Why is life worth living?

[BWRhasnoAC]

Man... that'd be so hard to do. 11 years together plus a 4 year marriage gone in a month. And even though it may not seem like she's working, what if she is? What if this is just how she's showing that?

Like I said not every situation is the same but I just came to the conclusion she didn't deserve to be with me. You can't be half interested in love and people who are confused or can't make decisions need to deal with themselves before investing in long term commitment. In your situation I would let your 'friend' know how awful it was what he did to you and be deadly honest with your wife. She needs to get her **** together.

 

[cyclone4L]

Just wanted to point this out.....

Your life is worth living, no matter the twists and turns. You will have good days; you will have bad days. It is worth it to live all of them and fight for what you believe in. I'm glad that there is a great family here at CF to help everyone fight through the mud.

I have had too many friends take their own lives when they did not see the light at the end of the tunnel. That light is always there no matter how faint it will be. In a year or two, you will laugh about the struggle and what you overcame. Live for the good days and embrace the bad.

You are worth your best chance and it is never too late to give it.

 

[NorthCyd]

Man... that'd be so hard to do. 11 years together plus a 4 year marriage gone in a month. And even though it may not seem like she's working, what if she is? What if this is just how she's showing that?

Some are giving out some pretty concrete relationship advice without knowing a whole lot about your situation. I think everyone means well, but that doesn’t make it good advice for your situation.

I would say get couples therapy. Mine didn't do much but help us realize our marriage was over, but it helped to have that 3rd party there to facilitate the conversation and get some things said that I'm not sure we could get out on our own. I know some couples that have went through cheating, and I mean way beyond emotional cheating, that were able to work it out and go on to have long and happy relationships. It just depends what the underlying issues are and if those can be worked out. Nobody on CF is really in a position to know that.

 

[Ms3r4ISU]

This ongoing conversation made me think of the safety instructions given on every flight, specifically what to do if the air masks drop from the ceiling.

Put on your own mask first before helping others. Maybe that's the key. Save yourself first. If you try to help another person or a relationship before you are ready, it's less likely all will be OK.

And yes, I pay attention to the flights attendants as they do these spiels, I look at the info piece on the plane and its emergency directions, and I sit in the emergency exit rows when I can. Thank goodness I haven't had to use anything I've learned.

 

[PineClone]

I have not dealt with depression, so can't speak with authority, but will add this one tidbit, FWIW....

If I think about when I feel the best, it's when I'm on a relatively healthy diet, limiting alcohol, and I'm exercising regularly and vigorously. I believe exercising OUTDOORS is the miracle drug. The problem is that, like most, I dread whatever exercise I have planned for the day. So as I type this, I'm dreading my lunchtime bike ride. Especially today, because it's 40 degrees and drizzling. But I would argue that powering through a workout in crap weather (too hot, too cold, raining, snowing, dark, etc.), is even more invigorating. Following a workout, I'm more motivated and have a much more positive outlook on life. I also sleep much better when I'm exercising outdoors.

So, if you're not exercising, you might consider adding that to your day.

 

[BWRhasnoAC]

At some point you have to realize that you are enabling someone to take advantage of you. That's what I had to finally come to grips with personally. Doesn't matter how good you are or how hard you try. It's both people's responsibility to love.

 

[MJ29]

A little tidbit I'll add here for bad days:

- If you think you hate everyone, have a snack.
- If you think everyone hates you, take a nap.
- If you think you hate yourself, take a shower.

I stole it from a friend, and obviously, this isn't a cure all or even a replacement for actual counseling or help, but I've found it is helpful.

 

[bos]

A little tidbit I'll add here for bad days:

- If you think you hate everyone, have a snack.
- If you think everyone hates you, take a nap.
- If you think you hate yourself, take a shower.

I stole it from a friend, and obviously, this isn't a cure all or even a replacement for actual counseling or help, but I've found it is helpful.

