If there is no violence then you owe it to your daughter to work like heck to figure it out. Maybe you have... but my suggestion... work harder and more diligent. One can say all they want that kids "know" and are "resilient" and "they want you to be happy"... but in the end that is B.S. They WILL get messed up with a divorce. Oh, sure...some will say it worked out great, but that is because the alternative was a crappy parent marriage. I get that. FIX THE MARRIAGE. You and your wife made a commitment years ago to get married and have a child. If you are unhappy, I'm sorry...but my gosh... you say you care for your daughter, yet you are not going to continue to work on your marriage at all costs for her because you're tired of trying or don't think it will help??? Sounds pretty darn selfish to me. I don't get it it. No way is your daughter happier with a divorced set of parents. Sure, you may be messing up her life now because you and your wife are not getting along. That, my friend, is your problem to solve. Don't make it her problem to deal with.
You said one important thing... You said your wife wants counceling now...and yet you're not sure if you should go because you're unhappy? Huh??? Dude, you sound like a very loving and caring dad. So, I don't get why you would not pursue fixing the marriage at all cost and with all effort...not for you or your wife, but for your daughter. Yes, that may mean you are unhappy for a while longer. Chose your daughter's happiness over yours a bit longer. Figure it out.
I'm very sorry for you. I don't mean to come across crass. My take is all about living with decisions adults have made and figuring it out for the ones that did not make the decision...your daughter. B.S. you can't make it work. Unless there is abuse in the relationship...make it work.
Now for the softer gentler side (haha)...I will pray for your marriage and daughter. I hope you have and will continue to pray as well.
Don't misread my post as saying you should deal with it and be unhappy for the rest of your life. Yes, I think there is a degree of that in my message (for your daughter), but in reality it's about getting you to sit down in the solitude of your most quiet moments...and ask yourself..."Is divorce the ONLY recourse? Is there absolutely NO CHANCE to make it work.
If you are asking the question you are asking on a discussion board, my guess is you feel there is some unfinished work out there but are hoping for someone to help you make the decision easier. Sorry, I simply can't make your decision to give it up easier for you. Nowhere did you state abuse (physical or verbal). So, look your daughter in the eye... and go to counseling with your wife. It certainly sounds like there is some unfinished business out there. Oh, sure I have no doubt you've really, really tried and have been really unhappy. That saddens me. Please try harder... for you, your wife and especially for your daughter
It's not important if she wasn't previously , but now you state your wife is open to counseling. Walking away from a marriage and introducing your daughter to a life of split parents and weekends here and there...when your partner is open to counseling sounds like "your issue". Be a father...and be a MAN of courage, love and conviction and take your wife's hand and lead her to counseling.
You state your daughter understands and wants you to be happy. Let me ask you this...What would she rather hear you say..."your mom and I have given up and are getting a divorce." or "your mom and I are going the fight like heck to make this work and we'll do whatever it takes to make us whole again, and this is what we are planning to do....then tell her what you'll do to make it work" Talk is cheap. So, then you'll need to go out and do it.
I TRULY wish you the best and will keep you...your daughter...and your wife in my prayers tonight. I real will.