Ghosting

[dahliaclone]

Have a friend who was so into this guy for months then they were ghosted. Friend is really struggling and I’m not well versed in this stuff having been in a relationship for 12+ years. Has anyone been ghosted? What did you do? Did you confront the ghoster? Seems like ghosters would love that they got to you and would revel in knowing they hurt you but maybe that’s just me. I told my friend to not respond if and when they come back. Not sure if that’s sound advice though.

Anyone willing to admit they ghosted someone and why?

Thoughts? Any would be appreciated. I don’t know if I am being helpful to them or not. But seeing them this way sucks and ghosting seems pretty cowardly or narcissistic.

 

[Cy$]

I was just talking about this to someone else on facebook.

Ghosting is very common unfortunately. Not just in dating but friendships and job interviews too.

Confronting the other person doesn't do any good. I did it recently.
Ghosters usually don't care if they hurt you or not. They've deemed someone or something else more important. This is why confronting them won't really do anything, It could get the person to do introspection on themself, but usually isn't the case.

We're so used to social media and being behind technology that people in general lack humanizing people. We forget the other person has feelings, emotions, and stuff going on. We only consider what is best for us, even if it hurts the other person.

Ghosting is a very childish thing to do. If you can't tell a person, something to the form of, "Thank you but I'm not interested in pursuing this further, I wish you the best". You shouldn't have a managerial position or be dating.

Job related wise. I interviewed for a position at a financial institution in Des Moines about 5 years ago. I completed the interview and they said they'd keep in touch. They said they were still working on interviews. Another month, told me I was a finalist and they were preparing final interviews. I didn't get a rejection email until 6 months later. I forgot about the job at that point, but I will never do an interview with that company with the lack of professionalism they displayed at the end.

A mature person will not ghost someone they know has feelings for them. The best thing you can do as a friend is listen to them vent. It sounds like your friend didn't do anything wrong. The world has a lot of emotionally immature people and ghosting makes it easy to spot these people to not involve in your life. Let your friend know he's not alone, this happens to everyone.

 

[HighLeakageCy]

To me it’s kind of narcissistic to feel like you were ghosted rather than accept the truth that the world doesn’t revolve around you.

 

[dahliaclone]

I was just talking about this to someone else on facebook.

Ghosting is very common unfortunately. Not just in dating but friendships and job interviews too.

Confronting the other person doesn't do any good. I did it recently.
Ghosters usually don't care if they hurt you or not. They've deemed someone or something else important. This is why confronting them won't really do anything, It could get the person to do introspection on themself, but usually isn't the case.

We're so used to social media and being behind technology that people in general lack humanizing people. We forget the other person has feelings, emotions, and stuff going on. We only consider what is best for us, even if it hurts the other person.

Ghosting is a very childish thing to do. If you can't tell a person, something to the form of, "Thank you but I'm not interested in pursuing this further, I wish you the best". You shouldn't have a managerial position or be dating.

Job related wise. I interviewed for a position at a financial institution in Des Moines about 5 years ago. I completed the interview and they said they'd keep in touch. I didn't hear back after a month, they said they were still working on interviews. Another month, told me I was a finalist and they were preparing final interviews. I didn't get a rejection email until 6 months later. I forgot about the job at that point, but I will never do an interview with that company with the lack of professionalism they displayed at the end.

A mature person will not ghost someone they know has feelings for them. The best thing you can do as a friend is listen to them vent. It sounds like your friend didn't do anything wrong. The world has a lot of emotionally immature people and ghosting makes it easy to spot these people to not involve in your life. Let your friend know he's not alone, this happens to everyone.

Yeah the stuff my friend showed me from the ghoster and what they told them only to ghost them is cruel as hell. It’s not hard to say, like you said, it’s run its course and best of luck. Going radio silent is cowardly.

 

[Cy$]

To me it’s kind of narcissistic to feel like you were ghosted rather than accept the truth that the world doesn’t revolve around you.

if it's been a week with no response, unless you have no cell reception or have a family member in a coma, it probably means you were ghosted

Or a bad company you interviewed with

 

[BWRhasnoAC]

Have a friend who was so into this guy for months then they were ghosted. Friend is really struggling and I’m not well versed in this stuff having been in a relationship for 12+ years. Has anyone been ghosted? What did you do? Did you confront the ghoster? Seems like ghosters would love that they got to you and would revel in knowing they hurt you but maybe that’s just me. I told my friend to not respond if and when they come back. Not sure if that’s sound advice though.

Anyone willing to admit they ghosted someone and why?

Thoughts? Any would be appreciated. I don’t know if I am being helpful to them or not. But seeing them this way sucks and ghosting seems pretty cowardly or narcissistic.

I ghosted a girl that was a long term long distance relationship. We met in person and we just weren't at the right place maturity wise. I loved her but I wasn't in love with her. She was obsessed. I didn't intend to ghost her at first but when I told her it wasn't going to happen she called me 86 times in a row before I decided the only thing I could do was let her go.

I did after years reconnect with her. She was startled and shamed me for it but we still talk occasionally. I know she's never forgiven me and I don't blame her but sometimes all you can do is what's right for someone's health.

She's married now but I get the sense they are kind of a loveless marriage.

I don't know if it was the right choice but I wasn't healthy in her life at that point.

 

[dahliaclone]

To me it’s kind of narcissistic to feel like you were ghosted rather than accept the truth that the world doesn’t revolve around you.

They didn’t feel they were ghosted. They were ghosted. Hundreds (literally I saw the back and forth on my friends phone) of messages from the ghoster on a daily basis. I miss you. I can’t stop thinking about you. Blah blah blah. Then just cuts off all comms. That’s ghosting. Not sure how my friend is narcissistic but happy to hear your thoughts.

