Toxic Boss - How do you cope?

[Bipolarcy]

I work for an art dealer and my boss is insane. She treats everyone like her personal assistant and is constantly playing mind games. You never know when she will blow up about the slightest issue. Recently she tried to pressure me into attending a New Year’s Day party at her house by suggested that my career “might” depend on it and then guilt tripped me hard for spending NYE with my family.

It has gotten to the point where I feel stupid all the time and am making silly mistakes because my stress level is so high. I’m actively looking for another job but until then I need to survive as best I can. For those of you who are/have been where I am, how do you cope?

For me, it wasn't a boss so much, but the corporation I worked for was the worst. The best example I can give is you have to accrue vacation time. Everyone starts the new year with zero vacation time, no matter how long you've worked there. You have to accrue your time as you work. The number of vacation hours you accrue each week varies depending on how long you worked there.

So if you had planned to take a two-week vacation, starting on Jan. 1, and you got laid off on Jan. 10, you would owe the company all the vacation pay you got because you hadn't accrued two weeks of vacation time yet. You also can't roll over your vacation time to the next year. You have to use it all in the same year it was accrued.

What ends up happening is that no one ever uses all their vacation time. It would be foolish to use it all up in the first six months of the year and not have anything to fall back on if you got sick. So at the end of the year, there's this mad rush in November and December to use up your vacation time before you lose it. Obviously, everyone can't take vacation at the same time, so you have to work your vacation time out with coworkers. *you take these three days and I'll take these two days and two days a week later and you can have the 2 more days here." You can't take whole weeks off at the end of the year, because there's always several other people who need to take time off too. It's nuts. A lot of people lose vacation days because they couldn't get it all taken. Of course, that's exactly why the company has that policy.

This corporation is also known for acquiring new properties and then coming in and stripping staffs down to the bone, sometimes leaving no one to do certain jobs, and we have to scramble to fill the void on jobs no one else was trained to do. It was a mess. One of my coworkers quit because the company was run by idiots and then they laid off the only other person who could do my job right after that. Rather than keep working there and doing it all by myself, I gave my 2 weeks notice the same day they laid off that person and let them know what a piece of **** company they were. They were in panic mode after that and wound up having to hire two people to replace me and even offered me a month's stipend to answer the phone if they had questions on how to do the job, so the net gain was nothing and they actually wound up paying more than they would have had they not laid off that person. Stupid, stupid company.

 

[mj4cy]

For me, it wasn't a boss so much, but the corporation I worked for was the worst. The best example I can give is you have to accrue vacation time. Everyone starts the new year with zero vacation time, no matter how long you've worked there. You have to accrue your time as you work. The number of vacation hours you accrue each week varies depending on how long you worked there.

So if you had planned to take a two-week vacation, starting on Jan. 1, and you got laid off on Jan. 10, you would owe the company all the vacation pay you got because you hadn't accrued two weeks of vacation time yet. You also can't roll over your vacation time to the next year. You have to use it all in the same year it was accrued.

What ends up happening is that no one ever uses all their vacation time. It would be foolish to use it all up in the first six months of the year and not have anything to fall back on if you got sick. So at the end of the year, there's this mad rush in November and December to use up your vacation time before you lose it. Obviously, everyone can't take vacation at the same time, so you have to work your vacation time out with coworkers. *you take these three days and I'll take these two days and two days a week later and you can have the 2 more days here." You can't take whole weeks off at the end of the year, because there's always several other people who need to take time off too. It's nuts. A lot of people lose vacation days because they couldn't get it all taken. Of course, that's exactly why the company has that policy.

This corporation is also known for acquiring new properties and then coming in and stripping staffs down to the bone, sometimes leaving no one to do certain jobs, and we have to scramble to fill the void on jobs no one else was trained to do. It was a mess. One of my coworkers quit because the company was run by idiots and then they laid off the only other person who could do my job right after that. Rather than keep working there and doing it all by myself, I gave my 2 weeks notice the same day they laid off that person and let them know what a piece of **** company they were. They were in panic mode after that and wound up having to hire two people to replace me and even offered me a month's stipend to answer the phone if they had questions on how to do the job, so the net gain was nothing and they actually wound up paying more than they would have had they not laid off that person. Stupid, stupid company.

