***Official Insider Information Weekly Mailbag 01-29-2020***

[GTO]

First and foremost, a few links:
Our official question submissions thread: https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...n-weekly-mailbag-questions-submission.251174/

Link to last five mailbags (if bored and need some reading material):
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-12-11-2019.253483/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-12-18-2019.253655/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-01-08-2020.254206/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/threads/official-insider-information-weekly-mailbag-01-15-2020.254348/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-01-22-2020.254482/


Official Insider Information Weekly Mailbag 01/29/2020
With special guest @bannedman
Presented by the 2020 Tetris World Championships - Broadcasting on ESPN2 so that we may move some real sports to ESPN+ and force people to pay for the real content

@jcyclonee asks: I know it's late for this week's mailbag but can we hear GTO's joke about boning Wonder Woman?
GTO: Here’s the joke (it’s not that great and NSFW): Censored
Bannedman: ?
Pants: This is offensive and you should be deeply ashamed.
GTO: It is in pretty bad taste and maybe should only be delivered via PM. I never said it was good.
Pants: I’d be more offended if you censored it.
GTO: you want it back?
Pants: Honestly, I’m surprised not everyone knows that one. Feels like it’s been around since I was a kid.

@jcyclonee again: Sorry. I have one more very important question for this week. I guess this one could be for next week. Can you please handicap the Tetris World Championship contenders?
@coolerifyoudid responds: Isn't being socially handicapped enough ?
Bannedman: no
Pants: Maybe we should have Cooler as a guest at some point?
GTO: I don’t know, but this year’s field is absolutely stacked (pun intended). We have (actual pictures):

Self-proclaimed bad boy of Tetris, Jonas “The Long Piece Nightmare” Neubauer

Tomohiro “The Japanese Burrito” Tatejima

Koji “Too Old for this Sh*t” Nishio

European champion Svavar “the Scandinavian Heartbreaker” Gunnarsson

17-year old Tetris phenom and current champion Joseph “The Bedwetter” Saelee

Tetris creator Alexey “Big Daddy” Pajitnov.

Pants: I feel like I should know about this whole thing, but I just can’t bring myself to care. At all.

 

[GTO]

@Cy$ with an inappropriate question: What does “make that ass clap” mean? A guy that likes to clap asked me and i dont know either.
clap them cheeks? Isn't that the same as slapping someone?
Pants: Making that ass clap is essentially the new version of twerking.
GTO: Clearly the only strip clubs you have visited have been in Iowa.
Bannedman: ass clap = (shake ya ass - mystikal); clap cheeks = hetrosexual anal and or vaginal sex (balls hitting anus). This term refers to the sound made during the intercourse (similar to clapping in approval).
Pants: Wow, this was informative.

@BCClone asks: Is it better to spend a day without pants or with pants?
GTO: Always with pants. You never know what could go down and you don’t want to have to run out of your house Porky-pigging it.
Bannedman: i’ve never met him but i think we’d get along.
Pants: Without. Also nice if you’re not wearing pants.

@BCClone pushing it:
Is this a question.
Is this a question?
Is this a question!
Bannedman: no.
Pants: I’ll only answer the second one because we only answer questions here.
GTO: *blank*, yes, *blank*

@Doc asks: Thoughts on the book murderer? Genius or monster?
https://amp.theguardian.com/books/2...love-alex-christofi?__twitter_impression=true
Pants: I don’t know what this is, but I’m on my work laptop, so I refuse to click on the link.
GTO: Genius. It’s just a paperback, so who cares. A paperback that thick would break eventually, so the book manufacturers need to step up their game. And I say that as someone who loves books.
Bannedman: read? No.
GTO: @Pants - It is a clean link about a guy who takes thick paperbacks and rips them in half so that they’re easier for him to carry around.
Pants: Sounds like a dude that wants to brag about his ability to rip a book in half.

@CloniesForLife lobbying for his fellow poster: When are you going to get Doc as a guest speaker? I enjoy his takes.
GTO: Only if he agrees to give medical advice on all his answers like that douche Dr. Oz. Maybe even wear stupidly unnecessary scrubs during the whole mailbag.
Bannedman: are u doc’s alt account?
Pants: I’m all for a Doc guest appearance. But as we would have to request Cowgirl be drunk during answers, I would also require Doc be wasted.

@BCClone asks: Guest speaker??? They doing podcasts now?
Bannedman: no.
Pants: Good question. @fitzy87
GTO: No podcasts. However, we’re doing chatroulette in the near future.
Pants: Oh, are we going to stop doing Omegle?

