***Official Insider Information Weekly Mailbag 10/2/19***

GTO

Well-Known Member
Mar 25, 2014
28,251
37,234
113
North DFW, TX
Well, as you know @cyrocksmypants and I have decided to give you all a weekly mailbag and here is the first one of them. Lots of good questions this week (and lots of bad ones - but we answered them anyway). In the words of @ChrisMWilliams : "Enjoy!"

***Official Insider Information Weekly Mailbag 10/2/19***
Presented by Coleman Tents. Coleman - helping Cyclone fans pitch their tents everywhere in the US (except for Waco, TX at the request of Baylor and the BigXII office)

Cmjh10 asks: Should we blow up the football program and replace it with baseball? And then later in the same day follows up with: Instead of baseball, how about we start an esports team with the football money?

GTO: The fact that you changed your mind so quickly about baseball rules that first question out. Now, esports? Maybe Tom Manning can learn some new plays from some Madden 2019. I’ll even settle for some Tecmo Bowl plays.

Pants: There’s a lot of money to be had in eSports, and a lot less CTE cases. Most money is made through endorsements, and with California now passing a law allowing college athletes to make money on endorsements, I expect that to grow even more. Give it about ten years and we’ll start to see the switch.


Jcyclonee asks: Pants isn't a hot chick?


Pants: You’ve met me, you know the answer to this.

GTO: I wouldn’t. But maybe you’re into that kind of thing. I don’t judge.


CySmurf observed: You guys are off to a hell of a start. Lol

GTO: Just like ISU football, we’re only at our best after September.

Pants: You start out the game with a simple run, not a flea flicker.


Jacktronic asks: What are you both wearing right now?

Pants: I’m currently laying in bed, putting off getting up to start my work day, so, as all sophisticated people sleep, I’m all nude, baby.

GTO: I’m Porky Pigging it, just in case I have a video call and need to be seen from the waist up.


NWICY asks: Next time the FB team gets a win? I'm saying this Sat. against TCU.

GTO: I wish I had your confidence. TCU brings a freshman QB to the Jack, so we need to rattle him early and often. Also, has TCU recovered from their propensity to commit turnovers last year? If not, that should also help. Lastly, will they let us pitch our tents this time?

Pants: Saturday. I had TCU as a win in the pre-season, and I’ve seen nothing from either team that would make me change that.


JM4CY asks: Suppose you actually have a date with an attractive woman (not an escort @GTO ) , highly hypothetical obviously, what Cyclone sporting event would you take her to, past, present OR future? (Any and all in play here, JTS, Hilton, P and L district, CCG, etc.)

Pants: Seneca Wallace’s The Run game against Texas Tech. Fun game, exciting win, iconic moment, was a nice chilly night where she’ll cuddle up with you to keep warm. Celebrate the win afterward appropriately. No brainer.

GTO: Pinstripe bowl. Anything I did would be great in comparison to that huge letdown of a game.


Sigmapolis asks: Have you used your dog to try to pick up girls, @cyrocksmypants? Do chicks dig the corgi?

Pants: He’s the only way to pick up girls. Chicks love him. He’s really made my game incredibly lazy, though.


Malone rant/raged: Pants pulled false information out of thin air in the Malou/Lard situations, presented it as fact, was called ….. ZZZZZZZ…

Pants: I love this sort of thing. The funny thing is, I actually DO have sources. Much more basketball related than football related. Usually I’m just messing around when someone tags me in a post for football information. Granted, since Hoiberg left, one of my sources is no longer there and the others are weaker, because Prohm is much more tight about who has what information, but I know a person or two that work within the AD.

GTO: Are you questioning our insider sources? One of my sources gets all her info directly from Tommy Birch at least once a week.
 

GTO

Well-Known Member
Mar 25, 2014
28,251
37,234
113
North DFW, TX
BoxsterCy asks: The true test is whether this thread will prompt an outrage post from @dirtyninety Okay, in the form of a question: Will dirtyninety be outraged?

GTO: I used to think dirtyninety’s posts were an incoherent mess. Until I read Fitzy’s alt’s posts (internetman).

Pants: Dirtyninety is a treasure to this website. I used to not understand him and think he was crazy, but now I get it and it’s truly genius level stuff that he’s accomplishing. He’s not appreciated nearly enough on this website.


Doc asks: Where are girls at?

Pants: Probably like, shopping or something.

GTO: @Dandy


Dandy has a blonde moment and says: How do I unsubscribe to this mailbag?

GTO: We’ll send you a link for your credit card information to verify your identity.

Pants: Click on the thumbs up icon at the bottom of this post.


