***Official Insider Information Weekly Mailbag 11-13-2019***

[GTO]

First and foremost, a few links:
Our official question submissions thread: https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...n-weekly-mailbag-questions-submission.251174/

Link to past mailbags (if bored and need some reading material):
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...-information-weekly-mailbag-10-9-2019.251540/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-10-16-2019.251727/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-10-24-2019.251963/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-10-30-2019.252145/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...-information-weekly-mailbag-11-3-2019.252386/


Weekly Insider Information Mailbag 11-13-2019
Presented by Hotmail. Because sometimes you have to keep that one Hotmail admin employed.
With special guest JSB



First, a few straggler questions from last week:

In response to @jcyclonee asking about changing his name to Darlinstone Dubar, @Doc asked: Not at this point. How about Donglingston Dubar?
Pants: Donglingston Dubar is my favorite Bollywood Actor.
JSB: Donglingston Dubar sounds like a porn name, right?
GTO: I’ve seen enough Bollywood and porn movies and have never come across a Donglingston Dubar. @jcyclonee - feel free to take that name if you like.

@BCClone asks: flowers or flour? (I don’t even remember the context on this one and I’m too lazy to look, so just answer as a standalone question)
JSB: I know nothing about marijuana. I’m very innocent.
GTO: Are we talking all-purpose flour, or that pure Colombian variety?
Pants: This was about marijuana. Which is illegal in Iowa. You’re all going to hell.

@ImJustKCClone asked: Building on this question - will we have more off-season psycho threads if we dump football & basketball?
Pants: Probably less. CF traffic would crash. As much as GTO and I may try to keep things going here, we’re only two mere mortals (technically GTO is half immortal, but does that really mean much when the other half is totally mortal?)
JSB: Well, we would still have the Politics boards, so there would be plenty of psycho in that.
GTO: I actually enjoy the off-topic threads as well as the meltdown threads quite a bit, so I would be okay with that. My only worry is that then this site could potentially become Uniform Fanatic. By the way, did you say I’m half immoral or immortal?

@mdk2isu guessed @Gunnerclone’s morning drink: Mountain Dew it is. Maybe even Diet. (I need to know how he knew that)
Pants: This was creepy. He guessed it immediately. I was shocked by it. Honestly, probably just thought of the most disgusting thing ever made and assumed no one actually ever drank it.
JSB: I’m just glad that someone cops to drinking pop at all anymore. I love Diet Pepsi. I can’t quit it even if I only drink a can a day. But my morning drink is iced, black coffee.
GTO: Is mdk2isu a Gunner alt? Has to be, right?

 

[GTO]

Now on to this week’s questions!

@Gunnerclone asked: first?
JSB: You’ve always been my favorite. Or was it GTO? I might have always confused you two.
GTO: Being first is not all it’s cracked up to be. Totally depends on the situation. Example: good to be first at the beach, bad to be first at the beach in Normandy.
Pants: In all of our hearts. But outside of that? Absolutely not.

@jcyclonee showing his age: Is it too early to be this excited for next year's football team?
Remember, I went to ISU during the Walden years.
GTO: I started in the McCarney era and I think through McCarney and Rhoads, it was a matter of being very excited before the season followed by huge disappointments right away and praying to make a bowl game. Now I would say that I’m a lot more excited for next season under the CMC era. Feels like we could break out into a special year at any time and can compete with anyone.
Pants: I don’t think so. We’ve got a great coach and there aren’t many people that I think would leave early. Offensive line is going to be an early struggle though.
JSB: It’s never too early to be excited. I never thought I’d be excited for football, but over the last couple of years I’ve been wishing summer away and waiting for football to start. I’m bummed there are only two home games left.

@NWICY asks: Picking Clones over Horns what say you insiders?
So Pants and JSB is this the first time you two have collaborated together either professionally or personally?
Pants: K-State is the hardest game we’ve got left, and I think at worst we go 2-1 in the last three games. I’m not really scared of Texas at all, honestly. It is, I tried to hit on her a handful of times about a year or so back, but she absolutely shot me down in the most brutal of ways.
JSB: Isn’t pretty much everyone picking Iowa State over Texas? In all seriousness, Campbell has always had problems with Iowa and Texas. And this tem hasn’t beaten anyone considered “good” this year. So I don’t know. But they really need to get this win. (Also, how disappointing is Texas’s season?) Pants will always be the one that got away and my deepest regret.
GTO: Texas always seems to have our number and K-State worries me a lot as well. I think we could squeak by both of them, but based in our history in close games this year… Pants and JSB? Are they a thing now? Like CF spouses? I used to have a CF spouse (carvers4math), but she left CF. By the way, @jsb and @cyrocksmypants - do you have work spouses?
JSB: Pants could do MUCH worse than me. But I’m more concerned about carver...what happened to her?!? And I don’t have a work spouse. I work with just a few people. Most of who I only see 1 day per week.
Pants: I mean, I TRIED with you, jsb. You just shot me down. No work spouses for me. There’s only like, 3 of my position, including myself within the entire company. So it’s hard to form bonds when the only people I communicate with are either superiors or subordinates. I did go to a concert with our HR person though, the other week. That was fun.

