a PO Box in Town A, and had everything shipped there. Now that she’s retired, she doesn’t go to town everyday so it’s less convenient to have the PO box. My MIL is convinced because her physical address is in Town B, but the PO Box is in Town, if she puts her address down for delivery, things won’t get delivered to her actual address.

My wife and I live 45 miles away, but my wife works in Town A. My in-laws now have all of their parcel packages delivered to OUR house. My wife throws them in her car, and my MIL drives into Town A to get them from my wife’s car.

I personally think this is absolutely certifiably insane. Once when we were on vacation in the winter, one of their packages was delivered to our house with freezable contents. I had to call a buddy to come by and drag it into our garage. On a Saturday. It just creates another layer of things for my wife to take care of that she doesn’t need. To me, this is pointless and crazy.

There’s no god damn way that the various delivery services won’t go to their house. They live directly on a large Federal Highway (US 63).

I want to order a package and have it delivered to their home, just to demonstrate that it’s possible. My wife got pissed and said I was only doing it to a prove a point and shame her parents for their irrational behavior (she acknowledges to me that this is insane). At this point I just really want to know if there IS some crazy reason that packages don’t get delivered there. There’s a slight chance my MIL is right, and I legitimately don’t want to judge her behavior as neurotic if it isn’t.

I’ve decided to order them a gift online and have it shipped. I’ll do it so they’re the recipient, and it’s anonymous. When they get it, I guarantee they will say something to my wife about the anonymous gift they got out of the blue. Since my name won’t be attached, they won’t know it’s me, and won’t assume I’m trying to make fun of them. I will know whether this whole crazy thing is legitimate. Theoretically everyone should win. But my wife will know it’s me, and she’ll be pissed off as all hell.

Am I an ******* for wanting to get to the bottom of this once and for all?

 

[Clonehomer]

Just add them to your Amazon account and start sending everyday things to them until they get used to receiving packages. If they ask you to pick something up for them, send it via Amazon.

But no, you’re not the *******. Old people should not be treated like children because people are afraid to offend them.

 

[chuckd4735]

I don't think so, especially if YOU had to get YOUR friend to come take care of the package while YOU were on vacation. I would just be completely annoyed that your in-laws have not even tried to get packages delivered to their house. If they had tired and there were issues, fine, but they haven't even tried?

 

[pulse]

Yes this is crazy. Do you use Amazon? If so, add them to your address book and order them something. Just tell them the truth about testing shipping. I think the old people will get over the horrible shame of it all.

 

[pulse]

Just add them to your Amazon account and start sending everyday things to them until they get used to receiving packages. If they ask you to pick something up for them, send it via Amazon.

But no, you’re not the *******. Old people should not be treated like children because people are afraid to offend them.

Must be telepathic connection.

 

[kirk89gt]

I think you need to ask yourself if this is a hill you want to die on. It sounds to me, as you explained it, and given the family dynamics’s, even if you “win” and are right, you can / will lose.

To cut to the chase, I would let your wife deal with it (absolve yourself 100% of any responsibilities in the matter and let it go).

If she gets tired if dealing with it, she will see to it that it gets resolved.

The biggest hump to get over with change is getting to the felt sense of unease (i.e there needs to be a compelling reason / push / drive to change). Getting your in laws to / through that would help expedite the process for sure. I think this tactic could help nudge your wife in that direction too.

Also FWIW, sending them some nice perishable items (say meat / or seafood) could go a ways to soften the blow too. Make sure whatever it is, it’s your wife’s idea though.

 

[JM4CY]

That is stupid.

 

[HOTDON]

Your wife is enabling the behavior. I assume she knows that, but it's not an matter of intelligence so much as perspective. I would probably land somewhere close to what you are doing. I bet your wife could just straight up tell them they are being ridiculous. She has the lifelong relationship and pattern of interaction to be able to tell them something uncomfortable or embarrassing without it being taken that way. You don't. What you are doing is going to put all of them together on the other side and leave you on an island, which maybe is already the case. Safest bet is getting your wife to understand why this isn't working for her and letting her cut that cord. I'm certain you have tried that.

None of this is high stakes in the grand scheme of things. Send that gift and report back results!

 

[BooneCy]

Oh, **** yes! I just read the title, tho. I’ll go back and read what you wrote.

 

[Cyclonepride]

My in-laws grew up in and around Town A. My wife was raised either in town or just on the outskirts. My MIL worked right in town her entire career.

When my wife was in college, they moved to an acreage about 10 miles out of town, where they still live. This acreage’s 911 address is in Town B, where they didn’t work.

After making the move, my MIL kept a PO Box in Town A, and had everything shipped there. Now that she’s retired, she doesn’t go to town everyday so it’s less convenient to have the PO box. My MIL is convinced because her physical address is in Town B, but the PO Box is in Town, if she puts her address down for delivery, things won’t get delivered to her actual address.

My wife and I live 45 miles away, but my wife works in Town A. My in-laws now have all of their parcel packages delivered to OUR house. My wife throws them in her car, and my MIL drives into Town A to get them from my wife’s car.

