Rather than read the thread, did they actually meet this person in real life or was this online only?
Ghosting
- Thread starter dahliaclone
- Start date
Rather than read the thread, did they actually meet this person in real life or was this online only?
Oh they met. The more I hear about the ghoster and what they said to my friend from the beginning makes me more upset.
They were introduced via mutual friend years ago. Ghoster and friend crossed paths last year and started talking and seeing each other several times a week. And like I said I’ve seen the back and forth messages and videos the ghoster sent many times daily. Thinking about you. Miss you. Come over and cuddle. I wanna kiss you. Over and and over that stuff. Friend bought into it. They went on dates etc.
As a married dude of 24 years, I'm glad I don't have to date in this day and age.
I will say that ghosting is definitely more prominent in the younger generation, based on conversations with my daughter. She says she doesn't like to do it, but she has told me about various scenarios and the reasons for it. With the massive amount of contacts she has with people in other schools, she'll get some really unexpectedly creepy snaps from guys. She assures me she never adds guys unless she vets them through other friends that know him, but high school boys have a one-track mind and are way more forward than they should be. It's an absolute numbers game with them.
I hate that she has to deal with this, but I'm also glad that she's learning about the "real world" while she's under my roof. I definitely feel sorry for women that are legitimately just trying to be friends with people. The amount of creeps and **** pics they have to wade through is alarming.
I will say that ghosting is definitely more prominent in the younger generation, based on conversations with my daughter. She says she doesn't like to do it, but she has told me about various scenarios and the reasons for it. With the massive amount of contacts she has with people in other schools, she'll get some really unexpectedly creepy snaps from guys. She assures me she never adds guys unless she vets them through other friends that know him, but high school boys have a one-track mind and are way more forward than they should be. It's an absolute numbers game with them.
I hate that she has to deal with this, but I'm also glad that she's learning about the "real world" while she's under my roof. I definitely feel sorry for women that are legitimately just trying to be friends with people. The amount of creeps and **** pics they have to wade through is alarming.
She had just gotten out of a 3 year relationship when we met 4 years ago. Hasn't really dated since other than a few off and on's and a situationship. I doubt her friends even know about her 5 year ago break up since they're all newer friends (in the last couple years). It's a huge complex and she's on the 4th floor so it seemed like a very bizarre reaction to me along with all the other attempts to dodge me.
I'll never know what happened because I'm not reaching out to fix a problem she created. Annoying to not know what happened but I guess that's the closure. But ya just moving on ig
I'll pre-empt this with re-iterating that the ghosting is awful and I don't know how infused you are with your friend to be this involved.
But it also kind of sounds like there were red flags early on in the process and your friend may have had plenty of chances to cut ties.
I've had similar situations with a friend being in a toxic situation (to put it mildly) but at some point I just had to keep my own space and let them live with their own situations.
That's very common. Especially in modern dating because women have to deal with so many creeps, they're very guarded and guys can very tunnel vision and tend to be overly optimistic. It's really hard to date in this day.
The only reason to ghost someone is if they absolutely won't take no for an answer. if you've said "not interested" and they keep pinging you, then blocking them and ghosting is perfectly acceptable.
Conversely, if you were fine one minute and then ghosted with no explanation or notice... that's gutless.
Conversely, if you were fine one minute and then ghosted with no explanation or notice... that's gutless.
My dating life was pretty simple. I dated only 2 women, and one ended up becoming my wife. The other woman I dated was a 2+ year relationship that probably should have ended closer to the 1-year mark. It wasn't a healthy one, but we were both young and enjoyed the physical aspects of it enough to keep the idea entertained. After a time her mother got involved and essentially told me SHE was ending our relationship for us, because she was of the belief that her daughter was incapable of loving me due to her father abandoning her earlier in childhood (the mom was a little batsh*t in case you couldn't tell). So, since she lived with her mom at the time, we respected her wishes publicly, but still dated privately. It got to be too much and one day I just told her I couldn't do it anymore and needed a healthier relationship. It wasn't working for various other reasons. But it did not go over well. This girl would not let go. I even moved over an hour away to prove to her that I was done, and she called me in the middle of the night that she was on her way to live with me. I was like, no please don't, and please don't contact me anymore. I hung up and I haven't talked to her since. She continue trying to reach out to me via text or phone call for the better part of a few months after, but then it stopped. She met someone else and has a family now. I guess I didn't ghost her until it reached a certain point, technically speaking.
My current wife is the type to do this. We have been happily married for 5 years now in September. She is crazy in her own way, but I love her.
100% and I told my friend that I understood being smitten but looking at messages from the ghoster there were clear flags. One for instance was them saying something like 'i want to tell you something without sounding weird but i think i am falling for you.' In and of itself it seems nice etc...but i found the same exact wording to my friend two more times in following months. EXACT wording. That's weird as **** to me and I told my friend this screams that they are saying these things to multiple people and they aren't able to keep track.
My friend is just really distraught and thinks they acting wrong or said something so asked if I could look at their communcations to see what I thought. Granted...not all the messages were PG so it was also awkward haha.
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Unfortunately, it sounds like your friend was just a game for this person. Or at least a convenient companion. Better to cut ties now and move on. I would probably block this person on social media so the access and temptation to be pulled back in aren't there.
It's very common in modern dating. Some people are blessed with lots of options. Others aren't or fall hard. Makes for a dysfunctional dating environment.
I really decided to back off from trying to steer my friend away from his situation when I tried talking to him about some of the terrible things that had gone on and he just deflected or made excuses.
'Well her last relationship was just so messed up so she's just on edge from it'.
'Yeah the cops came but it sounded like it started with someone else showing up that triggered her'.
I've only had two jobs in my professional life (going on 15 years now) so I can't say that I've had lots of experience in the job hunt market but I think of all of the companies I interviewed for in my life, maybe one ever bothered to notify me that I didn't get the job.
The closest I've ever come to ghosting someone was telling them my work was busy(it was) and would talk to them when the busy season was over (I didn't) In my defense, we had never so much as held hands and she had never sent me any messages after that either so I think the feeling was mutual.
The closest I've ever come to ghosting someone was telling them my work was busy(it was) and would talk to them when the busy season was over (I didn't) In my defense, we had never so much as held hands and she had never sent me any messages after that either so I think the feeling was mutual.
A good leader will not shy away from being honest. Ghosting is just as big of a deal in the interview process as dating. My LinkedIn feed has posts with complaints of companies ignoring candidates after interviews.