@cmjh10 with a great follow up to last week:
Got a question for pants.
In last weeks mailbag, you said your drink of choice in the morning is almond milk. How do you milk an almond? Where are the teats? As an animal science major, I don't remember going over that, but its very likely I forgot about it or missed it in lectures. Your insight and expertise would be greatly appreciated.
Pants: Almond milk is made by blending almonds with water and then straining the mixture to remove the solids. It can also be made by adding water to almond butter.
It has a pleasant, nutty flavor and creamy texture that's similar to regular milk. I’ve heard it’s actually awful for the environment, though. I’d like to try going to oat milk, but it’s not particularly easy to find unless you’re shopping at places like Whole Foods or Trader Joes.
GTO: Almond milk? Are you lactose intolerant? On a separate but related story, a person I work with was shocked by the fact that almonds came from a fruit. Same with cashews. It was mind blowing to them, but I just thought it was common knowledge since I grew up eating both.
JSB: I take it back about pants being my deepest regret….almond milk?!?
Pants: I’M TRYING TO BE MORE HEALTH CONSCIOUS! HOW ELSE COULD I EXPECT TO IMPRESS YOU, JSB?!

@ImJustKCClone with another sick burn this week: Continuing with cmjh's line of questions...isn't "almond milk" just a PC way of saying "nut juice"?
JSB: I like the way you think….
Pants: Who hasn’t tried nut juice at some point in their lives? I dare you to try to pretend any of you haven’t.
GTO: Damn! KC with the HUGE putdown. Pants - what is the correct way of drinking almond milk? Swish it in your mouth and then spit it out, or just swallow it whole?
Pants: Spitting is a waste.

 

[GTO]

@cyrocksmypants asked: Might have some basketball questions this week?
GTO: Seems a lot of people sleeping on our basketball team this year. I think they have a lot of potential and would not be shocked if they made the tourney. We’ll see how things shape out.
Pants: Apparently not.
JSB: When I was younger and our family would go around and say what we were thankful for at Thanksgiving, I would throw out a few serious ones and then I would tell everyone that I was thankful that football season was finally over and basketball was starting. Times have changed. So apparently we all are too focused on football. No one is more surprised than I am about that.

@CloniesForLife inquired: What were you drinking during the football game last weekend?
Pants: I’ve fairly drastically cut down my drinking when I’m not in a social setting. I think I just had a Kona beer and then at some point switched to a hot mint tea? I’m getting old, man. The mid-30s have hit me something rough.
JSB: I was drinking wine with one friend who is moderately interested in Iowa State football and one who could care less. The moderately interested friend has been a bit of bad luck this year and I told her that if Iowa State lost by more than 14 she was going to be dead to me. I was only partly kidding. So I’m glad our friendship will manage to live on. There’s a picture of the two of us that the not-at-all interested friend took when Iowa State tied the game. It’s completely embarrassing and I’m pointing at the TV with an expression on my face. I look pained and constipated. I’m extremely happy but already thinking whether they should go for 2 or 1. If we had won that would be my Christmas card. Instead, the pass wasn’t any good and I screamed “NOOOOOO”. Oscars have been given out for less compelling performances than the the “No” that I screamed. Also the moderately interested friend was insistent that it was clearly pass interference on the last play, I tried to argue with her that they never call that ****, but she insisted. After I saw it again, she was right.
Pants: I absolutely still want this Christmas card.
GTO: My drink of choice would be a Blue Moon or two (with company). When watching the game by myself (like I was this past Saturday), I downed a 1-liter bottle of Coke Zero. No regrets. JSB - let me know if you need my address for that Xmas card, or if you are sending electronically.
JSB: That picture will never see the light of day. The real issue is that is most likely how I look at countless games at Hilton and Jack Trice. There have been many people who have gotten that experience from sitting near me over the years. Let’s just say that people notice when I’m not there. But what was new and impressive, even for me, was the primal ‘NOOOOooooo”.
Pants: Was this supposed to make me want it less? Because that definitely didn’t work.

@cyclones500 asks:
My music nomenclature topic for this week. Which 4-word band name is your favorite, regardless of opinion (or knowledge) of the music. Elaborate on your choice. Bonus: Which is your least-favorite?
* Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
* Death Cab For Cutie
* Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
* Toad The Wet Sprocket
JSB: I’ve only ever heard of 2 of these. I am either old or not cool. Or both. I don’t listen to country music, but doesn’t Nitty Gritty Dirt Band play that “You and Me Sitting in the Dark” song? That’s catchy, so I’d pick them. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club is a dumb name, so probably a dumb band.
Pants: Rage Against the Machine. Do I really need to elaborate? They’re making a comeback this next year as well, and I’m super stoked for that, although it’ll probably be at like, festivals only, so I won’t get to see them. Close second is Fitz and the Tantrums, who I WILL be seeing this February. Least favorite: Panic! At the Disco.
GTO: Damn it, Pants! You were supposed to pick from the list.
*Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - dumb name. Not clear if it is black rebels who drive motorcycles (like the Roughriders) or a motorcycle brand called black rebel.
*Death Cab for Cutie - my pick. This reminds me of the movie Death Proof, so auto winner (pun intended). Sounds like there would be an interesting story that would go along with the name.
*Nitty Gritty Dirt Band - I will never celebrate poor hygiene.
*Toad The Wet Sprocket - dumb name as well. Sounds like it came from a random name generator.
Pants: Oh, I had to pick of the group? Boring. Best name is Death Cab for Cutie. Worst is Black Rebel Motorcycle Club.