@jcyclonee. Seriously. Here is the complete novel: I ride the bus to work almost everyday because I care about the children of the world and I'm cheap. A year or so ago, a guy and a gal started riding together. They tended to be a bit overly affectionate (holding hands, rubbing their cheeks together, whispering to each other a little to close to each other). A couple of months ago I noticed that this guy and gal stopped riding together. Now, this morning, the dude shows up on the bus with a new gal. They are even more affectionate (I think they were actually making out for a while). My ideas to prevent this in the future come down to:
1. Ignore the issue
2. Politely ask them to refrain from this behavior
3. Flick boogers at them
For crying out loud, this is a commuter bus from the northwest suburbs of the Twin Cities, not a boat in the It's a Small World ride at Disney World where getting busy in front of the children is encouraged.
How should I handle this situation?
Pants: It’s a free world baby, let people be happy! Their affection doesn’t have any effect on you, let love be loved.
GTO: Sit right behind them, lean forward, and start whispering “Yes. Yes. That’s how daddy likes it.” I guarantee you that they’ll stop their behavior. Or you may just get invited to join.
Bannedman: sounds like this guy has been getting some wicked hog action. The fact that you have noticed suggests that you might not be happy in your current romantic area. I suggest asking him how he does it. If he is as cool as i think you’ll have to have sex with him (multiple times) because his methods can’t be just spoken into another. His actions need to be felt and experienced. so contrats on the new bf.

 

[GTO]

@Angie asks: Do you think this guy has a bus fetish? Is that a thing?
GTO: DO NOT look up “BangBus”
Bannedman: is that a thing? Have u been on internet..
Pants: I once watched a porno of a dude have sex with a woman wearing a bus costume. So yes, it’s a thing. Rule 34 baby.
GTO: Wait, isn’t the back door on a bus for emergency exit only?
Pants: I think it was the tailpipe.
GTO: Well, at least that porn had some backstory.

@Sigmapolis asks: Of the combined rosters from the past two basketball seasons --
Caleb Grill
Cameron Lard
George Conditt IV
Lindell Wigginton
Marial Shayok
Michael Jacobson
Nick Weiler-Babb
Prentiss Nixon
Rasir Bolton
Solomon Young
Talen Horton-Tucker
Terrence Lewis
Tre Jackson III
Tyrese Haliburton
Zion Griffin
Zoran Talley
Who would be your starting five and which three would be your rotational guys?
Bannedman: who cares... he says holding a 2013-2014 team photo in a bright pink and red heart shaped frame. The glass has a white haze across it.. Is it toothpaste? Well it was in his bathroom right next 2 the sink.
Pants: Starting 5: Conditt, Shayok, Hali, Wigginton, NWB. Bench: THT, Bolton, Young.
GTO: Haliburton, Shayok, Weiler-Babb, Young, and Wigginton. Bench: THT, Bolton, and Conditt.
GTO: I just want to point out that I answered mine first, so technically it was Pants who plagiarized me.
Pants: You put Young over Conditt, though, so yours is wrong.
GTO: Conditt is a lot like Lard when starting: a foul magnet.

@BCClone with a whole backstory: Cleaning out some of my moms stuff to take to goodwill. There were these blankets in a bag stuffed in a hallway closet. While carrying one I noticed a couple large yellow envelopes tucked in one. I opened the envelopes and found the U bill from my second semester and a scholarship application with a reference.
1) Think I’m still eligible for the scholarship so I should send it in?
2) Why was my Ubill in there?
3) Back then I received a tuition bill and a residence bill. Why were they separate then?
Pants: This reminds me of a completely unrelated anecdote. I like Antique Roadshow. Not so much that I seek it out, but whenever I’m visiting home and my mom is watching it, I’ll watch too. She’s big on like, heritage and family heirlooms and stuff. As soon as someone brings something that has been in the family for like, 7 generations and it gets appraised, I immediately respond with “Wow, I’d sell it” and she gets beyond pissed off at me every time. But seriously, that ugly blanket that great great great grandma bought from an italian tradesman is worth $50k. That’s a lot more useful for a college education than it is sitting in my house.
GTO: 1. Yes, send it in and attend college with your son ala Rodney Dangerfield. 2. Your mom was hiding from your dad the fact that you were attending college for some reason (I’ll leave that up for debate). 3. I also received it separately. No idea why.
Bannedman: so your parents paid for your college. Must be nice boomer

@BCClone asks: An older man, who passed away a year or so ago, was having coffee at a local caseys so I stopped and chatted with him for a couple minutes. Out of the blue he decides to say that he had had sex with 15 different kinds of livestock. I was confused and decided that was more than I cared to know so I said goodbye and walked out. What were the 15 types of livestock you think?
GTO: I bet that dude has been kicked out of his share of petting zoos. To answer your question, let me try to guess 15 livestock animals: chicken, turkeys, sheep, llama, pig, cow, horse, donkey, mule, alpaca, duck, geese, goats, ram, and… shepherd dog?
Bannedman: pass
Pants: Did he specifically say livestock? Or did he say animals?

