***Official Insider Information Weekly Mailbag 11-18-2020***

[GTO]

First and foremost, a few links:
Our official question submissions thread: https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...n-weekly-mailbag-questions-submission.251174/

Link to last five mailbags (if bored and need some reading material):
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-02-05-2020.254733/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-02-12-2020.254868/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-02-19-2020.254989/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-02-26-2020.255103/

***Official Insider Information Weekly Mailbag 03-04-2020***

First and foremost, a few links: Our official question submissions thread: https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/threads/the-insider-information-weekly-mailbag-questions-submission.251174/ Link to last five mailbags (if bored and need some reading material)...

cyclonefanatic.com

Insider Information Weekly Mailbag 11-18-2020
With special guests Angie and Mr Janny!
Presented by…Four Seasons Sperm Whale Removal​

@Cyched gets us started with one of his classic brain teasers: How long is a jiffy?
Angie: The only “jiffy” I recognize is the lube one.
Janny: A jiffy is slightly longer than a “skosh”
GTO: a jiffy is a unit of time longer than a jiff and twice as long as JIF. Or is it creamier than JIF? Actually, now that I think about it, it goes JIF (smooth), jiff (chunky), and jiffy (basically a jar of peanuts).
Pants: This is an unpopular hot take, but I don’t understand the appeal of chunky peanut butter. If I want to eat peanuts, I’ll just eat some peanuts. I don’t need to smear them on bread to do so.
Angie: Okay, even more unpopular hot take - I think that people are overdoing the whole peanut-butter-and-chocolate thing. There are better combos by far for dessert, IMO. It’s too rich, it sticks to the roof of your mouth, it is like eating mud. I am not mad at a Reese’s or whatever, but in small amounts.
GTO: Angie - I’m with you. I never cared for the pb-chocolate combination in anything, don’t even like Reese’s cups. However, Reese’s Puffs cereal is the best cereal of all time. Pants - sorry, chunky peanut butter is where it’s at. The real aberration is the “natural” peanut butter with all that oil at the top that you have to mix in every time.
Angie: I’ve never had the Reese’s Puffs cereal, I need to try it! It looks the same in theory as PB Cap’n Crunch? I think there’s a time and a place for chunky PB (like on toast by itself), but smooth for sandwiches, etc. Natural can definitely suck it.
Pants: Chocolate and pretzels is 100% where it’s at. Dot’s pretzels are superior to all, and now they have a chocolate bar with pretzel in it that can’t be beat.

@simply1 piggybacking off an old question by @Doc (BIP - Banned in Peace): Where are girls at?
Janny: I'll defer to Flo Rida on this one.
Pants: Right here. She’s answering questions as one of our guests. I’ll give you a pass on this silly question since our guests weren’t announced yet.
GTO: in this socially distanced world? Not at the bar, church, or clubs. My best guess would be the emergency rooms or (at a safe distance) outdoors. Just make sure to check some full-faced pictures first. With all these masks there’s probably a lot of pretty-eyed butter(lower)faces out there.
Angie: GTO is speaking one of the things that I found curious about “love in the time of cholera.” Are there people out there hooking up with people who only have pretty eyes, and then just totally regretting it next morning when they see them sans mask? But girls are everywhere - no offense, guys are sort of just too dumb to see them a lot of the time. We love you, but you aren’t always the most aware individuals ever.
Pants: Wow. I feel seen here.

@CySmurf trying to put the squeeze on a free mailbag: If I find evidence of mail fraud in this mailbag, will you be awarding me $1,000,000?
@Cyched followed up with: When do my questions need to be postmarked by?
@CloneLawman not wasting an opportunity: Should one end one's posts with the word "by"?
Pants: I WON THIS MAILBAG!!! Grammatically speaking, you shouldn’t end a sentence with “by,” though I never really understood what the big deal was. You should also never start a sentence with “and” or “but,” yet I do it all the time anyway. Sometimes I just like to live dangerously.
GTO: any allegations of fraud need to be brought up via press conference outside the Waldorf Astoria Tire and Lube (the one near Hawkeye Payday Loans). Questions need to be postmarked before midnight on Monday nights. CloneLawman’s question: I guess you could say something like “Time just flew by.” Would that be acceptable, or is that considered a totally different type of “by”?
Angie: “By” is a preposition, and you are technically not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition. But who gives a ****, it’s 2020 and there are no rules. Anyone can just declare a coup and refuse to acknowledge the mailbag question process that has been in place for 250 years. You do you!
Janny: Don't blame me. I voted for Kodos.

@cmjh10 observes: Bout ******* time.
GTO: who are you getting ready to fight? And will the bout be televised?
Angie: When ISN’T it “******* time?”
Janny: Is it?
Pants: GTO, I petition to delay this a week just out of spite.

 

[cyrocksmypants]

Oh ****.

 

[GTO]

@Angie with a threesome of questions (questions a trois):
- What bowl do you think is the best we can get, what is the worst? What do bowl games even look like this year (I haven't followed that in particular, I honestly don't know)?
- What is the single weirdest memory you have of your time at ISU?
- Is there anything you didn't do in college that you wish you had - a group you wish you'd joined, a class you wish you'd taken, whatever?
Janny: Is Angie going to answer her own question? Weird. For bowl games, I'll go all in. I think we get to and win the Big 12 championship game, get a New Year's Six Bowl, but fans won't be allowed to attend. That feels about right for Iowa State, and would qualify for both best and worst. Weirdest ISU memory? At a party one time after a football game, I saw someone celebrate the victory by blowing smoke into chinchilla's ear. It was not tobacco smoke.
One thing I didn't do in college that I wish I'd done? This is a hard one to admit, but the answer is "Go to Iowa State." That's right, I'm a tavernclone. Grew up a Cyclone fan, but when it came time to go to college, I went to UNI. I had reasons at the time, mostly related to girls and "19" bars. I spent a lot of time in Ames during those years, and had lots of friends who went to ISU, but I waited until I was done with college to move to Ames.
Angie: Bowl - Honestly, Janny, I don’t particularly care which bowl we go to, because we’re not physically going. Just a good one, and it would be great if we won. I don’t think fans will be there over 1/10 capacity.
Weird - I don’t know that I can answer my own question. But it was pretty sweet when there was a Halloween tailgate and I saw a dude wearing Wolverine adamantium claws spearing a Natty Light through one and drinking it that way?
College wishes - I’m not great at “relaxing.” That’s not really my deal usually. So I guess I wish I had not worried about **** like the honors program or working or whatever, and had instead just had more fun.
Pants: I guess technically as it stands, any post-season game outside of the playoff is more or less within our possibility (even if we won out, we wouldn’t get into the playoff, I don’t think). I didn’t really get along with the Iowa State Daily clique, so I kind of defaulted often to parties that my girlfriend’s friends would throw. And they were all music majors, so just by that fact and that fact alone, most of their parties were weird. Things I wished I did? I guess worked less? I was one of those kids that went to school full time, worked 40 hours and wrote for the paper, so I didn’t get to “live the college life” to the extent many others got to. I don’t necessarily have any regrets, just maybe would have liked to do MORE things.
GTO: Bowl: best bowl available that we can actually win. I loved last year’s bowl, but let’s be honest, we were severely outmatched.
Weird thing at ISU: the guy who jumped to his death off the roof of Friley Hall. I had lunch with the guy at foodservice earlier that same day (one of my friends knew him, but I did not know him personally). Very weird feeling thinking about it after the fact.
College wish: wish I was nicer to some people when I was in college. I was working through some things and feel I was a mean a-hole at times.