Had this happen this morning. I was on a rant and one of my coworkers handed me a pack of pistachios. Solved it. Too funny.

 

[PineClone]

A little tidbit I'll add here for bad days:

- If you think you hate everyone, have a snack.
- If you think everyone hates you, take a nap.
- If you think you hate yourself, take a shower.

I stole it from a friend, and obviously, this isn't a cure all or even a replacement for actual counseling or help, but I've found it is helpful.

Start your day with a shower...Turn it on and immediately dive in. Keep it on full cold for 2 minutes. Similar effect as doing a cold plunge. The first 10 seconds are painful, but you get used to it.

 

[NorthCyd]

Had this happen this morning. I was on a rant and one of my coworkers handed me a pack of pistachios. Solved it. Too funny.

 

[ScottyP]

I have not dealt with depression, so can't speak with authority, but will add this one tidbit, FWIW....

If I think about when I feel the best, it's when I'm on a relatively healthy diet, limiting alcohol, and I'm exercising regularly and vigorously. I believe exercising OUTDOORS is the miracle drug. The problem is that, like most, I dread whatever exercise I have planned for the day. So as I type this, I'm dreading my lunchtime bike ride. Especially today, because it's 40 degrees and drizzling. But I would argue that powering through a workout in crap weather (too hot, too cold, raining, snowing, dark, etc.), is even more invigorating. Following a workout, I'm more motivated and have a much more positive outlook on life. I also sleep much better when I'm exercising outdoors.

So, if you're not exercising, you might consider adding that to your day.

Exercising and going outside/nature are great for everyone's mental and physical health.

 

[carvers4math]

Exercising and going outside/nature are great for everyone's mental and physical health.

Pets can also help if you can afford them and are not allergic. Unconditional love and the responsibility of caring for them can be helpful for some people.

 

[DJSteve]

If I think about when I feel the best, it's when I'm on a relatively healthy diet, limiting alcohol, and I'm exercising regularly and vigorously.

Strongly agree with this. Regardless of the exact context, if things outside your control are making for a **** sandwich, I think exercise that gets your heart rate up is one of the best easy ways to help yourself physically/mentally. Gives you some solitude to reflect and game plan future, while simultaneously providing a healthy outlet for negative energy (anger/frustration/etc)... and helps make you physically tired enough to get decent sleep so you're more able to wake up the next morning and look at things rationally.

I'd also echo the recommendations to look into counseling, for yourself and/or as a couple. The proliferation of video chat counseling options during COVID makes this much more accessible (and possibly cheaper) than it was a few years ago, and it's hugely beneficial to have an unbiased third party with some relevant training/experience to help you process and work through stuff. Only you can decide the best path forward for relationship struggles... just remember you can only control one side of things, and be wary of any asymmetry of effort or desired outcome. If you're the only one willing to fight for the relationship, maybe best to cut your losses and move on regardless of how much that sucks in the short term. Things will get better.

Not everyone is wired the same, so you likely need to figure out what works for you... but I also found the book "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" by Dale Carnegie to have some pretty good mechanisms to help me process and move past stuff. It's been a while since I've read it, but my recollection is it's pretty short chapters and organized so you can potentially just read a few that are applicable to your current situation, or you can likely find some summary stuff online if you want the cliff notes version.

 

[stewart092284]

Todays not a good day. It should be. But its not.

Overdrawn, 2 and a half weeks till payday. Credits too low for a loan after the past year.

Good news is early December 7 I'll finally take possession of the house I've been in the process of renting to own for 5 years. So I won't have rent payments. I just don't know how I'll get to payday and everything else. Don't own the car, etc.

Financially, its just a mess. Not sure how I'll take care of myself or my dog but hopefully I'll figure it out.

I hope everyone hangs in there. I know I'm not the only one in a tough spot... I just... as with everyone who faces adversity and a tough spot, I just can't believe this is where I am at in life.