@Cy$ asks: $1,000,000 if you win.
Who would you put on your CF pickup basketball team starting 5? (Including yourself). And why would I not be on it?
Bannedman: stupid who cares
GTO: GTO and Rahshon Clark at guards. Pants and Melvin Ejim at forwards, and @ImJustKCClone at center (and, yes, Ejim and Clark are CF posters). You may wonder about KC’s inclusion, but she is really good at drawing charges (although some people might say she is just getting run over). Why are you not in this lineup? Well, surely I can’t take out Ejim to put you in, can I?
Pants: Yeah, Clark and Ejim are the easy choices. Maybe Niang’s mom, since he had to learn his game from somewhere. Doc is pretty tall, so maybe him to. My wildcard 5th starter would be Bruce Vandevelde (I can’t remember where the spaces are in his name and don’t care enough to research it.) Cy$ wouldn’t be on it because I heard through the grapevine that he has man boobs.

 

[GTO]

@ImJustKCClone asks: Which made me think of another question, a multipart one:
Have you ever miss-dialed and carried on a conversation with the person on the other end without realizing you miss-dialed? What is the most embarrassing call like that you have had?
Pants: I don’t talk on the phone. It’s a decent percentage of why my relationships all fail. Also, partly because of my personality.
GTO: I hate talking to people on the phone in general. Can’t say the scenario you described has ever happened to me. I’ll give you my new trick to flush out automated telemarketer dialers. If I get a call from a number I do not know, I pick up the call but don’t say anything. If it is a real person, they’ll talk. However, automated telemarketer dialers will just hang up if you pick up but don’t say anything. You’re welcome.
Bannedman: no what is this 1956.

@Cyched asks: How much cheese is too much cheese?
GTO: When you’re dry-freezing the cheese, grinding it into a powder, and then snorting it off the back of some five dollar prostitute. Probably time to stop and seek help.
Bannedman: unpossible
Pants: When you can’t **** anymore, that’s probably the time to slow it down a little.

@Cyched asks: Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?
Bannedman: no. youre gucci bro
Pants: Confuscious says “that’s racist.”
GTO: One hour. Just like the food.

@BCClone asks: Can you answer my questions in the other mailbag? Chris asked first and it would be good for comparison to see who gives the better advice.
Pants: We’ve answered their mailbag questions before. I think the more important part is this time around, I just don’t care as much.
GTO: I see that CW didn’t answer your question. That’s what you get for going over there. As punishment, I’m also not answering your CW mailbag question. I hope you learned your lesson.
Bannedman: no

@CoachHines3 asks: i want to know if @Cyched learnt his lesson about stupid questions last week?
GTO: Clearly not, since I see he has increased his number of questions this week. He totally Yamanashied you.
Bannedman: @coachhines is the worst edition to this website. Im serousily thinkin about deleting my account
Pants: Oh ****, is this the first in-fight between guests?! I’m all for this.
GTO: I’m really tempted to give Coach Hines access to this document right now and letting them go at it all over these questions. Should have had them both as guests at the same time.
Pants: We’ve still got a few hours to make this happen….

@SCyclone asks: If Steve Prohm was no longer the MBB coach, who would want instead? (Best case scenario, no limitations.)
Bannedman: hopefully someone selected by a new AD. who the f builds a strip mall in a floodplain?
Pants: Fred Hoiberg.
GTO: Greg Popovich. Just so that I could see him pile drive Randy Peterson through a table after the very first of his stupid questions.

@SCyclone again: What's the most awkward moment you've ever had with your significant other? (Pants, you can just select one of your many GFs.)
Pants: This is going to be a boring answer, because I don’t really get embarrassed by all of that many things. But the first time someone says the L word is super awkward, especially if you haven’t said it that often so someone. Like, how do you respond without offending them but not feeling forced into saying it? Also, the first time you request butt stuff.
GTO: Yeah, I have no shame at home so not much there. I do agree with Pants that straddling that fine line between asking and negotiating for anything new in bed can be pretty awkward.

@SCyclone asks: Who would win a wrestling match between Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren?
GTO: Are we talking regular wrestling (winner: Joe Biden), oil wrestling (winner: no one), or mud wrestling (winner: no one)?
Bannedman: hopefully they both owen hart…. #yanggang
Pants: As someone that’s been accused of being a Bernie Bro, I’mma sit this one out.