BoxsterCy forces us to our time machines with the following question: Why does David Essex, in Rock On, say Jimmy Dean and than James Dean in the same verse?

Pants: I don’t know what any of this means. The sausage dude?

GTO: At Jimmy Dean’s funeral they only allowed men to attend. Why? Because it was meant to be a sausage fest. I’ll see myself out.


Doc is reflecting on his life choices and asks: Do you ever consider just saying **** it and devoting ur life to Christ?

GTO: Okay, what exactly did you do last night?

Pants: When I was in high school, I went through a real time of trying to find meaning in life. Read the bible front to back. Unfortunately, christianity just wasn’t flexible enough to what I believe and had some core aspects I couldn’t agree with. There was one point in time where I felt I most aligned with Baha’i, but again, some strict requirements I couldn’t move past. At this point in time I’d say I’m probably agnostic. I definitely believe something, but it doesn’t fit into any particular religion.


Cyclones500 asks: In a more "serious" vein, what are updated regular-season win predictions for ISU FB by both @GTO and @cyrocksmypants? (And separately) (And reasons for your forecasts). Has your outlook changed compared to what you expected, preseason?

Pants: I started at 8-4 and I’m going to stick with it. I had us losing to Baylor, OU, Texas and Kansas State. Obviously, we lost to Iowa, so I’ll modify it and say we’ll pick up a win against KSU to still finish 8-4.

GTO: Before the season started, I was Jim Jonesing the heck out of that kool-aid and thinking this was the year we would break through and go 10-2. Now? I’m thinking sure wins over KU and WV and sure losses vs. OU and UT. TT a win if no Bowman at QB, OSU most likely a loss, KSU and TCU are toss ups. I would say best case scenario would be 8-4, but most likely 6 or 7 wins.


CloneFan4 asks: I'm sad guys. What do you do to get over a loss?

GTO: Find a team that performed worse and then laugh at someone else’s pain (preferably the Hoks). If not possible, then I just don’t watch any more football the rest of the day and try to start fresh on Monday with the hype for the next game. Rinse, repeat.

Pants: You’re still young, so I don’t blame you, as I was that way too. But when I hit 30, something strange clicked where I realized “Holy crap. It’s just a game. Like, this doesn’t matter at all.” It’s really helped me. I can still really enjoy and revel in the wins, but when we lose, especially in a tough manner like Saturday, I take 15 or so minutes to be upset about it, but then I can move on pretty quick. Honestly, one of the things that helps is going onto the boards right after the game and laughing at and mocking all of the people losing their freaking minds like it’s the end of the world that the team they like lost a sports game.


Oldman asks: Any time line on the Newell return? Looks like we could sure use him in the run game.

Pants: After TCU. He could go now, but it’s an injury you want to make sure you’re 100% recovered from.

GTO: Will he be back for the TCU game? ::shakes magic 8-ball:: Don't count on it.


Jcyclonee hits us with the uniform question: Football/basketball questions? Boring. OK. I'll give it a try. What are your favored designs for both basketball and football uniforms?

GTO: For football, I like the all-cardinal and the all-whites. For basketball, I like the gold and the cardinal ones. Not a fan of the black uniforms for either basketball or football.

Pants: My favorite uniforms are the opposite of whatever the people in the uniform thread are circle jerking to.


Sigmapolis asks: What do the insiders -- you elite, glad-handing, swamp-creatures that you are, too important to think about us street urchins in flyover country -- think Bolton does to the potential for the basketball season this year? How does he update the forecast?

Pants: I’m worried about this season. But Bolton definitely helps. He’s going to give us some much needed scoring that I was concerned about after the loss of Wiggi, Shayok and THT. He’ll be like Shayok (not as dominant) in the way that he’ll be able to come in and just get buckets.

GTO: Appreciate the compliments? I think the addition of Bolton will allow Nixon to be more of a defender and distributor. It takes some of the pressure to score from him and I definitely like that. Less pressure on Grill, Jackson, and Leech as well and an opportunity to bring them along slowly.


CyJeans asks: Would you rather fight 100 duck sized Fran McCaffreys or one horse sized Fran? Both are at Francon 1 (Full meltdown)

GTO: I find the prospect of a 100 duck sized McCafferys absolutely terrifying. Like a freaking chair-throwing, clipboard-kicking, red faced swarm from hell. Horse size / horse face angry McCaffery? That’s just his wife.

Pants: The most terrifying visual is 100 ducks running around with Fran’s head on a duck body. I’ll go with that one as the one I don’t ever want to come across.