 

[Old87]

Todays not a good day. It should be. But its not.

Overdrawn, 2 and a half weeks till payday. Credits too low for a loan after the past year.

Good news is early December 7 I'll finally take possession of the house I've been in the process of renting to own for 5 years. So I won't have rent payments. I just don't know how I'll get to payday and everything else. Don't own the car, etc.

Financially, its just a mess. Not sure how I'll take care of myself or my dog but hopefully I'll figure it out.

I hope everyone hangs in there. I know I'm not the only one in a tough spot... I just... as with everyone who faces adversity and a tough spot, I just can't believe this is where I am at in life.

Hang in there. You can and will get through the financial issues. Just like a winning football or basketball team, success starts with self discipline. Do you have a monthly budget? Do you stick to the budget? A wise person once said that a budget is where you tell your money what to instead of wondering where it went. It takes time, but you can get it turned around with a good plan going forward. Keep after it, we know that you can be Cyclone strong and will reach your goals.

 

[stewart092284]

I do, but I'm over budget. And I can't really get under until sometime in December. Everything built up with credit and debt last year with mom's illness. My dog, who was a gift 11 years ago to me when I was - severely depressed and not far from - finding a different way out - is a diabetic so he's expensive but he is the only reason I'm here today. So I struggle not paying for his care. Because he saved my life, literally. Medicine, therapy, nothing else had worked except for a little silly ball of fluff that played with worms and leaves and snorts when he rolls on the floor. And then I helped a friend, a lot. But they needed help And I thought - wrongly - I thought I could afford to.

When I get paid, I struggle staying in budget, its such a struggle to month, I want to go buy things I couldn't get two weeks ago. So I burn through it. I don't waste it. Its bills, food, insulin and dog food, etc. I don't gamble, I don't drink, I don't another alternative medicine, etc. I wasn't able to find a second job, and then some more bills pop up -

its my mess. Its just - when I think I find a way out - it only seems to drag me back under further. Which is a song thats been song a million times and will be sung a million times again unfortunately. Back when I played the lotto - I used to joke with my mom I didn't want to win the jackpot. I mean, of course, I would have happily done that but I just... I just wish I could find a solution where I could pay a little bit back on my credit and debt, so my score increased, so in a couple months I could refinance the house. Yeah, more debt for me but I don't want a easy way or a quick fix. I just want to feel like I have a way out. And I don't right now.

A few years ago I changed lanes at work in the pursuit of happiness - makes sense, right? But that coupled with no longer having a roommate - was a loss that I never recovered. Coupled with inflation then her getting sick, etc, etc. And now Im on the titanic with a leaky bucket.

But its life. I've never been that good at it.

Its gonna be a long 2 weeks but it is what it is.

 

[MJ29]

I do, but I'm over budget. And I can't really get under until sometime in December. Everything built up with credit and debt last year with mom's illness. My dog, who was a gift 11 years ago to me when I was - severely depressed and not far from - finding a different way out - is a diabetic so he's expensive but he is the only reason I'm here today. So I struggle not paying for his care. Because he saved my life, literally. Medicine, therapy, nothing else had worked except for a little silly ball of fluff that played with worms and leaves and snorts when he rolls on the floor. And then I helped a friend, a lot. But they needed help And I thought - wrongly - I thought I could afford to.

When I get paid, I struggle staying in budget, its such a struggle to month, I want to go buy things I couldn't get two weeks ago. So I burn through it. I don't waste it. Its bills, food, insulin and dog food, etc. I don't gamble, I don't drink, I don't another alternative medicine, etc. I wasn't able to find a second job, and then some more bills pop up -

its my mess. Its just - when I think I find a way out - it only seems to drag me back under further. Which is a song thats been song a million times and will be sung a million times again unfortunately. Back when I played the lotto - I used to joke with my mom I didn't want to win the jackpot. I mean, of course, I would have happily done that but I just... I just wish I could find a solution where I could pay a little bit back on my credit and debt, so my score increased, so in a couple months I could refinance the house. Yeah, more debt for me but I don't want a easy way or a quick fix. I just want to feel like I have a way out. And I don't right now.