 

[GTO]

@SCyclone asking CF to stop being CF: Now that Luka Garza is a great basketball player, does this mean we have to stop making fun of him?
GTO: First part of the question is just a wrong assumption. The answer to the second part is “NEVER”.
Pants: GTO, please insert any random picture of Garza’s eyebrows.
JSB: When did we decide that he was a great basketball player?
GTO: Here is a picture of Garza (besides the eyebrows, you won’t help but notice the fish mouth next time you see him on TV. I don’t think he’s figured out how to breath through his nose):

@CoKane may as well have asked us to choose our favorite child: In the spirit of landing XF what is your favorite gif, post, video, moment, etc of Hawkeye basketball under Fran McCaffery?
Pants: No brainer, the Deandre Kane inbound pass off of Lurch’s back. GTO, please insert if you can find it. That play summed up Fran basketball and Woodbury’s entire basketball ability in one quick 5 second gif.
JSB: The correct answer forever and always is the Deandre Kane/Woodbury. Sometimes when I just want to laugh, I watch that. One that is underrated though is a picture of Francis after Naz hit a 3 in that game in Carver where we just destroyed them in the first half. Much like DePaul did last night. And I’m a sucker for the Mad Fran Anger Meter or whatever it’s called. Whoever made that up was good.
GTO: DeAndre Kane inbound, Georges Niang’s kiss, Fran getting tossed for contact with the ref, or Ryan Kreiner flailing are my favorites. The Kane inbound by far has the most hilarious moment, as Woody was trying to tell everyone where they should be on defense only to be the one who got totally embarrassed.

 

[GTO]

@NWICY asks: Rank your recruiting thread XF's or Vaughn's? I'll take XF's because he picked the good guys but I think UNLV did us dirty on Vaughn. If you have another one that you feel tops these two feel free to put it out there.
Also do you get sort of amazed by the recruiting threads? No one posting in them has any influence but they take on a life of their own.
JSB: Vaughn for sure. The Foster thread probably wasn’t even top 10. It did get a little dicey on Sunday when we all found out he was going to Iowa, but there’s not a whole lot in there that is completely embarrassing or bad. I will say that I’m not sure there’s been a recruiting saga quite like Foster though where we were all almost convinced one day that we were the pick and then the next day we were sure it wasn’t us and then we actually got picked. Recruiting threads are really dumb and I try to stay out of them, but rarely succeed.
GTO: The Vaughn recruitment was a thousand times more polarizing than the Foster recruitment. I would say that was the beginning of the end for the Hoiberg era.
Pants: Vaughn, no question. People were changing their avatars to him, trying to create mass twitter bombs telling him like, happy birthday, or happy thanksgiving or some weird creepy **** like that. It got stalker level REAL quick. Foster didn’t get anywhere close to that level. Malou probably was more fun than Foster’s was, even.

@Sigmapolis getting his money’s worth: I have some questions.
(1.) Can you tell us everything you know about the Foster recruitment over the weekend that you can? What happened? How did it go from "100% ISU" to him going to the game in Iowa City to "100% Iowa" to him commuting to the good guys?
(2.) What is your projected starting lineup and top 2-3 bench guys for 2020-2021 now, with the roster turnover and new commitments, with and without Tyrese?
(3.) From what you have seen of the basketball team, do you think we are going to make the NCAA tournament or are we going to come up short for it this year?
GTO: 1. I think he changed his mind from ISU to Iowa and then that weird, exaggerated laughter from Fran made him change back to ISU for good.
2. Tyrese lineup: Halliburton, Bolton, Blackwell, Solo, Conditt. Non-Tyrese lineup: Bolton, Jackson, Blackwell, Solo, Conditt. First off the bench will be, in this order: Griffin, Grill, Foster, Dubar.
3. I think we make it. I feel this team is better than what people give them credit for.
Pants: 1. Not really. My source doesn’t really have specifics like that sort of thing, she mostly just knows how the staff tends to be feeling about people because she works closely with them, but not really the deep specifics like that. It didn’t go 100% Iowa State to 100% Iowa and back though. More like 99% Iowa State to 50/50 then back to Iowa State. My gut says he just wanted to give Iowa every chance being a fan of theirs and they couldn’t seal the deal.
2. I’m actually assuming Hali comes back next year. Hali, Bolton, Griffin, Solo, Conditt to start. Foster and Dubar off the bench.
3. We’ll be in the tourney, but we’ll be sweating it a little bit more than we’ve had to in the past. I’m really liking this team so far, though, and am pleasantly surprised with Prohm going the two bigs route.
JSB: 1. I don’t have any sources. Are you a source? Do you want someone to funnel your inside information to the masses? Do you want the masses to not quite be sure if the information is correct because I am somewhat unreliable and sometimes plays to the message board by pretending to be a bit unhinged? I’m available! Pants and GTO have my email. (My guess is that Xavier really wanted to pick Iowa since that is what he grew up knowing and loving. But he’s smart, so he knew Iowa State was the place. But it is hard to make that final decision using your head instead of your heart. I would not be that smart and would pick the team that I liked best.)
2. Who knows? I’d say Bolton, Solo, Tyrese, Conditt, and Jackson. If Tyrese is gone, switch him out with Dubar. I think Grill and Foster are the first two off the bench.
3. The poor shooting is concerning to me. Also concerning we beat MVSU by almost 40, but Utah beat them by almost 100. I’d lean towards no tournament just because it has been that sort of week.

