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Friday OT - In-laws

The fiance's parents are split. Get along with mom fine. Had to call dad to ask for his blessing...he was drunk sitting by his pool. He's a retired Navy veteran who collects his checks, buys gold because he doesn't trust the government, sits by his pool and drinks all day. At first it was a very nice, cordial conversation. Then it turned into a conversation about her mother (his ex). "Just so you know, they can turn that ***** off whenever they feel like it, that's why I went looking elsewhere. Not many marriages last you know?" It turned real awkward, real quick. I'll meet him for the first time on July 25.
 
other than my MiL having an incredible ability to talk, and talk, and talk, and talk (without seeming to pause to take a breath) so about every phone call takes at least 5 minutes I get along fine with them. Being 2 hours away helps. The wife has taken to shopping an awfull lot with my mom, i think to make up for all my mom's missed woman time while raising 6 boys on the farm. Not great for the bank account but there are worse ways to spend the money I suppose. Both sets of parents live in the same town now too and seem to get along decently.
 
I don't get along with my wife's mom, she's a super negative person. I used to pretend to like her but I'm pretty much past that, I tolerate her now but I don't spend anymore time around her than I have to.
 
My in-laws only live 45 minutes away, and with us having their only grandchild, that is way too close. Not to mention, it's like my MIL has totally forgotten how to raise kids. When our son was a little over 2, she stopped at McDonalds and got him shamrock shake because "he wanted one". I'm pretty sure a 2 yr old has no idea what a shamrock shake is.

Our son also has a peanut allergy, which they spent the early morning hours in a hospital for, and yet she still continued to leave peanut M&M's and such things lying around their house. I think we scolded them enough about it so they are better now.

Numerous times we've had to tell her that he HAS to stay in his car seat when the car is moving, and each time she says "Well, we didn't have car seats when you were young." That's great, but unless you want to go to jail, he needs to stay in his car seat.

I know there are more "horrible child rearing" stories, but I can't remember them all.

I won't get into my FIL who is an absolute control freak, but he at least knows how to tell our son "no." They've helped us a few times, which we are gratefull for, but most of the time, we are both relieved when they go back home.
 
My MIL came from a very well-to-do family, so she is always uber-polite, almost to the point it makes me sick. She is also real passive-aggressive, kind of annoying. FIL is pretty awesome, I'm sure if it weren't for his kids and grand kids, he'd become a mountain man in Alaska, living off the land.When I called the FIL for permission to marry his daughter, the first thing out of his mouth was, "Why would you want to do that?" I told him, "I heard you guys had some money and I was hoping to get into the will." Longest pause in the history of mankind, he chuckled and said, "If you want to believe that you are dumb enough to get married," and sincerely said, "you have my permission, thanks of calling." We have always had a pretty good relationship because I'm into the outdoors unlike his other son-in-law, and I asked for permission unlike his other son-in-law.
 
djcubby said:
My in-laws only live 45 minutes away, and with us having their only grandchild, that is way too close. Not to mention, it's like my MIL has totally forgotten how to raise kids. When our son was a little over 2, she stopped at McDonalds and got him shamrock shake because "he wanted one". I'm pretty sure a 2 yr old has no idea what a shamrock shake is.

Our son also has a peanut allergy, which they spent the early morning hours in a hospital for, and yet she still continued to leave peanut M&M's and such things lying around their house. I think we scolded them enough about it so they are better now.

Numerous times we've had to tell her that he HAS to stay in his car seat when the car is moving, and each time she says "Well, we didn't have car seats when you were young." That's great, but unless you want to go to jail, he needs to stay in his car seat.

I know there are more "horrible child rearing" stories, but I can't remember them all.

I won't get into my FIL who is an absolute control freak, but he at least knows how to tell our son "no." They've helped us a few times, which we are gratefull for, but most of the time, we are both relieved when they go back home.
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The "it didn't hurt YOU all" grandparents drive me nuts. That's great, but when you know better, you do better. People are just ridiculous sometimes about wanting to do things the same way they did 30 years ago just to feel validated that their decisions were right.
 
My MIL and FIL are wonderful, kind, giving people. I am so thankful they are in our lives.

I worry about them getting older. I can foresee a day when we'll need to take care of them, but it is a burden we will bear with warmth and compassion for all they have done for us in our lives. It will be time to return the favor.

