Random Thoughts XII - This Thread Delivers
- Thread starter stormchaser2014
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That's sad, hopefully they'll feel differently as their children get older and more interactive. I don't think it's especially uncommon for fathers to feel a bit disconnected from their infants. The baby is basically a needy potato at that stage and likely not getting food from dad plus the abysmal lack of paternal leave in this country means many dads are quickly back at work and given little or no time to bond with the new baby. Less time to gain confidence in their ability to care for and soothe the baby. So they get a lot of extra work/stress and very little return. DH got way more time off than typical which helped a lot. I can imagine it having been very hard though if he only took a couple weeks. Baby was way fussier in the evenings plus I was keen to get a bit of non-baby time after the whole day alone. So I'm handing over a fussy, tired baby to my tired, wanting to decompress husband.......easy to see how if he hadn't already formed a strong bond with the baby and know how to soothe him that it'd be an even more difficult time.
I also think babies get a bit romanticized. In that yeah, people say it's hard and you don't sleep but they're cute and cuddly and that outweighs it. Some days it doesn't. Some days you wonder why you thought this was a good idea and wish you had your old life back. Some days you dread the night because you know it will be spent bouncing on a yoga ball silently begging the baby to go back to sleep for another 45 minute stretch. Some days they will just cry and cry for no reason at all and you will probably be crying with them.
I think a lot of that gets glossed over though because you don't want to say those things out loud and sound like life with your new baby is anything but wonderful or that you don't love every moment. Because there is kind of this societal expectation that you should (especially for moms).
That doesn't mean it isn't worth all of it as they start to smile and coo and do a million adorable things. But I think while a lot of parents know that it's going to be "hard"......they are under prepared or don't quite grasp how it will be hard.
Amen.
When we found out we were to be grandparents the first time, DH was all for the congratulations, etc. I kind of sat there and said something like, "really?" Much, much later I said to DD that I was surprised to hear that news and she was puzzled and probably wondering what was wrong with her mother. I just said I figured they weren't going to have kids, because they'd been married nearly 9 years at that point. We never asked about kids, even when others asked us. Not our decision to make or explain. Of course, now I can't imagine life without them all, but then was a quite different feeling.
I guess to me it comes down to the fact that everyone is different. We got married out of college and didn't pay off student loans like we probably should have and decided to start a family a couple of years later. Could we have made different decisions and put off kids and a house? Yeah but we have made sacrifices and everything has made us who we are now. The kids don't know any different. They are fed, warm and loved.
Will honestly say, even in the worst of times, going to work with basically no sleep, I never had the thought of “I wish we didn’t have this child”. I know there were times, still are, that I thought that the situation stunk but I always thanked God of having them while the crap happened.
This coming from somebody who never wanted to consider the thought of a child until I was mid20s and that was probably fooling myself while on dates.
The biggest issue I’ve seen with many is not wanting their life to change at all. They still leave kids with grandparents or friends for vacations. They are mad they aren’t driving new vehicles or skipping going out to eat to attend one of those ear breaking 5th grade band concerts.
Our friends are now other wrestling, football, track and such parents. We will go eat after a wrestling meet and that’s basically our social time now a days. I may not have a life according to many, but I guarantee I will miss it when it ls over.
This coming from somebody who never wanted to consider the thought of a child until I was mid20s and that was probably fooling myself while on dates.
The biggest issue I’ve seen with many is not wanting their life to change at all. They still leave kids with grandparents or friends for vacations. They are mad they aren’t driving new vehicles or skipping going out to eat to attend one of those ear breaking 5th grade band concerts.
Our friends are now other wrestling, football, track and such parents. We will go eat after a wrestling meet and that’s basically our social time now a days. I may not have a life according to many, but I guarantee I will miss it when it ls over.
#4 daughter Kylee donated some of her eggs to another couple so they could have a child. At first, she really didn't feel one way or another about the child, but after the couple sent Kylee pictures of his first birthday, she felt an overwhelming motherly desire, and almost a sense of guilt. It took some time for her to get over the idea that she had another "child" and yet would probably never see him. (The couple offered to do that, but Kylee decided it would be too much to take.)
