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Olympic Sports

CF Mailbag: Blum Edition

By: Brent Blum

With Chris Williams on his well-earned Honeymoon on sunny Sanibel Island, he turned over the keys to the CycloneFanatic mailbag to me. This was obviously not an extremely intelligent move on his part as you will all find out. We touch on a little bit of everything today, including some things CW would never want you to know. Thanks for all of the questions, but… Beware.

MoreCowbell Writes: Were all six kegs of Busch Light drained at the Williams wedding reception?

If there is one thing that people in Page County know how to do…it is consume large volumes of Busch Light. The reception started at roughly 6:00 and the six kegs were gonzo by 11. It was impressive to watch. When the flip-cup started, it was downhill from there. For the record, I preformed like Vince Carter in the pressure situations of flip-cup. Not good. Definitely not one of my finer moments.

Cyrevkah Writes: Before I got married my mother kept telling me about the pranks that were pulled on them in their home before they got back. Such as rice in the bed, taping the toliet shut, and removing the labels off of the canned food.

Do you think anything like that will happen? And what did they do to decorate the car? (I once saw the car roof get turned into an icecream Sunday)

I’m glad you brought this up. There is still time for some debauchery, but I am not aware of any pranks in the works. We were fully prepared to kidnap CW the night before his wedding and drive him around in a van “Old School” style to a choice establishment. But unfortunately, saner heads prevailed.

Since Williams is a little on the soft side, he hid his car in a locked garage so none of us could get at it. It was a Busch-League move on his part.

Don’t worry though, at the most inopportune time, there will be some action taken. I’m thinking something that involves Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus posters. Your thoughts are welcome. We’ve got three days.

GeronimusClone writes: Give me odds on Mrs. CW being “with child” post honeymoon. Also, first born’s name.

Yikes. I’d put the odds somewhere in the 99/1 region. Or at least for the good of us all that would be the case. As for the name, I’m going with George or Georgina. Named after George Strait. I’m not even joking here, he will do this.

Brentwood Writes: YMCA, Chicken Dance, Cha Cha slide, hokey pokey, cupid shuffle, all of the above?

My memory is a bit foggy, but I believe it was Cha-Cha-Slide, Chicken Dance and the Cupid Shuffle. I’m glad you added the Cupid Shuffle…at what point did this become the preeminent wedding song?

Is it a recent phenomenon? According to Wikipedia it debuted in 2007. I’m amazed at how quickly it has emerged. So we’ll call it the Kevin Durant of wedding songs. I envision a long productive career for the Shuffle. The only knock is.. the damn song gets stuck in your head and won’t leave. Trust me, I’m still battling the Shuffle as I write this.

On the bright side, I’m glad this caught on and not Soulja Boy’s “Crank That (Superman).”

Speaking of “group dance” songs, anybody else remember the original “Men In Black” dance? Oh boy, those were the days. As for you, “Macarena” …go back in your hole and never come back.

CydTracked Writes: Brent, what are you up to these days? Last I knew you had a gig with the Orlando Magic or something and came back here for another job right? BTW, thoughts on the Magic’s playoff series right now?

Thanks for the question. I moved back to Iowa from Orlando last fall and now work at Des Moines University in their Marketing/Media department. I also do some radio stuff for the Cyclone Radio Network on the side and a couple other freelance gigs. Working for the Magic was an awesome experience and it is a team and organization full of great people, but Iowa is where I want to be.

As for the Eastern Conference Finals, the Magic are in rough shape. The Celtics are playing at an extremely high level. It’s easy to point out the offensive production from Pierce and Rondo, but it’s their defense that has been the key. The Magic were at or near the top in offensive efficiency all year (109 points per 100 possessions). Boston has held them to almost 10 points below that. Everybody focuses on Dwight Howard, but with Orlando it’s his supporting cast that needs to get it going. Orlando is not dead in the water yet, but they’re hanging on like Leo Di Caprio in the Titanic.

Mjones34 Writes: Will ISU score a TD on Iowa this year?

Trivia question: Who is the last Cyclone to score a TD against Iowa? Trust me, it’s been a long, long time. Answer: Bret Meyer. In a 9 yard run in the 2ndquarter of the game on September 16, 2006. So if you’re counting: that’s 14 quarters of football or 44 months and three days of actual time since the last TD. That’s unconscionable!! At that time, Alfonso Soriono was a Washington National and still productive (Sorry Cubs fans). And Youtube was less than a year old.