@Angie asks: What is a hobby you'd love to take up, if time and expense were no issue?
Bannedman: woodworking (furniture). My wife brings home particle board ******** from target and it makes me v. sad. Also f the magnolia farm people.
Pants: Scuba diving. Almost did it when I lived in Hawaii, but it wasn’t cheap! Basic classes there were like, $1200. And it was a decent amount of time investment. Still would love to do it. If my bucket list involves open water swimming with great white sharks, I’m going to have to learn to scuba dive.
GTO: Unlimited time: drawing and painting. Unlimited time and money: hiking trips, pinball and arcade machines.
GTO: Swimming with great white sharks? Better be the last item on your bucket list, just in case.

 

[ImJustKCClone]

@Angie asks: Do you think this guy has a bus fetish? Is that a thing?
GTO: DO NOT look up “BangBus”
Bannedman: is that a thing? Have u been on internet..
Pants: I once watched a porno of a dude have sex with a woman wearing a bus costume. So yes, it’s a thing. Rule 34 baby.
GTO: Wait, isn’t the back door on a bus for emergency exit only?
Pants: I think it was the tailpipe.
GTO: Well, at least that porn had some backstory.

@Sigmapolis asks: Of the combined rosters from the past two basketball seasons --
Caleb Grill
Cameron Lard
George Conditt IV
Lindell Wigginton
Marial Shayok
Michael Jacobson
Nick Weiler-Babb
Prentiss Nixon
Rasir Bolton
Solomon Young
Talen Horton-Tucker
Terrence Lewis
Tre Jackson III
Tyrese Haliburton
Zion Griffin
Zoran Talley
Who would be your starting five and which three would be your rotational guys?
Bannedman: who cares... he says holding a 2013-2014 team photo in a bright pink and red heart shaped frame. The glass has a white haze across it.. Is it toothpaste? Well it was in his bathroom right next 2 the sink.
Pants: Starting 5: Conditt, Shayok, Hali, Wigginton, NWB. Bench: THT, Bolton, Young.
GTO: Haliburton, Shayok, Weiler-Babb, Young, and Wigginton. Bench: THT, Bolton, and Conditt.
GTO: I just want to point out that I answered mine first, so technically it was Pants who plagiarized me.
Pants: You put Young over Conditt, though, so yours is wrong.
GTO: Conditt is a lot like Lard when starting: a foul magnet.

@BCClone with a whole backstory: Cleaning out some of my moms stuff to take to goodwill. There were these blankets in a bag stuffed in a hallway closet. While carrying one I noticed a couple large yellow envelopes tucked in one. I opened the envelopes and found the U bill from my second semester and a scholarship application with a reference.
1) Think I’m still eligible for the scholarship so I should send it in?
2) Why was my Ubill in there?
3) Back then I received a tuition bill and a residence bill. Why were they separate then?
Pants: This reminds me of a completely unrelated anecdote. I like Antique Roadshow. Not so much that I seek it out, but whenever I’m visiting home and my mom is watching it, I’ll watch too. She’s big on like, heritage and family heirlooms and stuff. As soon as someone brings something that has been in the family for like, 7 generations and it gets appraised, I immediately respond with “Wow, I’d sell it” and she gets beyond pissed off at me every time. But seriously, that ugly blanket that great great great grandma bought from an italian tradesman is worth $50k. That’s a lot more useful for a college education than it is sitting in my house.
GTO: 1. Yes, send it in and attend college with your son ala Rodney Dangerfield. 2. Your mom was hiding from your dad the fact that you were attending college for some reason (I’ll leave that up for debate). 3. I also received it separately. No idea why.
Bannedman: so your parents paid for your college. Must be nice boomer

@BCClone asks: An older man, who passed away a year or so ago, was having coffee at a local caseys so I stopped and chatted with him for a couple minutes. Out of the blue he decides to say that he had had sex with 15 different kinds of livestock. I was confused and decided that was more than I cared to know so I said goodbye and walked out. What were the 15 types of livestock you think?
GTO: I bet that dude has been kicked out of his share of petting zoos. To answer your question, let me try to guess 15 livestock animals: chicken, turkeys, sheep, llama, pig, cow, horse, donkey, mule, alpaca, duck, geese, goats, ram, and… shepherd dog?
Bannedman: pass
Pants: Did he specifically say livestock? Or did he say animals?