Makes me glad I work from home now. I had two office jobs and couldn't stand the typical office policies ect...nothing as bad as you mention but yeah definitely was in the boat of "great I have all this vacation but no time to use it". At the same time the boss would then tell us he doesn't want to reinburse us for unused time so to use it....

Now my current company has the model we don't account for any time off. We simply just don't work when we don't work. I found that I probably take the same vacation as before but I don't feel guilty about it. My boss actually yelled at me for checking work email last year on a vacation.

I truly think no one should wake up and hate/dread their day. There is a "dream" job for all if you are willing to work for it.

 

[SpokaneCY]

Mine wasn't a bad boss, but instead was a good company that went bad and just turned generally terrible. Outsourcing was the key cog, I was the leftovers. Almost everyone else was simply let go.

My health results were similar to yours - blood pressure through the roof, anxiety, depression. It happened so slow over the course of a couple of years that I didn't realize how bad it had gotten. I woke up one morning and realized I had turned into a miserable SOB, and the job was the single reason why.

I took an unscheduled week off, which is something I never do. About six minutes into that week off I had decided that I was going to quit. A few days into that week off, I felt immensely better. Quit the following Monday.

Except that didn't work out. Due to all of the changes they had made over the last couple of years, I had morphed from a cog in the machine to the only guy that knew anything. They asked me to give them 2 months instead of the normal two weeks to figure something out. I told them I would give them six weeks, I would show up to the morning meeting, I would make sure email was up to date and knock out some things, then I was going to check out for the day after a couple hours of work. I was salaried and they agreed.

During the six weeks, they continued to beg and plead. They asked for a number to keep me around and I told them I wasn't interested. I was done. They kept pushing. I told I would give them six months, and I gave them a big number. Apparently it wasn't big enough - they immediately agreed. I had screwed up. The money would be great, but I still had to ****ing work there. But I could survive six months, right?

Those six months almost killed me. If I didn't work all six months, I forfeited the bonus. I did still get my normal salary, but after about four months I was ready to crack up. I completely shut down. I didn't felt like I did a damn thing the last two months but no one said a word.

I made it the six months, and I got my money (though that was a struggle and lawyers were called but never retained). I "worked" another two weeks and realized this was stupid. I quit again. Another s***storm followed. I told them no numbers, no two months, no nothing - two weeks and I was done. They said they didn't expect me to quit after paying me the bonus. I asked them what was different from six months ago. Silence.....

I was a wreck. It's been a year and I'm almost back to normal, but it has taken a lot of mental conditioning. I had a lot of bad habits to break, my work ethic and confidence was shattered. Lots of personal retraining has happened and I feel good in the morning. I hadn't in a long time.

At crappy job, I started at 6am. I realized I was staying up until 2, 3 or 4 in the morning...because the moment I fell asleep, the very next thing to happen was that crappy job. The longer I stayed up, the further away it was. That is when I knew I was completely screwed.

Tough story... One thing I noticed after my event was that I was still a company guy but now only on my terms. I still get passionate about projects but not to the point of working nights and weekends. Every one of us hates our job from time to time but when there was just dread about the alarm going off and knowing what you'll be faced with it became too much.

My lesson was the company will always protect the brand. Every company says the "people" matter, but if you're just 1 person and your beef is with a "superior" then there are no great battles to be won - just fought.

 

[CascadeClone]

Your job satisfaction is a triad of 3 things:
1) the work you actually do
2) the environment you work in (people, stress, physical surroundings)
3) pay and compensation

If 2 of those things are good, you can manage the bad one. e.g. if you love your job and the people you work with, you can deal with low pay. Or if you hate what you do, but love your co-workers and get paid great, that's OK too.

