A little something like this?
Flip the gold to an outline and the white to the interior on the number. I have always thought colored numbers on jerseys should match the pants at all times.
White numbers over colored pants are okay, however.
Remove the red "mini-stripes" from the jersey -- cool idea overall, but inconsistent with the simple three-stripe "NFL" stripes on the helmet and pants. Consistency is big with me for these things, so we should use the same striping pattern when we can.
Otherwise, great, even if a lot of white for a home team when white is not one of our primary colors. We are not the Indianapolis Colts, after all.
Definitely better, though. The mismatched elements on the existing jerseys make them look like something that you might have a team wearing at practice.