@CloniesForLife asks: What's your favorite SNL skit?
Pants: I haven’t watched SNL in so long…..Something with Chris Farley? I don’t know.
JSB: The Black Jeopardy one with Tom Hanks and this one where 3 people are describing their near death experiences and Kate McKinon has some defective angels taking her to heaven. (It’s hard to explain but really funny.)
GTO: Anything with Chris Farley, anything with a terrible looking animal puppet (Toonces the Driving Cat, The Falconer, etc.), or any of the Jeopardy ones with Sean Connery. To be honest, I haven’t watched SNL for at least a couple of decades, so those are the only ones I can remember.

@Sigmapolis asks: Who is your favorite enlightened despot?
I've always been partial to Frederick the Great.
GTO: I would go with Haile Selassie (aka Ras Tafari Makonnen), emperor of Ethiopia and inspiration for the Rastafarian movement. His life is a really interesting read, if you have the time.
JSB: Me.
Pants: Probably @Angie

 

[GTO]

@Ms3r4ISU observes: Eeewwww! (Did I spell that right?)
Pants: GTO, please insert the Jimmy Fallon Eww meme.
JSB: No offense, but I really hate that skit.
Pants: Offense taken, yet it only makes my love grow stronger.
GTO: Don’t even know what skit you are referring to, but I think @Ms3r4ISU was referring to the taste of that sweet, sweet nut juice. Guessing she is not a fan.
Pants: OMG, you’re going to make me do this?! Fine.

@Ms3r4ISU asks: I get so confused trying to find the latest threads here, and really wish they had their own forum. Who among you can make that happen?
Pants: We considered making a website to link to, but you guys aren’t giving us nearly enough love lately. Make that happen and we can talk.
GTO: I thought Pants had some pull with Angie to give this its own forum, but seems like I overestimated his charm. For now, I just post the link to the previous five mailbags if there are any you missed.
JSB: I’m still a little hurt that there weren’t more questions for me.

@SCyclone asks: Is it possible for Nebraska to suffer an even more embarrassing loss (than the 19 point debacle against mighty UC-Riverside) this year under CFH?
GTO: I mean, they followed it up with a 2-OT loss to Southern Utah at home. Is that not bad enough for you?
JSB: If there is a God, yes. I tend to think he’ll do OK there, but he’s going to have to pretend to be interested in recruiting a lot more. But no one would be happier than me if he fizzled out and ended up coaching far, far away from here.
Pants: Yes. But Fred will get it together. I don’t think he’ll reach the levels of success he had here, but I think he’ll do well there still, especially based on their historical standards.

@GTO getting the Fred questions started: Okay, I'll bite. Give me two good things and two bad things about both Fred Hoiberg and Steve Prohm.
JSB: Fred Good-1) He put Iowa State basketball on the map. It was fun being a national story. 2) He was really, really good at dealing with players and managing egos. Fred Bad-1)He lost interest in recruiting and you the transfer thing was drying up. 2) He left
Steve Good-1) He’s managed to follow a legend about as well as could be expected. I will contend that coming into that situation was much harder than coming into a situation where the previous coach was fired because he sucked (see Iowa fans excusing Franny for 10 years because of Lick) 2) He seems to learn from his mistakes (it looks like he’ll handle the Tyrese to the NBA thing differently than Wiggs/Horton-Tucker, etc). Steve Bad-1) It took him a while to figure out the type of players he needs to win here. 2) Sometimes he isn’t as good as out-smarting his opponent as I would like.
Pants: Hoiberg Good: Brought excitement back to the program. Love me some Hoiball. Hoiberg Bad: Checked out the last year or so and it knocked the program down a bit. Really left us in a lurch with the timing of when he left.
Prohm Good: Fantastic recruiter. Loves his team and seems to love being here. Prohm Bad: Not the best with adjustments. Wears weird pants.
JSB: His pants have gotten better. I always wondered how someone with such a young wife could manage to dress so bad.
GTO: Fred Good: 1) made ISU basketball relevant again. 2) innovative (first one to truly tap into the transfer market, unique offensive sets, etc).
Fred Bad: 1) defense optional. 2) Not so much that he left, but how he left. We were led to believe it was for his dream job and that he hated college recruiting. Also left the recruiting pipeline completely empty since he was already checked out. Then he decides a few years later to come back to college basketball coaching?
Prohm Good: 1) Seems like a genuine guy and did not let our program crash after Fred left. 2) Great recruiter.
Prohm Bad: 1) Weird timeout usage that usually kills our own runs. 2) Chapstick addiction.
By the way, I have no problem with Prohm’s pants, as those are his recruiting pants. When you have huge recruiting balls like he does, you need them pants to be as loose as possible. Only Prohm would go into Illinois and take 3 of the top 4 recruits. Or get a commitment from a guy whose whole family are Hawkeye fans.

@GTO asks: Hypothetical question: you're in a fight at the club and need to pick two Cyclone players as your backup. Which two do you pick? (can be football or basketball)
Pants: Solomon Young and La’Michael Pettway.
GTO: I would go with Ray Lima and Solomon Young, with Matt Leo as an alternate.
JSB: Mike Jacoboson (I think we learned that last year) and Zach Petterson.
Pants: CRAP! I was thinking Matt Leo when I first read the question. I’m changing to Leo and Solo.

 

[GTO]

@Cyched picks from his weekly list of stumpers (pun fully intended): If money doesn’t grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
GTO: I tried looking this up and it seems that bank branches originated in 3rd century Persia. Don’t know what I’ll do with that information, but can tell you that money doesn’t grow on trees or banks, so no conflict in both of them having branches.
JSB: I’ve spent 15 minutes trying to think of a clever answer…...oh here it is: if I had gotten together with Boxster or Pants like I should have, I wouldn’t have to worry about money!
Pants: The same reason plants and governments have branches. So you can make like a tree and leave.