My parents are wonderful as well, so I don't have any horror stories to add to the conversation.
 
My wife's pseudo-parents that took her in after her step mother kicked her out of the house are just about the most amazing people I've ever met, so at least they offset my wife's mother.
 
3TrueFans said:
I don't get along with my wife's mom, she's a super negative person. I used to pretend to like her but I'm pretty much past that, I tolerate her now but I don't spend anymore time around her than I have to.
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A close relative of mine had to take this line with his parents-in-law. He just sort of got over pretending to nod and smile to all of their crap, especially when they would be rude to their daughter/his wife. I think that's a point at which you arrive for the sake of self- and family-preservation at some point, with some of these people.
 
Love my in-laws. I knew them WAY before my wife and I were married and we dated all through HS. Huge Cyclone fans that have season tickets so I have been to numerous games with the in-laws. We are very close. My MIL passed away 3 years ago from cancer and it hurt just like my actual mother would have passed. FIL nice "toy" (cars,etc.) Let my wife and I borrow the convertible for times to use and always is there to help out. Not sure I could have married into a better family.
 
My MIL is nuts. The first time I met her she asked me when my last AIDS test was.

Another time I had to pick her up from a car dealership. Her car was being worked on and she needed a ride. So I pick her up and she hands me a loaded magazine for her 9mm pistol. She keeps a gun in her car, so it wasn't a big deal and I knew she couldn't leave it in the car at the dealership. So she goes back to the car to get her gun and comes back into my car. Again, not a big deal at this time, but then she takes the mag, loads in in the pistol and puts one in the chamber. I guess we were gonna do some drive-bys in suburbs or something.

And don't get me started about assorted threats of violence and random lawsuits over the years.
 
EnhancedFujita said:
My MIL is nuts. The first time I met her she asked me when my last AIDS test was.

Another time I had to pick her up from a car dealership. Her car was being worked on and she needed a ride. So I pick her up and she hands me a loaded magazine for her 9mm pistol. She keeps a gun in her car, so it wasn't a big deal and I knew she couldn't leave it in the car at the dealership. So she goes back to the car to get her gun and comes back into my car. Again, not a big deal at this time, but then she takes the mag, loads in in the pistol and puts one in the chamber. I guess we were gonna do some drive-bys in suburbs or something.

And don't get me started about assorted threats of violence and random lawsuits over the years.
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The first part made me laugh.

The second part made me cringe. Yikes.
 
well I've got nothing on the in-laws that my mom has to deal with (though as a grandchild, I am pretty close to it) but those experiences have made me incredibly gun-shy about dealing with my husband's parents. In theory, I know they like me, but his mom is one of those people where you always love all your family and see everyone as much as you can no matter if they are terrible people. Because family is always first. So she really doesn't approve of the fact that I have cut certain family members out of my life. That's a little hard on the feels because she knows me, not them and so for her to assume that I'm in the wrong on that is hard to swallow. She had a little "discussion" about it with me one time that felt like I was 10 years old being lectured by my mother - and part of it was even about how I need to talk more to one of my husband's relatives. I'm sorry, but I am not a child, and I am not your child. I know she meant well, but it did not help.

I do worry about when we eventually have kids. Their other daughter-in-law has probably been their dream - let them wait in the hospital room, got to stay with them for a week afterward, let's them come visit all the time. I know I won't be that way. I certainly don't want ANYONE waiting at the hospital, I may want my own mother to come stay for a couple days - but she's the type who will only do it at my request. I can tell my mom "hey, time to leave now" or "please don't come visit until we are home from the hospital", and she won't be offended. So I foresee lots of hurt feelings which makes me feel bad, but I shouldn't be the one having to not get exactly what I want in that situation.

Outside of that I think everyone gets along just fine - just kind of that tentative relationship that she and I have.
 
