CF’s Christmas Mailbag

Hey Fanatics…do yourself a favor while reading this column. Hit play on the YouTube video up above. It’s a touching Christmas song by the greatest musician of all-time…King George Strait. It will help this mailbag flow. When the song is over, play it again. You’ll feel all warm and fuzzy inside. That is a guarantee.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays Fanatics! I hope that you all have or will travel safe over the weekend. On behalf of the entire staff, we wish you and your families nothing but the best.

Here’s a little holiday mailbag to get you in the spirit!

Pyrocyz writes: Turkey or Ham at the holidays?

CW: I am partial to ham. Though, dark meat turkey is pretty good with some gravy. I like it all. Forget both of them. How about a steak? I’ll take medium-rare.

Who wins an arm wrestling battle…CPR or Brewster?

CW: Really? Paul in a landslide. Often times, I think about if I could beat Paul Rhoads in an arm wrestling contest. Then, reality sets in. He would literally snap my arm in half.

Clones85 writes: Top 3 things you want for X-Mas….Cyclone related.

CW: 1) An NCAA Tournament appearance by the men’s basketball team. 2) Another year for Marquis Gilstrap. 3) For us to have 15,000 members on by the start of next football season. Please tell your friends!

Favorite Christmas Movie? Has to be Christmas Vacation right?

CW: Of course. Nothing else comes close. Uncle Eddie is one of the funniest characters of all-time. I’ve grown awfully fond of Elf over the past few years. Home Alone is a classic. I die laughing every time I see Kevin trick that pizza delivery guy into thinking he was being shot at. Priceless. But none of them come close to Christmas Vacation. My favorite line of the movie is when Eddie is dumping his you know what into the sewer…he then yells the “crapper” was full. Beautiful.

CycloneYoda writes: Time to spike the egg nog, Chris. Rum or whiskey?

CW: Makers Mark baby. Makers Mark.

Nb06 writes: Chris, first of all, thanks for the tip on the gift certificate at Tommy’s. It was a big hit with the girlfriend. My question: Is there a magic number of wins this Men’s Basketball team needs to get to the NCAA tournament??

CW: I think that 20 is the magic number. I have that total by getting two more in the non-conference and eight in the Big 12, plus one in the Big 12 tournament. I think it will be more important as to who the Clones beat and where. An upset of a Kansas or Texas would obviously go a long way.

JHudd writes: Top three things you want for Christmas, non-Cyclone related?

CW: 1) This job. I love covering Cyclone athletics more than anything. I am so blessed to be doing what I love for a living. 2) The Vikings to win the Super Bowl. 3) Seinfeld to come back for another season.

Chili or Oyster stew for the night before Christmas, or is our family just odd? (My wife things so.)

CW: JHudd – Amazing…my family does the SAME thing. We’ve added beer cheese soup to the mix over the years. Personally, I am a chili man. I like to add chili power to my own bowl and make the thing so hot that it makes my sinuses run. I love spicy food. So chili it is. And tell your wife that your family isn’t weird…she is for thinking that.

Cycloin writes: Chris, Why does a man ask me to kill him, then lie about his dying, when he’s not really dying and he asks me to kill him? And JHudd, the correct answer is both chili and oyster stew, although the chili must have a layer of grease on top and the oysters must be extra gritty.

CW: What?

CTAClone writes: What is the worst Xmas gift you have ever received? or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa gift?

CW: I once got a set of children’s spoons with my initials on them. Seriously. I was like 13. Some long lost relatives obviously lost track of time and thought that I was still five. That still doesn’t explain why they’d think a five-year old would want spoons for Christmas. Easily the worst gift ever.

MNCyGuy writes: What’s your take on the latest bi-annual Sinclair-Mediacom showdown?

CW: I’m so tired of hearing about these two companies going at it. Regardless, I will side with Mediacom on this one. I’m not really into this story, but Sinclair seems like a bit of a bully based off of conversations I’ve had with other media people.

Also, what is your favorite claymation holdiay special?

CW: Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer is and always will be my favorite non-religious Christmas character.

What would you get the ISU coaches for Christmas this year?

CW: I’d give Paul Rhoads a Flip Mino HD. That way, he can make sick YouTube videos promoting Iowa State athletics all of the time!

Let’s see. I’d give Greg McDermott Craig Brackins for his senior season.

Honestly, I’d like to just buy Bill Fennelly a steak dinner, with a beverage of his choice of course.

Kevin Jackson? I’d buy him whatever he wants. That man could destroy me at any minute of any day. He’s not a mean man, but he does scare me.

Christy Johnson-Lynch? How about a HUGE bonus to keep her at Iowa State until the end of time.

Cyclonepride writes: Are we going to get a credit bonus for Christmas, or a lump of coal?

CW: Lump of coal this year. We’re on the verge of having a serious inflation problem with credits on this website.

GeronimusClone: What is the most common grammar/spelling issue on CF that makes your skin crawl? For me it is the use of multiple exclamation points. I’ve never been 12-exclamation-point excited in my life. It’s between that and a complete disregard for spelling in general.

CW: Overuse of smiley faces does that to me. Evrybodie mispeels a word evry now and thin.

Knownothing: Would you like to be Tiger Woods right now? I mean he is a Billionaire. He is single. He is probably going to come back and put the beat down on all golfers.

CW: Does a bear crap in the woods?

Laytonz writes: Whats your gut feeling on Gilstrap for another year? And Craig for that matter?

CW: My gut feeling tells me that the team will need two impact JUCO posts for next season.

Ms3r4ISU: Who would you most like to sit next to at the Big 12 championship men’s basketball game featuring ISU?

CW: Jared Homan. He’d beat the snot out of anybody around us. I said on the radio earlier this week that Homan is my favorite Cyclone hoopster of all time. I meant it.

Phipsiclones writes: Chris, if you could have dinner with any ISU coach past or present from any sport, who would it be? Why? What would you talk about? Thanks and Merry Christmas!

CW: My good friend Clones85 will handle this one for me.

Clones85: Don’t worry Chris I will take this one!!! Larry Eustachy. Why? Because I know we would never run out of ice-cold beer!!! SeattleClone writes: Chris, Any Christmas gift ideas for a dog with a really hairy nose? Also, do you feel that your name being the first five letters of the word “Christmas” makes you enjoy the holiday more, less, or the same? Thanks, I’ll hang up and listen.

CW: I choose to not even acknowledge that first question. I also choose not to compare myself to my lord and savior. So while I do appreciate your “call,” I choose to ignore it completely. NEXT.

Cycofan1 writes: Why do you like Taylor Swift?

CW: Here’s a better question for you. Why not? My bad. I guess it is wrong to like very talented and attractive girls.

CRcyclone6 writes: Why doesn’t MTV play music videos anymore?

CW: Because they have better shows like “Jersey Shore” to put on instead.

In what area will the Gophers provide the biggest challenge in the Insight Bowl?

CW: Their offensive and defensive lines are both big and nasty. That’s a concern in my book.

Mjones34 writes: What sport gets the next Big 12 championship?

CW: That’s tough…umm…let’s go with women’s basketball.

Have a very Merry Christmas everybody. See you in Arizona!