@Cyched asks: What happened to Erik and Gunner?
Angie: I think they were just born that way?
Pants: Well, with Gunner, I’d imagine it’s some deep-seeded trauma that at some point caused him to self-medicate to feel as if he has some kind of control. Erik is just weird.
GTO: you are asking us to break the number one rule of fight club. Or whatever the mods call it on their side. Unofficial rumors I’ve heard is that mods blindfold posters, take them to a remote location, and force them to fight to the death. I saw Gunner back, but don’t think I’ve seen Erik. You connect the dots.
Janny: The mods got a package in the mail the other day. Now we don't want to alarm anyone, and we can't prove anything yet, but we think it might be Erik's toe. The crudely scribbled ransom note just said "Coupons". Not going to lie, we're kind of freaking out, here.
Angie: @GTO, Erik’s back, too. I believe they were both two-weekers.
GTO: I’m sure that’s really “Erik” posting. I know about your mod powers.
Angie: You can math yourself out to whatever you want, GTO. I think from now on, we should just call “shenanigans” whenever we need to temp ban someone when they ask why they were banned. “Oh, it was due to shenanigans.”
Pants: I’m just glad there’s never been a time I’ve been banned.

@Ms3r4ISU asks: If there was a new national team award this year for least-affected by COVID-19, who would win?
Pants: Dogs. Definitely dogs.
GTO: Pants - like the Georgia Bulldogs? I will go with the LA Dodgers, just based on their name which implies ability to avoid the virus.
Pants: No, just team dog. Sports are all exhibition seasons this year. Dogs are always for real, though.
Janny: maybe the ghost baseball team from Field of Dreams? They seem to have it figured out. Game never ends. Don't care if there aren't fans. No Ty Cobb. Plenty of corn to eat. Short of a COVID/Scooby Doo team-up, what can the pandemic really do to them?
Pants: This is my obligatory “Field of Dreams” sucks, comment.
Angie: It depends on the definition of “least-affected.” I am going to non-answer this and say “the NBA,” if you mean teams who didn’t spread it. But if you mean “they haven’t let it affect them and charged ahead and got it anyway,” I guess maybe Louisiana Tech? (Time passes.) OH, upon rereading the guys’ answers, I see we’re going with shenanigans. OK, sperm whales. Seems like COVID don’t surf, just like Charlie.
GTO: Janny loses some points for not working in the Harlem Globetrotters somewhere into that Scooby Doo reference.

@CloneLawman with a question about sperm (whales): What is the best way to get a dead sperm whale carcass off the beach?
GTO: easy solution - Day 1 - polar bear day out at the local zoo. Take bears to the beach after skipping breakfast and let them go to town on that carcass. Day 2 - hyena day out. Day 3 - vultures day out. Day 4 - big city alleyway restaurant day out. Etc. until all gone. For the remaining bones, grind them and sell the powder in Asia as an aphrodisiac.
Angie: Get a bigger whale to swallow it.
Pants: Giant tissue. Don’t do a sock, you just have to wash it later and it’s so cliche.
Janny: Let the heathens spill theirs on the dusty ground. God will make them pay for each sperm whale that can't be found.
GTO: is there a specific term for if you get sperm whale on your face? Maybe “blubbershot”?

 

[GTO]

@Cyclones_R_GR8 asks: What's the point of censored pron?
@BoxsterCy adds: Which leads me to, what's the point of Pixilated and Afraid? It's just nudity not graphic sessy time.
Angie: I don’t understand your question, and I won’t respond to it. (Lucille Bluth, 2003)
Pants: Lol, censored porn is definitely Angie’s kink. She just told on herself.
Angie: Are there really people out there thinking, “Man, I really want to see some hardcore action, but without all of those messy genitals. I have JUST the thing!” And by people, I mean people who are not currently the VP.
Pants: I can get the appeal of censored pr0n. It’s the mystery of the unknown. It gives the viewer some sense of creative license in their mind with an act that is otherwise all right there and out in the open. It probably also helps some that feel shame from watching porn feel a bit of “dignity” while doing their deed.
As for Naked and Afraid, the easy answer is that America is such a puritanically based nation that we’re comfortable showing all sorts of violence to our citizens on regular television, yet the nipple of a woman on her breast, a body part that isn’t even a sexual body part other than the fact that someone somewhere decided to sexualize it, is cause for panic by many. If men can show their nipples, there’s no logical reason women shouldn’t be able to as well. #FreeTheNipple
Janny: Censored pron seems so damned quaint to me. Who are we protecting? In 2020, if you want to see uncensored pron, you can find it, easily. Everyone with a cell phone, tablet, or computer access can see whatever perverted kink they might be curious about. Several years ago, I took my daughter to the library for some function. I had about an hour to kill before she was finished, and so I decided to wander around, to see what the library had to offer. Turns out it’s mostly books. But, of the non-book activities, the computer room was an eye opener. I sat down at a kiosk, and immediately became aware that the person next to me was looking at some hardcore pornography. I looked up from the screen, and the viewer was a kid, maybe 10-11 years old. We made eye contact, and it was so ******* awkward. I didn’t speak a word. Just got up, and walked out of the room. I didn’t know if I should tell a librarian? Was that sort of thing even in their purview? Was that something they dealt with often? Sadly, it probably was. The worst part about it, was that it was clear this kid had no idea what he was doing. Like, he just Googled “boobies, butts, private parts, knuckle, weiner” and just rolled with the first search result. This kid clearly needed guidance, but I wasn’t about to be the guy who got caught passing a note to a ten year old, with the word “PronHub” written on it.
Pants: Haha, yeah, it’s definitely just kids that Google “boobies, butts, private parts, knuckle wiener” and definitely not 37 year old men….
GTO: my question on that - is a fly able to see the pixelated parts clearly but everything else is scrambled, or is that not how fly’s eyes work? Also, I just don’t get the appeal of Naked and Afraid. I can’t really do anything naked. In my underwear? Sure. But not naked. I would spend the whole time concerned about bugs and every other type of critter on my parts.
Angie: I still don’t know what Naked and Afraid is after reading the guys’ answers, but I don’t want to see a weiner with a knuckle on it AT ALL.

