i have a 2 year old and i couldnt imagine
Why is life worth living?
- Thread starter Jer
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Also, The office affair is always one of those exciting type things where each person complains about their spouse, fall in love, ruin everything, then they find out what each other are really like when real world stuff happens. Usually split after a few months when the divorce is final. She might actually come crawling back and do the "Sorry" Thing. That happened to me. Hit the gym, work hard, make more money. Do everything you want to do. She can't limit you now. She just can't. I can just jump in my car and roll out to colorado for a few days and climb some mountains. It's awesome.
@Statefan10 because someone has to say it. How is his wife?
Happened to a very dear friend. Moved in with a new woman probably before the divorce was final. Turns out he had hired her to his workplace months prior. Pretty ******.
If you need someone to take one for the team. I am available. I have a nice car and take a good picture. Thats about what I can offer.
I always thought it would be cool to get some hunky type D Bag to hit on my ex wife at the bar after our divorce and ruin her relatoinship. By the time I thought of it, I had moved way past her and on to my next level of greatness.
This x1000. It's not always as epically bad as cheating on a spouse, but media/social media has made it so that almost no one is content. We're bombarded with "better" so frequently that we can't help but think we have it bad/worse.
It's very easy to simply take the problems with the relationship and dump them on the other person. Not be forced to look in the mirror and see how you may be contributing. Conjure up a fantasy about how it will be if you can be with the new person. Easy and perfect! But that **** will come back up.
I got nothing. I believe this is a test by God of my inner strength to make it one more day. I question what I did to end up in this hell.
One last bit of advice. Get off Facebook. I got off it and I am 100 thousand times happier. It's not even hard once you delete it off your phone. Facebook helps cause anxiety and depression. It really does. Plus anyone you want to talk to still can message ya.
As evident in this thread, the past 14-15 months of my life have been absolutely brutal (lowest of lows, heart attack, 3 strokes, suicide attempt, advanced Parkinson's Plus diagnosis, etc) but I've been blessed to have an incredible wife and a stronger relationship with my parents then I had for probably 20 years. While in the moment I often haven't seen that, I truly have been incredibly fortunate to have them and this site (and a great sister).
For those of you that resurrected this thread and have posted in the past 24 hours, my heart truly goes out to each of you - truly and deeply. I can say that much of what has gotten me through this time has been the support found simply sharing and getting it out on this site and leaning on my wife a lot (I don't have real-world friends). While I didn't have the benefit of being anonymous like y'all, I would use that as a great way to get support on here, texting 988, etc because you'd be surprised how just typing something out can matter, far more than talking for many of us. Most of you likely have a close friend that you can substitute for the scenarios where talking with your spouse isn't an option.
If somebody reaches out to you via PM/DM to offer an ear to listen, don't be afraid to use it. Going through things like home invasions, cheating spouses, divorces, etc can be some of the most difficult things one can go through as they hit you at the core and aren't quickly overcomed. While time is a big factor in healing, don't wait until it's too late to reach out and use any of the resources you have available to help you through it. There's no denying it all sucks, but you are never alone regardless of what you may feel at the time. Never feel like you can't call up a friend, a family member, call or text 988, or jump on here to seek out a helping hand.
Personally, I've used this site from the start as a way to get out my feelings - ironically many times more personal than sports oriented - and it has largely kept me alive for the nearly 20 years it's been going. Don't know that I've ever verbalized that, but this has always been the only way I get feelings out. That's because this is a family, not just a random message board. It's just as much your family as it's been mine.
I don't know what everybody's thoughts on it would be, but I'd even happily create an opt-in only subforum for mental/emotional support threads. It is so incredibly under supported in our society today and affects all of us at one stage or in one way or another.
Hang in there, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, despite how dark and long that tunnel may feel at times.
For those of you that resurrected this thread and have posted in the past 24 hours, my heart truly goes out to each of you - truly and deeply. I can say that much of what has gotten me through this time has been the support found simply sharing and getting it out on this site and leaning on my wife a lot (I don't have real-world friends). While I didn't have the benefit of being anonymous like y'all, I would use that as a great way to get support on here, texting 988, etc because you'd be surprised how just typing something out can matter, far more than talking for many of us. Most of you likely have a close friend that you can substitute for the scenarios where talking with your spouse isn't an option.
If somebody reaches out to you via PM/DM to offer an ear to listen, don't be afraid to use it. Going through things like home invasions, cheating spouses, divorces, etc can be some of the most difficult things one can go through as they hit you at the core and aren't quickly overcomed. While time is a big factor in healing, don't wait until it's too late to reach out and use any of the resources you have available to help you through it. There's no denying it all sucks, but you are never alone regardless of what you may feel at the time. Never feel like you can't call up a friend, a family member, call or text 988, or jump on here to seek out a helping hand.
Personally, I've used this site from the start as a way to get out my feelings - ironically many times more personal than sports oriented - and it has largely kept me alive for the nearly 20 years it's been going. Don't know that I've ever verbalized that, but this has always been the only way I get feelings out. That's because this is a family, not just a random message board. It's just as much your family as it's been mine.
