Are you prepared financially for death of a spouse?

[1SEIACLONE]

I have been wondering about this idea over the past few days, our daughter and her girls spent Saturday night with us, and when she went home she found her husband, our SIL on the floor. She called us, and 911, we rushed over, and tried CPR but he was gone. Only 50 years old, he suffered from seizures and the ME thinks he had another one which caused him to stop breathing and stop his heart. We are all crushed by the news, which leads to my question. Are you prepared financially for the death of your spouse? Our daughter has no clue, she told us that her husband handled all the financial details for the family, is not even sure what they have. We will be working with a local lawyer to help with this mess, trying to get everything figured out down the road. But for the rest of you, are you writing things down, and talking about what you have and how the other spouse can assess it. I saw something today about a book you can purchase that basically stated, "I have died" and here is all the important information that you will need. Does anyone have something like this. Thanks for the advice.

 

[JP4CY]

We have a password manager with unique IDs and passwords for everything.
So one of us would be able to login to all the accounts.

 

[ClonerJams]

Sorry to hear about your situation, that's awful for your daughter. I'm old school and just have everything written down in a notebook; update passwords as they change. Probably not the most efficient way but I'm paranoid about data leaks.

Get term life insurance if you don't have it, kids.

 

[FriendlySpartan]

I have been wondering about this idea over the past few days, our daughter and her girls spent Saturday night with us, and when she went home she found her husband, our SIL on the floor. She called us, and 911, we rushed over, and tried CPR but he was gone. Only 50 years old, he suffered from seizures and the ME thinks he had another one which caused him to stop breathing and stop his heart. We are all crushed by the news, reach leads to my question. Are you prepared financially for the death of your spouse? Our daughter has no clue, she told us that her husband handled all the financial details for the family, is not even sure what they have. We will be working with a local lawyer to help with this mess, trying to get everything figured out down the road. But for the rest of you, are you writing things down, and talking about what you have and how the other spouse can assess it. I saw something today about a book you can purchase that basically stated, "I have died" and here is all the important information that you will need. Does anyone have something like this. Thanks for the advice.

I’m so sorry for your daughter’s loss and what the family is going through.

We have an “in case I die” folder on a flash drive and in the safe. Has advanced care directives, passwords, account information, locations of all bills, finance information as well as a will. It also includes funeral information/preferences and any other arrangements to make the process simpler.

For sentimental value we also have a “final letter”, we try to update this every year when we do taxes or have a big life event but some years we haven’t been as active.

 

[cydsho]

Financially we are more than fine. If I kick before her, she won't be able to find her hand in front of her face as far as passwords to things. I've tried to share and explain but not very tech savvy. At least she has easy access to the life insurance and most of the retirement stuff since it's with a mutual friend. She'll figure it out when the lights, heat, and water shut off.....

 

[CoachHines3]

Dang, sorry to hear

We have a shared note in our Apple cloud of all logins/passwords.

Both of us are well insured as well, which I think is the biggest thing.

Know you can take care of yourself or your spouse can take care of themselves if something happens.

I’m not faulting your daughter here, but I do think both spouses need to know what’s going on financially. Or at least the basics.

 

[BCClone]

Sorry for your loss 1SE.

Financially I will be fine. I think the wife will but she has no financial know how and has 0 want to know. I have tried to go over things but it’s always, not now, whenever I try to go over things. My two sons would most likely be able to guide her, if she listens. I make sure to get paper updates mailed to me to force a trail. I have also consolidated a lot of things to make things less complicated. Also, several of my things are with local people so they would know if I passed.

 

[1SEIACLONE]

Thanks for everyone's advice, ourselves we have a file on our main computer with everything on it, what we have and who to contact, but I mean she literally knows nothing about what they have. I am sure they will be fine financially, it was his thing, but why not have a folder or a file that the spouse can log into. She was told that she had taken out an insurance policy on him through the school, so she knows she had that. His company has been helpful but like I tell her, this is going to take some time.

I would like to thank the Gilbert School for helping her out, and her neighbors and people she knows. Her next store neighbor came over and scooped the snow out of her driveway yesterday. Tonight we went out to eat to get her and the kids out of the house, when I asked for the check, we were told another couple that she talks to had taken care of the check. The people of Ames continues to impress me in her time of need.

 

[Cychl82]

We have a password manager with unique IDs and passwords for everything.
So one of us would be able to login to all the accounts.