@Cy$ asks: $1,000,000 if you win.
Who would you put on your CF pickup basketball team starting 5? (Including yourself). And why would I not be on it?
Bannedman: stupid who cares
GTO: GTO and Rahshon Clark at guards. Pants and Melvin Ejim at forwards, and @ImJustKCClone at center (and, yes, Ejim and Clark are CF posters). You may wonder about KC’s inclusion, but she is really good at drawing charges (although some people might say she is just getting run over). Why are you not in this lineup? Well, surely I can’t take out Ejim to put you in, can I?
Pants: Yeah, Clark and Ejim are the easy choices. Maybe Niang’s mom, since he had to learn his game from somewhere. Doc is pretty tall, so maybe him to. My wildcard 5th starter would be Bruce Vandevelde (I can’t remember where the spaces are in his name and don’t care enough to research it.) Cy$ wouldn’t be on it because I heard through the grapevine that he has man boobs.

Center? I'd have footprints (LARGE footprints) all over me!

 

[Sigmapolis]

Pants: Starting 5: Conditt, Shayok, Hali, Wigginton, NWB. Bench: THT, Bolton, Young.
GTO: Haliburton, Shayok, Weiler-Babb, Young, and Wigginton. Bench: THT, Bolton, and Conditt.
GTO: I just want to point out that I answered mine first, so technically it was Pants who plagiarized me.
Pants: You put Young over Conditt, though, so yours is wrong.
GTO: Conditt is a lot like Lard when starting: a foul magnet.

Observations --

You both picked the same eight guys, even if you had a different starting 5.

Neither of you wanted Jacobson or Lard.

The only "only this year" guys to make the team were Young and Bolton.

Nobody wanted anything to do with our new recruits for this year, especially Nixon.

I think we missed Young more last year than we appreciate. He might have been the starter the entire season if he was healthy and playing like he is now. He is stronger than Jacobson, too, which would have been nice in Tulsa.

I mostly asked that question as a way to reveal the talent downgrade we have had between this year and last and, yeah, definitely see it here.

You both say we lost three "consensus" starters between the two in Shayok, Wigs, and NWB.

 

[GTO]

@coolerifyoudid asks: What is the worst bad habit a co-worker of yours has ever had?
Pants: Just from the nature of my job and locations I’ve been at, I haven’t had a peer that I’ve worked in the same place with in probably 15 years. But probably self pleasure under the table.
GTO: There is this really ****ing annoying thing people do at work. Whenever there is a new job opening, every idiot at work who is applying for that job will have a few weeks of “hey, look at me!” moments to upper management. The worst part about it is that they will be asking all these ridiculous questions at the end of meetings just to show off to the bosses, while the rest of us just want to wrap up and leave. Annoying AF.
Bannedman: saying a prayer before every meal. Jesus christ what year is this

@coolerifyoudid again: If you couldn't get hurt or die, what would you love to do once?
GTO: Get in the octagon with Connor McGreggor, jump out of an airplane without a parachute, walk on the surface of Mars without a suit or air, or maybe (just maybe) swim with great white sharks (and test the theory about punching them on the nose).
Pants: Wrestle a bear.

@BCClone with some deja-vu: Do you prefer to spend your days with pants or without pants?
Bannedman: seems like a nice guy. We could go camping.
Pants: With. Also better if you’re wearing them.
GTO: Didn’t we already answer this question earlier in the mailbag? You’re getting senile, old man.

@BCClone asks: Do the people who live in the cave think they are going to change each other’s minds or do they just like calling each other names and personally insulting people?
Pants: I only insult the people there that are deserving of insult.
GTO: I don’t want to change anyone’s mind, but definitely want to make them feel stupid for believing the dumbest things.
Bannedman: @BCClone if you ask another question im going to microwave my labtop

@Angie asks: So, I ordered the half chile lime chicken salad thing from Panera, and they threw avocado all over that damn thing. I pulled those off and it was definitely missing crunch, so I threw some baby Goldfish on there (it was the closest thing I had to a crouton in my desk), not thinking anyone was looking. A coworker apparently just saw, and stopped her call w/a software vendor to come look and call it out to said vendor.
What weird things have you eaten and gotten called out on in a ridiculous manner?
GTO: I get shamed for being able to make a sandwich out of any meal. Look, if you did not want me to make a sandwich, you should not have included bread, rolls, tortillas, or even those two steaks.
Bannedman: nacho doritos on pb (creamy) and j (grape)
Pants: I live by myself, so I don’t really get called out for what I eat, unless my dog is silently judging me. And I don’t eat lunch, so my employees don’t see me eat.