We are very fortunate that all 5 of our girls are fantastic, loving, caring mothers. Two of them became pregnant before marrying (which irritated the vixen no end), but they are married now and enjoying the family they have made.
We are very fortunate that all 5 of our girls are fantastic, loving, caring mothers. Two of them became pregnant before marrying (which irritated the vixen no end), but they are married now and enjoying the family they have made.
Seven years for us. Don't think my mom ever asked once though she'd mention other people asking her about us. There was a funny time when someone asked and my mom was like oh I always told her I'd wait until at least 25 to have kids and the person pointed out I was 26 at the time, lol.
MIL, it came up a few times. Probably most amusingly was when she and other in-laws would be judgy about how DH (and I) would stay up late and sleep in really late on weekends. "Well he won't be able to do that when you have kids." I just shrugged and was like well I guess we'll deal with it if we need to???? Like, I'm not going to tell him to get up at 6am now just because a hypothetical future baby might be awake. For the record, baby takes a good mid-morning nap after only 45-60 minutes of awake time so for now we still get to sort of sleep in.
It's not as big a deal for me due to my short legs, but it makes a world of difference for Lew. Plus, if you're in the middle it's not just the elbow battle...
If you're between two tall men, they tend to man-spread...so my knees end up so tightly pressed together that I actually COULD hold an aspirin between them!
This is 100% true.
When we had our first baby, she had to go to a table on the side of the bed because there was meconium in the birth fluid and they needed to clean her lungs. I went over to the table to watch the doctor and nurse. My wife hadn't seen the baby yet and asked what she looked like. I looked down at the wet, greasy hair and a body covered in blood, greenish black poop and whatever the sticky white stuff is and replied, "She looks perfect." I never meant anything more truly in my life. Now she's going to college in a few months. Stupid onions.
Not calling you out specifically, just quoting it because you said it last, but I do find it funny any time someone talks about positives of having a kid the immediate and only answer is “they’re so cute!”
My dog is cute, too, though....
I did ask MrsWx last weekend at what age we can tell LittleWx to just go turn on cartoons in the living room...
You will. We're enjoying doing things for ourselves now, but when the kids were still home, we used to say "we don't have a life, we have kids". It was crazy busy and exhausting and frustrating and when we're being honest, we miss it...just a little. When we have 2-3 of them with all their kids here for a visit, it's crazy busy and exhausting and frustrating and we love it, but by all that's holy, it's nice to go back to our quiet routine again! I think it's because we're 20 years older, and can't keep up like we used to.
Maybe to describe it better, I'll paraphrase CW. You don't have a baby because it's easy, you have a baby because it's awesome.
However, to all of you out there reading this, don't have a baby if you aren't willing to do the things necessary to raise a baby. This is my public service announcement for the day.
Coming home and having the running up to you "Daddy!" moment (although yes the dog does that too and our daughter is still learning to box out or get knocked over by the dog). The cuddles, the smiles, the silly things they say, the stories, the imaginations, the hugs, experiencing life through their eyes. I could go on and on. As I said everyone is different and that's okay.
I will respond with what I’ve told people and my kids, probably doesn’t explain it unless you have had kids, but people mention their glory days as HS or college or even mid 20s. I say my glory days are now and tomorrow, every day with my kids and watching the world through them is the best day of my life. I feel, as life goes, I haven’t yet peaked.
JC might say that now you have friends that are all parents so when his swinger club is rockin’ You don’t have to worry about the neighbor woman getting knocked, you just assume it’s theirs.
I mean, he's a mini-me and I'm awesome. That's sort of an egotistical answer though soooooo
You *ARE* talking to Pants here.
Pants, given your feelings of overwhelming superiority, how can you not want to contribute to the gene pool? Will you deny the human race further glimpses of your greatness?
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