I actually recently did this as well. Will is in place and all passwords. Adding my wife as account access to everything as well as hers

 

[cyfanbr]

I have been wondering about this idea over the past few days, our daughter and her girls spent Saturday night with us, and when she went home she found her husband, our SIL on the floor. She called us, and 911, we rushed over, and tried CPR but he was gone. Only 50 years old, he suffered from seizures and the ME thinks he had another one which caused him to stop breathing and stop his heart. We are all crushed by the news, reach leads to my question. Are you prepared financially for the death of your spouse? Our daughter has no clue, she told us that her husband handled all the financial details for the family, is not even sure what they have. We will be working with a local lawyer to help with this mess, trying to get everything figured out down the road. But for the rest of you, are you writing things down, and talking about what you have and how the other spouse can assess it. I saw something today about a book you can purchase that basically stated, "I have died" and here is all the important information that you will need. Does anyone have something like this. Thanks for the advice.

Very sorry to hear about your family’s loss.

We had our first kid a couple of years ago, and with that we got supplemental health insurance, so that if I pass away the wife and kid will be taken care of. I created a google sheets with instructions explaining how to manage the money, so that it lasts her entire life etc. That’s a live file that I’ve shared with her, so she will always have the link as I update it.

 

[BoxsterCy]

I’m so sorry for your daughter’s loss and what the family is going through.

We have an “in case I die” folder on a flash drive and in the safe. Has advanced care directives, passwords, account information, locations of all bills, finance information as well as a will. It also includes funeral information/preferences and any other arrangements to make the process simpler.

For sentimental value we also have a “final letter”, we try to update this every year when we do taxes or have a big life event but some years we haven’t been as active.

Reminds me I need to update my "Treasure Map" file I keep for my niece and sister who are my power of attorney peeps if an incapacitated/incompetent. Also for niece estate executor for dividing up the spoils. Would suck for something in an estate to end up in one of those state "lost funds" lists.

 

[AgronAlum]

Sorry to hear about your loss. I had a brother in law unexpectedly pass away this winter at 34 from heart complications. While they were financially stable (house paid off, second small vacation house with a minimal mortgage, decent savings, etc) there was no life insurance and my sister didn’t work anymore. Social security payments will be enough to live on but there will a dramatic change in lifestyle. Travel ball, vacations, the cabin, etc are on the chopping block.

If it would have been the year prior, she wouldn’t have even been on the bank accounts. He took care of everything. It would have been a huge issue because it took over 2 months for a death certificate. Luckily his employer paid all funeral expenses and paid her out 6 months salary plus estimated commissions.

They were also very active in the community so the outpouring of support was incredible. A lot of donations and meals almost every day for a month and a half. A lot of people still stopping by to help her out, fix things, run the nephews around, etc.

There are a lot of things she’s still figuring out. Just random things like streaming services and PS5 for the boys. If someone signs out, everything is gone.

It has really made us think about where we’re at with everything. I’m searching out life insurance. We’re going to start the will process soon. If I die, to put it bluntly, the family is ****** financially. If my wife dies, our family is ****** emotionally.

Every single thing we own is in my name only. We are a one income household. I’m the only one with any retirement savings. She’s the anchor that keeps the 5 of us tight.

 

[EvilBetty]

im single. no kids. I have informed my family to do whatever is absolutely cheapest if I meet an untimely end. the business of death is disgusting.

 

[carvers4math]

So saddened by your loss.

The sons know where husband stashed cash. He’s got some weird combo of The Walking Dead and It’s a Wonderful Life going on. They all are on the bank box list now, and know the fire safe location for one of our keys. Bank box has everything they need. Our attorney/friend will help them through the deal if we both go at the same time.

 

[CYdTracked]

I think I am way more prepared than my wife would be if something happened to 1 of us. I try to keep a list of all our accounts and logins updated as I do nearly all the finances and pay bills. We do use a financial advisor that part of our fee includes assistance with what happens with your financials if 1 of us were to pass unexpectedly. My parents use the same place and they had my brother and I and our spouses sit through a presentation with them on where they stand financially and what steps we need to take with them when 1 or both of them pass as they will help us gain access too and manage the assets along with advising how to minimize any tax implications in the process so that was a relief to know we won't be going into things blindly when that day comes.

As for other considerations, we have term life insurance and a living will on file at our lawyer's office. The one thing I have been trying to do is make sure all my beneficiary info on anything is accurate and up to date and I wonder just how diligent my wife has been keeping hers updated. I ran into 1 years ago when I was trying to access an account she had to get a some info to put into our financial planner portal and noticed that her parents including her deceased dad were the primary beneficiary that she had never updated after we got married so I wonder how many more like retirement funds she setup before we were married may still be that way. Technically if you have it all defined in your will you'll get access to stuff like this but its a lot easier if it's just put that way on the accounts in the first place.