@GTO asked: I got one for this week: what are your top 3 most hated CFisms (examples: "if coach wants him, I want him", "cheap and high quality", etc.)?
@CloneLawman adds: AND, what are your FAVORITE CFisms? Other than **** Iowa, of course.
Bannedman: fav: when the trump lickers come in the cave and get **** on. And cyclonepride or whatever his name is acting like a liberatian is a real thing. Hate: coachhines, bbclone questions. That amishguy
Pants: Most hated: Cheap and High quality jerseys, hookers and blow, pointy elbows. Fav: Oldie but goodie, whar edozie, Hoiball, CPR (because it accurately defined his regime.)
GTO: most hated: “if coach wants him, I want him”, calling Hoiberg “dreamy”, and “I trust CMC”. Favorites: Fat Stanley jokes (not because they’re funny, but because I know it bothers the Hawk trolls), how quickly CF is to derail troll threads, threads seeking advice.

@Cy$ asks: Who would win a wrestling match between @GTO and Deez Nuts?
Pants: Is Deez Nuts an actual person?
GTO: I don’t know, but I would wear a Jason Vorhees mask just to avoid any chance of Nuts accidentally ending up in my mouth.
Bannedman: hilliarous

@CloneLawman asks: If you could have anyone (not just people running) currently living to serve as President of the United States, who would you choose and why?
GTO: Bill Gates/Ken Jennings 2024 - brains, business acumen, charitable.
Bannedman: obama. Should have made him king the first time around. We’d finally have those death panels (later boomers) and sharia law.
Pants: Myself, because I would be an amazing president, and I will when I run. Pants 2032.

@cmjh10 asks: If you could only eat one source of protein for the rest of your life, which would you choose?
Be specific, not just plant or fish based.
Bannedman: tofu. So many things you can do with tofu.
Pants: I had a joke, but it was inappropriate. Fish. I’m pescatarian, and the reason I’m not vegetarian is because I couldn’t give up sushi. Also, not sure if bannedman was joking, but tofu is good when it’s fried.
GTO: Chicken, just because it is more versatile than the other meats.

@Cyched trying to triangulate our coordinates: With both of you living out of state (no idea where bannedman lives), what is your favorite Iowa "thing" that you miss the most. Least favorite that you don't miss?
Pants: God, it’s been so long since I’ve been in Iowa as a resident…...miss the most is probably going to Iowa State football games. Least miss is the weather. My stint in Minneapolis was a great reminder for me that I’m just not cut out for that world anymore.
GTO: I do miss some of the local food joints and easier access to everything ISU. What I don’t miss is the snow and below zero temperatures.
Bannedman: miss: runza in council bluffs. Least: Farmers sucking off the gov teet while also condemning people on food stamps etc in urban areas.
Pants: Bannedman might be trying to get us moved to the cave.

 

[GTO]

@BCClone asks: If you were to be in a food eating contest and could pick the food, what are you picking?
GTO: Something I enjoy, but don’t eat often enough so that I don’t ruin it forever. Maybe chicken wings? Definitely not anything I would have to dip in water like those hot dog eating contest freaks. That is just disgusting.
Bannedman: cottage cheese
Pants: Milk.

@VegasCy has entered the chat: Can you quantify the upside of running for President when you realistically have no chance of winning?
Bannedman: sell books. And or commercials about gold or some ****
Pants: Different cabinet positions that you can be chosen for. Also, depending on your platform, you can help shape what the conversation is about even if you don’t get chosen. I think Bernie, for example, helped move some of the conversation left in 2016. The support for universal healthcare, for example, has significantly increased since he put it on a national conversation.
GTO: The fact that you can then rip on all the president’s decisions and then claim you would have done things differently. For years and years afterwards. Also have people throw out your name always saying you would have done a better job.

@VegasCy again: Does Cyched have to research his questions or does he just have a really big...brain?
Pants: I think he uses mad libs to figure it out.
GTO: I think Cyched is just good at the Google. Probably looks up unanswered mysteries online and then posts them for us to research for him.
Bannedman: i think he might be god.

@VegasCy letting loose: More annoying phrase? “Talent buffer” or “force sensitive,” and use them both in one sentence.
GTO: Talent buffer. I hate all the corporate buzzwords. Force sensitive is stupid as well, but at least I don’t have to listen to it during business meetings. Use in a sentence: Leia told Han not to touch her in that particular spot because she was force sensitive.
Bannedman: idk what this is
Pants: I don’t know what either of these are. Are these pocket ***** terms?

@cmjh10 asking us to take his hand: Whats your signature dance move?
Bannedman: macarena is the only one a mildly know
Pants: Without question, The Carlton.
GTO: The Cha Cha Slide.