To make a short answer long, yes they will score a TD. Iowa’s defense will be quite good, but c’mon now 4 years is long enough. And we all know Ricky “Captain America” Stanzi’s propensity to throw it to the wrong team. So, that might help.

Mizouse87 writes: Who do you take in a no holds barred ladder death match between Yoda and Rambo?

Wow. First off, I am by no means a Star Wars aficionado. I’ve seen them all, but I was always more of a “Dumb and Dumber” and “Tommy Boy” type of movie guy. That said let’s break this down Ron Jaworski style.

Size/Intimidation: Edge goes to Rambo. The guy was cut and sounded like someone that would bust you up. (Fun fact though, Sly Stallone is only 5’10. I saw him at an LA-Orlando Finals game last year and I was shocked.) Yoda is apparently 2’9 according to the inter-webs. So edge to Rambo.

Smarts: Clearly Yoda.

Longevity/Stamina: This is tough. Rambo has survived 4 movies and countless number of near-deaths. The guy has roamed some treacherous territory unscathed. Meanwhile Yoda lived to be 900 years old. That’s pretty impressive. Slight Edge: Yoda

Skills: According to geekstir.com, Rambo’s killings have escalated from 1 bad guy in 1982’s “First Blood” to 58 in ‘85’s “First Blood Part 2” to 78 in 88’s “Rambo III” to 83 in 2008’s “Rambo.” So, clearly Rambo is getting increasingly violent. (Quick note: awesome work by the person who thought of the titles for the Rambo series. You deserve a raise. Not really.) I have no idea if Yoda is capable of such destruction. Edge Rambo.

Intangibles: As we have learned in the WWE, it’s often most important what type of friends you have on your side. From my knowledge, Rambo did a lot of his work alone. My feeling is Yoda would have a lot of help from the rest of the Star Wars posse. Plus who would stand to see somebody beat up a 2’9′ aging character like Yoda. They wouldn’t allow that. Edge Yoda.

So that’s 3 for Yoda and 2 for Rambo. Boom goes the dynamite.

Ms3r4ISU Writes: Name this bull calf: mother’s name is “Kiss This” and father (sire) is Remington. You have 30 seconds. Go.

I will go with Kiss This Steele. No, don’t go there Fanatics, let’s keep it (halfway) clean. That actually sounds like it should be the title on the next “Shaft” movie. Can’t you see it: “SHAFT: KISS THIS STEELE…COMING IN NOVEMBER.” Okay, I’m not helping here.

On this same point, I’ve always been baffled how horses, calves, etc. are named. I understand they use the “parents” as a base. But…one of these days I’d love to hear the following at the Kentucky Derby,

“And down the stretch they come..Mine-That-Cardinal leading Lucky-Luigi by a length, Victor-Alexander-Robinson coming on the outside, Wayne-Morgan-Wheat also there, with Cap-Timm-Dobbins close behind. But look out on the inside…it’s Bob. Here comes Bob. Look at Bob charge. And it’s Bob at the wire.”

That’d be awesome.

Khaal53 Writes: Blum, Even after this impending Big 10 expansion they still won’t have more member universities than you have basketball officials in your family, which leaves me with a lingering question…

Please explain the girl’s basketball “non-travel” that is or is not a “travel” in boy’s basketball. I’m speaking to the high school rules and assuming the answer would apply to college as well.

Nicely done. Yes, the Blum family is full of basketball officials. My brother, dad and uncle all officiated finals at the Iowa High School State Tournaments this year. Our get-togethers always devolve into discussions on the rules of the game and the ridiculous fans who do the air travel. If you’re that person, stop it immediately. You’re embarrassing yourself.

The travel rule is one of the hardest to explain. You are referring to the questionable “jump-stop-step-thru” that girls players sometimes use awkwardly to their advantage. Technically there is no difference in the traveling rule between boys and girls basketball (same applies for college). So, as far as I know the men could use the same move… or the women’s officials should be calling it a travel. It all comes down to the pivot foot and how it is interpreted. Confused? So am I.

Cycopath25 Writes: Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?

Wow. I have no answers. I bet Al Gore or Marty Tirrell would know.

Clones21 Writes: Who, in your mind, is going to be the big surprise WR for this years ISU football team?

Good question. You always look for Redshirt freshman to be the ones that improve and surprise the most. And apparently Donnie Jennert and Keith Blanton had great springs. They would be the leading candidates.