I don't know what everybody's thoughts on it would be, but I'd even happily create an opt-in only subforum for mental/emotional support threads. It is so incredibly under supported in our society today and affects all of us at one stage or in one way or another.
Hang in there, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, despite how dark and long that tunnel may feel at times.
Hahaha she's a great person. Funny enough we were couple friends. Would do everything with them.
First I just want to say is "take care." I'm out o the loop so I have no knowledge of what you're facing. It sounds as if you had shared info on cf so if you don't mind, point me to the the post if you can. I will include you in my prayers tonight for the best outcome for you.
diaclone
A funny thing is there's a friend of mine that's a girl (entirely platonic) that I got drinks with the other week and she started spewing off about her own past relationship issues and I was leveling with her and listening to her and then it hit me... "this is so damn easy being there for someone in this way when it's not your own problem".
I could say whatever she wanted to hear and for her it probably felt amazing that someone could make her feel heard. It's simply not that hard and pisses me off that one would go out of their relationship/marriage/whatever and discuss their relationship issues with a coworker of the opposite sex.
This couldn't be more true. My wife spends every minute of her free time writing books - basically young adult, fantasy with romance books. When she started that 8 years ago, I was so insecure because I was afraid that she writes about and reads about all these fictitious romances, lives, etc and I could never provide that Hollywood story. But then I realized it's no different than what almost every other person goes through (usually unknowingly) with social media - seeing things that they could never live up to because they aren't realistic to begin with, but are so convincing and believable.
I've never done social media (absent this site if you consider it SM) for many reasons, but think it contributes a LOT to many of the problems that contribute to affairs, divorces, violence, etc. In a world all about likes and subscribes, how could anybody not feel like they or their spouse never quite measures up? All the more reason we should be throwing money and resources at mental health needs rather than underfunding it like we do teachers and all the other critical pieces of our society.
Bingo. That's why I hate all of this Swift/Kelce stuff. Don't get me wrong, I used to like Taylor Swift but their relationship has gotten stuffed down everyone's throats and I'm sorry, but the relationship will not last and Taylor will write another album about how bad he was.
But that was the type of stuff people get obsessed with, including my ex. Seeing how happy and bubbly they were and thinking that's what she could have. Welp, being in a long committed relationship can get boring at times and that's just facts.
1,000% this. I was never on it but wife is and from what I see all FB has become are parents bragging on their kids, people bragging about being on a beach somewhere, and pretty much everyone trying to present themselves as having a life that's 100x better than it actually is. So of course people look at all that and wonder "Why isn't my life that perfect? Why aren't my kids that accomplished? Why am I not on a beach or relaxing by a fire with a glass of wine and smart looking book bragging about the perfect Friday night?" when in reality, I'd bet my house that the second after that pic of the book and wine and fire was taken the person who took it put the book back on the shelf, dumped the wine, poured a vodka and 7up, and turned on the Kardashians with their hand stuffed into the waistband of the pair of sweatpants they have on.
Very few post the real stuff, the problems, the sh*t stressing them out. There's no way this false existence doesn't have an effect on the anxiety and depression of others who see it.
And it's not limited to FB. All of social media is so f*cking toxic. More than once I've had to talk with our older daughter who just graduated college and sees all these people her age posting about being financially independent and living these amazing lives and being made to feel like a failure. reassuring her that what she's seeing isn't real.
I seriously f*cking hate it.
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I'm also a romance writer, and I can attest that I don't necessarily want to live in the stories I write --- they're just ideas and people who live in my head and I want to put them onto paper (or screen, as it may be). Romance movies/books/etc. CAN set unrealistic expectations if people really believe that's the standard. I used to be a bit in that mindset, but when I began to accept that real romance/love is in the everyday normal things, that's when I found someone. One of my favorite love songs is "Tuesdays" by Jake Scott. It's essentially that message.
Social media can provide a lot of unrealistic views. Not just for relationships, but also for parenthood, careers, and just life in general. I've had to curate my feeds a bit to keep my motherhood expectations in check. It's not all hugs and cute photos. There are tantrums and really hard days. I had to help myself realize that just because I don't do the perfect birthday parties and my child doesn't look camera ready at all times, it doesn't mean I'm a bad mother.
This relationship won't last. Your story sounds similar to mine, But yes I had kids, and it was hard. 10 years later I'm happily remarried to am amazing woman, with amazing step kids and my ex got divorced again after cheating again.
It does get better. Keep working on yourself.
You will be better off in the not-so-long run.
Divorced ~6 years ago. After 24 years of marriage. Kids were adults, so that was good. The reality is I have dodged a bullet. Lots of problems there that I was putting up with, and they have only got worse. So glad they are not my problems anymore!
In a much better place, with a much better person now.
I know it is tough right now, and will be for a while. Take good care of yourself - sleep well, eat well, talk to friends - good on you for going to therapy. But trust me when I tell you it WILL be better in time.