Newcomer @Cyhig asks: First time caller, long time listener
Since Iowa State has been watching Xavier Foster develop for long time, probably since the Hoiberg era, any chance Hoiberg will go after Foster?
I'll hang up and listen
(please note sarcasm)
JSB: We’ve already established that Foster is smart. So, no, he would not consider living in Nebraska for 4 years.
Pants: Hoiberg doesn’t recruit, so no.
GTO: I think I saw Matt A. landing at the Des Moines airport. His carry-on was two cartoonish-looking bags with a dollar sign on each one. Probably totally unrelated.

@Sigmapolis with a TL;DR question: Fun essay question...
Hoiball was fun and took us from bottom-feeder to perpetual tournament invitees in short order. However, was its reliance on transfer recruiting and lack of defense going to put a ceiling on how far we could go in both the regular season (e.g., consistently being ranked in the Top 5 or Top 10) and the NCAA tournament (e.g., making runs into the second weekend of the tournament or even to the Final Four)?
How far could Hoiberg have taken us as a program given some of his and his style's known limitations? Or would we have stagnated or even declined?
Pants: In short to the first part. No. In the tournament, all you have to be able to do is get hot. And his teams COULD get hot. Obviously it’s a lot more risky when you’re so reliant on offense. But it’s not unreasonable to think the team couldn’t get hot for 6 games. We were a Final Four team in that loss to Ohio State that we didn’t actually lose (**** Aaron Craft.) Would we have stagnated? Possibly? Obvious the transfer market changed after his success became obvious to others. But, depending on which coaches he had, I don’t think it’s a guarantee. Even though he hated recruited, he had some great recruiting coaches on his staffs.
GTO: Hoiball’s biggest limitation was when it came to defense. I think we would have been top 25 every year with occasional stints in the top 10. Tournament wise? I think some of the teams could have definitely made some deep runs in the tournament. I think it would have been consistent and not declined.
JSB: This is the eternal question. If he was completely all-in at Iowa State I think he could have continued his success. When he cared about high school recruiting he managed to get good players. I doubt he could have gotten us to be a consistent top 10 program, but probably top 25. The Final Four is such a crap shoot though. Some of the Fred teams and Steve teams were no worse than some of the surprise Final Four teams the last few years. It’s all about luck when you are in that 3-7 seed range.

@cmjh10 with some questions for JSB. In short, trying to find out the reason for the Fred hate?
JSB: Do I hate Fred?
Pants: JSB is an angel.
GTO: I heard that if you say “Fred Hoiberg” in front of a mirror 3 times, JSB will appear and kick you in the hoiballs.

@GTO with a seasonal question: rank the following holidays based on three factors: food, music, decorations.
Halloween
Thanksgiving
Christmas
GTO: Halloween - food (candy, I guess) 5, music 8, decorations 10. Thanksgiving - food 10, music (is there really any?) 2, decorations 4. Christmas - food 8, music 10, decorations 10. I guess the winner for me would be Christmas.
JSB: Christmas is one, mainly because I love my Christmas decorations and I leave them up through January. Thanksgiving is 2nd because I love my mom’s stuffing and I only get it once a year and third is Halloween because I’m not a heathen (just kidding I like Halloween too)
Pants: This is not easy. I ******* love Christmas music, so that will have to be 1. Also, as I’ve gotten older and started to appreciate family more, I appreciate Christmas more. Thanksgiving would be 2 because I love food. Halloween 3. If you included movies, Halloween would contend for number 1 because I love horror movies, but based on the criteria, that’s my rankings.
GTO: I love horror movies too, but Christmas also has a solid movie lineup. Even some horror Christmas movies.

 

[GTO]