@cmjh10 again: If you could make a rule for one day that everyone had to follow, what would it be?
Pants: Pantsless Day.
GTO: the Purge.
Bannedman: everyone has to get high (weed). Yes Even babies (joke)

@BCClone asks: Any music that you listen to only by yourself because you think people would think it’s weird that you listen to that?
GTO: any sort of female empowerment/power ballads songs.
Bannedman: i only have one spotify station. John mayer BABY!
Pants: Not embarrassed, but I’ve been really into “Beggin’” by Madcon lately.

@BCClone again: What is the ratio of women to men posters on CF? And why is it such a sausage party?
Bannedman: 1:1000 or more. Because women are not dumb. And the world would be a better place with more of them in charge. Think of your mother or if your mom was **** think of your gma. Vote moms.
Pants: There’s only 4 women that post on this board. It was 5 at one point, but I dated one and she refuses to even be on the same message board as me anymore.
GTO: I can only think of less than 10 women on CF, but I suspect there may be more who don’t disclose their gender. Still a ridiculously low rate. Probably that low due to our focus on sports and off-topic jackassery.

 

[GTO]

@BCClone with the trifecta: What TV series would you like to have renewed?
Pants: If it’s picking right up without aging of the cast, Freaks and Geeks.
GTO: Detroiters. It is a shame that show got cancelled.
Bannedman: madmen

@BCClone still not done: What professional wrestler name would you use? What would be your gimmick and closing move?
GTO: The Punisher. My signature move would be non-stop puns.
Pants: The Big Kahuna. My gimmick would be cultural appropriation and my closing move would be to “Well, actually” them to submission.

@VegasCy asks: List the job security of all Big 12 basketball coaches from least secure to most secure.
Bannedman: no
Pants: I think I’ve only watched like, 5 college basketball games this season.
GTO: Smart, Boynton, Prohm, Kruger, Self, Weber, Dixon, Huggins, Beard, Drew.

@coolerifyoudid with a strange choice: You have to sit through one horror movie blindfolded and one wearing noise-cancelling headphones. What are your choices for each?
Pants: Blindfolded, Texas chainsaw massacre. The sound effects in that movie are brutal. Headphones, maybe like, The Ring? I don’t remember any of the dialogue in that movie, but I think the visuals can still tell the story.
GTO: Wow, this one is hard since a lot of horror movies rely on sound to build that atmosphere. Probably sit through something with no dialogue for the noise cancelling headphones (although would still miss out on the music). Probably Nosferatu. Blindfolded? Anything with a bunch of moaning and screaming.
Bannedman: no

@coolerifyoudid asks: Will @cyclones500 get his question in before the deadline?
GTO: Barely got it in (TWSS).
Bannedman: no
Pants: God, I hope not.

@BCClone with a philosophical question: How much time we got?
Bannedman: hopefully not long
Pants: 13 years, 37 days, 12 hours, 39 minutes and 52 seconds. From when I wrote this, of course, not when you read it.
GTO: I’m not sure, but I do know that we have to make the most of whatever time we have left. Therefore, upgrade to first class, get the brake fluid flush, add the extra shrimp on the side of your steak, get the heated steering wheel in the car, and add a delicious shake to whatever you’re eating. Just don’t look over your shoulder at the giant meteor rapidly approaching. All while our leaders and ultra-rich citizens are underground in a safe bunker to save the worst parts of humanity.

@cyclones500 asks: Without further anticlimacticism --- my questions, submitted for your approval.
Super Bowl Question I: Which non-game/off-field Super Bowl tradition annoys you most (or interests you least)? Elaborate.
Super Bowl Question II: Kickoff is scheduled for 5:30 p.m. Central. Pretend you are The God of TV-Sports Scheduling. What ideal kickoff time would you set for the Big Game? (assume it still takes place on Sunday, not some other day of the week).
Super Bowl Question III: Who is named MVP of Super Bowl LIV? You’re required to note the results during next week’s Mailbag.
Bannedman: move it to saturday start it at 7 pm central. Jimmy g mvp. And patriot fans are sad tim brady is still old and on the way out.
Pants: 1. The commercials. God I get sick of hearing people say “I only watch it for the commercials. 2. I think it’s fine just where it is. I like having it on Sunday evenings. Moving to Saturdays would destroy viewership. 3. Raheem Mostert.
GTO: 1. Bringing in some geriatric band for the halftime show. 2. Sunday at 2:00pm. Just enough time for people to get back from church and get plugged in, but not too late where you have to go to sleep right after it finishes. Leaves you just enough time to troll fans of the losing team before going to bed. MVP - Andy Reid’s mustache.

