***Official Insider Information Weekly Mailbag 02-05-2020***

[GTO]

First and foremost, a few links:
Our official question submissions thread: https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...n-weekly-mailbag-questions-submission.251174/

Link to last five mailbags (if bored and need some reading material):
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-12-18-2019.253655/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-01-08-2020.254206/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/threads/official-insider-information-weekly-mailbag-01-15-2020.254348/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-01-22-2020.254482/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-01-29-2020.254609/


Insider Information Weekly Mailbag 02-05-2020
Presented by Coke Zero. The drink that makes you ask: why do we even have Diet Coke anymore?


@Cy$ asks: who gets more girls? Me or @CloneFan4
Pants: Trick question; you’re both virgins.
GTO: This would be a tie, as I’m sure the number of Manti Te’o girlfriends you each have makes no difference when comparing against each other.

@Cy$ again: Fat chicks need loving too...seems to be the girls i attract anyways?
GTO: Is Nate Stanley’s sister still stalking you?
Pants: I had a coach in high school that once said fat chicks are like mopeds: they’re fun as hell to ride, but it’s embarrassing as **** when you’re seen on one.

@Fitzy asks: You must select two real people, alive or dead, to serve as a candidate and their running mate in the 2020 Presidential election. If your selections pull off a clean sweep and win all 538 electoral votes, you win $1 trillion. Which two people do you pick, and why?
Pants: Jesus/Ghandi. I feel like that covers a lot of the bases. And while not everyone would vote for them, I feel pretty confident they’d carry enough to win every state.
GTO: Our two greatest movie presidents of all time: Thomas J Whitmore (Bill Pullman) from Independence Day and James Marshall (Harrison Ford) from Air Force One. Alternates: Andrew Shepherd (Michael Douglas) from The American President and Tom Beck/Allan Trumbull (Morgan Freeman) from Deep Impact/Olympus has Fallen.
GTO: Damn it! Just realized this said REAL people. How about Lincoln and JFK? I don't think anyone could shoot down that ticket. I would even say that ticket would be bulletproof. Okay, I'll stop now. (apologies to @ImJustKCClone, since I know she lived through both of those)

@Cy$ asks: How do you get cured from being butt ******* ugly? Asking for a friend.
GTO: Work out enough to at least be called a butterface. Hey, it’s better than having both a jacked face and un-jacked body.
Pants: Get a pocket *****.

@Cy$ complaining about getting some attention: how do I get rid of a stalker on CF?
@Doc @jcyclonee
Pants: Are the stalkers Doc and JC? If so, frankly, you should be honored. I’ve drank beer with both of them. Well, Doc drank hard ciders, but same general concept still.
GTO: You could do worse than Doc and JC. However, I didn’t know Doc was getting drunk off the apple juice.

@jcyclonee asks (and apparently also withdraws the question?): Can you do something about all these basketball games being broadcast on ESPN+ and ESPNU? I'm not paying extra for that crap. Actually, hold off on that request until next year when we get all the recruits with cool names on the team.
GTO: In the age of so many streaming services, ESPN+ does not offer enough for me to justify spending money on the service. I can just find a stream of the game and then proceed to watch ISU basketball brick away another game.
Pants: ESPN is literally the worst. Like, the absolute worst. And ESPN+ has nothing to do with it.
GTO: Remember the good ol’ days of ESPN? Back when I was in college, Sportscenter with Stuart Scott and Rich Eisen was must-see TV. I also miss the late night world’s strongest man and strongest women competitions, lumberjack games, etc. Perfect drunk watching after the bars. In my opinion it all started to go downhill when they started broadcasting WAY too much world series of poker crap. Seems like it was 24/7 poker for a while. They should have put Weird Al in charge of scheduling like in UHF and start mix/matching some of the shows like world’s strongest poker players where the poker chips weigh 50 pounds. A little more challenging being all-in then. Or maybe lumberjack vs. coked-up beaver tree felling. Just some ideas.

 

[GTO]

@Angie with her bullet gun fully loaded:

• Which is cuter, Baby Mr Peanut or Baby Yoda? Which is more annoying?
• Do you have any addictions?
• How many bullet points do you feel are required in order to make a bulleted list? (Three or more is my standard.)