@NWICY trying to see where he should place his bets: Your picks for the rest of the FB season? I've got ISU sweeping KSU, Tx, WVU. KSU being the hardest game, TX most likely to be stolen by refereeing, and WVU being the one we should win but might stumble on.
@Ms3r4ISU doing the Lord’s work: What is your question?
Pants: We win out, but two of the three aren’t as “dominating” as ISU fans want it to be so it’s just constant ******** for the rest of the season.
I have lots of questions, Ms3.
Janny: Beat KSU and TX. Lose to WVU. That’s how I see it going down.
GTO: since I’m a Cyclone fan, I alway feel the possibility is there to lose all three games. And I hate that about my Clones. And I’d like to thank Ms3r4ISU for keeping the mailbag posters in line.
Angie: I gave up trying to predict ISU sports a long time ago. I think we lose to Texas because Texas is where the Big 12 gets its money.

@Busch_Latte trying to learn from us old-timers: What is the worst thing about being an Iowa State fan?
Janny: constant woodpecker attacks
GTO: I’m with Angie here. Definitely Iowa fans.
Angie: Iowa fans.
Pants: Dealing with fake fans that leave at halftime.
GTO: nice BDK-era burn, Pants! Janny - I need to hear more about these woodpecker attacks.
Janny: bane of my existence
Pants: Woodpeckers are, or BDK alts?
Janny: Clever girl!

@CloneLawman asks: What is the most difficult question you've ever answered? How did you answer it? Why was it difficult?
GTO: anytime my kids ask anything too profound. Not because I have an issue addressing their question, but because sometimes you don’t expect them to ask questions like that when they’re so young.
Angie: I don’t really know? My kids ask some **** that gives me panic attacks because I don’t want to lie to them or make them dumber by not being correct. Like, last night my daughter asked what the acronyms stood for for VCR, DVD, and VHS. I got each of them right, but I legit got the sweats trying to think it up while driving down University Ave.
Pants: It’s not a specific one, but I have a very hard time sugar coating things. Which makes my job difficult sometimes. So when I’m going to fire someone, or write them up and they sense it coming, and ask me about it, it’s hard for me to beat around the Bush and not just admit they’re going to get **** canned. I don’t really have a shame gland, though, so I think that prevents me from having “difficult” questions I have to answer.
Janny:
Question: Why did my post get deleted?
Answer: Because I don't like you.
...huh, I guess it's not that difficult.
Angie: To expand on Pants’ answer - are you guys as ****** of liars as I am? I’m just awful, my friends often call me “Poker Face Angie” because I cannot lie. Not out of nobility, I’m just bad at it.
Pants: I’m an excellent liar. I just have a horrible memory, so I can get past the initial lie, but if I have to recall it a week later, I’m ******.
Angie: I guess it all evens out in the end, then. Also, Janny’s answer is not untrue.
Pants: If that’s the case, then I’m confused on how I ever have gotten banned.
Angie: It’s not the only way to get banned. But it’s certainly not not a way to get banned.
GTO: I think I’m a pretty good liar, but I use my powers for good. Which mostly consists of telling naive people when someone is lying to them (my wife being one of those very innocent people).
Angie: As a semi-innocent, that is an invaluable service.

 

[Angie]

You are a giant among men.

 

[GTO]

@cmjh10 grossing everyone out: What are your thoughts on dipping mozzarella sticks in ranch dressing?
Angie: It depends on the mozz stick and on the ranch. Certain types of breading go well with a good ranch, but certain types only go with marinara. But whatever it is, it needs a little bit of salt in or on the crust.
Pants: I think I’m not truly from the Midwest because I just do not understand the obsession with ranch dressing.
Janny: I’ve consumed a fair number of mozz sticks with ranch at Welch Avenue Station. I regret nearly none of them.
GTO: what is the state of Iowa’s obsession with ranch dressing? And, to answer your question, that is disgusting. Only marinara with mozzarella sticks. I have done a cheese sauce before, but that is as far as I’ll go.
Angie: To answer Pants and GTO. I’m not obsessed with ranch, but do enjoy it. I think for most of us in the midwest, it was, like, the first sauce to which we were introduced. Or dressing. I’ve always loved “dippable” foods - ranch is the gateway to that, it felt “fancier” than ketchup (it’s not), and so it was embraced by a culture that’s not as quick to jump on new things as maybe other parts of the nation. Sort of like hip hop - we were lucky Vanilla Ice paved the way with his whiteness, or rap was never getting in here. Some people moved on from “Ice Ice Baby,” but maybe more didn’t - same with dipping sauces.
Pants: Angie, the first sauce I was introduced to was whiskey.
Angie: Is that how your parents got you to sleep? I can defend that decision.
Pants: Yeah…..sleep…..