My son told me this, and I thought it was wise beyond his years (and also his general level of wisdom, for that matter).

 

[cowgirl836]

I work for an art dealer and my boss is insane. She treats everyone like her personal assistant and is constantly playing mind games. You never know when she will blow up about the slightest issue. Recently she tried to pressure me into attending a New Year’s Day party at her house by suggested that my career “might” depend on it and then guilt tripped me hard for spending NYE with my family.

It has gotten to the point where I feel stupid all the time and am making silly mistakes because my stress level is so high. I’m actively looking for another job but until then I need to survive as best I can. For those of you who are/have been where I am, how do you cope?

That is literally an example from our sexual harassment training video.

 

[cowgirl836]

@Peter our town is a great place to work, there have to be so many better opportunities for you around here. If need someone to review/edit a resume, let me know, I like doing that kind of stuff.

 

[CYdTracked]

The whole iHeart media and KXNO mess the other week is a perfect example of how upper management with big corporations can be out of touch with some of the decisions they make that affect people that put in the hard work that keeps things running. My wife and I work for the same large company and her and I have had several conversations over the years as I have always felt that you are just another employee number in the database while she sometimes gets so consumed in her work she almost feels like she can't take a day off sometimes. My comment to that usually is our company will still be in business if you take time off, it's not like things will crumple and they close the door if you miss a few days. They also would not blink an eye if they just let us go one day as we're all very replicable whether we want to admit that or not.

I've been fairly lucky in my over 16+ years to have had just 3 managers and none were horrible. First manager could sometimes be a bit too much of a micromanager and nitpick over dumb things but for the most part was fair and easy to work for. Second manager had too many responsibilities to handle and was way too hands off and hard to get an answer out of when you needed his backing for something. Even told him one time when he actually picked up the phone I was shocked I got him because usually I have to leave a message or shoot him another email. Current manager is pretty hands off too but never had had a problem going to him an getting a prompt response when needed so as long as you are doing a good job you don't hear from him much. Unfortunately that approach some of my co-workers take advantage of and slack off or don't put in a full 40 hours sometimes which is frustrating because those of us that don't abuse the loose environment we have wind up getting stuck cleaning up their messes when they take time off. Overall feel pretty fortunate to have had the work situation I have had over the years because I know of many that have overbearing managers and hate their jobs but feel they have no choice but to gut it out.

 

[weR138]

I work for an art dealer and my boss is insane. She treats everyone like her personal assistant and is constantly playing mind games. You never know when she will blow up about the slightest issue. Recently she tried to pressure me into attending a New Year’s Day party at her house by suggested that my career “might” depend on it and then guilt tripped me hard for spending NYE with my family.

It has gotten to the point where I feel stupid all the time and am making silly mistakes because my stress level is so high. I’m actively looking for another job but until then I need to survive as best I can. For those of you who are/have been where I am, how do you cope?

Step 1. You'v got it covered, you're looking for other work.

Step 2. Breathing exercises, in and out from the diaphragm five count in, five count out.

Step 2B. Counting to ten.

Step 3. Plenty of sleep. When I was where you're at I made a commitment to get eight hours minimum and actually did pretty well at it and not thinking about work (which is really hard).

Step 3B. Good diet. Some people binge with stress, some lose all appetite. I hardly ate..but when I did I committed to healthy food.

Step 3C. Go to the gym or run. You can skip this if you don't do it already.

Step 4. Stop being afraid of being fired. If you are fired you'll get unemployment insurance.

Step 1 again. Time spent finding a new job takes precedence over your current work duties. If you get fired, so be it. But you have to work on getting out, asap.

You can't cope forever. Get free.

 

[isufbcurt]

 

[ISUTex]

shes 71 years old and maybe senile. Some maybe into that, idk.

Quit. Create your own art. Tape your shoe to something. It could sell.

Seriously though, find a new job ASAP and put up with it until you do.