GTO: How I picture this terrifying prospect:
McCaffery Duck Attack.gif

BCClone asks: How often should one manscape? How well, or how long, should you know someone before sending them a dikpik?

Pants: Really it depends on each individual person and how fast your hair grows. I’d say probably a week or two? Also, you should never send a pic unless it’s been requested of you. It’s 2019, gentlemen. It’s time to respect women.

GTO: Manscaping should be done to impress your significant other. If she glances and doesn’t stare, it is time to manscape. Dikpiks should never just randomly “pop up” on someone’s phone.
 

GTO

Well-Known Member
Mar 25, 2014
28,251
37,234
113
North DFW, TX
SCyclone asks: Who would win a catfight between Marge McCaffrey and @ImJustKCClone?

GTO: Orangutan KC would win hands down. However, regular KC vs. juiced-up Marge “Ivan Drago” McCaffery? KC might as well come in to the ring to the sounds of “Living in America”.

Pants: I’ve met KC and I’ve seen her angry. It’s a horrifying experience.


BCClone ponders: There was a lawyer in DM who worked as a hooker in Vegas off and on. I know this guy who said his wife is going to Vegas to take classes every so often. Should I assume classes is a code name now?

Pants: GTO, please tag Clonelawman here.

GTO: @CloneLawman - are there legit legal schools in Vegas, or just strippers in judge robes?


BCClone asks: What do you guess is Twins job? He is s machine in the ISR forums.

GTO: Whatever his job is would require it to be slow and have to be in front of a computer all day. My guess would be that he either works for the City of Carroll, paid CF staff member, or Jamie Pollard’s social media administrator.

Pants: SSI, but God bless him for the work he does.


Ca4cy asks: When do you guys think we're finally going to pit Tiller in?

Pants: Tiller was a one trick pony. It’s so strange to me that of all of the backup quarterbacks we had, he’s the one that people became most infatuated with. I don’t feel like there’s any legitimate situation people believe he had the skillset to ever be the actual starter.

GTO: Everyone’s mind will be blown when, at the end of the season, Purdy Arya Starks everyone and removes his face to reveal he was a 31 year old Jerome Tiller all along.


Doc muses: Alright alright. Let’s say I have a jar of pennies and every time somebody on CF suggests Prohm institutes a press or a zone I take one out and eat it. Am I still alive by Thanksgiving?

GTO: The answer is no, but whoever carves you will be a rich man.

Pants: Is this a math question?


Retiree BoxsterCy has no idea what day of the week it is and asks : Does anyone really know what time it is? Does anyone really care?

Pants: 9:26 AM. Also, has anyone noticed the weird trend of people saying “9 AM in the morning?” Like, do people not know what AM and PM mean anymore?

GTO: 2:02 PM CST, September 30th in the year of our Lord 2019. Does anybody care? Those of us who work for sure care.
 

GTO

Well-Known Member
Mar 25, 2014
28,251
37,234
113
North DFW, TX
EJ4CY attempts to stump the Insider Info crew with the following question: What is your position on the role of government in supporting innovation in the field of biotechnology?

GTO: I’m glad you asked. I would rather have private enterprises lead the innovation in the field of biotechnology as opposed to the government. There will always be some level of government involvement, but I would prefer that to be limited to incentives and some level of oversight.

Pants: I think any advancement and innovation of biotechnology in the long haul should be supported and needed. It can do a lot of things, like solve diseases, help save the bees, etc. Unfortunately though, as is the case with any government involvement, they’ll eventually find a way to weaponize any and all advancement. Gotta keep that war machine trucking along.


Lexclone asks: Serious question: If (when) either or both of you get banned, what will your alt-account names be?

Pants: I have an alt account, but it’s only been used once for one post and it was strictly for an advanced joke I was making years ago. I tried to log into it a few weeks ago so I could PM a mod when I got banned like three straight times in a one week period, but I don’t remember the password and apparently no longer have the email address I created it with.

GTO: My alt has already been banned (Cysthelimit). New alt: FriedHoiberg? Re-al De-al?


Aclone asks: Why can’t the staff get it up more than once a month? The mailbag, I mean. Of course. What?

GTO: @Fitzy can’t perform as often or as long as we can.

Pants: Getting old sucks.


BCClone with the Maury moment: Is BDK actually Pants’ son?

Pants: I would do better than that.

GTO: If BDK were Pants’ son, I think he should get a paternity test, then a second one, and a third one.


VegasCy with all the questions Randy is too dumb to ask:

1. Did the offense figure some things out in the 4th quarter or did Baylor takes its foot off of the gas?

GTO: A combination of the Baylor defense getting tired and our team playing with a sense of urgency (unfortunately too late).

