Help with Texas/Austin Jokes

[CyberJJJ]

I will be co-MCing a company event in Austin, TX in a couple of weeks. I have actually never been to Austin. Any jokes or humor you could share would be helpful, but I have to keep it clean.

 

[GTO]

I will be co-MCing a company event in Austin, TX in a couple of weeks. I have actually never been to Austin. Any jokes or humor you could share would be helpful, but I have to keep it clean.

If you don't want the crowd to turn against you, I would suggest some OU jokes instead. That should get all those Longhorns on your side.

 

[TXCyclones]

I will be co-MCing a company event in Austin, TX in a couple of weeks. I have actually never been to Austin. Any jokes or humor you could share would be helpful, but I have to keep it clean.

Since you're in Austin...
Anything patchouli-related
Cloud of smoke over Austin, figured it's either Willie Nelson, Longhorn Football or Matthew McCaugnahey, or all of the above.
Anything Menza-related, because Tom Herman... super genius.
But hey... at least it's not Waco.

 

[srjclone]

Just ask the tech guy at the beginning of your event if the mic can be turned up a bit. He turns it up. You say "test 1, 2. test 1, 2.... Okay, cool. Hook em."

that'll do it for them

then when you are finished hold up the horns down sign, and drop the mic. that'll really get em going

 

[CyberJJJ]

Less than a dozen of the ~200 folks in the group will be from Texas. It will be a "National" audience.

 

[Cycsk]

Make some joke about bats. Seriously, it is a big thing there.

http://www.batsinaustin.com/top-10-parking-locations-to-see-the-austin-bats/

 

[Cycsk]

You can use a Texas version of the classic Tennessee joke.

"Why do Texas fans wear orange?" "So they can go to the game on Saturday, pick up trash on the side of the road on Sunday, and go back to prison on Monday."

 

[Cycsk]

Make a joke about how Texas wants the wall to built on the Oklahoma border!

 

[Cycsk]

Refer to East Texas as still pretty much as it was in the 1930s. Depression era.

 

[Cycsk]

Perhaps make a few good ol' boy Texas ref jokes with Iowa State references.

 

[Gunnerclone]

Welcome to austin ladies and gentlemen. I’ve been all over the wonderful state of Texas...Dallas has the Cowboys, San Antonio has the Alamo, Waco has Magnolia Farms and Austin has...this conference.

Bud ump ching

 

[Cycsk]

Talk about meeting Ted Cruz at the bar and discussing his EL CHAPO bill. Tell them to make sure to drive under the speed limit and check their tailights because Ted Cruz is going to have officers looking for reasons to stop people in rental cars (like the people at your event).

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opin...chapo-pay-border-wall/?utm_term=.5531211a1dee

 

[CYphyllis]

CF might be the last place I'd look for comedic insights.

 

[Cycsk]

CF might be the last place I'd look for comedic insights.

Proven by my multiple replies!

 

[farm85]

 

[jcyclonee]

Talk about the wall. Everybody's lighthearted and open-minded about that topic.

 

[VeloClone]

View attachment 62403

Who the eff ever thought college baseball was relevant?

 

[srjclone]

Make a joke about how Texas wants the wall to built on the Oklahoma border!

I can't decide if Austin is the only place in Texas currently that you Shouldn't tell this joke, or if it is the only place in Texas that you should tell this joke. Probably better to stay away from any wall take in general haha

 

[KHoing07]

 

[coolerifyoudid]

"I wanted to open with a joke"

Then pull a can of Lone Star beer out and set it on the podium.