Youth Sports and some Questions

[Gossamer]

Ok...I want feedback and thoughts from parents. And I say parents because if you don't have kids, you might not be able to appreciate some of what I'm talking about.

I am a youth coach of multiple sports...all sports I played for years and some at higher levels than others. That said, my expectation is that kids learn the game and respect both the game and their opponents, understand how to work hard, take pride in their effort and respect authority.

My 12-year old daughter plays on a soccer team that is poorly coached, is undisciplined, lacks fundamental skills and never gets better. Yet, at the end of every game the coach says the same crap...good effort and you all deserve ice cream. Practice is more fun than work and fundamentals are forgotten.

Here are my questions...

Have we begun to develop kids who only play for social status or fun?

Is this a product of participation trophies?

Are parents similar in their approach because of the aforementioned?

Am I old school because I believe practice, even at the rec level should be just that and include working?

Is this the genesis for travel teams?

Is it too much to show and ask for intensity from kids at 10+ so they understand effort, being focused, etc.?

I"m not talking about crazy stuff but demanding effort and not being ok with laziness. I'm talking about pulling kids out if they are walking or half-assing it.

I'm really struggling because my fear is to lie to kids when they suck (because of effort) or tell them they worked hard when they clearly didn't. I don't want to be responsible for providing a kid a false sense of effort. I don't expect them to be good...but I expect them to try.

My kids know the expectations and work hard. They are not over the top and they play rec...but most kids these days...and I say most because it is the HUGE MAJORITY, are ******* lazy, entitled and only want to be on a team because it's something to do or mom and dad don't want to deal with them after hours.

Ok...go...give me something.

 

[3TrueFans]

If it's not a competitive team you're taking it too seriously, if it is a competitive team and you're not happy find a new one.

 

[Rabbuk]

I would say there is a two tiered system for most sports: The system you describe and then a system that goes the other way and makes youth sports damn near professional and a giant time commitment.

 

[CycloneDaddy]

If it is a rec league and the coach is a volunteer then it is what it is and I would just role with it. Also some kids are just there because their parents make them go out. As a coach it is hard to be to hard on those kids because it won't do any good but make them more miserable then they already are.

 

[Gossamer]

If it's not a competitive team you're taking it too seriously, if it is a competitive team and you're not happy find a new one.

thanks for not answering a thing I asked. why reply?

 

[Gossamer]

If it is a rec league and the coach is a volunteer then it is what it is and I would just role with it. Also some kids are just there because their parents make them go out. As a coach it is hard to be to hard on those kids because it won't do any good but make them more miserable then they already are.

i appreciate what you say here...do you think even as a rec coach that you should instruct and expect the basics? isn't that really what sports are about?

I agree with being hard on kids whose parents make them play. I think that's sad as well.

 

[harimad]

If it's not a competitive team you're taking it too seriously, if it is a competitive team and you're not happy find a new one.

/thread

 

[BCClone]

Treating kids equal is not completely fair and fair is not equal. Some kids I work harder because they try, some don't care so I may not spend as much time with h them. Kids are kids. I've had more issues with parents reliving their youth than anything else. I had a parent that wanted me to do tryouts for basketball in fourth grade. Class only had 15-20 girls in it total. Lucky to get 12-14 out. They weed themselves out over time.

 

[Gossamer]

Treating kids equal is not completely fair and fair is not equal. Some kids I work harder because they try, some don't care so I may not spend as much time with h them. Kids are kids. I've had more issues with parents reliving their youth than anything else. I had a parent that wanted me to do tryouts for basketball in fourth grade. Class only had 15-20 girls in it total. Lucky to get 12-14 out. They weed themselves out over time.

thanks for that...that's what I'm thinking as well. It's difficult to balance that and I think a lot of parents don't understand that being a youth coach is difficult, regardless if it's volunteer or not.

 

[Farnsworth]

I'm not a parent so I guess I won't answer, but I'd say yes to all of the above you listed that contribute. I attend a lot of our nephews games and I agree with everything you said. Drives my brother in law insane as he'd like some coaching of baseball basics and not just an expensive babysitting service, but then my sister in law (different family not same) wants her kids to be in it for babysitting and to say they are doing something, they don't even make it to practice most the time.

I've wanted to volunteer as an assistant for different sports, and get out on the field to help direct traffic at times, but the whole experience really shy's me away from getting involved. It's the overly PC coddling environment we live in now.