Kind of related to this, like I said I pay most of the bills and manage our accounts and I have been putting together some stuff on our spending to go over with my wife soon as I want to tighten up on some of the spending so we are proactively saving more or using it to pay down debt. I don't think she quite realizes what everything costs us or how some of her spending needs to be cut down. I try to share where we stand on finances regularly but when I bring up something directly related to something she does most of the spending on like the Target account she gets defensive. So I'm interested to see when I present it in a manner where she can see what that bill runs us compared to expenses we have to pay every month regardless if that opens her eyes that I am not nagging or attacking her when I bring it up I am serious about needing to cut down what we are purchasing to get that bill down.

 

[NATEizKING]

Got a 20 year term life insurance policy the moment I found out my wife was pregnant with our 1st. $23 a month plus what employer gives free which is usually 2x salary. Still don't have one on her as I could manage. The worry is if something happens to me that she wouldn't know what to do since I do all the money, but I keep everything in a file cabinet and my dad would figure it out.

 

[cyphoon]

Sorry for your loss.

My wife and I are empty nesters now. We have followed a more traditional model where I have been the primary breadwinner, while my wife focused on the home and family, with some part time jobs sprinkled in.

When our kids were younger, we had 10x my salary in term life insurance on me, and 1.5x my salary on my wife. That was pretty much the gameplan: money solves everything.

Now the game plan is totally different. It isn't so much about raw dollars, but more about where the hell is everything and how would she get access to it if something happens to me. Our game plan now is

1- All financial accounts have beneficiaries specified online
2- All bank account passwords, retirement passwords, computer passwords, network passwords, and phone unlocking instructions are stored in a password manager that has been backed up to the cloud. Wife knows (or should know) how to retrieve the master password and get at everything.
3- We have a basic will stored in the cloud that leaves everything to each other
4- We have rolled all old retirement accounts over into one institution for simplicity. No old 401ks floating out there from places I quit 10 years ago.
5- I do get one year's salary of life insurance for free through my employer, but that is the only life insurance we have. Term life got too expensive, and our nest egg is at a point where we really don't need life insurance any more.
6- When we bought our house, we (or rather I), screwed up and made me the sole owner. I have told my wife that if something happens to me before the house is paid off, to take the life insurance money and just pay the house off. Get the lender out of the equation, and then take our simple will to a lawyer to get the deed squared away. It some states, this can get really messy (looking at you Minnesota)

I think we have the big ticket items covered, but I am little concerned because my wife is not financially savvy. And there are so many little things, like does she know how to check the propane tank and order a refill when it is low? Does she know that she needs to clear my browser history and destroy all my hard drives when I am gone? If I do pass early, there is no way she is going to be able to setup netflix on a new device.

I think a big item is making sure your spouse can get into your phone and cloud accounts, if for no other reason, than to have access to family photos.

H

 

[FLYINGCYCLONE]

Sorry for your loss, it is very hard. My dad died at 44 years old in 1968. It was devastating, mom had no clue. You find out who your REAL friends are very quickly.
On January 7th of this year my mom died. Her bank account froze immediately.
You need cash to wait until the death certificate and legal Papers are in your hand. There are alot of question, so go talk to your lawyer tomorrow. As this story shows tomorrow is not guaranteed to anyone. A 5 minute phone call starts the process.

 

[Cyclonepride]

My wife is a great manager of money and I'm low maintenance and self sufficient. So, yes. I'm sure there would be some things that would be a pain in the ass figuring out though.

 

[1SEIACLONE]

Sorry for your loss, it is very hard. My dad died at 44 years old in 1968. It was devastating, mom had no clue. You find out who your REAL friends are very quickly.
On January 7th of this year my mom died. Her bank account froze immediately.
You need cash to wait until the death certificate and legal Papers are in your hand. There are alot of question, so go talk to your lawyer tomorrow. As this story shows tomorrow is not guaranteed to anyone. A 5 minute phone call starts the process.

We have already contacted a lawyer, and we can help her pay for stuff until she gets everything figured out. This entire deal has been a real eye opener for me, and hopefully a warning to others. Be prepared for the worst and hope you never have to use it.

Again thanks to everyone that has responded, we will get through this, but it's going to take time.