Many of us have that toxic, **** head, money spending, always a pain in the ass uncle, cousin, sibling, etc where this is true.
I have a family member where we all cut bait on because enabling and caving over and over makes it more toxic.
Why is life worth living?
- Thread starter Jer
- Start date
I have a family member where we all cut bait on because enabling and caving over and over makes it more toxic.
I am so sorry. You always seem to be one of the nicest people around here.
Not going to pretend to know your best path forward. Certainly need better friends than the guy, and the wife would need to put in some effort to trust her again.
The other issue is does your cheater friend’s wife know? Has to be weird if she is the only one who doesn’t.
However it works out, hope you can be happy again.
Well, this isn't what I expected to see when checking CF before heading out. This probably will sound weird, so don't say anything until you've read it.
While mental pain and angst and empathy ran through my brain as I read these recent posts, the feeling ended up being kind of joyful and optimistic for you, @Statefan10. Here's why: 20, 30 years ago and more, there was no such thing as a social network, especially like CF. People tended to keep things to themselves, blame or whatever the reason, and not let others in. With your post, you've helped us rally and offer support. You'll always have these words to come back to and read whenever you feel the need. I don't feel good reading what you wrote, and I know you probably don't feel the best either. If you can see some hope though, I think there is a way forward. Thanks for letting us try to help.
While mental pain and angst and empathy ran through my brain as I read these recent posts, the feeling ended up being kind of joyful and optimistic for you, @Statefan10. Here's why: 20, 30 years ago and more, there was no such thing as a social network, especially like CF. People tended to keep things to themselves, blame or whatever the reason, and not let others in. With your post, you've helped us rally and offer support. You'll always have these words to come back to and read whenever you feel the need. I don't feel good reading what you wrote, and I know you probably don't feel the best either. If you can see some hope though, I think there is a way forward. Thanks for letting us try to help.
Read a quote the other day that was along the lines of - I used to think ending up alone was the worst possible outcome, but being with people that make you feel alone is.
Give her the option if your willing, but if she Isn’t invested, cut her loose. In 1-year from now, you’ll be 1 year further along in your journey towards happiness…. Watched my brother loose years of his life trying to fight for a marriage that had an expiration date. He just refused to throw out the garbage until it was completely covered in mold.
I wish you the best. If she’s not a part of your team, she doesn’t belong in your circle. Easy for me to say, hard for you to do. Stay mindful and be sure to reach out if you need anything!
Give her the option if your willing, but if she Isn’t invested, cut her loose. In 1-year from now, you’ll be 1 year further along in your journey towards happiness…. Watched my brother loose years of his life trying to fight for a marriage that had an expiration date. He just refused to throw out the garbage until it was completely covered in mold.
I wish you the best. If she’s not a part of your team, she doesn’t belong in your circle. Easy for me to say, hard for you to do. Stay mindful and be sure to reach out if you need anything!
That sucks big time. I fully acknowledge I'd be doing the exact same things as you. But from a distance, it seems obvious it's time to move on. The person you want doesn't exist anymore.
Emotional cheating is arguably worse. Continually lying about it is may be worse yet. If I were being honest with myself, I couldn't come back from that. Even if she wanted to stay together, I wouldn't be the type husband I'd want to be after having that done to me.
Emotional cheating is arguably worse. Continually lying about it is may be worse yet. If I were being honest with myself, I couldn't come back from that. Even if she wanted to stay together, I wouldn't be the type husband I'd want to be after having that done to me.
You deserve better. Sounds to me like only one of you is interested in fighting for what you've built together, that's a recipe for more of the same. If it were me, I'd opt for magnified pain in the short term from ending it that will likely smooth out down the line, over stretching the pain out over the long term, which is a very real possibility if you try forgiving and carrying on. It is possible to forgive and still move on.
And your "friend" is a doosh.
Husband and I discussed this once. It came up about my coworker who cheated on her husband frequently, sometimes at work, and also had a guy in the office whom she used for emotional support but never slept with.
Was surprised he agreed with me that an emotional affair would be more devastating.
Dude I would let her go. You’ve already been tormented enough. I, personally, have never bought the “it was only an emotional affair”
What the heck is a emotional affiar? I dont think I would be upset if my wife was talking to some dude co-worker. Maybe pissed if she got drunk and kissed some dude. Probably pissed if she had a 1 night stand. Divorce if she got/gave oral to a rando.