88clone said:
This happened about 20 years ago. My in-laws were, and still are, divorced. I was at my mother-in-law's house with my wife at the time to spend the day. While we were there, by wife's friend from high school drove by and saw that we were there, so she stopped by to hang out. They decided to go to town to another friend's house for a little get together. My wife asked me if it was OK, and I said yes, no big deal, I'd just stay there and watch TV, or whatever. While this was happening, my MIL was out for a walk and came back in the back door and slipped downstairs to clean up. During this time, I walked down the hall to the bathroom, and when I came out, there stood my MIL, naked as the day she was born. We both froze and then she got this little smirk on her face and I took back to the bathroom where I spent about 20 minutes. We never talked about this, but I do know that she didn't know we were there yet, since my wife took our car in to town. I always wondered about that little smirk. Even before this had happened, I always, kind of deep down wished my wife was built a little more like her mother, instead of having the more sturdy build like her father. It was always really awkward between me and my MIL anyway, and it was awkward for the next 8 years or so, until she got hit by that bus. I always thought she looked at me funny, but never had the guts to ask her if she was weird or what the deal was.

My father-in-law and I, however, get along great and are really good friends!
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WTH??
 
SpartClone said:
My MIL came from a very well-to-do family, so she is always uber-polite, almost to the point it makes me sick. She is also real passive-aggressive, kind of annoying. FIL is pretty awesome, I'm sure if it weren't for his kids and grand kids, he'd become a mountain man in Alaska, living off the land.When I called the FIL for permission to marry his daughter, the first thing out of his mouth was, "Why would you want to do that?" I told him, "I heard you guys had some money and I was hoping to get into the will." Longest pause in the history of mankind, he chuckled and said, "If you want to believe that you are dumb enough to get married," and sincerely said, "you have my permission, thanks of calling." We have always had a pretty good relationship because I'm into the outdoors unlike his other son-in-law, and I asked for permission unlike his other son-in-law.
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I guess that is one thing I kind of regret is NOT asking permission. But we were both 30 years old at the time, so I don't think he took offense. And I (at the time anyway) was a hundred times more responsible than his other SiL.
 
cowgirl836 said:
well I've got nothing on the in-laws that my mom has to deal with (though as a grandchild, I am pretty close to it) but those experiences have made me incredibly gun-shy about dealing with my husband's parents. In theory, I know they like me, but his mom is one of those people where you always love all your family and see everyone as much as you can no matter if they are terrible people. Because family is always first. So she really doesn't approve of the fact that I have cut certain family members out of my life. That's a little hard on the feels because she knows me, not them and so for her to assume that I'm in the wrong on that is hard to swallow. She had a little "discussion" about it with me one time that felt like I was 10 years old being lectured by my mother - and part of it was even about how I need to talk more to one of my husband's relatives. I'm sorry, but I am not a child, and I am not your child. I know she meant well, but it did not help.

I do worry about when we eventually have kids. Their other daughter-in-law has probably been their dream - let them wait in the hospital room, got to stay with them for a week afterward, let's them come visit all the time. I know I won't be that way. I certainly don't want ANYONE waiting at the hospital, I may want my own mother to come stay for a couple days - but she's the type who will only do it at my request. I can tell my mom "hey, time to leave now" or "please don't come visit until we are home from the hospital", and she won't be offended. So I foresee lots of hurt feelings which makes me feel bad, but I shouldn't be the one having to not get exactly what I want in that situation.

Outside of that I think everyone gets along just fine - just kind of that tentative relationship that she and I have.
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As much as I adore my MIL, she wants to come visit just a few days after this little guy is born. I don't know how to politely say, "But I don't want to share my newborn," and not sound terrible.
 
Pretty good for the most part. My father in law is a blast. Likes to party, and just have a good time. My mother in law is a little more reserved, and I guess probably more judgmental of me than my father in law, but it's nowhere near a hen-pecking situation. Gatherings with them are not stressful at all.

There were definitely some philosophical differences between how my brother and I were raised, and how my wife and I were raised. My folks were a little more tough love, and I can see there being issues when I use that approach with my own future kids (I know this was an issue in my folks' marriage, as my mom's Mom didn't believe in it, but she hated my Dad which clouded her ability to assess anything he did objectively). They're more involved in my wife's life than I'm comfortable with, but honestly it's probably "normal". I'm very independent of my parents (even though I get along just fine with them). I don't ask them for help or advice very often, and my wife routinely seeks her parents' opinions, which in turn makes them comfortable offering their opinions unsolicited, which bothers me. Not so much because of the content of the advice/opinion, just in that I have a very different view of my parents' role in my life.
 
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