But the guy I look to be the most productive is Darius Darks. It’s easy to forget Darks set an ISU freshman record with 47 catches. He had three games of 7 or more catches and showed how much damage he could do as a true freshman. Last year was obviously hampered by injuries (only 21 catches) but he did come on late with a career-high 9 catch, 107 yard game against Mizzou. I’m thinking Darks rebounds and becomes a go-to player once again. It appears there is a bunch of depth for Luke Wells to work with. That’s a great problem to have.

Wesley Writes: Will ISU become known as Three Pointer U?

Interesting question because I was pondering this the other day. The three point shot has become a staple for the women’s team under Bill Fennelly. In fact the women have made a 3 in 483 straight games dating back to 1995, it’s the second longest streak in the nation behind Canisius.

And one would think with The Mayor at the helm of the men’s program, ISU may be an attractive spot for aspiring three-point marksmen. After all, Fred did lead the NBA in three point shooting percentage his final year in 2005 and finished 4thin 2004. The great thing about Fred is he didn’t come to Iowa State as a pure shooter. As a freshman, he shot only 26% from deep. ( For comparison’s sake every Cyclone that attempted 30 or more threes this past year, shot a better percentage than Fred’s 1styear. Even Diante hit 35%. )

But, Fred worked hard on his shot and improved every year at Iowa State, shooting well over 40% his final two years. Hopefully, that work ethic hopefully rubs off on the current team. That said, I expect a pretty balanced offensive team for Coach Hoiberg’s first year. Guys like DG and DeMarcus Phillips are best off the dribble. They will be the key to the offense.

SC CY Writes:Do you think the Cyclones should bring back the tradition of having an Iowa-born player wear #40? Personally, I like the idea. Also, it’s about time the Cyclones break out the gold uniforms for big games, don’t you think?

I was and still am a strong proponent of the #40 legacy. For those that don’t know, the tradition dates back to January 1993 when Iowa forward and Indianola native Chris Street was tragically killed in an auto accident. Street was a fantastic player and was averaging 15 points and 10 rebounds during his junior year when the accident occurred. He would have been an NBA player someday.

As a show of respect Iowa State had players from the state of Iowa wear the #40 for many years after that to honor Street’s legacy. Players such as Fred Hoiberg, Loren Meyer, Klay Edwards and Morgan Wheat all wore #40 in the ‘90s. The tradition was carried on by walk-ons Brad Davis, Marc Currie and Dave Braet in the 2000’s. Ross Marsden also wore the #40. But since 2008, nobody has worn the #40. I’m not sure why it stopped. Most of the guys playing now probably don’t know who Chris Street was; they would have been toddlers at the time of the accident.

The other point to mention is Iowa State, as it stands, will only have 1 player on the team from the state of Iowanext year. That being Bubu Palo. I can’t recall a time, if ever, there have been that few Iowa-born players on the Cyclone roster.

bbc9b1888513c7a803f8678b4c9c2be4As for the gold uniforms, to quote Jay-Z and T.I., “bring’em out, bring’em out, bring ‘em out.” Does anybody remember those beautifully atrocious gold uniforms Iowa State would bust out in the mid-90s during the Willoughby-Cato-Pratt years? They had the bizarre Iowa State lettering and a funky stripe on the shorts. I’m not sure who designed those, but when the gold ones came out, Hilton was extra feisty.

IcSyU Writes: Blum, what’s the one CW story he’d probably put a hit out on you if you put on the internetz?

Another great question. This is tough because Williams already incriminates himself with his unhealthy obsession with teenage country singers. He also has been known to spend numerous nights at the Ames establishment Outlaws, cowboy hat and all.

But… there is something I don’t believe he has ever mentioned that the Fanatics need to be aware of.

You see our good pal has a strong background in the theatre. So much so that he once was featured in an ISU theatre production of “Bleacher Bums” and had thoughts of pursuing a modeling career (you can see him in the Cards hat above). He even donned the frosted tips and earrings and at one point acted in a couple local commercials. Unfortunately, as much as I’ve tried, I can’t find any video of these commercials. He must have destroyed them Nixon style. There’s plenty more stories, but I’m saving them for my tell-all book about the history of Iowa State message boards.

All joking aside, it was great to be a part of the weeding this past weekend and I wish Chris and the new Mrs. Williams all the best. Congrats again CW!

Follow Brent Blum on Twitter at Twitter.com/brentblum.

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