Sven and Ole

[viking63]

The Duluth Minnesota thread got me remembering old Sven and Ole jokes.

One of my favorites:

Ole and Sven go ice fishin. Ole pulls out his new thermos and Sven says to him, "Ole, whatcha got der?".

Ole says, "Well Sven, dis here's a thermos. It keeps hot tings hot, and it keeps cold tings cold."

After a while, Sven gets curious and says, "Vell Ole, whatcha got in dat der thermos?"

Ole says, "Vell Sven, I got a popsicle, and two cups a coffee."

What have you?

 

[Al_4_State]

Sven and Ole go to Hell, and the Devil assigns them to their room. He figures being from Minnesota, it won’t take much to make them squeal, Heat-wise.

So Satan cranks the heat up, and they’re just loving it. Confused, he goes higher. No dice, Sven and Ole are just kicked back with their feet up, loving the heat.

Satan thinks to himself, “ok, maybe I need to turn the tables. Make it really cold and they’ll think they’re stuck back on earth in Minnesota.”

So he turns the heat off and starts blasting all the Arctic chill into Hell, causing snow and ice everywhere. Suddenly, he hears maniacal, euphoric celebration coming from Sven and Ole’s cell. He barges in and yells “What gives? I crank it up, and you relish the warmth. I go the other way, and you’re even happier with the freezing cold.”

Sven goes, “vell yah. At first ve vas happy to hab da heat. But den when Hell froze ober, we knew da Vikes had von da Super Bowl!”

 

[nfrine]

I prefer the Ole and Lena jokes...

 

[Al_4_State]

Ole and Lena got married in Austin, and headed up to Minneapolis for their honeymoon.

Somewhere around Owatonna, Ole grabbed her hand. Lena looked at him and giggled. Emboldened, Ole slid his hand down Lena’s leg.

She looked at him slyly and said, “ya know, you can go farder if ya vanna.”

Ole drove to Duluth

 

[viking63]

Ole was talking with his brother Sven, who lived next door, when Sven said,
“Ya know, Ole, you and Lena should really get some new curtains.”
“Vy’s dat?” Ole asked.
“Vell, last night I saw you and Lena ... vell, you know ...”
Ole thought for awhile, then said, “Ha-ha, Sven, da yokes on you!
I vasn’t even home last night!

 

[2020cy]

Ole and Lena were driving down the road and the car in front of them hit and killed a mother skunk. Lena saw the baby skunks on the side of the road. She made Ole pull over and gathered up the babies brought them in the car and put them under her dress to warm them. Ole said, Lena what about the smell? Lena replies, the skunks won’t mind.

 

[intrepid27]

Long retired, Ole and Lena were quietly rocking on the porch on a sunny afternoon. Suddenly, Ole reaches over and ***** slaps Lena. She cries "What was that for?" Ole replies "That was for 50 years of bad sex!!".

Quiet resumes. 15 minutes later Lena reaches out and smacks Ole across the face. He yells "What was that for?". Lena replied "That was for knowing the difference."

 

[nfrine]

Ole takes Lena to the doctor because she is not feeling well. After a long examination, the doctor comes out to talk to Ole.

"Ole" doc says, "your wife is a very sick women."

"Vhat's da problem doc?"

"Your wife has a heart problem. She has acute agina."

"Yah, I know dat. And she has a great pair of legs too!"

 

[swiacy]

Ole & Lena get married & are driving down the highway after the ceremony. After considerable time & getting dark, Lena says: don’t cha tink we should stop at da motel for da honeymoon Ole? Ole responds: Da Lena dats a good idea. So they stop at the first motel & the attendant comes to the counter. Ole explains their situation and they forgot to make plans but they need a room for a honeymoon that night. The attendant says: then you’ll need the Bridal? Ole says: No I’ll just hold er by da ears.