Pants: 1. They both suck. But I hate how much Facebookers are turning Baby Yoda into the new Minions meme, so I’ll default to Baby Peanut. 2. I don’t really have an addictive personality. So like, maybe twitter? CF is an addiction, I suppose. 3. 4 bullet points. You just missed out.
GTO: 1. Baby Yoda. I hate that the death of Mr. Peanut was a stupid fake-out. It feels like everything is a fake-out these days with TV show character deaths, movie characters, marketing campaigns, etc. Grow a pair and let your marketing go in a different direction, or embrace what you have and don’t do it at all. 2. My wife says I have an addictive personality. Whenever I like something, I’m into it hardcore, balls to the wall (or is it “balls deep”?). Either way, something with balls. Current addictions: Coke Zero (wife says I need to drink more water, but I told her the Coke Zero list of ingredients does list water), pinball/arcade/emulators (always enjoyed arcade gaming), Cyclone sports (as painful as it can be sometimes), and CF (no explanation needed). 3. I would actually go with two. In my presentations at work, that is where I draw the line.
Pants: GTO, I love you, but balls to the walls on Coke Zero is like the most Boomer thing someone could say.
GTO:

@Cyched getting all excited: What is your favorite penis-shaped food?
GTO: All of them. Bananas, popsicles, and hot dogs are quite obvious. Cannolis and eclairs are just not fair with that whole cream-filled interior dripping out of your mouth. How about Twix? As long as you don’t double-barrel both bars at the same time, you should be fine to enjoy in public.
Pants: Probably fried penis.
GTO: Andrew Zimmern, is that you? I swear that dude always ended up eating some animal’s balls or penis no matter which country he was visiting. Anyway, aren’t you a pescatarian? Wouldn’t it be more like a fried tofu penis? Or a bean penis? Or maybe you’ll be loading up on an Impossible penis.
Pants: Fried Fish penis. Fish penis frys are big in the south.
GTO: big as in popular, or big as in size?

@Sigmapolis asks: Should the Cave have a "blue checkmark" system like Twitter does?
Pants: Yes, and since I’m statistically the most liked poster here, I should get the first one.
GTO: Are you sure? Sigmapolis did specify in the Cave, not just among the general CF population.
Pants: Wait. Does that mean it would prevent alt accounts because I’m all for that! Also, no one else is going to understand what this means, but I think this Google Doc is on double spacing and it’s really jacking up my ability to properly format from my phone.
GTO: this is the true Boomer moment. I pressed something on Google docs and it messed up the line spacing. Can’t seem to find how to undo it.

@Cy$ asks: How do I get the thing under my name to switch to BodeClone from Well-Known Member?
@jcyclonee asks: How do @Doc and I get that thing under our names to switch to Cy$?
GTO: Want to change from Well-Known Member to BodeClone? Here is the link: https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/account/downgrades
Pants: All Bodeclones need prior written consent from GTO, as he owns the trademark.

@jcyclonee with a request I can get behind: Do we all agree that Shakira should perform at the Super Bowl next year too?
Pants: Shakira can perform wherever, whenever and I’m all about it. Total babe.
GTO: I heard someone say that J-Lo was supposed to be the headliner, but I would not have known that from watching that halftime show. Shakira was a total smokeshow and completely stole the spotlight.

@CloniesForLife asks: Best and worst Super Bowl Commercial?
GTO: Best: 1. Jason Momoa, 2. Lil Nas X vs. Sam Elliot dance-off, 3. MC Hammer. Worst: 1. smaht car parking, 2. baby peanut, 3. Every other commercial that took itself too seriously.
Pants: I’m not someone that particularly enjoys Super Bowl commercials. Maybe the Tide ones, because I remember them? And because Emily Hampshire is a total babe.

 

[GTO]

@coolerifyoudid with the plot of the next big sitcom: Do other dogs look at a K9 and think "Crap, it's the cops" ?
Pants: Grayscale lives matter.
GTO: Man, I see potential here for a whole sitcom. A K-9 dog, with his wife who is a service animal, son who happens to be an emotional support animal, and daughter who is one of those dogs rich women keep in their purse.

@SCyclone picking up @Cyched’s bad habits: Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? (Yes, I'm copying @Cyched's schtick)
GTO: According to some research I did online, sour cream will go bad 2-3 weeks after expiration. Here are the signs to look for: “You can tell if sour cream has gone bad if you notice dark mold on its surface, bright bacterial marks, pockets of watery liquid and a sharp, bitter flavor.” I really have no idea how you get past the appearance to be able to tell it has a “sharp, bitter flavor” but I guess someone must have tried it (for science).
Pants: I mean, if you want to be eating moldy sour cream, have at.

@SCyclone asks: Did you guys caucus? If so, who did you vote for? EDIT: This is mainly for pants, I know GTO isn't in Iowa.
Pants: Didn’t caucus, for reasons discussed in the thread, but I’m a huge Bernie fan. I think he’s one of the most sincere and genuine politicians of my lifetime and that’s someone I can absolutely get behind. I’ll be voting for him in March during Virginia’s primaries. I know GTO is slightly more private about this sort of thing though but I’m mouthy AF and don’t care.
GTO: Out of state, so no caucusing for me. That being said, why do we even have the caucus process and not just jump straight into the primaries? They seem about as pointless as a SF 49ers 2020 SuperBowl Champs hat.