@jcyclonee asks: What if I've figured everything out and don't have any questions?
Pants: Then you’ve reached ascension.
Janny: You win the prize, then. Congratulations, you now control the OASIS. Way to go, beating all of those damned Sixers.
GTO: “Well, I guess there is only one thing to do. Win the whole ****ing thing.”
Angie: Here’s a shiny nickel. Go get yourself a gumball.
Pants: Do Nickel gumball machines even exist anymore? Aren’t they all quarters now? Inflation and all?
Angie: I think all quarters. Nickels and pennies are essentially useless. That’s why I usually leave them in the “take a penny” cup. Or throw them on the ground for children to find and enjoy as good luck.
Pants: I read somewhere that pennies cost like 4 cents to make and if we just took them out of circulation we’d save a ton of money as a country but they’re too worried about how much old people would panic if we did.
Angie: That seems 100% legit to me. I’m going to guess we’ll go entirely digital currency at some point, which will basically eradicate the whole treasury system.
Janny: Old people panic seems like a good reason TO do something. The elderly need a little jolt now and again. Lets them know they're alive.
Pants: Old People Panic is my favorite Ramones cover band.

@Neptune78 asks: I wonder if CMC told Brewer- "You weren't the best version of yourself on that INT, and therefore, you weren't elite. But, you got to see what it looks like in Mike Rose." ??
Janny: I wonder if the guy who came up with artificial grape flavoring ever actually tasted a grape.
GTO: blink once if Matt Rhule was an ***hole, blink twice if he was a huge ***hole.
Angie: Sure!
Pants: I actually really like Brewer. Kid has heart. I feel bad for him because he’s got a glass body. I wish I could cheer for him, but I just can’t cheer for someone that chose to go to Baylor.
GTO: If you think Brewer has a glass body, what would you say is the body composition of Bowman at Texas Tech?
Pants:

 

[simply1]

Note to myself, be better.

 

[GTO]

@madguy30 asks: After December 31st does the calendar flip or does 2020 do the most '2020 thing ever' and just start over or continue?
GTO: Just make sure to have enough toilet paper on hand. I’m pretty sure a glimpse into 2021 will make us **** our pants.
Angie: I think it’s so cute that we all think literally anything will change on Dec. 31. We will just keep Groundhog Day-ing this **** until people are getting the vaccines (not just that we HAVE it, but people get it), and use their masks.
Pants: I think the only thing that will happen is a bunch of people will be partying, probably without masks on, as the death numbers skyrocket to half a million. Angie and Janny, will that get this moved to the cave? Feel free to edit as needed. But I only want the edits to be words started out like they’re swear words.
Angie: Eh, I started it. I don’t think so, we’re just talking about wearing masks, which is a global recommendation at this point. We’ve seen surges after parties (beginning of college school year, Halloween), so it’s just a statistical fact at this point, IMO?
Janny: Time is a flat circle. Buy Lincoln. Alright, alright, alright.

@JHUNSY asks: Most overrated appetizer? Most underrated appetizer?
Angie: Damn, dude, can I put this on “hardest question you’ve been asked” up above? I think that the most overrated appetizer is maybe onion rings. They can be fantastic, but they can also be wildly mediocre and not worth your time or the calories. Wait, cheese bread is even more “meh” to me - it’s got to be some pretty ******* spectacular cheese and world-class bread - I’ll change up to cheese bread for most overrated. Most underrated? Probably jalapeno poppers. Cream cheese is amazing in almost every practical application.
Pants: Overrated is chips and salsa. For that to work it HAS to be good chips and HAS to be not runny salsa. And very rarely do you see that combination. Underrated? Fried green tomatoes.
Janny: Overrated? Potato skins. It's a baked potato in handheld form. Who decided that was a thing?
Underrated? Kung Hom Sabai. Thai appetizer that are basically "Shrimp in a blanket". The Spice, in Ames serves an excellent version.
Angie: I honestly never even rate potato skins - I don’t know anyone who goes and orders them alone without there being an accompanying platter. I assume they’re just sort of a plate filler made from leftover potatoes? I also agree on chips and salsa - there is a reason it’s usually free at Mexican restaurants.
Pants: I can’t think of a single time I’ve ever ordered potato skins and had them be good. They always SOUND good. But I don’t think I’ve ever had them when they were good.
GTO: disagree on the bread or chips and salsa. They’re free and they save me money because I will definitely not order an appetizer if you give me free ones. Most overrated? Any sort of loaded fries. They’re messy and they’re nothing more than a tricked-out side item. Most underrated? Empanadas, samosas, or crab rangoon.
Angie: I don’t think I’ve ever had a samosa.

@coolerifyoudid jeopardizing: In memory of Alex Trebek… Who are three people that have never been in my kitchen?
Pants: I was going to say me, but I know that’s a lie. I’m going to go with Bethany, Jim and Thomas.
Janny: The loss of Alex Trebek has hit me pretty hard. He was an institution. And he never got a chance to visit my kitchen. Nor Art Fleming or Don Pardo.
Angie: Is “my kitchen” an euphemism? Let’s answer either way - Jesus, Mark-Paul Gosselar, and your mom.
Pants: Need one more, Angie. Jesus and Mark-Paul Gosselar are the same thing.
Angie: I love how this kept trying to auto-change “Gosselar” to “Giselle.” They’re both buxom and beautiful and probably a chore to be around. Okay… let’s also add in Freddie Mercury. But that answer is only applicable if the house was built after about 1991. He was in everyone’s kitchens before that.
GTO: For some reason I always feel like saying “Gooselar”. Three people who have never been in my kitchen: Genghis Khan (unless you count leftovers from Genghis Grill), Mike from New Jersey (does Jersey Mikes count?), or Ronald McDonald (wait….). Maybe I did this one wrong.

@Angie with a question for the Insider Information mailbag crew: What made you decide to come back to Mailbag? I am glad for it, but how did you know it was time? (This doesn’t have to be a mailbag question, you can just answer it.)
GTO: Two things happened: my workload at work got pretty heavy and kids were at home for a while, which just made everything crazier. I also seem to veer off CF during that time between the end of basketball and beginning of football season. I spent more time on other forums, but got back here just in time for the election and football season. I do enjoy doing the mailbags, but maybe we do switch to every two weeks to make sure we get enough questions. All credit to @jsb as well, since she was the one to bring it up on CF.
Pants: Shout out to jsb for asking in the Cave. I don’t know if it will go back to being a weekly thing. Maybe we can just do monthly or something. I know GTO makes it look so easy, but there’s a lot of work that goes into it, specifically on GTO’s side. I don’t carry my weight at all here. So it’s partially because workloads changed, we also started getting fewer and fewer questions and fewer responses, so it felt like it was starting to get a little player out and not worth all the effort GTO was putting into it. I love doing it. The behind the scenes of how we interact back and forth with our guests as we answer the questions is a blast to me. Plus I missed my boy GTO. We had a couple of ideas for grand finales. I tried getting Nickels to make a guest appearance, but she hates me now and declined. We also thought about doing a gang bang version with all of our guests at once, but I don’t want to put GTO through that torture or trying to put that all together.

