Grade school "whippins"
- Thread starter alaskaguy
- Start date
Your first quote made it look like you were quoting Dr. Sears. The quotes were what a fictional parent was saying.
So, you're OK gambling on whether your child is the one that will not be affected by spanking?
Why not find a way that works that's not using aggression?
You say you have only done it once...why did you find a non-aggressive way the other 1000 times?
Actually my wife has done countless studies and reading on the subject for her masters. I also don't necessarily think it's a violent act if the person who is administering the punishment is under control and not angry.
What do her studies conclude?
What message is being sent to the child, even if the punisher is under control?
think about how many things we gamble our kids health and safety with... think about that.
walking to school, getting a vaccination, playing sports, driving a car, skateboarding, roller coasters ........ some of those could be considered violent or aggressive.
Since I know my kid best, and she knows me best (talk to me in 5 years about boy... could be a whole nudda lebel) ...our parenting has worked out very well for what we have done, when. I will respect a parent knowing their kid best and how best to deal with disciplinary actions... outside of hitting (>spanking) or other forms of abuse
I was quoting him.. and he said it can be okay for some, in a non-voilent form.
walking to school, getting a vaccination, playing sports, driving a car, skateboarding, roller coasters ........ some of those could be considered violent or aggressive.
Since I know my kid best, and she knows me best (talk to me in 5 years about boy... could be a whole nudda lebel) ...our parenting has worked out very well for what we have done, when. I will respect a parent knowing their kid best and how best to deal with disciplinary actions... outside of hitting (>spanking) or other forms of abuse
I was quoting him.. and he said it can be okay for some, in a non-voilent form.
I'd have to read through her papers again, but she definitely didn't say it should be a blanket punishment to all kids at all ages. Research showed certain younger ages definitely responded better. I'll ask her tonight.
I think it's a weak argument to compare those risks to one where a trusted person is inflicting unnecessary physical and possibly mental harm or discomfort to a child.
I have no doubt that you are raising your child well. I don't question that you know your child best, and that they will turn out well. My only assertion is that you, and every parent, can and do discipline in other ways that better deal with the problem, and are better for the child in learning the real ways of the world.
No one in this thread has stated why, if other methods obviously work, because they only have to spank once in a while, that they can't do those methods all of the time.
Going out on a limb here but maybe they spank when the other methods fail? I dunno
"My parents beat the living **** out of me. In fact, I'm looking forward to beating my kids, aren't you?"
Most definitely. I would always immediately scheme a way to minimalize the punishment, because I knew it was coming
Also, my cousin tried the books in his britches deal many times, never once worked. It was funny to watch though.
This is true
This is funny.
I would say to the main dissenter here, if there are so many other great methods, what are they? I am not trying to be a smart *** I really want to know. However, I know parents who have abused and harmed their children a whole bunch without ever touching them.
I like the title, "Main Dissenter"! :notworthy:
As for finding other methods, there are literally thousands of books and websites that have a myriad of "systems" or behavioral plans. Some are good, some aren't. I'd encourage people to find one that suits them, but to evaluate it with a critical eye.
As for ones I endorse: 1-2-3 Magic, anything by Dr. Sears, and the book "Positive Discipline A to Z: 1001 Solutions to Everyday Parenting Problems."
Here's Dr. Sears' web page on discipline...lots of good stuff here.
DISCIPLINE
By the time they are thirteen they should have developed respect and the ability to determine right from wrong. Also when they are thirteen there are a lot more things one can do, such as take away social events or other things. I think that spanking is OK in moderation and under the correct circumstances. It provides a reminder to a child that the action they just took was wrong, as they have not developed idea of right and wrong. I cannot stand kids who misbehave all of the time. I have two sets of cousins, one of which the parents use your "nonviolent actions" and one set uses spanking only when necessary. I can tell you the ones that have been spanked act with way more respect and are much more pleasant to be around. The other ones are very disrespectful, they don't listen to anyone, even their parents. They are rude and basically have no cares whether something is right or wrong. I realize that maybe those parents do not do the correct things, however I do believe that under some circumstances spanking is appropriate.
How did anyone ever raise children without books? I will ask you this on the 1-2-3 method. What is the threat? So you endorse threatening your child but with really no intention carry that out.
Would you say that kids today are more respectful and better behaved than they were 20 or 30 years ago when physical consequences were prevelant because I would sure as hell say they aren't. Young kids today are a nuisance. They don't have respect for people like they should. I am speaking in general here and I am not saying all kids lack respect, but a lot do. I just don't know that those of you that say spanking is totally wrong have the right to tell some how to raise a child. Remember, this is not "beating" it is spanking. I know that I was spanked when little, but my parents were able to do way more damage mentally and I think if your not careful the damage may be worse without spanking.
Would you say that kids today are more respectful and better behaved than they were 20 or 30 years ago when physical consequences were prevelant because I would sure as hell say they aren't. Young kids today are a nuisance. They don't have respect for people like they should. I am speaking in general here and I am not saying all kids lack respect, but a lot do. I just don't know that those of you that say spanking is totally wrong have the right to tell some how to raise a child. Remember, this is not "beating" it is spanking. I know that I was spanked when little, but my parents were able to do way more damage mentally and I think if your not careful the damage may be worse without spanking.
Thirteen year olds can distinguish right from wrong for the most part. It is a matter of whether they care or not. What I am saying is that by the age of 13, I believe that behavior has already been shaped. Also by that age there are so many more things to take away. As far as your 5 and 8 year old, I don't feel that keeping kids inside is a great punishment. I know that I was sent outside with specific tasks to complete that I maybe didn't want to. Don't get me wrong here, I don't think spanking is just something you do routinely, but I do think it is effective in situations, and I don't think "spanking" has long term negative effects
I don't endorse threatening. In 1-2-3 Magic, the logical consequence is time away from the situation. The child can't handle the behavioral parameter you've outlined, after a three count (as outlined in the system) the child goes to time-out. The idea is not necessarily to punish, but to shape what behaviors you want to shape.
I'm not telling anyone how to raise their child. I will not be coming to your house, monitoring your discipline skills, and mandating court-ordered action on your family's behalf. I am simply making the point that it is possible to raise a respectful child without spanking.
As for a historical perspective of whether kids are more or less respectful nowadays, I don't know. I think every generation complains that the previous generations aren't as good.
Many studies show that good decision-making, without impulsivity, and with moral judgment, may not even be complete by the end of the teen years.
As far as keeping my kids inside...I'm talking about a "you can't go out until the living room is picked up" sort of thing. Logical consequence. Going outside to play is what they live for right now.
