Ugh, I know. And these social networking sites have no way to allow me to either ignore or not follow these people! Wait what's that? They all have features that would allow you to not hear about these things with the click of a button but some people aren't smart enough to find them? Nevermind then.
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- Thread starter Mtowncyclone13
- Start date
Eric: not going to call you a jerk, but I think I can explain something that gets you and a lot of parents on the same page:
Kids, like alcohol, are not the problem. Kids (as blank slates) and alcohol (as an inanimate object) cannot be 'evil', but they both have a tendency to amplify people's personalities. Tend to be a self centered person? You're going to be a insufferable person telling people about your kids or when you're drunk. Tend to be borderline abusive? Add the stress of kids, or a few beers and look out. Inferiority complex? HEY LOOK AT WHAT MY KID IS DOING, or Hey Guys, watch THIS!!!
If you dislike someone because of how they act as parents, it's THEM, not the kids. They were arseholes anyway, maybe they were just good at hiding it before. I have 2 sons, and I love the **** out of them, but I have people at work (OK, all women) begging me for pictures, and I'm like...why do you care...uhh, I think I have some in my office. The only people I tell kid stories with are other parents who have kids right around the same age as mine. Not because I think they care, but there's a little...hey, I been there...in it. Never thought it was a big deal, but a coworker and I who both had kids within the last few months were talking...his wife is dealing with a little postpartum depression. Just having someone to talk to helped him (he said).
Back to the OP: I got married much later than my wife would have preferred, and we had kids when it was cheaper than a divorce (I claimed I couldn't afford them, it was getting to the point where I would have had to pay for one or the other...jimlad implied). I have a 2.25 YO and a .25 YO. I just had my first day with both of them alone on Thursday....it sucked arse. But a few weeks ago, we just watched ISU win, my 2 YO was asking me to 'throw' him up in the air again, my wife was feeding my newborn on the couch and the dog was having fun chasing a ball. I looked over at my wife and said "I got a pretty good life". She agreed.
On the flip side, there's a gal I work with who has a kid around my age as a result of a 'oh hell, I could use some sex' night with her ex-boyfriend....I don't hear her tell the same stories, if you know what I mean.
It just depends on your situation. There's no doubt, raising a kid is at times one of the most stressful things in your life, but the good days are right up there with the best as well.
You're going to feel like a **** when you find out he was orphaned and raised by the system.
Dont know what to say to folk, always wanted kids, have 3 would have more but ran out of space, would like to have more but I ve got a good close group. Time alone with them for me is not pain in the arse or scary, its some of the the best time youll have, if your into that thing. SO sorry dont know what to tell you, I dont think any of it is as bad as most dad say. Yes youll be ****** at time, You lll really hate at times, youll be angry lots, but I dont think youll regret it.
It all very strange in retro spec. not for sure what else to add or think out loud about. It your life though.
It all very strange in retro spec. not for sure what else to add or think out loud about. It your life though.
No kids here and have never regretted it. I'm not going to try and sell anyone on having or not having kids. Some people like having kids while others don't. If I would have had kids in my twenty's it probably wouldn't be that bad but once you get to be a certain age you get so spoiled by not having kids that it would be really hard. I don't think you're going to hear from people who have kids that they wish they didn't. It's not something you can just take back like buying the wrong car and saying "I'm never buying another Ford".
One thing you will find is that your friends will change over time. Nearly all my good friends now are also childless couples. Couples with kids have a lot harder time leaving at 4am to tailgate, going on vacations, etc. I'm now old enough where some of my friends with kids have their children in college so they have a lot more free time.
One thing you will find is that your friends will change over time. Nearly all my good friends now are also childless couples. Couples with kids have a lot harder time leaving at 4am to tailgate, going on vacations, etc. I'm now old enough where some of my friends with kids have their children in college so they have a lot more free time.
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If you have to ask yourself why to have kids, it's probably not the right time or best decision for you - and it's smart to realize that. It's responsible to realize that. It's nothing anyone should ever have to convince you to do - and that's not a holier-than-thou thing, it's just basic fact. My best friend and her husband have never wanted kids, even though they'd be awesome at it - and that's absolutely cool, that's their right. They've started to maybe change their mind (after 11+ years of marriage) after spending time with our daughter, but I would never push that on them.