 

[besserheimerphat]

thanks for not answering a thing I asked. why reply?

He answered the question you were implicitly asking. Sounds like you need to get her in a more competitive league or stop worrying about it.

What does your daughter think? Is she having fun or does she want a higher level of intensity?

 

[Farnsworth]

And I'm not saying you need to push all kids hard, or hard at all, like BC said. But from what I've seen, be it basketball, soccer, baseball, they don't even try to teach the game or strategy too much. Maybe the leagues I've attended are just bad

 

[Farnsworth]

He answered the question you were implicitly asking. Sounds like you need to get her in a more competitive league or stop worrying about it.

What does your daughter think? Is she having fun or does she want a higher level of intensity?

I feel like there is some balance in between the two. More competitive leagues can become really time intensive and expensive, where I'd just want my nephew to be able to actually learn the game rather than run bases and call it a day.

EDIT: But he did ask for thoughts from just parents, so bowing out!

 

[Gossamer]

He answered the question you were implicitly asking. Sounds like you need to get her in a more competitive league or stop worrying about it.

What does your daughter think? Is she having fun or does she want a higher level of intensity?

no he didn't...but whatever.

I'm asking about more than my daughter. I'm asking about kids in general and youth sports.

Also, did I say I was worrying about it. I pointed out that the coach wasn't teaching the fundamentals. Was not expecting basics.

What do you expect from your kids or would you expect of your kids' coach? Maybe that's a better question.

As for what my daughter thinks, she believes they don't work the basics and they stink as a team. She knows because she's been around the game. It's nothing I have to say...it's clearly apparent. And no, she's not having fun.

 

[3TrueFans]

I would like to change my answer to "you're probably taking it way too ******* serious" without the qualifier.

 

[CycloneDaddy]

i appreciate what you say here...do you think even as a rec coach that you should instruct and expect the basics? isn't that really what sports are about?

I agree with being hard on kids whose parents make them play. I think that's sad as well.

I would hope in practice they are teaching at least the basics that can easily be learned by the coach by watching some YouTube videos. Sometimes though what is taught in practice doesn't carry over to game day.

Last year I coached a 10/11 year old team and the team I was given had the 2 worst players in the league and also was the only team with no traveling team kids. We looked good in practice but lost all of our games because we just didnt have the players. At least the parents were cool about it and realized I can't make layups for their kids.

 

[Gossamer]

I would hope in practice they are teaching at least the basics that can easily be learned by the coach by watching some YouTube videos. Sometimes though what is taught in practice doesn't carry over to game day.

Last year I coached a 10/11 year old team and the team I was given had the 2 worst players in the league and also was the only team with no traveling team kids. We looked good in practice but lost all of our games because we just didnt have the players. At least the parents were cool about it and realized I can't make layups for their kids.

i've coached similar....and I would love that you were a coach for my kids if they are Learning the game. It's tough when that happens but I think parents pick up on that kind of progress, even if it's ONLY in practice.

 

[Gossamer]

I would like to change my answer to "you're probably taking it way too ******* serious" without the qualifier.

perfect...again, you've done nothing to add to the conversation. I think I asked some fairly easy questions that didn't imply I was taking it too seriously. Do you have kids? Are they athletes? Do you expect any level of effort from them and their team/coaches?

 

[3TrueFans]

perfect...again, you've done nothing to add to the conversation. I think I asked some fairly easy questions that didn't imply I was taking it too seriously. Do you have kids? Are they athletes? Do you expect any level of effort from them and their team/coaches?

I expect effort from them, I don't expect to control the effort or ability of the other players or the coach. Unless I'm mistaken this is a rec team with a volunteer coach? If so you're going to get all kinds of player and the coach is almost certainly doing their best.

If it's a competitive team with a paid coach I would expect more out of the coach, but I still wouldn't expect all the kids to have the same focus or work rate.

 

[harimad]

My daughter started playing rec in volleyball and softball around 7. She outgrew it very quickly and moved to travel ball in both by the time she was 10. Last year, she quit club volleyball to focus on softball. She hopes to earn a college scholarship. We've got some experience here.

I'm sorry to be curt, but sports parents are ruining these games, and this stuff drives me batty. My answer is this: the youth sports you're talking about have volunteer coaches. If you can do better, volunteer yourself. If you can't, be quiet about it. You are getting what you paid for.