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- Thread starter Mtowncyclone13
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From a biological standpoint, your sole purpose is to ensure your genetic code outlives you and advances through the ages. It's why mama grizzlies act like they do, why siblings are so protective of each other, why you are attracted to people your brain thinks will be successfully fertile and reproductive. It's why it's so emotionally devastating not to be able to have kids. Most people can come to terms with the inability to attain other achievements in their lives but infertility takes pain and emptiness to a whole new level. It's not a very romantic answer but it's true.
Now if you don't want kids that doesn't mean you are evil but to be honest I always find it surprising that so many people can fight this bioligical truth. For that reason and others I'm going to go against the fray here and tell you to seriously consider having kids, and the sooner the better.
We didn't have kids right a way. I'm not a huge fan of other peoples kids, then or now so there was no rush. I had a very successful career and we were pretty happy. By the time we decided to have kids I was still fairly young but then it took YEARS to conceive. By the time we finally start, space them out a little, I'm getting a little old. Now that my oldest is in college I'm really old.
If I could do it again, I would start trying to have kids much earlier, giving me the option to have more, if possible. But life is not a dress rehearsal. You don't get to do it again. Most people are good parents (again, it's a biological thing) so don't worry about that. And don't let the expense of kids be an excuse because in my experience, the money part always works out. Good luck with whatever you decide but try to make that decision sooner rather than later.
Now if you don't want kids that doesn't mean you are evil but to be honest I always find it surprising that so many people can fight this bioligical truth. For that reason and others I'm going to go against the fray here and tell you to seriously consider having kids, and the sooner the better.
We didn't have kids right a way. I'm not a huge fan of other peoples kids, then or now so there was no rush. I had a very successful career and we were pretty happy. By the time we decided to have kids I was still fairly young but then it took YEARS to conceive. By the time we finally start, space them out a little, I'm getting a little old. Now that my oldest is in college I'm really old.
If I could do it again, I would start trying to have kids much earlier, giving me the option to have more, if possible. But life is not a dress rehearsal. You don't get to do it again. Most people are good parents (again, it's a biological thing) so don't worry about that. And don't let the expense of kids be an excuse because in my experience, the money part always works out. Good luck with whatever you decide but try to make that decision sooner rather than later.
We were married right out of college at 21 and 23. For us the decision to have kids was made while we were dating in college--we knew we wanted a family. But we made a conscious decision to wait awhile to actually have kids, so our first was when I was 28 and hubby was 30. Now 10 years later we will have our last as we near/hit 40. Again, it is a personal decision on timing. This is what worked for us.
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DistrictCyclone
Guest
I think it's pretty admirable that people resist/suppress this biological urge when they're not adequately prepared to raise a child in modern society. I don't presently want children, but if I ever decide that I do, I'll ensure that I have all of the resources (financially, mentally, time-wise, etc.) to provide my children with a comfortable upbringing that provides them with opportunities to live happy, healthy lives.
Simple reason to have kids. They are the greatest thing in the world. There is NOTHING I love more than going to games with my boys. Kids make life so much better.
Would I have more money with no kids? I sure would. Would I be happier? Not even close.
Would I have more money with no kids? I sure would. Would I be happier? Not even close.
There is something to be said about starting a little early encase there would be fertility issues. I met a couple this year that had been speaking with Doctors for about five years and were trying different methods to try to get pregnant. There were some things they could not try earlier due to the cost of the procedure.
If finances are the first/primary/only thought you have about having children. Please don't have any. There are more than enough selfish, self centered people in the world.
I have 7 children and everyone of them are a great gift. Are they expensive? Yes. Does that matter to me? Not at all. Our house is large enough (~4,000 s.f.) our fridge is full, etc. The fulfillment our lives have because of, not in spite of, our children is immeasurable.
When I look at small or childless families I feel sorry for them - they are missing out. Our lives are crazy from time to time, but I absolutely love it every single day.
lol. yeah, cuz that is the same as what I said. Throwing a tragedy in there and not having conversations or relationships? None of that has to do with what I was talking about or has to do with people who shove their kids down your throat and worship them. You need to watch George Carlin's "It's bad for ya." Reply once you have. Unless you like people like this:
[video=youtube;Z72iuH65vEA]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z72iuH65vEA[/video]
I knew I would tick a lot of people off and I'm not trying to offend just help make the case that we really don't need more kids. I do understand how it is hard for parents to realize their kids aren't special.
I still love kids and am great with them, I would just rather ask people all the time about how their kids are (usually people I'm friends with or care about.) But I hate when parents start blabbing to me about their "honor role" student when I don't even ask or talk about some innocuous, mundane "achievement" they did.
