Ridiculous Hawkeye Insults
- Thread starter Die4Cy
- Start date
The Seven Dwarfs were marching through the Enchanted Forest one afternoon and approached the edge of a deep, dark, ravine. The edge gave way and the Dwarfs all fell in. Snow White, who had been following along, peered over the edge into the dark abyss, calling out to them. From the darkened void, a voice replied, "Go Hawks!" Snow White thought to herself, "Thank God. At least Dopey survived."
trying to find the old Lost and Found lounge tshirt about the brother in prison, and wondering if you should tell him about going to Iowa. Paraphrasing, so it might be wrong, but that's what came to mind when I saw this.
After having their 11th child, the two University of Iowa fans finally decided enough was enough, that their bed could no longer hold everyone - they had to do something.
The Hawkeye husband went to visit his doctor and told the doctor about the couple's problem.
The doctor replied, "Well, there is an operation called a vasectomy that will help, but it is very expensive. However, I do have another option that will work for you."
The doctor continued, "Drop a lit cherry bomb into an empty pop can, hold it up to your ear, and count to ten."
The Hawkeye replied, "You know, I am a University of Iowa graduate, but I just don't see how that will work."
The doctor said, "Trust me, it will."
So the Hawkeye drove down to Missouri (fireworks are legal there) to buy the fireworks, trying to figure out how the doctor's advice will do the trick.
When he arrives home, he sits in a chair, lights the cherry bomb, drops it into an empty pop can, holds it up to his ear and starts counting. When he gets to five, he puts the can between his legs and starts to use his other hand to finish counting to ten.
The Hawkeye husband went to visit his doctor and told the doctor about the couple's problem.
The doctor replied, "Well, there is an operation called a vasectomy that will help, but it is very expensive. However, I do have another option that will work for you."
The doctor continued, "Drop a lit cherry bomb into an empty pop can, hold it up to your ear, and count to ten."
The Hawkeye replied, "You know, I am a University of Iowa graduate, but I just don't see how that will work."
The doctor said, "Trust me, it will."
So the Hawkeye drove down to Missouri (fireworks are legal there) to buy the fireworks, trying to figure out how the doctor's advice will do the trick.
When he arrives home, he sits in a chair, lights the cherry bomb, drops it into an empty pop can, holds it up to his ear and starts counting. When he gets to five, he puts the can between his legs and starts to use his other hand to finish counting to ten.
HOLD UP.... Where do you think that doctor went to school, and what team do you suppose that doctor cheers for? lolol
One, somewhere overseas and two, probably some cricket team no one here has a f'ing clue is, duh.
A Cyclone fan, Panther fan, and Hawkeye fan were traveling from Cedar Rapids to the Big 4 Classic in Des Moines. They take the back roads because the Hawkeye fan has a weak bladder and needs to stop often.
Halfway there, they turn down a gravel country road for about the 5th time to let Captain Flomax whiz again. He exits the car and the Cyclone and Panther fans begin check their phones for messages.
A second later, the Hawkeye fan yells, "Guys, guys, check this out. Holy crap!" The Cyclone and Panther fan jump out of the car and run toward the Hawkeye fan. There in the ditch lies a dead, naked woman, face up. "Oh my gosh," the Panther fan gasps. "I'll call 911."
Shaken, but somber, the Cyclone fan slowly removes his ISU cap and places it over the woman's right breast to preserve some shred of dignity for her. Following suit, the Panther fan places his UNI cap over the dead woman's left breast. Finally, the Hawkeye fan carefully covers the woman's crotchal-area lady parts with his Iowa cap.
In minutes, a state trooper speeds down the road to the three men with lights flashing. The trooper's car quickly comes to a stop. He climbs out and approaches the dead body. The three fans step back to give the trooper room as they look on.
The trooper looks over the body and takes a few pictures of the scene. Then he kneels down and slowly lifts the Cyclone cap and then sets it back down. Next, he lifts the Panther cap and sets it back down. Finally, he lifts the Hawkeye cap and sets it back down. A second time, he lifts the Hawkeye cap and sets it back down. Then a third time. And a fourth. A fifth.
The Panther fan becomes enraged and bursts out, "What are you man, some kind of pervert?!?!?"
The state trooper slowly looks up with the Hawkeye cap in his hand and says, "No. It's just that usually I find an ***hole under one of these."
Halfway there, they turn down a gravel country road for about the 5th time to let Captain Flomax whiz again. He exits the car and the Cyclone and Panther fans begin check their phones for messages.
A second later, the Hawkeye fan yells, "Guys, guys, check this out. Holy crap!" The Cyclone and Panther fan jump out of the car and run toward the Hawkeye fan. There in the ditch lies a dead, naked woman, face up. "Oh my gosh," the Panther fan gasps. "I'll call 911."
Shaken, but somber, the Cyclone fan slowly removes his ISU cap and places it over the woman's right breast to preserve some shred of dignity for her. Following suit, the Panther fan places his UNI cap over the dead woman's left breast. Finally, the Hawkeye fan carefully covers the woman's crotchal-area lady parts with his Iowa cap.
In minutes, a state trooper speeds down the road to the three men with lights flashing. The trooper's car quickly comes to a stop. He climbs out and approaches the dead body. The three fans step back to give the trooper room as they look on.
The trooper looks over the body and takes a few pictures of the scene. Then he kneels down and slowly lifts the Cyclone cap and then sets it back down. Next, he lifts the Panther cap and sets it back down. Finally, he lifts the Hawkeye cap and sets it back down. A second time, he lifts the Hawkeye cap and sets it back down. Then a third time. And a fourth. A fifth.
The Panther fan becomes enraged and bursts out, "What are you man, some kind of pervert?!?!?"
The state trooper slowly looks up with the Hawkeye cap in his hand and says, "No. It's just that usually I find an ***hole under one of these."
Considering it was a Hawk fan, he probably went to a veterinarian thinking it was his doctor...and the rest I think is self explanatory.
It is called HATE WEEK for a reason!
You come on the ISU Message Board and then go into a thread titled "Ridiculous Hawkeye Insults" and want to start rebuking the insults. Okay have fun with that OVO
You better check with your resident Iowa Grad Dermatologist for that thin skin of yours. Could be a problem.
I'm all for Hate Week!.. But using a doctor as the key to your punchline (that Hawk fans are idiots) is pretty counter-intuitive
You do realize there is a Carver at ISU also, right? Perhaps that is the punchline in the ISU context?
Q: How many EIU football players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one - he aced that class!
