**** Your Dad Says
- Thread starter jc4cy
- Start date
1. He couldn't find his butt with both hands. 2. He doesn't know enough to pour warm p### out of his boots.
Some of these are from Dad's Dad too. Often said while playing cards (always 7-point pitch).
"Hotter than Hell's half-acre."
"S*** or get off the pot."
"Don't get your s*** hot"
"If I raise hell, will you throw a brick under it?"
"I think you're suffering from cranial-rectal inversion"
And if you ever answered "I think so" to a question - the immediate response was ALWAYS: "You think so?? It's what you know that counts, what you think don't amount to a damn"
I know I am missing some. Sure my kids would pick a couple of mine out too...
"Hotter than Hell's half-acre."
"S*** or get off the pot."
"Don't get your s*** hot"
"If I raise hell, will you throw a brick under it?"
"I think you're suffering from cranial-rectal inversion"
And if you ever answered "I think so" to a question - the immediate response was ALWAYS: "You think so?? It's what you know that counts, what you think don't amount to a damn"
I know I am missing some. Sure my kids would pick a couple of mine out too...
Whenever we'd pass a waterfountain, or go to a restaurant and get water, dad would sing this little line "water ... water ... cool, clear, water."
I never knew what it was from until I found this little old diddy:
I never knew what it was from until I found this little old diddy:
"It'll put hair on your chest"
Little did i know he was turning me into a ware-wolf
Little did i know he was turning me into a ware-wolf
My dad was never much of a talker to us kids growing up, so I was always amazed how much the old man talked whenever we went to the lumber yard or co-op. He told jokes and would laugh at them before anyone else. He has one of those infectious laughs and is genuinely funny, so he's capable of pulling it off.
Two things he liked to say were more advice-related than anything:
"I've always learned more by listening than talking"
"There's a lot of things to learn from going to college that have nothing to do with homework or class"
Two things he liked to say were more advice-related than anything:
"I've always learned more by listening than talking"
"There's a lot of things to learn from going to college that have nothing to do with homework or class"
Hotter than a 3 bal*ed tom cat.
Colder than a witch's t** in a brass bra
When someone is indecisive or not moving fast: Sh** or get off the pot.
Colder than a witch's t** in a brass bra
When someone is indecisive or not moving fast: Sh** or get off the pot.
Whenever we asked him where someone was -- "Went to **** and the hogs ate him."
Or when you screwed something up -- "I think you **** and fell back in it."
If he caught you adjusting your undies -- "Going to a movie? You're picking your seat."
If you left the door open -- "Were you born in a mule's a$$? They close by themselves."
Or when you screwed something up -- "I think you **** and fell back in it."
If he caught you adjusting your undies -- "Going to a movie? You're picking your seat."
If you left the door open -- "Were you born in a mule's a$$? They close by themselves."
Is this an Iowa thing? I'm from Chicago and have never even heard it until this thread.
My grandpa used to always say "You can half ass it twice and still not come up with a full ass".
I'm learning that a lot of your dads swore a lot more than mine did.
It took a sow biting my dad before I remember him swearing. But he expanded my vocabulary by about 10 new words in a short time!
It took a sow biting my dad before I remember him swearing. But he expanded my vocabulary by about 10 new words in a short time!
"He doesn't know if his a-hole's punched or drilled" When I asked him one time which it was he told me "I believe it's probably a hot punch"
Also, always called WD-40 "panther piss" - which I still do as well.
"Get your aXXes out of bed! I ain't got all day"
Also, always called WD-40 "panther piss" - which I still do as well.
"Get your aXXes out of bed! I ain't got all day"