Kudos to those parents that do have kids and just raise their children instead of living vicariously through them. I just offer the argument to not be a professional parent like some people are today or have kids at all. I think there should be a day to congratulate the people choose not to have kids (like a mothers day or father's day.) But I actually guess those days to celebrate are just the other 363 days of the year with no child care responsibilites to worry about. :smile:
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Maybe I'm confused but this sounds just a tad bit crazy to me. A lot of the people who don't have kids decide on their own not to have them and it has nothing to do with their inability to have them. I assume these people are like myself and don't need a child/children to fulfill their lives.
There is a young couple that sit near us at ISU games and they have one of the cutest babies I've ever seen but that doesn't make me want one for myself. Of course it helps that the week after I was thinking how cute the baby was it puked down the side of it's moms face and in her ear
For most parents I think the sharing is just a natural result of their passion and joy for their kids. Sometimes it does seem too much, but when you are excited about something don't you share with others and hope they'll be excited too? I know I do that.
At the same time it can be hard hearing or seeing it all the time (especially FB) but there are ways to change the subject or to ignore the posts.
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DistrictCyclone
Guest
Just wanted to say, to all of the parents out there, that I look up to anyone who's raising or has raised children. I can't believe the amount of sacrifice that parents are willing to make for their children; I don't think that gets commended enough by society. Successfully raising a family just doesn't seem to get the kind of universal admiration as far less important things like making money or having a large house, and that seems like such a pity.
I think it's perfectly fine to wait, sometimes better. We have three kids. 8, 4, and almost a year. I was 33 when we had our 1st. My wife is a year younger. She was 39 when our son was born last fall. Makes no diff to me when people decide to have their kids, or if they don't want them at all. I wouldn't change the way we did anything.
Erik4Cy - I get what you're saying, but why not just block those feeds on Facebook? I mean, I have a friend who is really into freaking quilting. She updates her FB profile with that crap on the daily. I either just skim past it or, if it annoys me enough, block it. And having children is a lot bigger deal in someone's life than quilting (I would hope, anyway - although this friend also has a child, but rarely posts about her. Hmm).
Anyway - I think people are asking what you DO post about? For a lot of people with children, they have family and friends spread all over the world who don't get to see their children regularly, and FB is one of the ways to share in each others' lives.
Anyway - I think people are asking what you DO post about? For a lot of people with children, they have family and friends spread all over the world who don't get to see their children regularly, and FB is one of the ways to share in each others' lives.
Is there a new "Immortality Drug" I'm unaware of? I'll agree, I don't think every person needs to have 10 kids, but to say we don't need anymore kids is a statement that's not helping to give credibility to anything you say.
Don't feel sorry for them, most of them made the choice and are happy with it or they would have them.
I never feel sorry for people that have kids but a few times a week I think to myself "Thank god I didn't have kids" when I see bad things happening to parents.
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DistrictCyclone
Guest
Just because someone's concerned about finances with regard to raising children, it doesn't necessarily mean that they're worried about themselves not having any money if they have children. Many people elect not to have kids (or delay having them) because they're concerned with not being able to provide for the kids; they couldn't care less whether they themselves have any money, but they want to make sure that they can adequately provide for their kids. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to ensure that you've got the financial means to give your children a decent upbringing.
Ok, that's enough, parents you know what to do, this is becoming stupid.
I'll start.
So, the other day, I was in the bathroom, my son walks in at the 'perfect' time and makes an accurate observation. I said maybe he should go tell mom. He RUNS out of the bathroom shouting at the top of his lungs: "MAMA, DADA TOOTED ON THE POTTY!"
It was SOOOO funny.
Others, let's hear 'em.
I'll start.
So, the other day, I was in the bathroom, my son walks in at the 'perfect' time and makes an accurate observation. I said maybe he should go tell mom. He RUNS out of the bathroom shouting at the top of his lungs: "MAMA, DADA TOOTED ON THE POTTY!"
It was SOOOO funny.
Others, let's hear 'em.
CycloneErik
Well-Known Member
It's a choice people have always made. It makes sense on paper. In reality, I doubt that people are ever really as ready as they thought they could be when a baby appears. It's just not actually possible.
I support people waiting until everything is perfect and ready, but I don't believe it actually works that way.
My daughter is two, currently working on potty-training. She had a successful visit to the potty, but decided to get up and run around at top speed going, "I have a poopy butt!" yesterday. I had to stop laughing long enough to catch her.
Also, she asks to listen to the Beastie Boys at least once a day. I can't complain about that.
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