@Angie again: What simple phrase defines 2020 for you? Ten words or less.
Angie: Answer in March: “Out of an abundance of caution.” Answer (apparently) in November: “**** it, let it all burn.”
Janny: "Honey, where are my paaaaaaants???"
Pants: For the love of God. Wear a ******* mask.
GTO: the year of much sh*t and no toilet paper.

@simply1 taking shots at the crew: What's your greatest talent? Besides generally just sucking on a message board…
Janny: Totally useless talent, but I have an innate ability to recognize voices. Like in commercials and animated shows. It pisses my wife off, because we'll be watching TV and I'll be like "I think that's Arsenio Hall" and Angie will grumble and say "Can't you just let me watch The Real Ghostbusters in peace?"
Angie: I’m not the one who received “The Real Ghostbusters” and a pack of beef jerky in a candy heart for Valentine’s Day two years ago.
Janny: a gift from you.
Angie: A very thoughtful and heartfelt gift.
Janny: yeah, like when Homer gave Marge a bowling ball.
Pants: I’m watching this argument happen in real time and am loving it.
Angie: I wish I could say this weren’t representative of real life. But it is.
Pants: Owning the libs.
GTO: either puns or having a photographic memory for objects in a room. Strangely enough, I’m severely face blind. What does that say about me that I’m better at remembering objects than people? I have to meet someone a good 3-4 times before I can picture their face when not around.
Angie: I have a really, really good memory (but not for names or the contents of movies/books/shows). I think a bigger talent would be that I can usually look at things and figure out a way to make them happen - like, spatially. Not on a big scale like an engineer or anything, but more in artistic/creative endeavors. It also helps a lot in IT.
GTO: Are you good at Tetris? My wife is always amazed that I can look at a space and figure out exactly how to pack things and make them all fit.
Angie: I am! Also Dr Mario - did you ever play Dr Mario? I am world-class at it, and it makes Janny shake his head every time. If I see it at an arcade, Janny has been known to go get me drinks and hold them up to my mouth, as I can play for almost an hour off of one quarter. Related, packing suitcases. Our family of four went to Florida for four days, and I got all four of us packed into one suitcase because I will be damned if I was going to pay Allegiant a second bag fee.

@carvers4math observes: Why did the Borat movie remind me of @cyrocksmypants?
Pants: My wife! It doesn’t work as well when I type it and you don’t hear me doing the Borat voice there, but just know that I did do the voice when I typed it.
GTO: well, he’s as hairy as Borat.
Angie: It sure rocked Rudy G’s pants.
Janny: Never met pants in real life, but I'd imagine he has a Borat style moustache.
Pants: I’m growing out the beard right now, but when I shave down to a mustache, I feel like I look more like Hopper from Stranger Things.

 

[cyrocksmypants]

I’m just now realizing how long this mailbag was with how much I know he has left to post still.

 

[GTO]

@GTO asks: If you could make a sequel to any movie, which one would you make and why?
GTO: a sequel to The Thing. Not the prequel from a few years ago, but rather one showing the shapeshifting aliens taking over most of the world and pockets of humanity fighting back. How about The Goonies? Assembling the crew for an adventure as grown ups. Brightburn? I think that one needs a nice sequel. How about Big Trouble in Little China? I’m sure there are a few others I could come up with.
Angie: So, this is a great question. Largely, sequels well after the originals suck (see the current remake/sequel trend), but I’m going to pretend that we could go back in time and do a sequel, like, shortly after the original. And I was going to sound all fancy originally and reference either David Fincher or Wes Anderson, but you know what? “Sky High.” The legitimately cute kids’ movie with Kurt Russell and the kid with dumb hair. That **** needed a sequel.
Janny: Mr. Mom. A stay at home Dad? How hilarious is that? Just a timeless premise. Surprised it didn't become its own genre.
GTO: Hmm… Question for next mailbag will be what two movies would be great if crossed over. Like mixing Mr. Mom with Terminator 2: Judgement Day. Then provide a hilarious plot and new title to go along with the new movie.
Pants: I’m assuming it has to already not have a sequel? Like, I’d love a sequel to The Descent, but a sequel that isn’t The Descent 2 because that sucked. Maybe since Angie went with Sky High, I’ll go with Sharkboy and Lava Girl.
Angie: I’ve never seen that, somehow! Is that what jump-started Lautner’s career? Is it worth showing my ten-year-old?
Pants: I think it’s worth showing anyone of any age. If I remember right, George Lopez is the villain. Or the dad? I can’t remember.
Angie: I’ll look it up on Justwatch! She absolutely loved “Sky High,” and this looks in the same vein.
GTO: Sky High was a lot of fun. Hate to admit I’ve always had a man-crush on Kurt Russell. Probably because I’m a huge John Carpenter fan and he was in a bunch of those movies.
Angie: He’s legit fun in that movie, and he seems to have a good sense of humor about himself. I also like Kelly Preston as an actress (not as a Scientologist). And Dave Foley in an infrequent cameo? Excellent!
Pants: I can’t even begin to explain to you the sadness I felt when I found out one of my favs, Elisabeth Moss, is a Scientologist.
Angie: She is? I had no idea. That is super disappointing. That **** seems evil.

