Serious question: Are kids worth it?

[CloneJD]

Very few have kids and regret it as its our nature to develop deep emotional connections to our children. I’ve forgone a few trips in my life and all my free time but as a father of 6, it’s pretty fun especially as they get a bit independent. It’s really hard at times too so having a spouse who’s truly your partner in life is a must IMO.

 

[BCClone]

Very few have kids and regret it as its our nature to develop deep emotional connections to our children. I’ve forgone a few trips in my life and all my free time but as a father of 6, it’s pretty fun especially as they get a bit independent. It’s really hard at times too so having a spouse who’s truly your partner in life is a must IMO.

6 kids?? You win brother. My wife would have divorced me if 4 happened, would have buried me if 5 I’m certain.

Congrats by the way.

 

[SoapyCy]

Late to the party but we have two and some days I love it and other days I don't miss them when I'm away.

 

[cycloner29]

The more my friends keep popping out kids, the more ******** I hear about all the negatives. My wife and I are in our late 20’s and are eventually planning on starting a family, but everything I hear sounds terrible. For the parents on here, would you do it all again?

If you are asking this question, I don’t think you are ready to have kids.

 

[besserheimerphat]

Also, 2 is fine, 3 is a ******* circus.

With 1 you can play double coverage.
With 2 you play man.
With 3 you are forced to play zone.
With 4 or more, you train the oldest so you can play Cover 2 Man Under.

 

[cmjh10]

The more my friends keep popping out kids, the more ******** I hear about all the negatives. My wife and I are in our late 20’s and are eventually planning on starting a family, but everything I hear sounds terrible. For the parents on here, would you do it all again?

Thanks for bringing this up. This is something I have been thinking about (struggling with?) for a few years now. For a long time, I wanted kids, but, the older I got, the more I realized I dont think I do. Several reasons why, I love my independence, Im the oldest of 4 (3rd parent a lot of days), I have almost 0 patience, plus some other, deeper, more personal reasons that Im not sharing on here.
The gf is passionate about having kids, and I have told her I dont want them. She thinks its just a phase, maybe she is right, but I dont think so. Her mom has made some comments recently, I just brush them off and move on.
I have a nephew that is 16 months. Absolutely love hanging out with him, but love it even more giving him back to my sister.

I could go on I guess, should wrap it up (pun intended), turning into a Sig post. Do what you want to do I guess. Dont get pressured either way. No wrong answer, just let it be your decision.

 

[dafarmer]

Yes, and wish we had them earlier. Late 30's-early 40's, but didn't get married till 36.

 

[ISUAgronomist]

The gf is passionate about having kids, and I have told her I dont want them. She thinks its just a phase, maybe she is right, but I dont think so. Her mom has made some comments recently, I just brush them off and move on.

I'm sure you know this but make sure this topic is completely hashed out and settled before considering getting married.

 

[Cyched]

The gf is passionate about having kids, and I have told her I dont want them. She thinks its just a phase, maybe she is right, but I dont think so. Her mom has made some comments recently, I just brush them off and move on.

Which brings up another point; there's plenty of people that have kids before they're "ready" because they feel like they're being pressured. Don't do that.

(not a comment on your situation, just a general observation)

 

[Dopey]

Yes, and wish we had them earlier. Late 30's-early 40's, but didn't get married till 36.

I think this life timeline is becoming more of the norm, though. Certainly nothing wrong with it.

 

[Dopey]

Which brings up another point; there's plenty of people that have kids before they're "ready" because they feel like they're being pressured. Don't do that.

(not a comment on your situation, just a general observation)

Kids also won't "fix the relationship"

 

[Rabbuk]

I think this life timeline is becoming more of the norm, though. Certainly nothing wrong with it.

This is how it is in Chicago for the most part, people spend their 20s and 30s building the resources to have kids in their early 30s. Here it is like all my friends got married to their first spouse at 22 and are on their way to spouse 2 as we approach 30.

 

[cb1030]

Have a 9 month old and a three year old. My wife sometimes talks about wanting a third, but I sarcastically remark that if she wants that third it won't be with me. Remodeling a home on top of all the energy thats been required of me to be an equal partner and parent feels like its aged me at about double what I was used to prior to having a kids.