@CloniesForLife bringing on the PTSD: What is your worst date you have had?
Pants: So I was at the Colts playoff game, Peyton Manning’s last game as a Colt where they lost by a last second field goal. I had bought a single ticket off my friend because his dad ended up buying a bunch of tickets together for his family. I start flirting with this girl that was actually with her mom and dad. She was a cutie, way out of my league. If I’m a 4 or 5, she was an 8. But she gives me her number. SCORE! Obviously, hindsight, all sorts of redflags, but whatever, I was like 27 or 28 and she was hot. So we go out to dinner. First off, turns out she’s like, 20. A bit too young, but we’re already on the date, so it’s whatever at that point. She talks, non-stop, for like, an hour and a half about shoes. Just all sorts of different shoes. Dress shoes. Workout shoes. Casual shoes. Where she shops for shoes. She has a shoe blog and she shows me her shoe blog. And talks about the people that follow her shoe blog. And how there’s apparently like some super minor reality celebrity that like, re-blogged her shoe blog once. Just all shoes, all the time. I’ve never been closer to wanting to slit my wrists. Anyway, I took her home and we boned a couple of times. I mean, she was an 8, and I’m most definitely not. But I can’t date someone that is that dumb. I’ve got to be able to have some kind of an ability to have a conversation. To this day, she’s still saved in my phone as “Crystal Something.”
GTO: Hmm… Worst date? I had a huge crush on this girl in college and we had hung out a few times, mostly as part of a group of friends. I finally manage to get her to go out to dinner and a movie with me and I was super excited. At the end of the night, we get to spend some time alone, but she just starts asking me all these details about this other friend of mine. I guess I totally misread that whole situation.
Also in college, first time I met my current wife was a bit of a disaster. We had a mutual friend and I had already noticed her, so I asked our friend to introduce me. She was so nervous when meeting me that she barely talked to me, except for some very short responses and managed to knock a drink off the table and spill it all over me. I couldn’t wait for that whole episode to be over. A couple of days later, my friend said that she really liked meeting me and gave me her phone number, which came as a shock to me. 22 years later and we’re still together.
JSB: Do we really believe the girl in pants story was 20? I’m guessing she was 17….
Well there was the one time I went out with a self-proclaimed socialist. This was before I was the enlightened liberal that I am now and I was a viewer of FoxNews. So that was a bad one. There was the time I went out with time I went out with a guy that wanted to plan out our entire lives together on the first date. But I will tell a story not exactly about a date, but is related to Iowa State and is just a funny story. My college roommate had a longstanding crush on Paul Shirley when we were in college. We get tickets to the NCAA in Minneapolis and are probably the only people thrilled about the fact Iowa State got the 2 seed. We are sitting next to 3 very cute Iowa State fans at the games. They were nice and sort of amused by us and offer to buy us things anytime they go to the concession stands. We should have been very interested in them. Instead, we spend the entire Iowa State game talking about Paul Shirley---what he was wearing, when would he play again, etc. It was funny in that way that it is to two slightly tipsy girls. We come back on Saturday and the 3 cute guys are there again. One turns to us and asks “Are you members of the Paul Shirley fan club?”. Because of course they had heard us. And one of the guys claimed to be his roommate’s brother. Was he? Who knows, but we got enough context clues to determine that he probably was. But the real problem is that I could have had a date with one of those guys if I hadn’t been focused on my friend’s crush.
Pants: You know, jsb, some people have said that if you squint really hard, I look like a shorter Paul Shirley.
JSB: You know, Pants, if you read my story, you know I was not the one with a Paul Shirley crush. I only really have eyes for you.
Pants: Be careful, I have your full name and email address now.
GTO: Well, at least Pants managed to get some sexual heeling. I’ll see myself out...

@cmjh10 asks: How useful would you be in a zombie apocalypse? What skills do you have that would help you and others survive?
JSB: I would be the first one dead.
Pants: I like to think I’d be clever enough to survive for a while, but then I remember my dog barks at any noise outside and would immediately give up my position and get me killed.
GTO: Pros: I’m great at hiding, risk assessment, need very little sleep, and can fight. Cons: I hate running, I’m always hungry, have loud kids, and snore when I sleep.
I’m probably one of those faceless secondary characters in a zombie movie who die in some mass killing scene and then I would come back as the laziest zombie ever. Probably just lay there waiting for someone to pass by me thinking I’m dead and I would then just bite them.

@BCClone with a question from CF’s past: Pants, did you ever get jsb and boxster on a date together like you were trying a while back?
Pants: I thought I made progress at one point, but it kind of fizzled out in the end. Real disappointing, especially knowing how loaded @Boxster is.
GTO: I think @BoxsterCy has an affinity for crazy women. Do you think you fit that bill, jsb?
JSB: No. I thought at this point I’d be Boxster’s trophy wife and we’d be living off his fortune and we’d be the king and queen of Cyclone Fanatic.

@BCClone with a question so that he knows how to update his dating profile: McMurray from letterkenny had a question, what is the correct way for a male to measure his junk? The top side or the bottom?
GTO: Simple - take whichever measurement gives the larger number and add 2 inches.
JSB: If you have to ask, you don’t have enough to measure (rim shot)
Pants: Top side. Bottom is just cheating. You measure by the shortest part that can actually be inserted a person and/or object.

 

[GTO]

@ImJustKCClone with the tough question: Five best coaches and why, five worst coaches, and why.
These must be ISU coaches, any sport. Your criteria is your own (but it would be nice if told us what it was).
Caveat:
Goat, you must include Wayne Morgan on BOTH your lists.
Pants, you must include Greg McDermott on BOTH your lists.
JSB, you must include Fred Hoiberg on BOTH your lists.
JSB: This is exactly the type of question I was hoping for. Leave it to a woman to ask the best question. I like to share my opinions and basically make everyone listen to me. My criteria is that I have to remember when that person was coaching at Iowa State. Worst:
Walden-I mean, obviously. I find Walden fun to listen to and he probably never had a shot. But he was awful.
The Chiz-He sucked here but managed to get himself a much better job. That is annoying.
McDermott-It always seemed like he should be good. But he never was good. Why was that?
Fred-He stopped recruiting when he didn’t feel like it. His transfer strategy was great, but it was going to get a lot harder to do it well. He seemed like a basketball genius when he was here, but he did not after he left. He screwed Iowa State over by leaving when he did. And no program can be successful switching out coaches every 5 years and one would have thought that he would be the person that would bother staying here for more than 5 years.
McCarney-This is the one that almost all of you will disagree with me on. I just never liked McCarney. I feel about McCarney like a lot of you feel about Rhoads. McCarney never won a big game that wasn’t Iowa. Now that we are a decade removed, I can appreciate some things about him, but I bought football season tickets for the first time after they fired him.