@cyrocksmypants asks: Knowing the guest, I’m going to ask what’s the best band to come out of the 1990s (meaning they formed and gained popularity in the decade).
Angie: Oh man, this is hard. Because there are some just incredible bands that gained popularity then, but formed in the 1980s (three faves would be Radiohead, Beasties had a resurgence, REM gained steam). I guess Pearl Jam formed in 1990, so they’ve got a really strong claim? But you know what - Wu-Tang. Final answer.
Janny: Like Angie said, "Formed in the 90's" is what makes this question tough. That eliminates a lot of "90's" bands. So, what's left? Basically Rage Against the Machine and Marcy Playground.
Pants: The obvious answer to this is Rednex.
GTO: Damn it, Angie! When I read this question yesterday right away I thought: Wu-Tang Clan. Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers) to me was the greatest debut album since GNR’s Appetite for Destruction. I’m sure many will disagree with me. Didn’t RHCP and REM come out in the 90’s as well?
Angie: Every Christmas, all Janny ever wants is sex and candy.
Pants: Just make sure it’s pixelated, you two.
GTO: here's a pixelated c*ck for you:

Angie: GTO - I agree that 36 Chambers is one of the most solid debuts of all-time, and think of all of the amazing careers they’ve had. REM started circa 1980 - back when Stipe had lots of hair. They had lots of albums come out, but mostly college rock until “Green” for the most part, which had “Stand” on it - I believe it was their first big single? (I love REM!) I think RHCP was later than that - I know “Mother’s Milk” was 1989, and wasn’t their first album, but I don’t know when they started. I think a few were friends in high school, if I remember an article I read once? I am pulling that out of my ass, so it might not be at all correct.

 

[GTO]

@mdk2isu asks: How have you spent your time during the Rona? Any new skills you have acquired? Shows watched that are worth sharing? Manifestos written? Etc?
Janny: I rewatched the entire run of the Venture Brothers, after it was cancelled. Seriously one of the best shows ever made. It was a send up of the entire Superhero genre of entertainment, but it was a few years ahead of the cultural zeitgeist, so it's got this weirdly predictive quality to it. Also I perfected my fried egg technique.
Pants: I’ve tried learning a new language on Duolingo. Hawaiian. I started off really strong. Then there was a time I was only doing it just to stop my daily streak from ending. Now I’m back to doing another half hour to an hour a day. 87 day streak so far.
Angie: Pants, buddy, that’s great! I have only really picked it up for the few months before going on a trip, just to get a functional amount of the language - are you planning on heading back to Hawaii?
Pants: I was going to go pre-pandemic. I’m definitely going back at some point. I’ll 100% live there again, but it probably won’t be until after or close to retirement.
GTO: Nothing super exciting. Just completing a bunch of projects that I had unfinished around the house. Don’t know if some of you know or not, but I’m big into arcade machines and pinball machines. I have a handful of them and worked on wiring projects, installing some MAME PCs on them, repairs, mods, etc. Amazing how much time I had on weekends knowing we weren’t going anywhere. Shows watched: The Mandalorian, Star Trek Discovery, and a few others I can’t even remember.
Angie: I’ve kept myself busy 1000 different ways. Took quarantine photos at the beginning that are going to go in the Ames Historical Museum,, then spent some time Photoshopping weird-looking sea creatures into photos from the 1950s to look like monsters. Did a lot of crafts with the kids. Did a giant 3’ x 6’ cross stitch that I was going to hang in our dining room until Janny encouraged our five-year-old to drop kick it. Lately I’ve been embroidering feminist sayings for display in our home, and continuing with photography. I watched “The Good Place” and it is absolutely adorable. Rewatched “The Office,” “Comedians in Cars,” and am picking up where I left off on “My Next Guest.” We finished the second season of “What We Do In Shadows.” Been reading a lot. I don’t like idleness. (Also, I have either eaten or bought my feelings. Follow me for more tips.)
Pants: Loved “What We Do in the Shadows.” Haven’t watched the movie yet, but it’s on my list. But major strange crush on Nadia.
Angie: I can support that, she is pretty and goofy and seems up for anything. The movie is awesome, for sure watch it.
GTO: +1 on the awesomeness of the movie. Haven’t watched the series yet.
Angie: So, I have to also really recommend the series - it’s great. Matt Berry is amazing, in particular.
Janny: Matt Berry is a treasure. I could listen to him read a Denny's menu, and not stop laughing. He's amazing in "Toast of London".

@cmjh10 with the homework for this week: Break the states into their correct region since thats the new rage.
Pants: So part of my rankings isn’t solely on geography, but also the type of people that live there. For example, I’d call Michigan, Ohio and Pennsylvania “the Great Lakes” but Indiana is definitely “The South.”
Maine, NH, Vermont-Northeast
Mass, RI, Connecticut, NY, NJ-New England
Delaware, Maryland, Virginia, DC-East Coast
Indiana, Kentucky, Tennessee, NC, SC, WV, Missouri, Arkansas, Louisiana-The South
Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia-The Deep South
Florida-Florida
Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania-The Great Lakes
Wisconsin, Illinois, Minnesota, Iowa, the Dakotas, Nebraska, Kansas-The Midwest
Texas, Oklahoma-Texas
Montana, Wyoming, Colorado, Idaho, Utah-Big Sky
Nevada, New Mexico, Arizona-The Southwest
Washington, Oregon, California-West Coast
Alaska, Hawaii-non-continental

GTO:
Far Northeast - the Maple States, Supertroopers
NYC and other major surrounding cities - “Rats - The Musical”
Georgia, NC, SC - the Sweet Tea States
Florida and all southern states between Florida and Texas - The Swamp
Texas - Bigger
Ohio, PA, Michigan - abandoned buildings
WV, Kentucky, Tennessee, Arkansas - cousins and moonshine
Iowa, MO, Kansas, OK, MN, ND, SD, NE - CornHub
Wyoming, Idaho, Montana - we didn’t really need all three
Colorado - High
Arizona, NM - Red Rock Mexico
Alaska - Palins
Nevada - sin
Hawaii - beachy
California - Smokey the Bear
Oregon, Washington - woodies

Angie: I’ll give it a shot:
Washington and Oregon: Cold, Wet, Awesome
California: We Are a Lot of Work
Idaho, Montana, Wyoming: Potatoes and Mountains, But I Can’t Tell Which State Is Which
Nevada: Over 18 Only
Utah: 2+ Wives
Colorado, Arizona, New Mexico: We Like Navajo Blankets, But Not Actual Navajos
No Dakota, So Dakota, NE, Iowa, MN, WI: Flyover States
MO, KS, OK, AR: Your Racist Cousins Live Here
TX: Big Hair, Bigger Guns
LA: Sinking Slowly Into the Bayou
MS, Alabama: Still Whistling Dixie
Illinois, Indiana: I’m Losing Interest In This Exercise - They Both Start With I and Are Bigger Than You’d Expect
Ohio, Michigan - Lake Effect
GA, SC, NA - Hot Like An Armpit
FL - Hot Like An Armpit, But With Mouse Ears
TN, KY, WV - We Really Lean Into That Whole Appalachian Thing
VA, Maryland, PA - Every American History Lesson Involves Us.
DE, RI, CT, NH, VT, Maine - We’re Here. And It’s Cold.
New Jersey - Gold Chains And Fake Tans
NY - Mostly Useless Except NYC
AK and HI - Non-Contiguous, Mostly Here For the Tourism
Janny: I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground, before I recognize Missourah!!!