All that said, being a parent is the most touching and rewarding experience I've had in my life. It's hard to describe how you can deal with constant challenges, and the resulting cumulative fatigue from them, but still feel the sentiment above. Every time my oldest tells me she loves me I forgive any notion that she's been a pain in the ass, as any kid undoubtably is. The truth is you start to see and think of yourself more in a collective sense with your children. You feel a vested interest in their struggles, but with that comes the sweet reward of true unbridled love.

But yeah, two kids is enough for me.

 

[HFCS]

I'm married without kids (early 40s) and I get reaction from people (not people I'm close with) like someone just tragically died. I laugh it off, but I'd be well justified to tell them to F off because it's insanely judgemental.

I try to be sensitive around parents my age because I respect what must be very difficult challenges, and the world needs amazing parents more than anything, but sometimes the lifestyles are just destined to clash.

 

[besserheimerphat]

In seriousness, having kids is amazing. You will never have more pride in and love for anything. The love you have for your children (biological or otherwise) is unique. It's a hell of a lot of work, especially early on, and there's no guarantee that won't keep them from making some pretty big mistakes. They are a reflection of you, all your good stuff and all your faults and they will test you like no other. But the work makes the good times worth it.

 

[HFCS]

Have a 9 month old and a three year old. My wife sometimes talks about wanting a third, but I sarcastically remark that if she wants that third it won't be with me. Remodeling a home on top of all the energy thats been required of me to be an equal partner and parent feels like its aged me at about double what I was used to prior to having a kids.

All that said, being a parent is the most touching and rewarding experience I've had in my life. It's hard to describe how you can deal with constant challenges, and the resulting cumulative fatigue from them, but still feel the sentiment above. Every time my oldest tells me she loves me I forgive any notion that she's been a pain in the ass, as any kid undoubtably is. The truth is you start to see and think of yourself more in a collective sense with your children. You feel a vested interest in their struggles, but with that comes the sweet reward of true unbridled love.

But yeah, two kids is enough for me.

I don't even have kids and remodelling home this year for the first real time plus extra workload from covid issues about had me in a seriously bad mental state for the first time in my life.

 

[abd4cy]

I have a 1 and a 5 year old. I was on the fence about having any, then I thought I was done with 1(officially done at 2, I made sure if it). I will say there are a lot of times I complain about it, but then there are the moments that make everything worth it. Today is my 1 year olds birthday, and the photo of him wearing his first ISU hat with me smiling makes it all worth it. You may think the special moments are few, but when you think about it you realize they are daily. I would never change it. Of course my life changed, but I have managed to keep all of my hobbies. I do them less now, but I still find time. So as much as everything changed, a lot is still the same.

 

[burn587]

I'm married without kids (early 40s) and I get reaction from people (not people I'm close with) like someone just tragically died. I laugh it off, but I'd be well justified to tell them to F off because it's insanely judgemental.

I try to be sensitive around parents my age because I respect what must be very difficult challenges, and the world needs amazing parents more than anything, but sometimes the lifestyles are just destined to clash.

People pressuring others to have kids is the worst. My side of the family had stayed out of that, but my wife’s was brutal for quite a while. I briefly toyed with the idea of telling them I was infertile to make them feel like ********. Eventually took us telling them that their opinion was noted but would have zero bearing on our decisions. They shut up after that.

 

[besserheimerphat]

For the record, I have 4 kids ages 15, 14, almost 12 and 4. We have gone through a lot of issues that most people won't face (A LOT, just trust me) and I still think it's worth it.

 

[cytor]

Thanks for bringing this up. This is something I have been thinking about (struggling with?) for a few years now. For a long time, I wanted kids, but, the older I got, the more I realized I dont think I do. Several reasons why, I love my independence, Im the oldest of 4 (3rd parent a lot of days), I have almost 0 patience, plus some other, deeper, more personal reasons that Im not sharing on here.
The gf is passionate about having kids, and I have told her I dont want them. She thinks its just a phase, maybe she is right, but I dont think so. Her mom has made some comments recently, I just brush them off and move on.
I have a nephew that is 16 months. Absolutely love hanging out with him, but love it even more giving him back to my sister.

I could go on I guess, should wrap it up (pun intended), turning into a Sig post. Do what you want to do I guess. Dont get pressured either way. No wrong answer, just let it be your decision.

If you truly dont want kids and are 100% positive about it, you need to cut your GF loose immediately. She's not going to change her mind and it's not fair to keep her hanging.

That happened to a friend of mine and thankfully for her she found someone else to marry and had 2 boys. She's very happy being a mom and a wife.
I wish you the best regardless of what you end up doing. Cheers!