@BCClone closing it out for the week: Will there be weather delays at the opening football games again?
Pants: We’ll build a dome to play in, but somehow it will start raining in that as well.
GTO: For next season, they’ll open the Nigel Tribune Marina next to the grass lots, if that helps. Dedicated to Nigel, since he always seemed to be on an island with the other team’s best receiver.
Pants: Nigel Tribune. Now there’s a name I haven’t heard in a long time.
GTO: I don’t know who I cursed more those seasons: Tribune or the other CB Sam Richardson.
Bannedman: yes. Its called climate change. Also get rid of the natural turf

 

[Sigmapolis]

@BCClone asks: Do the people who live in the cave think they are going to change each other’s minds or do they just like calling each other names and personally insulting people?
Pants: I only insult the people there that are deserving of insult.
GTO: I don’t want to change anyone’s mind, but definitely want to make them feel stupid for believing the dumbest things.

Paraphrasing -- "I am smarter than everybody else."



Love you guys.

Most you all (90%ish) in the Cave believe basically the same things anyways.

You have just chosen the few moderates that are dumb enough to come around (and I say moderates broadly -- and to emphasize the point you really do not have any true True Believers of the God Emperor in there, if you know what I mean) as your objects of hate. Otherwise, you would have nothing to do in there but sing together from the same hymnals. The parishioners invent a witch when they cannot find one.

Love is boring. Hate is fun.

 

[GTO]

The End.

Thanks again to everyone who contributed questions this week and to our special guest @bannedman, who did a great job!

Additionally, thanks as usual to my PIC @cyrocksmypants for as long as we have him (until that whole swimming with great white sharks thing).

Until next week!

 

[CoachHines3]

@CoachHines3 asks: i want to know if @Cyched learnt his lesson about stupid questions last week?
GTO: Clearly not, since I see he has increased his number of questions this week. He totally Yamanashied you.
Bannedman: @coachhines is the worst edition to this website. Im serousily thinkin about deleting my account
Pants: Oh ****, is this the first in-fight between guests?! I’m all for this.
GTO: I’m really tempted to give Coach Hines access to this document right now and letting them go at it all over these questions. Should have had them both as guests at the same time.
Pants: We’ve still got a few hours to make this happen….

please do us all the favor already

 

[ImJustKCClone]

The End.

Thanks again to everyone who contributed questions this week and to our special guest @bannedman, who did a great job!

Additionally, thanks as usual to my PIC @cyrocksmypants for as long as we have him (until that whole swimming with great white sharks thing).

Until next week!

I have to say that @bannedman was a pleasant surprise this week as I usually have little patience for his posts. Well done, you!

 

[Doc]

A Nigel Tribune reference! @GTO I am impressed

 

[GTO]

Poll now added for customer feedback.

 

[CloneLawman]

Another week, another ****** guest.

 

[cyrocksmypants]

Observations --

You both picked the same eight guys, even if you had a different starting 5.

Neither of you wanted Jacobson or Lard.

The only "only this year" guys to make the team were Young and Bolton.

Nobody wanted anything to do with our new recruits for this year, especially Nixon.

I think we missed Young more last year than we appreciate. He might have been the starter the entire season if he was healthy and playing like he is now. He is stronger than Jacobson, too, which would have been nice in Tulsa.

I mostly asked that question as a way to reveal the talent downgrade we have had between this year and last and, yeah, definitely see it here.

You both say we lost three "consensus" starters between the two in Shayok, Wigs, and NWB.

I love Wiggi, and don’t know if I would have put him on the list, let alone as a starter, if this years team didn’t blatantly show how much scoring we don’t have.

 

[jcyclonee]

Bring back internetman!

 

[Sigmapolis]

I love Wiggi, and don’t know if I would have put him on the list, let alone as a starter, if this years team didn’t blatantly show how much scoring we don’t have.

Bart Torvik has us #41 in the nation for adjusted offense.

That is not great, but it is not nearly as dire as some make it out to be. We were #75 in adjusted offense in the 2018 season, for comparison.

The problem is our defense is ******* awful.

Our 2018 defense was #111 -- this year is #140 (!!!) bad.

We are missing more shots from three (31.3% this year to 35.8% in the 2018 season, so having Donovan Jackson and Lindell Wigginton around was useful for at least something), but part of that is the line being further out affecting everybody.

We are #323 in the nation defending the three-point line. Teams are shooting 37.1% against us -- I do not know how that is possible, but there it is.

We are also 0-4 in close games, which doesn't help.

Flip Oregon State, FAMU, TCU, and Auburn to our favor, and this is a completely different season. We are probably on the comfortable side of the bubble.

Unless Wigginton is going to D up and stop teams from drilling threes on us (lol) or at least hit some big shots late in close games (not what I remember him for), then I do not know if he is really the one to help with our current woes.

 

[BCClone]

Oil wrestling? Will take Tulsi in that one.