Pants: Both? But more Baylor letting up.

2. Did our back end get exposed or was Brewer just throwing dimes?

Pants: Our secondary, particularly our Cornerbacks, has been not good all year long. That’s, unfortunately, going to be the case the rest of the season. I trust Heacock will be able to find a way to mask it, though.

GTO: They got exposed. The Baylor wide receivers were constantly creating separation in one-on-one situations. I think we’re also missing our cornerbacks being an effective part of our blitz packages. Last year you could see Peavy and Payne constantly bringing pressure and tackling people behind the line of scrimmage whenever we blitzed.

3. Shouldn’t our offense be better against a 3-3-5 since we “major” in it?

GTO: I think now we have plenty of film of teams that have beaten us to see what they did to attack our defense. Should help us tighten things up and also copy some of the things other teams did successfully.

Pants: I originally thought that, but most practices our offense is practicing against a version of whatever defense that we’re going to be playing. So I suspect our offense has less experience against it that we would think.

4. It seems like our defense has been susceptible to the shallow cross in the past and against UNI, it was our best play against their 3-3-5. Yet Saturday, against Baylor’s 3-3-5 no shallow cross. If you were an offensive coordinator, how do you destroy a 3-3-5 defense?

Pants: It’s so fundamental, but you’ve got to commit to the run. You can’t just have a bad play and then not run the ball for the rest of the quarter. Dinking and Dunking and a run game is how you beat a 3-3-5, and Manning just hasn’t been good at doing that this season.

GTO: We just didn't mix enough runs to attack the defense. We need to force them to put more people at the line to open the intermediate routes.

5. After a sleepy 1st half, we roll in the second half and beat TCU by double digits. Are you buying us being 6-2 going into Norman?

GTO: Yes.

Pants: Yes.

6. If you’re a Big XII AD and your coaching staff doesn’t run a 3-3-5 (especially against us), do you wait until after the game to fire someone or just call the locker room at halftime?

Pants: I smoke cigars and drink scotch while I laugh at all of the plebes.

GTO: It is all the rage! Do you make a multi-year commitment to change your system? I don’t know the answer to that.

7. What is your most heartbreaking close loss in the last 3 years?


2017 vs Iowa- 10 point lead with 7 minutes left

2017 @ WV- holding WV scoreless the last 36 minutes and losing

2017 vs OSU- leading by 8 with 6 minutes left

2017 @ K St- leading by 12 with 7 minutes left

2018 @ TCU- tied with 40 seconds left

2018 vs WSU- down two with 4 minutes left

2019 vs Iowa- 2 point lead with 5 minutes left

2019 @ Baylor- 1 point lead with 30 seconds left

GTO: Opponent wise - any loss to Iowa/Baylor. Importance wise - WSU.

Pants: 1. Texas last year. 2. WSU last year. 3. 2017 Iowa.


Cy$ asks: 3 reasons why @cmjh10 is the worst poster on this forum

Pants: Who’s that? Can you refer to a more memorable poster?

GTO: You guys might want to rethink attacking @imjustkcclone’s adopted son...


BCClone wondering: How come we have all these uniform debates but never debate the cheerleader and dance squad uniforms? Is it sexism?

GTO: What Pants said below is sure to trigger a few people. I can already hear them angrily rummaging through color swatches and original helmet designs. I do find the whole thing weird as well.

Pants: I’ve been on record and will continue to say, the uniform obsession is effing weird.


Cmjh10 foolishly asks: Why do women never shut up?

Pants: Because it takes a lot of time to tell people how much you suck.

GTO: Pro-tip: start talking more about stuff she doesn’t care about (sports, pro-wrestling, video games, etc.) and you’ll see how quickly she finds something else to do.


A concerned Cybball37 asks: Is it safe to go back to Jack Trice this Saturday after all of the assaults against the IMB?

GTO: Just try not to step on the chalk outlines by the west gate. I think that is still a crime scene.

Pants: As long as you’re not wandering around with a french horn, you should be fine.


Cy$ trying to gauge the extent of his mistake: If I date a Hawkeye fan, do I need to disable my account?

Pants: How hot is she?

GTO: Just pray for the test to come back negative.
 
  • Friendly
Reactions: cyrocksmypants

GTO

Well-Known Member
Mar 25, 2014
28,251
37,234
113
North DFW, TX
SayMyName looking for the hookup: What is your guys' preferred source for jerseys that are:

1) Cheap,

2) High Quality, or

3) the optimum combination of 1) and 2)???