For me, I wanted to be able to give everything in my husband and me to someone else in an effort to try and let them have a wonderful life. Our family of two didn't feel complete. We'd both been around children our entire lives, and loved them, so we wanted a little person made of the best parts of both of us to snuggle and cuddle and nurture.
You're right; you give up a lot to be a parent. I can't tell you the last time I peed in private, other than when I'm at work. Going just to the grocery store is an all-out event, even just for two items, because we have to get the PINK racecar cart. But hearing your child giggle at the simplest things, having them cuddle up to you as you rock them to sleep - those are things money can't buy.
For me, I wanted to be able to give everything in my husband and me to someone else in an effort to try and let them have a wonderful life. Our family of two didn't feel complete. We'd both been around children our entire lives, and loved them, so we wanted a little person made of the best parts of both of us to snuggle and cuddle and nurture.
You're right; you give up a lot to be a parent. I can't tell you the last time I peed in private, other than when I'm at work. Going just to the grocery store is an all-out event, even just for two items, because we have to get the PINK racecar cart. But hearing your child giggle at the simplest things, having them cuddle up to you as you rock them to sleep - those are things money can't buy.
This is harsher than I would say it, but I would agree. Don't do it if you're not 100% sure. Neither you nor a child would benefit from it.
Right on! In fact, why tell anyone about the awesome weekend you had? THEY DIDNT LIVE IT AND THEY DONT CARE. Dont bother telling them your best friend or your parent tragically died. NOT THEIR PROBLEM. In fact dont hold meaningful conversation or relationships at all. Your experiences are your own and they ought stay that way!
Until we had our twins, I didn't truly understand unconditional love. It's the single best thing my wife and I have ever done. It's hard right now as we're stretching my salary very thin (too thin frankly) until my wife goes back to work, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Money is just money. My kids are the single most precious thing to me and my wife and we'd do anything for them. (I even typed this right now while my daughter is screaming her head off about something benign)
That being said, kids aren't for everyone and I would never tell someone they should have them or not. It's too special to force upon anyone.
That being said, kids aren't for everyone and I would never tell someone they should have them or not. It's too special to force upon anyone.
I can tell you the worst reason to have kids is because you want someone to visit you or take care of you when you are old. That is a terrible reason IMO. I have one child. Love her to death. My wife wanted more and I wasn't 100% sure so we only have the one and now we are old enough that it will stay that way. Both parties need to be committed 100% or don't do it. Don't do it because your parents or her parents won't stop nagging you about it. Don't do it because your friends have lots of kids and they keep nagging you about it. Don't do it because you think you are going to die alone without anyone in your life. Don't do it because you envision them coming home for the holidays when they are grown. Do it because you want to witness a miracle one time in your life, but be ready to cut the cord when they are grown and let them live their own life without you meddling or following them around the country just so you can be close.
There is a lot of good that comes with being a parent so appreciate that, but don't depend on your child to do anything for you. They are their own person and can make their own decisions once out of the house. Your child's future spouse does not want you living next door.
There is a lot of good that comes with being a parent so appreciate that, but don't depend on your child to do anything for you. They are their own person and can make their own decisions once out of the house. Your child's future spouse does not want you living next door.
My wife just put in 4 nights in a row. I have had sole control of the kids during this time.
Im going to eat them. That is the reason I had them.
Im going to eat them. That is the reason I had them.
D
DistrictCyclone
Guest
So, serious question for the older folks on here: at what age did you decide you want kids? What do you think of people who make their decision at 30 vs 20? 40 vs 30?
We made the decision to at 25, but our daughter was born after 30 for both of us. I think you have a lot less energy doing it later, but you're more prepared financially and emotionally usually.
I've heard people state their desire as early as a teenager, but your ideas may change over time. I think you should have an idea of what you want, but you need to be able to agree with your partner.
As for me specifically: I have always known I would like kids someday. Then I was told I couldn't with out medical intervention so we decided to wait and see what happened. We still wanted kids, but were content at the time not to do anything about it.