 

[dahliaclone]

I ghosted a girl that was a long term long distance relationship. We met in person and we just weren't at the right place maturity wise. I loved her but I wasn't in love with her. She was obsessed. I didn't intend to ghost her at first but when I told her it wasn't going to happen she called me 86 times in a row before I decided the only thing I could do was let her go.

I did after years reconnect with her. She was startled and shamed me for it but we still talk occasionally. I know she's never forgiven me and I don't blame her but sometimes all you can do is what's right for someone's health.

She's married now but I get the sense they are kind of a loveless marriage.

Thanks for this! Insightful.

 

[Cy$]

Yeah the stuff my friend showed me from the ghoster and what they told them only to ghost them is cruel as hell. It’s not hard to say, like you said, it’s run its course and best of luck. Going radio silent is cowardly.

people hate confronting others. If your friend decided to keep going and insult the ghoster, the ghoster can block you and be rid of it.

The counterpoint is no answer is an answer. However, when you ghost someone, it keeps the other person in a state of unknowing. You want to believe they have lots of important things going on, but it's important to know when it's fully over so you can start moving on.

 

[dahliaclone]

I ghosted a girl that was a long term long distance relationship. We met in person and we just weren't at the right place maturity wise. I loved her but I wasn't in love with her. She was obsessed. I didn't intend to ghost her at first but when I told her it wasn't going to happen she called me 86 times in a row before I decided the only thing I could do was let her go.

I did after years reconnect with her. She was startled and shamed me for it but we still talk occasionally. I know she's never forgiven me and I don't blame her but sometimes all you can do is what's right for someone's health.

She's married now but I get the sense they are kind of a loveless marriage.

I don't know if it was the right choice but I wasn't healthy in her life at that point.

Also if you told her it wasn’t going to work and then they called that many times I don’t consider that ghosting from what I’ve been told I guess. You tried to be easy on her.

 

[BWRhasnoAC]

They didn’t feel they were ghosted. They were ghosted. Hundreds (literally I saw the back and forth on my friends phone) of messages from the ghosted on a daily basis. I miss you. I can’t stop thinking about you. Blah blah blah. Then just cuts off all comms. That’s ghosting. Not sure how my friend is narcissistic but happy to hear your thoughts.

They might have died.

 

[Cy$]

I ghosted a girl that was a long term long distance relationship. We met in person and we just weren't at the right place maturity wise. I loved her but I wasn't in love with her. She was obsessed. I didn't intend to ghost her at first but when I told her it wasn't going to happen she called me 86 times in a row before I decided the only thing I could do was let her go.

I did after years reconnect with her. She was startled and shamed me for it but we still talk occasionally. I know she's never forgiven me and I don't blame her but sometimes all you can do is what's right for someone's health.

She's married now but I get the sense they are kind of a loveless marriage.

I don't know if it was the right choice but I wasn't healthy in her life at that point.

I wouldn't consider that ghosting really. You told her it wasn't going to happen. Most ghosters don't even say that. Just disappear completely

 

[BWRhasnoAC]

Also if you told her it wasn’t going to work and then they called that many times I don’t consider that ghosting from what I’ve been told I guess. You tried to be easy on her.

Ya I know, but I still feel guilty. You can't lie to yourself. We were really young still. She wasn't even in college yet while I was. I missed my friend greatly.

 

[dahliaclone]

people hate confronting others. If your friend decided to keep going and insult the ghoster, the ghoster can block you and be rid of it.

The counterpoint is no answer is an answer. However, when you ghost someone, it keeps the other person in a state of unknowing. You want to believe they have lots of important things going on, but it's important to know when it's over as well.

That’s kind of what sticks in my craw about this ghoster. Like I said above I’ve seen the messages. And videos of the ghoster that they’d sending daily to my friend. I’m talking hundreds of videos over like ten months. Then they ghosted my friend and my friend didnt reach out in anyway for over a month but they ghoster started liking and commenting on my friends social media posts. Like oh hey don’t forget about me but I’m too cowardly to message you.

 

[BWRhasnoAC]

That’s kind of what sticks in my craw about this ghoster. Like I said above I’ve seen the messages. And videos of the ghoster that they’d sending daily to my friend. I’m talking hundreds of videos over like ten months. Then they ghosted my friend and my friend didnt reach out in anyway for over a month but they ghoster started liking and commenting on my friends social media posts. Like oh hey don’t forget about me but I’m too cowardly to message you.

Ya that's narcissistic behavior. Sadistic too.

 

[madguy30]

To me it’s kind of narcissistic to feel like you were ghosted rather than accept the truth that the world doesn’t revolve around you.

Wut?

After a few months do you think it's just OK to cut someone off out of nowhere?

 

[dahliaclone]

Ya that's narcissistic behavior. Sadistic too.

Ok I thought maybe I was thinking that just because it has my friend reeling so I was defensive. But sounds like my friend is better off anyway.

 

[dahliaclone]

Wut?

After a few months do you think it's just OK to cut someone off out of nowhere?

Yeah I kinda want an explanation on that.

 

[BWRhasnoAC]

I have been in a relationship that was the opposite. Always keeping you dangling on a thread. Every time you thought you got away from her she drew you back in just to disappoint you again. I think I prefer to be ghosted.

 

[Cy$]

That’s kind of what sticks in my craw about this ghoster. Like I said above I’ve seen the messages. And videos of the ghoster that they’d sending daily to my friend. I’m talking hundreds of videos over like ten months. Then they ghosted my friend and my friend didnt reach out in anyway for over a month but they ghoster started liking and commenting on my friends social media posts. Like oh hey don’t forget about me but I’m too cowardly to message you.

thats cruel to like stuff after a month of healing. I'd tell your friend to block him. Nobody deserves getting treated like that. There's plenty of people that wouldn't play games like that