 

[Angie]

I’m just now realizing how long this mailbag was with how much I know he has left to post still.

That freaking pr0n question alone took up an entire post!

 

[GTO]

@VeloClone getting DC Universe dark: Deadpool. Who are 2 or more celebrities to be claimed by the remainder of 2020?
GTO: Again, Angie. I was going to say Mel Brooks as well. My other guess? How about Clint Eastwood? I think he’s 90 years old.
Angie: It makes me sad, but I think Betty White has to be getting close at 98. And maybe Mel Brooks, since Carl Reiner passed. I don’t like this question, it’s bringing me down.
Janny: Bronson Pinchot and Mark Lynn-Baker. Pretty confident on this one. Call it inside information… tied up in my basem….… wait I don't want to give away the surprise.
Pants: I swear to God Angie, if Mel Brooks ever dies, I’m ending it all. I’m going with Clint Eastwood and The Rock.
Angie: Have you watched the “Comedians in Cars” where Jerry eats dinner with him and Carl? It’s the most GD adorable thing ever. Mel doesn’t want to stop performing to let Jerry leave, and it makes me smile. I don’t want the world to not have Mel Brooks. It’s already gone to **** ever since Prince died.
GTO: JFC, Pants also had Clint Eastwood!? I’m taking this to court to have your votes invalidated.
Angie: What is the likelihood of you also picking both of those two, specifically?
Pants: Take it with a grain of salt. I also said The Rock.

@VeloClone still Batman serious: By the time you answer this there will be about six weeks left in 2020. What crazy assed thing(s) that nobody (but you) could predict does 2020 still have in store for us?
Also, will we see some sort of normalcy return in 2021 or is this craziness the new norm?
Angie: There’s going to be some new virus where everyone’s teeth and toenails fall out. Honestly, I think we’re still going to be doing this through most of 2021, because people are afraid about getting the vaccine.
Janny: What is normal? I just want to be able to visit seedy massage parlors again.
Pants: I mean, there’s some cave specific things, but I’ll keep those out of this. Crazy prediction is wild horses take over the eastern part of Wyoming. Normalcy will return toward the end of 2021, but it will be a new normalcy. The life we knew pre-pandemic will not fully return, and I think the sooner we accept that, the better for society.
Angie: I agree with that. A friend who works a lot with teens was saying how several of them were talking about how they want to keep wearing masks after this is done, which is not a bad idea. Kids are adaptable, and they’re learning, you know?
GTO: I have no idea what 2021 has in store, but do want to point out that NormalCy would be a good CF username.
Pants: @normalcy I think it’s already taken.

@Cyched with some sort of question: Big Gulps, huh?
Janny: Can we as a society agree that we're past Jim Carrey? There was a time and a place, and he was the man for the job. But that time is over. And his place is somewhere else now.
Pants: Also an appropriate answer to the sperm whale question.
GTO: I’ve been so over Jim Carrey for the past couple decades. However, he was really good in the Sonic the Hedgehog movie and I really did not expect that.
Angie: I can’t beat Pants’ answer. I’m laughing too hard. Pass.

@JM4CY trying to get in our pants: Boxers or briefs?
Pants: Boxer briefs, because I’m not 10 or 80. Also, MeUndies are legit stuff.
GTO: Boxer briefs guy here as well. Boxers offer zero support and briefs are too constricting. Boxer briefs offer the best of both worlds and none of the drawbacks.
Angie: Briefs?? Women wear “extra briefs,” I guess?
Janny: I was always a boxer guy, but I was given some boxer briefs as a gift once and I have to admit they were pretty awesome. Best Boy Scout troop gift exchange ever!
Pants: Angie, is “extra briefs” a code word for diapers? I mean, if you and Janny are into that, rock on with your bad selves.
Angie: I walked right into that one. I originally had it say something like “very-briefs” or something that you couldn’t make into a diaper and/or water play joke, but foolishly changed it.
GTO: Yeah, you know Pants is 2020 TeeBall Champion.
Angie: Not to belabor the joke… but would it be PeeBall Champion?
Pants: GTO, is it too late to retract Angie’s invitation for this thing?
Angie: I said “Bah dum ching.”

@JM4CY again: You can save one person from ever getting Corona. Who do you pick and why? You can’t live with the person or be family or close friend.
GTO: I know who I WOULDN’T have to save: Solomon Young. Little known to most, Operation Warp Speed had a backup plan which required everyone to be injected with a 0.001% watered down Solomon Young antibody which prevents all diseases. They just hadn’t finished creating a needle strong enough to draw blood from SY. The latest design using a diamond tip keeps breaking.
Angie: Kamala Harris - you stay healthy, girl. There are a lot of young girls’ and POC’s eyes on you. Disregarding the political aspect of whether you agree with her politics or not - this is a big moment for a lot of underrepresented groups.
Janny: Artie Lange. That guy's got enough on his plate, already.
Pants: Georges Niang. I love that dude.

@cyclones500 asks: Will the Mailbag Revival involve having a separate thread each week for questions and another one for responses to the new questions, or one each week for both Q&A, or is it more hip to keep it self-contained to this thread, on to infinity?
Pants: I’m going to defer to Janny on this one.
Angie: So, our range is 0 to infinity? Always infinity.
Janny: Am I supposed to answer this one?
GTO:

@BCClone trying to get us all in trouble: If you weren’t married (or if Pants is dating a SO that counts) to your current spouse tomorrow which one of your spouses friends would you be most interested in?
GTO: I’m with Pants on this. Knowing all my wife’s friends and all their issues is more than enough to keep me away from all of them.
Angie: I love all of his friends, but could not be married to any of them for a variety of reasons. I’d just go full Golden Girls, like my bestie and I are already planning if we outlive our husbands.
Janny: Not going to touch this one. When it comes to matters of the heart, I tend to subscribe to the classic philosophy of "I am married to you. If I was married to someone else, I'd punch that ***** in the throat, and go find you."
Angie: Yeah, we’ve all seen the coffee mug you got me for Valentine’s Day. I think that was the same day I got you the aforementioned Valentine’s heart of beef jerky and “Real Ghostbusters” on DVD.
Pants: I don’t know if I’ve ever been particularly interested in any of my SO’s friends, honestly. I think part of the problem is that I end up finding out all of the “unattractive” things about them, so that clouds my judgement.