@SCyclone asks: What's the most creative buyout proposal for Steve Prohm's contract that you've heard so far?
GTO: have Pollard take Prohm’s salary for next season to Prairie Meadows and put it all on a horse named Rhoad’s Pride. Win and you buy him out. Lose and you just have to start selling beer at ISU sporting events to raise the money again. Everybody wins.
Pants: Some super genius once started a thread of Hoiberg buying out Prohm’s contract with his Bulls buyout. Probably that one.

@jcyclonee with a very good point: How is it possible that you can have a Super Bowl in Miami and not have Pitbull, Flo Rida, or Vanilla Ice on at halftime?
Pants: Did……...did you not see Shakira? And her stomach? And her hips? And her legs?
GTO: I would have only allowed Wyclef Jean for “Hips Don’t Lie” or Gloria Estefan & Miami Sound Machine. Speaking of that, wouldn’t all the sound equipment used at the SuperBowl be considered Miami sound machines?

@jcyclonee asks: I have a political question. Will ISU's basketball team improve now that the caucuses are ending?
GTO: Doubt it. I’m 99.99% certain that Prohm and staff were somehow involved in the Iowa caucus debacle. Probably could not draw a play to inbound the results properly.
Pants: Trick question, as of the time I answered this, the caucus still hasn’t ended.

 

[GTO]

@jcyclonee going for three in a row: We had a bunch of people over for the Super Bowl. However, my son was at a friend's house. About halfway through the second half, he comes home, goes down in the basement, grabs a pair of kid's boxing gloves, and leaves. Can you please tell me what the heck was up with that?
Pants: I think your son would be in trouble during the Purge.
GTO: That sounds like the actions of someone needing to settle a bet. However, before I make that call, how was he when he came back home after the game? Did he look like this?

@BCClone with a dangerous line of thinking: Should JLo’s and shakiras super bowl outfits now become common everyday wear for women?
GTO: Just like not every dude should be walking around shirtless, you also do not want every woman out there squeezing into those numbers. Not being mean, as I’m one of those guys who shouldn’t be walking around shirtless myself.
Pants: Why stop at women? I’d look damned good in that.
GTO: Just make sure you bring that rope.

@SCyclone hellbent in getting us moved to the cave: I've been wondering.....I read your posts in the cave, but I can't get a handle on who you prefer. I have a theory, but I'll let you prove or disprove it. Who do you like?
Pants: This was answered above, but I’m super liberal. Bernie is my guy in this election. I’d be happy with Warren as well if she were the candidate. Anyone else I’ll plug my nose for and pull the lever in November.
GTO: I’m somewhere near the middle, but not a huge fan of Klobuchar. Pete is more my speed. I do like Yang and even Warren, but not a huge fan of Bernie or Biden. Realistically, I think Warren and Pete are unelectable (even though I don’t agree), so Bernie and Biden may be the only ones with a shot to beat Trump. Oh, well. I would vote for a sentient turd before voting for Trump (some people may argue it is the same thing).

@cyrocksmypants observes: I love the “Arlington?” where Bethesda is.
@BCClone follows up with: Looks like a question. Gets answered right?
GTO: are we talking about “Ag Town”? Home of the Texas Rangers and Dallas Cowboys?
Pants: Oh god, it’s Kansas City, MO/Kansas City, KS all over again.
Pants: Arlington is definitely not Bethesda. It’s much nicer than Bethesda. Also two different states.

 

[GTO]

@cyclones500 with a great question: Is it acceptable to use the words "caucus" and "primary" as verbs?
Pants: Let’s let spellcheck decide. Caucused. Caucusing. Primaried. Yeah, looks like they’re appropriate. No squiggly red line for me.
GTO: Couscous is delicious, but I don’t think it can be used as a verb.

@cmjh10 asks: Favorite vegetable?
GTO: probably red and green bell peppers, onions, or garlic. Personally, I prefer legumes or tubers to vegetables, but that’s a different story.
Pants: Snap peas.

@BCClone asks: What kind of tree would you be?
Pants: A weeping willow. Because of my depression.
GTO: a dragon’s blood tree, because they look cool and are adapted for survival in harsh environments.