A few years ago I changed lanes at work in the pursuit of happiness - makes sense, right? But that coupled with no longer having a roommate - was a loss that I never recovered. Coupled with inflation then her getting sick, etc, etc. And now Im on the titanic with a leaky bucket.

But its life. I've never been that good at it.

Its gonna be a long 2 weeks but it is what it is.

If you're struggling with your dog's care, I suggest looking into Waggle -- https://www.waggle.org/.

 

[madguy30]

Todays not a good day. It should be. But its not.

Overdrawn, 2 and a half weeks till payday. Credits too low for a loan after the past year.

Good news is early December 7 I'll finally take possession of the house I've been in the process of renting to own for 5 years. So I won't have rent payments. I just don't know how I'll get to payday and everything else. Don't own the car, etc.

Financially, its just a mess. Not sure how I'll take care of myself or my dog but hopefully I'll figure it out.

I hope everyone hangs in there. I know I'm not the only one in a tough spot... I just... as with everyone who faces adversity and a tough spot, I just can't believe this is where I am at in life.

Maybe it's not possible vs. schedule, doggy etc. and I missed but could you get a 2nd job?

Could help financially and also keep you busy to focus on a task.

 

[stewart092284]

Maybe it's not possible vs. schedule, doggy etc. and I missed but could you get a 2nd job?

Could help financially and also keep you busy to focus on a task.

I've tried. Different jobs, all kinds of jobs, janitor, on line, in person, etc. Had a few interviews - but nothing ever worked out

 

[BoomerClone]

I do, but I'm over budget. And I can't really get under until sometime in December. Everything built up with credit and debt last year with mom's illness. My dog, who was a gift 11 years ago to me when I was - severely depressed and not far from - finding a different way out - is a diabetic so he's expensive but he is the only reason I'm here today. So I struggle not paying for his care. Because he saved my life, literally. Medicine, therapy, nothing else had worked except for a little silly ball of fluff that played with worms and leaves and snorts when he rolls on the floor. And then I helped a friend, a lot. But they needed help And I thought - wrongly - I thought I could afford to.

When I get paid, I struggle staying in budget, its such a struggle to month, I want to go buy things I couldn't get two weeks ago. So I burn through it. I don't waste it. Its bills, food, insulin and dog food, etc. I don't gamble, I don't drink, I don't another alternative medicine, etc. I wasn't able to find a second job, and then some more bills pop up -

its my mess. Its just - when I think I find a way out - it only seems to drag me back under further. Which is a song thats been song a million times and will be sung a million times again unfortunately. Back when I played the lotto - I used to joke with my mom I didn't want to win the jackpot. I mean, of course, I would have happily done that but I just... I just wish I could find a solution where I could pay a little bit back on my credit and debt, so my score increased, so in a couple months I could refinance the house. Yeah, more debt for me but I don't want a easy way or a quick fix. I just want to feel like I have a way out. And I don't right now.

A few years ago I changed lanes at work in the pursuit of happiness - makes sense, right? But that coupled with no longer having a roommate - was a loss that I never recovered. Coupled with inflation then her getting sick, etc, etc. And now Im on the titanic with a leaky bucket.

But its life. I've never been that good at it.

Its gonna be a long 2 weeks but it is what it is.

I don't know your situation but have you tried to pick up a second job? And I don't mean working at a place that's going to pay you $15 an hour which is crap. I make 25-50 an hour cash money at my second job 2-3 nights a week serving tables at a local restaurant. It has helped us out a LOT. I pull in 300-500 a week in cash. It's long days but it really helps wit finances. I work 7am-10pm on days I serve at night but it is worth it for now. Hopefully I can quit that soon but we need it right now.