 

[viking63]

Need more? Several years ago I found a Sven and Ole Companion Joke Book from Chris Bauer online. Here is link if interested:

https://s3images.coroflot.com/user_files/individual_files/519097_k9VXOfQckNyLlftnNzA4wF_ls.pdf

 

[cytor]

Ole and Lena just got married and it's their wedding day.
Ole is at the bar getting a drink in the reception hall and Lena and Sven are nowhere to be found.
Ole walks down the hall and opens up the coat closet, where he discovers Sven and Lena having sex.
Ole cries out. "look everyone, Sven thinks he's me!"

 

[TruClone]

Ole and Lena go to the local rodeo. Ole heads to the concession stand and restroom. Shorly afterwards, Lena hears over the sound system, "Ole Johanssen is going to be riding Killer the bull!" Ole hangs on for the allotted 8 seconds and gets off, heading back to his seat. Back in the stands Lena is thrilled and asks Ole where he had learned to ride so well. He said, "remember last winter when you had the whooping cough!"

 

[8bitnes]

My grandma retold two jokes throughout the years. This was one of them.

Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. Sven, working the counter, offered his condolences, then asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole.
Lena replied, "You yust put 'Ole died'."
"That's it? Just 'Ole died?' Sven questioned. Surely, there must be something more you'd like to say about Ole. If its money you're concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say something more."
So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, "O.K. You put 'Ole died. Boat for sale."

 

[I-stateTheTruth]

Sven and Ole go to Hell, and the Devil assigns them to their room. He figures being from Minnesota, it won’t take much to make them squeal, Heat-wise.

So Satan cranks the heat up, and they’re just loving it. Confused, he goes higher. No dice, Sven and Ole are just kicked back with their feet up, loving the heat.

Satan thinks to himself, “ok, maybe I need to turn the tables. Make it really cold and they’ll think they’re stuck back on earth in Minnesota.”

So he turns the heat off and starts blasting all the Arctic chill into Hell, causing snow and ice everywhere. Suddenly, he hears maniacal, euphoric celebration coming from Sven and Ole’s cell. He barges in and yells “What gives? I crank it up, and you relish the warmth. I go the other way, and you’re even happier with the freezing cold.”

Sven goes, “vell yah. At first ve vas happy to hab da heat. But den when Hell froze ober, we knew da Vikes had von da Super Bowl!”

I think I saw in another thread that you're now in the Decorah area. It shows

(Luther College cheer from the 1970s: "Lutefisk, lutefisk, lefse, lefse. Ve're gonna beatcha, ya betcha, ya betcha". I don't have time to write out a whole Ole / Sven joke).

 

[8bitnes]

Ole tells Lena, “I’m going out, but I promise I’ll be home by midnight!”

Ole then goes to his favorite bar and proceeds to down drink after drink until he’s drunk as a skunk. Then, after a long night of drinking, Ole makes his way home. Just as he enters the front door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway cuckoos three times for 3 a.m. Thinking quickly, Ole cuckoos another nine times to make twelve.

The next morning, Lena asks Ole what time he got the previous night. “Oh I got home right at midnight.”, Ole offers. Lena doesn’t complain and Ole feels quite proud for getting away with one!

After a bit, Lena tells Ole, “Well, we need a new damn cuckoo clock.”
Ole is puzzled and asks Lena, “Why do we need a new cuckoo clock?”

“Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said ‘Oh ****!’. Then it cuckooed four more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.”

 

[Al_4_State]

I think I saw in another thread that you're now in the Decorah area. It shows

(Luther College cheer from the 1970s: "Lutefisk, lutefisk, lefse, lefse. Ve're gonna beatcha, ya betcha, ya betcha". I don't have time to write out a whole Ole / Sven joke).

I've lived in Cresco for 11 years.

I grew up closer to Osage, so the vast majority of my life (other than going to ISU and Drake) has been spent in the shadow of Minnesota, and someone thinks that the accent is lesser in the southern part of the state, brother, you got another thing coming!