I personally think this is absolutely certifiably insane. Once when we were on vacation in the winter, one of their packages was delivered to our house with freezable contents. I had to call a buddy to come by and drag it into our garage. On a Saturday. It just creates another layer of things for my wife to take care of that she doesn’t need. To me, this is pointless and crazy.

There’s no god damn way that the various delivery services won’t go to their house. They live directly on a large Federal Highway (US 63).

I want to order a package and have it delivered to their home, just to demonstrate that it’s possible. My wife got pissed and said I was only doing it to a prove a point and shame her parents for their irrational behavior (she acknowledges to me that this is insane). At this point I just really want to know if there IS some crazy reason that packages don’t get delivered there. There’s a slight chance my MIL is right, and I legitimately don’t want to judge her behavior as neurotic if it isn’t.

I’ve decided to order them a gift online and have it shipped. I’ll do it so they’re the recipient, and it’s anonymous. When they get it, I guarantee they will say something to my wife about the anonymous gift they got out of the blue. Since my name won’t be attached, they won’t know it’s me, and won’t assume I’m trying to make fun of them. I will know whether this whole crazy thing is legitimate. Theoretically everyone should win. But my wife will know it’s me, and she’ll be pissed off as all hell.

Am I an ******* for wanting to get to the bottom of this once and for all?

When the MIL picks up the stuff, does she sometimes get to visit with your wife? My dad will think up reasons that I need to come over, or reasons to call, I think just out of loneliness or because he's missing me. It may be a situation where this is a little excuse for your wife and her mom to see each other more often.

 

[Pope]

Just post your inlaw's address here and we'll all order something to be delivered there. Come on, it'll be fun!

 

[wxman1]

Isn’t marriage great? Situation I am in right now (and somewhat ignoring to see what they say) I had ankle surgery a month ago and got a temporary handicap tag for the car. Now my MIL had a knee replaced the other day and texted me yesterday to see how I got it and if she could borrow it.

Obviously I would assume this is fairly illegal but as far as I can tell there is no identifable info so it would work. More of the principle to me, if you want it do what’s needed to get it legally.

 

[Des Moines Clone]

You are not the *******. After that fiasco of having to have a friend stop by to drag the package in, probably do the same as you. Sometimes you just have to be willing to piss people off, lol

Once they get over it, you'll be in a far less annoying place.

 

[Al_4_State]

When the MIL picks up the stuff, does she sometimes get to visit with your wife? My dad will think up reasons that I need to come over, or reasons to call, I think just out of loneliness or because he's missing me. It may be a situation where this is a little excuse for your wife and her mom to see each other more often.

No, it's in the middle of the work day.

We see my in-laws pretty regularly because our daughter is their only grandchild and they're both retired. My wife is super close with her parents. That's not the motivator at all.

 

[Al_4_State]

Your wife is enabling the behavior. I assume she knows that, but it's not an matter of intelligence so much as perspective. I would probably land somewhere close to what you are doing. I bet your wife could just straight up tell them they are being ridiculous. She has the lifelong relationship and pattern of interaction to be able to tell them something uncomfortable or embarrassing without it being taken that way. You don't. What you are doing is going to put all of them together on the other side and leave you on an island, which maybe is already the case. Safest bet is getting your wife to understand why this isn't working for her and letting her cut that cord. I'm certain you have tried that.

None of this is high stakes in the grand scheme of things. Send that gift and report back results!

She does. She acknowledges privately that this is ridiculous, but doesn't want to create drama with her parents.

 

[Al_4_State]

I don't think so, especially if YOU had to get YOUR friend to come take care of the package while YOU were on vacation. I would just be completely annoyed that your in-laws have not even tried to get packages delivered to their house. If they had tired and there were issues, fine, but they haven't even tried?

I can't get a straight answer about this. My wife says that years ago something got mixed up, but they've lived at the current address since 2006 and have used the PO box that whole time.

 

[mj4cy]

Live your life, not theirs. It is not your responsibility to handle their deliveries because of their choice to where they choose to live. That is something they need to figure out.

However, instead of just randomly trying to get something delivered there, I'd sit down and have a heart to heart look me in the eye convo with them and after that, it is on them if they're upset. You're not doing anything wrong and its a waste of time, resources, and could be dangerous in winter to have your wife run deliveries.

 

[KnappShack]

The older wing of the family still lives in the hometown

Whenever they need almost anything they call my cousin 4 hours away. I live in the same town and never get a call for help.

It happens because my cousin enables it. So if those folks burn down the house or need a freezer or have computer issues or just about anything they call my cousin.

Setting boundaries is acceptable. Trying to send an anonymous package? Your wife will know. She'll know.

 

[NWICY]

Just post your inlaw's address here and we'll all order something to be delivered there. Come on, it'll be fun!

Dildos, dildos every where.

 

[NWICY]

Isn’t marriage great? Situation I am in right now (and somewhat ignoring to see what they say) I had ankle surgery a month ago and got a temporary handicap tag for the car. Now my MIL had a knee replaced the other day and texted me yesterday to see how I got it and if she could borrow it.

Obviously I would assume this is fairly illegal but as far as I can tell there is no identifable info so it would work. More of the principle to me, if you want it do what’s needed to get it legally.

Just have her ask her physician, if he thinks she deserves one, she'll get it.