 

[GTO]

@cyrocksmypants asks: What’s the strangest YouTube rabbit hole you’ve found yourself falling down?
Angie: I don’t generally go super far down YouTube rabbit holes for three reasons: 1) my kids share my account, so it recommends their weird stuff AND I don’t want it suggesting weird crap to them. 2) I know that, if I go too far down, I’ll never crawl out.. 3) My attention span for shows and stuff is pretty short. So I’m not going to be super-interesting. Most recently, I watched several videos in a row where people suggestively do sign language to the lyrics of “WAP.”
Janny: I watch a lot of historical stuff. I'll start with well known stuff, and go from there. I'll usually come up for air somewhere around the Crimean War, but for me a good youtube hole ends with me stumbling to bed at 3 AM. There's also this guy that has an entire show where he dry ages different kinds of meat for a really long time, and cooks it later to see what happens. I end up checking in with him every so often. It's fascinating.
Pants: I recently fell into a rabbit hole of Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly known as multiple personalities). One of the videos was recommended to me by the algorithm because it featured the song of a musician that I like, and then I just got lost in it. Really interesting stuff. Probably the biggest thing I learned was that they’re fully aware of their “alters” and what they do. And often the alters come about through trauma. So the woman in the video had like, 20 different alters. And one of them was a “sexual alter” which was an over sexualized personality, but came about as a “protector” through a rape, so now whenever the “main personality” is dealing with a sexual situation she’s not comfortable with, the sexual alter will come out to protect her from having to experience it by taking on the experience herself. Super interesting stuff.
GTO: Most of the rabbit holes on YouTube for me involve music or movie trailers. Don’t even get me started on Honest Trailers. Once I start on those, I watch way too many of them.
Angie: So… I’m the only one vacuous enough to watch sign language “WAP.” Got it.
Pants: Just because I didn’t know it existed doesn’t mean I’m not going to watch it after this. Though I’d rather watch the sign language paired with Ben Shapiro’s reading of the lyrics.


@cyrocksmypants acting like we don’t have to answer all these questions: Should I use this $80 off HelloFresh coupon I got in my email?
Janny: as the primary cook in our house, I've been curious about these services. It's easy to fall into a rut with meal planning, and this might be a way to change things up. Still my son and wife are insanely picky, so I'm not sure how it would go over.
Pants: I decided not to. Even with the $80 off, it was still $50 bucks a week for 6 meals (3 meals for two people) and you still even have to get groceries.
GTO: We did Blue Apron a couple of years ago and did not see the benefit. I thought they were supposed to be easy-to-make meals to save time, but the only time-saving is buying the ingredients. You still need to do all the rest of the work. Not worth it.
Angie: 3 different meals is $50, two servings each? I mean, is it better than Olive Garden takeout? That’s admittedly an incredibly low bar - but, like, is it better-tasting than getting takeout, and DO you get takeout? You still have to make them? I’m very confused by the premise - I don’t like going to restaurants where you have to cook your own meat, that is why I’m at a restaurant. Don’t do it. @Mr Janny - I’m not “insanely picky” anymore. I’m a little picky, but the bigger issue is that I’m a moody eater.

@Angie surprises with this question: How much is a month? Janny is the cook, so I don’t even know. I am like a little emperor in the grocery store, out of touch with how much everything should cost.
Pants: So all those times I’ve told you to make me a sandwich, you actually turn around and tell Janny to make the sandwich?
GTO: Angie - just make sure to bring your ID to buy groceries. I hear that is a requirement.
Angie: I mean, I can make a grilled cheese. But if you want a panini or anything assembled? Yeah, Janny’s doing it. Or maybe my 10-year-old. She can cook better than I can. I really, really don’t cook. Janny was at the bowl game in Memphis a few years ago, and I called him SUPER PROUD because I’d taken some of those deli-style Oscar Meyer chicken meat chunks and browned them, heated up a premade frozen mixture of fried rice on the stove, added yum yum sauce and soy sauce, and then cooked it all together. Like, I texted him a photo of this and everything. I was hella proud, and he knew he needed to text back a little pat on the head or I’d be hurt.
Janny: Wait, Angie, you mean all of those sandwiches weren't for you? What the hell?

Pants: I did have a specific question for Janny. How intimidating is it to be married into the legacy of what is the CycloneFanatic “family.” Does @Jeremy ever judge your mod abilities over thanksgiving dinner?

Janny: It definitely made the moderator initiation ceremony awkward, especially the part where they make you eat a raw horse heart while the rest of the mod team plays the drums and dances naked in the firelight. Fun fact: @bos has enormous genitals.

 

[cyrocksmypants]

That freaking pr0n question alone took up an entire post!

It had to be!

 

[GTO]

The end. Thanks again to everyone who contributed questions this week and, as usual, thanks to my partner in crime @cyrocksmypants.

Also, huge thanks to @Angie and @Mr Janny for being our guests this week. They absolutely killed it!

 

[Cyched]

Mozzarella sticks are good, but nothing beats Hessen Haus’ giant Muenster cheese sticks.

Good with marinara, but try them with their curry sauce. Delish

 

[Cyched]

Overrated appetizer: Onion rings
Underrated: Fried pickles

 

[cyrocksmypants]

Okay, now that he’s done MASSIVE shout out to @GTO for that overhauling!

Also, ignoring @Angie because everyone knows how much I love her.

But this might have been one of the hardest ones I’ve done. Because @Mr Janny is so damned funny (and I picture every joke just being straight deadpan) that it was hard for me to play up on his jokes and carry on with them. It was a massive improv fail on my part because there was nothing I felt I could do with some of his responses that could make them any more funny.

 

[JM4CY]

You are a giant among men.

Feels oddly appropriate you said this right after the p*rn discussion. Who exactly are you referring to?