Best:
Orr-The sentimental choice, but some of my favorite memories as a kid are at Hilton. I became an Iowa State fan because of Johnny Orr. And he started Hilton Magic.
Campbell-I mean, obviously. He’s not perfect and does some perplexing things at times, but if we can hold on to him for a long time, I think he could turn us into the new Kansas State. I just like that he has a plan and seems to be sticking to it.
Hoiberg-He saved Iowa State basketball. He got us back on the national map and we became a media darling because of him. We won a lot of games when he was here.
Fennelly-He’s just been so good for so long. He’s made WBB fun to watch. He’s outlasted so many coaches.
Prohm-Objectively this should be Floyd or Larry, but I’m a sentimental person and Steve probably didn’t realize what a **** show he stepped into. You always want to be the one that follows the one that follows the legend. Very few coaches manage to come in after a successful coach and stick around very long. I just think Steve has done a pretty good job in a situation that was almost impossible.
Pants: My age will probably make me a little biased. Just a heads up.
Best.

1. Cael Sanderson-Took us probably to the highest peak that we’ve gotten of any of the “major” sports.
2. Kind of weird how it works as there’s not really a true staff, but the current cross country staff.
3. Fred Hoiberg-Brought us back from the ashes and had a great W/L record while doing so.
4. Matt Campbell-All of our other successes in football have been kind of looked at as flukes. He’s the first coach to actually bring continued success and respectability to the program.
5. Greg McDermott-Ummmm…..because he was a decent recruiter?
   Worst.

1. Chiz-Yikes, what (editor’s note: I started typing this and had to step away from it for work related issues, and don’t remember what I was saying, but I still think this is an appropriate response.)
2. GMac-He was a decent recruiter, but a ****** coach. It’s so weird to me that he’s been able to be successful in so many other places but couldn’t figure it out here when he arguably had the most talent.
3. I’m not old enough for this. Which one was bad? Walden? Criner?
4. CPR-I guess? This is too hard.
5. The guy after Cael.

GTO:
Best:

1. Orr - made ISU a basketball school, which at least gave us one sport to root for.
2. McCarney - some nice highs during his time at ISU.
3. Floyd - brought basketball back (before Hoiberg)
4. CMC - first football coach not having to rely on weak schedules for success. We are consistently competitive with the best teams in the conference.
5. Morgan - can give you a great discount on some dish service.
6. HM: Fred, Prohm, Fennelly, Sanderson

Worst:

1. Chizik - who mints their own coins? Really?
2. Eustachy - wasted potential. Dude was a wreck.
3. CPR - too many excuses.
4. Morgan - getting fired due to a scandal is never a good look.
5. McDoormat - set our program back a few years.
   

 

[GTO]

The end.

Thanks again for everyone who contributed questions this week and to our special guest @jsb who did an outstanding job.

 

[GTO]

Poll now added for customer feedback.

 

[Angie]

@Sigmapolis asks: Who is your favorite enlightened despot?
I've always been partial to Frederick the Great.
GTO: I would go with Haile Selassie (aka Ras Tafari Makonnen), emperor of Ethiopia and inspiration for the Rastafarian movement. His life is a really interesting read, if you have the time.
JSB: Me.
Pants: Probably @Angie

But I'm not a des... Yeah, that's fair.

 

[Gunnerclone]

Freaking millennials drink shaming me.

 

[ImJustKCClone]

@ImJustKCClone with the tough question: Five best coaches and why, five worst coaches, and why.
These must be ISU coaches, any sport. Your criteria is your own (but it would be nice if told us what it was).
Caveat:
Goat, you must include Wayne Morgan on BOTH your lists.
Pants, you must include Greg McDermott on BOTH your lists.
JSB, you must include Fred Hoiberg on BOTH your lists.
JSB: This is exactly the type of question I was hoping for. Leave it to a woman to ask the best question. I like to share my opinions and basically make everyone listen to me. My criteria is that I have to remember when that person was coaching at Iowa State. Worst:
Walden-I mean, obviously. I find Walden fun to listen to and he probably never had a shot. But he was awful.
The Chiz-He sucked here but managed to get himself a much better job. That is annoying.
McDermott-It always seemed like he should be good. But he never was good. Why was that?
Fred-He stopped recruiting when he didn’t feel like it. His transfer strategy was great, but it was going to get a lot harder to do it well. He seemed like a basketball genius when he was here, but he did not after he left. He screwed Iowa State over by leaving when he did. And no program can be successful switching out coaches every 5 years and one would have thought that he would be the person that would bother staying here for more than 5 years.
McCarney-This is the one that almost all of you will disagree with me on. I just never liked McCarney. I feel about McCarney like a lot of you feel about Rhoads. McCarney never won a big game that wasn’t Iowa. Now that we are a decade removed, I can appreciate some things about him, but I bought football season tickets for the first time after they fired him.

Best:
Orr-The sentimental choice, but some of my favorite memories as a kid are at Hilton. I became an Iowa State fan because of Johnny Orr. And he started Hilton Magic.
Campbell-I mean, obviously. He’s not perfect and does some perplexing things at times, but if we can hold on to him for a long time, I think he could turn us into the new Kansas State. I just like that he has a plan and seems to be sticking to it.
Hoiberg-He saved Iowa State basketball. He got us back on the national map and we became a media darling because of him. We won a lot of games when he was here.
Fennelly-He’s just been so good for so long. He’s made WBB fun to watch. He’s outlasted so many coaches.
Prohm-Objectively this should be Floyd or Larry, but I’m a sentimental person and Steve probably didn’t realize what a **** show he stepped into. You always want to be the one that follows the one that follows the legend. Very few coaches manage to come in after a successful coach and stick around very long. I just think Steve has done a pretty good job in a situation that was almost impossible.
Pants: My age will probably make me a little biased. Just a heads up.
Best.