GTO: Have you tried China? I remember buying Chinese knock offs during my visits to Panama many years ago. They were hit or miss on a lot of things, but I did get some nice NBA jerseys back then. On the other hand, I did get a Seico watch and Rebook sneakers, so you never know.

Pants: I’m sad that I missed the original cheap and high quality jersey thread. Can someone link it below for me?


Cy$ asks: Why was the 2012 Liberty Bowl the biggest game in Iowa State's history?

Pants: It’s not. The 2004 Independence Bowl was.

GTO: The Kyle Kempt win over OU in Norman or beating the Wheeden/Blackmon OSU team in Ames were bigger games IMO.


CoKane asks: If you were a basketball player and grew a 3rd arm, where would be the best play for it to grow at?

GTO: Between the legs. That way no one can Globetrotter you with the between the legs dribble. Bonus feature: no more needing to stuff your underwear (if you do that type of thing).

Pants: Probably the Hi-Lo.


Arobb asks: Cargo shorts. Yes or no?

Pants: I’m a single guy trying to get laid, so that’s a hard no from me, bro.

GTO: If you’re married or the kind of person who enjoys shower beers - yes. The rest of the sexually active, working population - no.


Mctallerton asks: if i forget to pick up my child from school, how mad will my wife be?

GTO: Fake amnesia. Then the whole thing will end up being made into a hilariously cheesy rom-com where you fall in love with your wife all over again. All because you did not want to admit to forgetting picking up the kids. Worth it.

Pants: I don’t see why it’s bad to teach a child how to navigate home by themselves. It’s a valuable life tool to have.


Cyclones500 asks: On behalf of MLB fans: Which team wins the World Series?

Pants: Is baseball still a thing?

GTO: My hometown Texas Rangers! ::looks at standings:: Ouch… I’ll change my pick to the Fighting Lasordas.


JHunsy asks: 为什么所有人都在他妈的 Clarinda 内布拉斯加州的球迷?

GTO: 我不知道Clarinda的位置,但也許他們是過去的粉絲?

Pants: GTO, can you tag ChrisMWilliams here, I think that weird bot is back.

The End
 

Cy$

Well-Known Member
Sep 1, 2011
24,056
5,620
113
Ames
Guess we'll find out on game day what Bret Meyer's status is.
 
  • Optimistic
Reactions: GTO

BoxsterCy

Moderator
Staff member
Sep 14, 2009
45,627
43,299
113
Minnesota
Sorry about splitting up on separate posts. Site has a dumb 10,000 character limit for posts.

I liked it that way. If it was a single post and it took me a full cup of coffee to read it I'd be a little worried about myself. :rolleyes:
 
  • Friendly
Reactions: GTO

CloneLawman

Fortis Non Ferox
SuperFanatic
SuperFanatic T2
Apr 13, 2006
15,777
19,601
113
Wherever I go, there I am.
BCClone ponders: There was a lawyer in DM who worked as a hooker in Vegas off and on. I know this guy who said his wife is going to Vegas to take classes every so often. Should I assume classes is a code name now?

Pants: GTO, please tag Clonelawman here.

GTO: @CloneLawman - are there legit legal schools in Vegas, or just strippers in judge robes?

UNLV has a law school. I have no doubt there are strippers in judge robes somewhere in town (at least upon request), though I don't speak from personal experience there. Perhaps we should send @BCClone, dressed as a drunken Christmas Tree, on a fact-finding mission?
 

JHUNSY

Well-Known Member
Aug 31, 2013
5,272
3,053
113
Des Moines, IA
JHunsy asks: 为什么所有人都在他妈的 Clarinda 内布拉斯加州的球迷?

GTO: 我不知道Clarinda的位置,但也許他們是過去的粉絲?
JoyousHelpfulEasteuropeanshepherd-size_restricted.gif
 

Dandy

Future CF Mod
Oct 11, 2012
22,077
17,265
113
Western Iowa
BCClone asks: How often should one manscape? How well, or how long, should you know someone before sending them a dikpik?

Pants: Really it depends on each individual person and how fast your hair grows. I’d say probably a week or two? Also, you should never send a pic unless it’s been requested of you. It’s 2019, gentlemen. It’s time to respect women.

GTO: Manscaping should be done to impress your significant other. If she glances and doesn’t stare, it is time to manscape. Dikpiks should never just randomly “pop up” on someone’s phone.
Did y'all hear the new thing going around the interwebs called cockfishing? It's like catfishing but you send pics of other dude's bigger-than-your's dongs to get the girl's attention but then when it gets down to the dirty deed you are not as impressive as the picture.

What a time to be alive.
 

Help Support Us

Become a patron