 

[EvilBetty]

I moved from iowa to colorado for a job with nothing that wouldnt fit in my car. Boss was so toxic that i quit within 1 month.

It was an extremely small company so i organized an impromptu exit interview and tactfully told him that he was miserable and he treats his employees the way he feels. I was leaving directly because of him.

We made up and had a beer here and there after the split. A year later i ended up working for him again as he had clearly heeded my words and worked on being a better employer. We still keep in contact.

Some people dont realize who they really are until they are told by someone else.

 

[Macloney]

Your job satisfaction is a triad of 3 things:
1) the work you actually do
2) the environment you work in (people, stress, physical surroundings)
3) pay and compensation

If 2 of those things are good, you can manage the bad one. e.g. if you love your job and the people you work with, you can deal with low pay. Or if you hate what you do, but love your co-workers and get paid great, that's OK too.

My son told me this, and I thought it was wise beyond his years (and also his general level of wisdom, for that matter).

I have also heard of the "triad" that you listed and have actually used it in interviews when the "what are you looking for?" question comes up. It has killed every time.

 

[mywayorcyway]

I moved from iowa to colorado for a job with nothing that wouldnt fit in my car. Boss was so toxic that i quit within 1 month.

It was an extremely small company so i organized an impromptu exit interview and tactfully told him that he was miserable and he treats his employees the way he feels. I was leaving directly because of him.

We made up and had a beer here and there after the split. A year later i ended up working for him again as he had clearly heeded my words and worked on being a better employer. We still keep in contact.

Some people dont realize who they really are until they are told by someone else.

I have never heard a story like that before, but it is good to hear. Nice work.

 

[Peter]

Got laid off this week by my psycho boss so I guess the circle is complete. She owns a house in Italy, an apartment in Paris and a condo on lake shore drive in Chicago, but somehow can’t find a way to keep paying me my small salary. I was doing two jobs for her at half of what I should be making but somehow I’m expendable. I will never again give my labor away like that.

 

[CyBri]

Got laid off this week by my psycho boss so I guess the circle is complete. She owns a house in Italy, an apartment in Paris and a condo on lake shore drive in Chicago, but somehow can’t find a way to keep paying me my small salary. I was doing two jobs for her at half of what I should be making but somehow I’m expendable. I will never again give my labor away like that.

Are you sure your boss was the problem. You are hired to do a job. Try not complaining about those who hire you.

 

[Peter]

Are you sure your boss was the problem. You are hired to do a job. Try not complaining about those who hire you.

thanks for the hot tip. I just remembered why I have you on ignore. Back you go....

 

[nfrine]

thanks for the hot tip. I just remembered why I have you on ignore. Back you go....

The ignore function must be faulty. Site upgrade issue.

 

[Dopey]

Got laid off this week by my psycho boss so I guess the circle is complete. She owns a house in Italy, an apartment in Paris and a condo on lake shore drive in Chicago, but somehow can’t find a way to keep paying me my small salary. I was doing two jobs for her at half of what I should be making but somehow I’m expendable. I will never again give my labor away like that.

Here’s my job tip. Go join a martial art.

You need to increase your self confidence. Job market is much tougher now than in January, and you let yourself get bullied by a senile old art dealer for 8 months working for 1/2 of what you thought was fair. That’s not her fault.

Good luck to you.

 

[Cybone]

i have been in your exact shoes. I felt liberated when I left that toxic job, people and management. The night I got the news, just over four and a half years ago, I sat down and wrote out what I wanted out of life, goals, etc. It helped me move forward and heal.

That said, congratulations on your new job! Finding a new gig takes patience. I tried to apply for at least 3-5 jobs a day. Contacted headhunters, updated and used LinkedIn, etc. In fact, I got my current job from LinkedIn. Headhunter from California saw my profile and helped me get into the job I have now. The work is similar, but the company is infinitely better.

Best of luck to you, Peter. You got this and will find something that better.

 

[MLawrence]

Try not complaining about those who hire you.

This is a garbage take.