Friday OT #1 - Two Guys Walk Into a Bar. The Third One Ducks.

[ImJustKCClone]

Whenever I'm driving with one or both of my daughters and I see a hay bale in a field we're passing, I always say "Hey!" pointing in the direction of it. This of course makes them look in that direction thinking they're going to see something really cool. This joke always ends with them responding, "I hate you."

Companion joke:
If one of them says "Well..." before they can finish the thought, tell them "that's a deep subject!"

 

[Isualum13]

What's gray?

A melted penguin.

 

[cymac2408]

If Russia attacked Turkey from the rear. Would Greece help?

 

[oldman]

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks "Why the long face?"

John Kerry walks into a bar. Bartender asks why the long face.

 

[GrindingAway]

Every time I hear some one say 2:30 I always reply "That's my dentists name"

Actually just did it in a large virtual meeting when I asked the price of the part and the response was $230. I've learned during this remote work situation that telling jokes in a large call where everyone is on mute is incredibly awkward.

 

[Bestaluckcy]

Hickory dickory dock.
2 mice ran up the clock.
The clock struck one,
Wasn't the other one lucky?

 

[Acylum]

How can you tell the sex of an ant? Put them in water. If its a girl ant, it will sink. If it floats, its.....

This took me about 10 or 15 seconds.

 

[ImJustKCClone]

This took me about 10 or 15 seconds.

I took too long on GrindingAway's dad joke.

 

[ImJustKCClone]

Okay - here's a fresh grand-dad joke.

Shopping online for an item, I gave the dimensions to my spousal unit, and told him I thought that "it would be large enough for you and I".
His response: "Great. Let's buy one for ISU too."

*groan*

 

[MeanDean]

Here's a two part silly one.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know. Why?
To get to the idiot's house.
....
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.

If Knock knock jokes count, here's about the only one I ever remember:

Knock knock
Who's there?
Dwayne
Dwayne Who?

Dwayne the bathtub, I dwowning!

 

[isuska]

Do you want to hear a joke about pizza?
Nevermind, it's too cheesy


Did you hear about the pizzeria on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere

Unfortunately, eating too much pizza gives me pizzeria

 

[kentkel]

What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
A salad shooter.

How do you kill a mime?
With a silencer.

 

[cmjh10]

Im disappointed CF, only 3 pages of responses?

 

[SaraV]

I've taken up quiet tennis.

It's just like regular tennis, but without the racquet.


Once you've seen one shopping center...
You've seen the mall.

 

[Ms3r4ISU]

And here Ithoughtthis thread was supposed to be for us to add a third line, the kicker. Therefore:

While the woman behind them laughed.

 

[stvfarmboy]

When my kids were younger and they used to say, "I'm hungry", "I'm thirsty", or "I'm tired", I used to hit them with "Pleased to meet you, I'm Dad." It used to really tick them off, cause when they said it they were usually already in a sour mood, and I just put them over the edge.

I've got dozens and dozens that I've told over the years that always made my kids groan, but I'll spare the group.

I do this with my kids and get pretty much the same response.

 

[abe2010]

Why cant trex's clap their hands?



Because they are dead.

 

[BCClone]

Okay - here's a fresh grand-dad joke.

Shopping online for an item, I gave the dimensions to my spousal unit, and told him I thought that "it would be large enough for you and I".
His response: "Great. Let's buy one for ISU too."

*groan*

Why would they ask about the size of your spouses unit? What are you ordering.

 

[ImJustKCClone]

Why would they ask about the size of your spouses unit? What are you ordering.

Wouldn't YOU like to know???

Ever watched the coneheads?

 

[Bipolarcy]

When my kids were younger and they used to say, "I'm hungry", "I'm thirsty", or "I'm tired", I used to hit them with "Pleased to meet you, I'm Dad." It used to really tick them off, cause when they said it they were usually already in a sour mood, and I just put them over the edge.

I've got dozens and dozens that I've told over the years that always made my kids groan, but I'll spare the group.

My usual response to my kids saying, "I'm hungry" was. "I'm angry, let's fight." Now I hear my daughters saying it to their kids. Ahhh, family traditions.