Total **** move by the “friend” to bang the friends wife. He should probably be beaten while reciting the Bro Code.
Emotional affairs are a big deal. Read about them. Hard as **** to break out of and your significant other will never feel more isolated and alone as the day they find out.
Wife just got home from a work happy hour. She said she would cut my **** off, I believe her.
It’s not going to work if you aren’t both invested. Sometimes things are fixable but often times not. Especially if it’s gone this far for her. It will be hard for her to reel in her feelings for this other guy and find them again for you.
As a divorced dude who is now very happily remarried I can promise you this isn’t the end of the road.
As a divorced dude who is now very happily remarried I can promise you this isn’t the end of the road.
As someone who went through something similar back in college, you deserve better. Sorry if this is out of line, but she’s an awful human, selfish, and does not deserve you. Any decent person would never do this to someone they care about.
I wish someone would’ve laid it out there for me. We reconciled and a year later she did it again. Sucked worse the second time because i failed myself.
You deserve better.
I'm sorry you're going through this Statefan. You're legitimately one of the better and more thoughtful posters on this site. You seem like a good person and don't deserve to get treated that way. I think there is lots of good advice from posters here.
I’ll add that if she does pursue this relationship with this dude it’s probably going to be a huge disaster and at some point she will probably try to reengage with you when it blows up. That’s usually what happens when people have affairs. It’s exciting at first but extremely messy and emotionally exhausting.
The toxic relationship I had wasn't a significant other but a friend. I got him a job where I worked because you got a bonus.
My friend I think must be bipolar because out of nowhere he would snap over the littlest thing I would apologize even though I did nothing wrong then we would get on good terms again.
A couple xmas's ago he got covid. He would text me updates but not management at work so I would relay what he had told me. He found out this and flipped out on me. I was like then talk to them yourself. He was scared to talk to them for fear of being fired.
Then a year ago last summer I went to concert on a Sunday night and got home late I worked the following day and was tired and not in the best mood. We both worked that morning and he came up to say hey and I was curt.
He flipped out and avoided me at all costs. When this normally happens I leave him alone for a week or so then we normally talk it out but this time he kept avoiding me so I texted him since he wouldn't talk to me.
He responds back not he's not mad and goes off how I was the one not talking to him.
He said he was going to quit but didn't and our schedules always had us at work at the same time but in different areas of the building.
Even after everything said and done continually tried to apologize but this time there was no fixing this on his end. Finally this April I caught him tattling to one manager about another regarding things I knew weren't true and confront him that I had told the manager he complained about and he finally quit on the spot.
I hated to lose this friendship because I know he doesn't have alot of them but the constant toxicity wasn't doing good things for my mental health which isn't great to begin with.
A significant other is a whole different thing but from my case with my former friend cutting that friendship was needed for the sake of my mental health.
My friend I think must be bipolar because out of nowhere he would snap over the littlest thing I would apologize even though I did nothing wrong then we would get on good terms again.
A couple xmas's ago he got covid. He would text me updates but not management at work so I would relay what he had told me. He found out this and flipped out on me. I was like then talk to them yourself. He was scared to talk to them for fear of being fired.
Then a year ago last summer I went to concert on a Sunday night and got home late I worked the following day and was tired and not in the best mood. We both worked that morning and he came up to say hey and I was curt.
He flipped out and avoided me at all costs. When this normally happens I leave him alone for a week or so then we normally talk it out but this time he kept avoiding me so I texted him since he wouldn't talk to me.
He responds back not he's not mad and goes off how I was the one not talking to him.
He said he was going to quit but didn't and our schedules always had us at work at the same time but in different areas of the building.
Even after everything said and done continually tried to apologize but this time there was no fixing this on his end. Finally this April I caught him tattling to one manager about another regarding things I knew weren't true and confront him that I had told the manager he complained about and he finally quit on the spot.
I hated to lose this friendship because I know he doesn't have alot of them but the constant toxicity wasn't doing good things for my mental health which isn't great to begin with.
A significant other is a whole different thing but from my case with my former friend cutting that friendship was needed for the sake of my mental health.