@BCClone again: You get cast on naked and afraid. You get to take one thing with you, what do you take? I believe they are given a fire starter, if anything else that gets given go ahead and mention. Haven’t seen it in a bit.
Second part, would you prefer to be cast with someone you find extremely attractive or not attractive at all?
GTO: First of all, even the attractive people on there look like crap, so might as well go with someone not attractive at all. Nobody would look great under those conditions anyway. A nice big camping tent would be nice to have. That or a roll of toilet paper.
Pants: I’ve actually thought about this before. It would depend on the terrain. If it’s an island or hot/sunny setting, sunscreen. That sounds ridiculous, but an awful sunburn can absolutely cripple you.
GTO: Maybe change my item to a change of clothes? Would that be allowed?

@cmjh10 with the anti-climactic ending this week: Is this the last question?
Pants: Maybe? Or was that the last question?
GTO: The last question deserves a final answer:

 

[GTO]

The End.

Thanks to everyone for your questions this week and again to my PIC @cyrocksmypants for his usual contributions.

Until next week!

 

[Cy$]

The stalker is not doc and jc, its mccloney

 

[Cyched]

The stalker is not doc and jc, its mccloney

Did you accidentally swipe right on him?

 

[Sigmapolis]

@Sigmapolis asks: Should the Cave have a "blue checkmark" system like Twitter does?
Pants: Yes, and since I’m statistically the most liked poster here, I should get the first one.
GTO: Are you sure? Sigmapolis did specify in the Cave, not just among the general CF population.
Pants: Wait. Does that mean it would prevent alt accounts because I’m all for that!

That was the idea.

I do not post in there anymore, but I do "lurk" sometimes.

Seems like you all spend half your time in there sleuthing for alts.

It is kind of comical (sort of a meta-mafia game going on) on one hand but, if there is an argument that the Cave has some sort of productive or insightful debate or discussion going on, then it is besides whatever point you might have in there.

Blue check marks would cut down on that.

I suppose you could extend it to ISR for the same reasons, though.

 

[Angie]

IMMA NEED A POLL. You can just put three items on it, because that's the proper number of bullets.

Thx.

 

[GTO]

Poll now added for customer feedback.

 

[Cy$]

Did you accidentally swipe right on him?

I was trying to find BodeClone and got him...**** happens.

 

[jcyclonee]

The stalker is not doc and jc, its mccloney

I'm insulted that you haven't even noticed that I'm stalking you. Do you know how jealous this makes me?

 

[CloneLawman]

No lame-ass guest this week!!

Thumbs up!

 

[jcyclonee]

GTO: Or maybe lumberjack vs. coked-up beaver tree felling. Just some ideas.

Best TV show idea ever!

Pants: Shakira can perform wherever, whenever and I’m all about it. Total babe.
GTO: I heard someone say that J-Lo was supposed to be the headliner, but I would not have known that from watching that halftime show. Shakira was a total smokeshow and completely stole the spotlight.

Pants - Is that considered a pun? It doesn't matter. I appreciate it.

GTO - She stole the spotlight even while dressing less slutty.

@jcyclonee with a very good point: How is it possible that you can have a Super Bowl in Miami and not have Pitbull, Flo Rida, or Vanilla Ice on at halftime?
Pants: Did……...did you not see Shakira? And her stomach? And her hips? And her legs?

You make a good point but it seems like there would have been a place during that show for Shorty got low, low, low, low, low.

@cyrocksmypants observes: I love the “Arlington?” where Bethesda is.
@BCClone follows up with: Looks like a question. Gets answered right?
GTO: are we talking about “Ag Town”? Home of the Texas Rangers and Dallas Cowboys?
Pants: Oh god, it’s Kansas City, MO/Kansas City, KS all over again.
Pants: Arlington is definitely not Bethesda. It’s much nicer than Bethesda. Also two different states.

I had a friend in college from Arlington, Iowa. Maybe it was Aplington. Or maybe it was Appleton, Wisconsin. No, it was Burlington.

 

[Cyched]

If the Impossible Penis becomes patented, I’ll need to re-nickname some...things...

 

[jcyclonee]

A Lincoln and JFK joke? Too soon! - I don't really see that as a Lincoln/JFK joke. It's more of an @ImJustKCClone joke.

What happened to jcyclonee's son after the SuperBowl? Well, he vomited Monday morning and stayed home from school. I don't think he drinks so he probably received a nasty gut punch.

That's it?! Where's the rest of the mailbag? My wife says, "Sometimes, shorter and smaller is better"

She's wrong, it's always better. Maybe I should be suspicious about the use of the word sometimes.

 

[Cy$]

View attachment 70045

No lame-ass guest this week!!

Thumbs up!

Guests have been lame since Rulzzz did this.

 

[jcyclonee]

Guests have been lame since Rulzzz did this.

Angie wasn't lame. Angie's never lame. You shut that dirty rat trap of yours.

 

[CloneLawman]

Guests have been lame since Rulzzz did this.

Every guest this year has been lame, except for @Angie. @Angie is never lame.