1. Cael Sanderson-Took us probably to the highest peak that we’ve gotten of any of the “major” sports.
2. Kind of weird how it works as there’s not really a true staff, but the current cross country staff.
3. Fred Hoiberg-Brought us back from the ashes and had a great W/L record while doing so.
4. Matt Campbell-All of our other successes in football have been kind of looked at as flukes. He’s the first coach to actually bring continued success and respectability to the program.
5. Greg McDermott-Ummmm…..because he was a decent recruiter?
   Worst.

1. Chiz-Yikes, what (editor’s note: I started typing this and had to step away from it for work related issues, and don’t remember what I was saying, but I still think this is an appropriate response.)
2. GMac-He was a decent recruiter, but a ****** coach. It’s so weird to me that he’s been able to be successful in so many other places but couldn’t figure it out here when he arguably had the most talent.
3. I’m not old enough for this. Which one was bad? Walden? Criner?
4. CPR-I guess? This is too hard.
5. The guy after Cael.

GTO:
Best:

1. Orr - made ISU a basketball school, which at least gave us one sport to root for.
2. McCarney - some nice highs during his time at ISU.
3. Floyd - brought basketball back (before Hoiberg)
4. CMC - first football coach not having to rely on weak schedules for success. We are consistently competitive with the best teams in the conference.
5. Morgan - can give you a great discount on some dish service.
6. HM: Fred, Prohm, Fennelly, Sanderson

Worst:

1. Chizik - who mints their own coins? Really?
2. Eustachy - wasted potential. Dude was a wreck.
3. CPR - too many excuses.
4. Morgan - getting fired due to a scandal is never a good look.
5. McDoormat - set our program back a few years.

Well done! I particularly like the discounted dish service.

 

[GTO]

@GTO with a seasonal question: rank the following holidays based on three factors: food, music, decorations.
Halloween
Thanksgiving
Christmas
GTO: Halloween - food (candy, I guess) 5, music 8, decorations 10. Thanksgiving - food 10, music (is there really any?) 2, decorations 4. Christmas - food 8, music 10, decorations 10. I guess the winner for me would be Christmas.
JSB: Christmas is one, mainly because I love my Christmas decorations and I leave them up through January. Thanksgiving is 2nd because I love my mom’s stuffing and I only get it once a year and third is Halloween because I’m not a heathen (just kidding I like Halloween too)
Pants: This is not easy. I ******* love Christmas music, so that will have to be 1. Also, as I’ve gotten older and started to appreciate family more, I appreciate Christmas more. Thanksgiving would be 2 because I love food. Halloween 3. If you included movies, Halloween would contend for number 1 because I love horror movies, but based on the criteria, that’s my rankings.
GTO: I love horror movies too, but Christmas also has a solid movie lineup. Even some horror Christmas movies.

@cyrocksmypants - just wanted to point out that even with movies, I think Christmas wins.

 

[cyrocksmypants]

@cyrocksmypants - just wanted to point out that even with movies, I think Christmas wins.

But Christmas movies are awful (except Nightmare Before Christmas, which IS a Christmas movie).

 

[Gunnerclone]

But Christmas movies are awful (except Nightmare Before Christmas, which IS a Christmas movie).

Wait until you get a wife. You will LOVE, Love Actually or you will DIE.

 

[GTO]

But Christmas movies are awful (except Nightmare Before Christmas, which IS a Christmas movie).

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles? Elf? How the Grinch Stole Christmas? Christmas Vacation? Gremlins? Bad Santa? Krampus?
Should I go on?

 

[BoxsterCy]

@BCClone with a question from CF’s past: Pants, did you ever get jsb and boxster on a date together like you were trying a while back?
Pants: I thought I made progress at one point, but it kind of fizzled out in the end. Real disappointing, especially knowing how loaded @Boxster is.
GTO: I think @BoxsterCy has an affinity for crazy women. Do you think you fit that bill, jsb?
JSB: No. I thought at this point I’d be Boxster’s trophy wife and we’d be living off his fortune and we’d be the king and queen of Cyclone Fanatic.

Here to confirm I still love cray cray women but I might be getting to the age where I need to add "slightly" as a predecessor for cray cray. Coincidentally I was rummaging around this morning in a closet 2nd tier shelf (where stuff goes to get lost) looking for a box of old photos and found stuff that belonged to CWW#2. Trashed it cause mostly luggage and who wants a garment bag embroidered with the name CWW#2. Hey, @GTO , do you have any need for an old windshield sun screen that says "Don't Mess with Texas" when it's unfolded? It was originally bought and used in Dallas.


PS Looked inside the luggage just to make sure it was not her secret stash of cash. Was disappointed.

 

[cyrocksmypants]

Here to confirm I still love cray cray women but I might be getting to the age where I need to add "slightly" as a predecessor for cray cray. Coincidentally I was rummaging around this morning in a closet 2nd tier shelf (where stuff goes to get lost) looking for a box of old photos and found stuff that belonged to CWW#2. Trashed it cause mostly luggage and who wants a garment bag embroidered with the name CWW#2. Hey, @GTO , do you have any need for an old windshield sun screen that says "Don't Mess with Texas" when it's unfolded? It was originally bought and used in Dallas.


PS Looked inside the luggage just to make sure it was not her secret stash of cash. Was disappointed.

Hey @jsb i think you might still be in the game.