Your most embarrassing experience

[CtownCyclone]

I don't know exactly how embarrassing this is, but I was absolutely mortified when it happened. My family was sitting at church when I accidentally let out possibly the loudest fart known to man. The way I was sitting on a wooden church pew in the balcony it absolutely reverberated throughout the church. All couple hundred people burst out laughing. My pre-teen self was worried what the girls were going to say about it at school the next day.

It turns out nothing was said at school. In fact as the story was retold throughout the years somebody else was blamed for it. My dad was sitting right next to me and he thought another person that was on the other side of the balcony let it rip.

I got blamed for being the farter on the bus one time. Kids started calling me fart master. That stung for a while.

Until one of my friends let one rip on the band bus that was so putrid that a girl threw up. This guy owned it and was treated like a god (especially by those who weren't on that particular bus).

 

[Saul_T]

Most embarrassing moment...this week?

I was using the urinal yesterday, gave a final push before holstering. That final push also came with a surprise in the form of pooped pants. Luckily the damage was minimal and I was able to continue about my day without humiliation from my colleagues and peers.

 

[CycloneRulzzz]

Two words: Western Sizzlin'. Back in 1996 I took a job in Richmond, VA. I had to move out there w/out my wife for a bit while we waited for the house to sell in DSM. My first couple of weeks I stayed in a Comfort Inn and ate at local restaurants. The first night I at a chain called Western Sizzlin' which is basically a Golden Corral. I finished eating my steak and drove next door to run into a Winn Dixie (grocery store) to grab a Sunday paper to peruse for apartments and job ads that might fit my wife. I parked out front and walked into the store, grabbed a paper, and proceeded toward the checkout lanes. Suddenly I felt a bit of urgency... and thought... ****ing Western Sizzlin...

I uncomfortably looked for where the restrooms might be. I couldn't tell if it was at the front of the store or back, and that momentary pondering was too much and the urge became a clear and present danger. I decided my best bet was out the door and maybe around the corner of the store. I gingerly headed the 12 steps toward the sliding doors. Two steps past the threshold and it was too late. I couldn't even make it to the side of the building so I walked to the SUV. The floodgates opened and with each gingerly step there was more and more. I laughed out loud alone in a dark parking lot and thought... "now what?" I pulled a sleeping bag out of the back of the SUV that I had packed for the cross-country drive, and spread it over the car seat, and climbed in doing all that I could to drive with my butt lifted so it wouldn't touch the seat. I drove the 1/4 mile to the hotel and pulled into the parking lot and thought... "now what?" I couldn't just walk through the lobby! So I decided I needed to go to the end of the building near the elevator. I got out of the car and headed up the sidewalk, only to see people walking down the hallway toward the elevator (or door I was trying to get in). But it forced me to think "what if you get on the elevator and somebody else gets on or is standing there when you go to exit the elevator!!!??" After a couple of minutes and nobody coming out the side door I headed in. I reached down and peglegged/rolled the cuffs of my jeans tight. I tucked in the door and immediately shot around the corner up the stairs. I ran up the four floors skipping every other step as I hurried up as fast as I could. I stuck my head in the hallway and saw it was clear and started down the hall to my room... but a cuff came slightly undone.

I got into my hotel room and immediately jumped in the shower to disrobe, laughing out loud at myself. I tossed my wallet and contents of my pockets across the bathroom onto the counter and shoved my jeans, underwear, and socks into the trashbag. I showered up, using all the soap available to me, and thought... "now what?" I couldn't just leave the trashbag in my room; I was going to need to find a trash can to get rid of the "evidence". I decided to go back outside near my car to the trash can by the side entrance. But again... what if somebody what on the elevator?? So I headed to the stairwell, only to see that about every 6' or so there was a small spot on the hallway floor... the exact distance of where my left foot hit the floor with each step where my pantleg had uncuffed... yep... THAT was on the floor. Mortified yet laughing I headed down the stairwell and out the door to the trashcan. From there I headed to the car and checked the sleeping bag. While relatively ok it was not worth salvaging, and to the trash it went too. I rolled the windows back up on the car and headed upstairs, on the elevator this time, smelling of hotel soap... a LOT of hotel soap.

I changed hotels the next day.

It's funny how embarrassing that was, especially considering there was nobody around but me. Not a single witness in that entire situation. But it is still the most embarrassed I've ever been. And I've never eaten at a Western Sizzlin, Golden Corral, Ponderosa, etc ever since.

No one is beating this. The descriptive vocabulary in this was top notch.

 

[CYdTracked]

Maybe not the most embarrassing moments in my life but tame enough story that I am willing to share at least. 8th grade football, I by no means was that great of an athlete I didn't really hit my growth spurt until middle of HS and even then was a skinny 6 foot 150lb kid when I graduated. Where do you hide a shorter skinny kid on a FB team that doesn't have blazing speed or strength right? Anwyays... we were doing some 1 on 1 blocking drills in practice and I apparently did not catch which side of the drill I was on and thought I was the defensive player and not the blocker. I blew right past the guy I thought was supposed to block me and was fired up and the coach then chews my ass out in front of the team and asks me why I was so fired up as I just let the defender go right by me. I of course then say I thought I was the defender which didn't sit well with coach and my sorry butt had to go run some laps around the track while in full pads for not following instructions while the team found my demise funny. That wasn't the only other bonehead mistake I made that season either. I was playing fullback in a game and on a play was supposed to block for a pitch and I heard the play call wrong and almost wound up getting between the QB and HB as the pitch was supposed to happen so I just hit the ground so I didn't cause the pitch to go bouncing off me and be a loose ball. It threw the QB off a bit and as soon and he did pitch it to the HB he just got leveled. Got my ass chewed real good on that mistake too and was already apologizing as I came to the sideline that I had heard the play wrong in the huddle. Don't think I got back into the game at all after that one.

 

[coolerifyoudid]

I was 14 or 15 and my family was on our way to see my brother in GA. We were staying at a hotel in TN and I had gone down to the pool. While there, a really cute girl came in. I was horribly shy at the time, but I had an unprecedented jolt of confidence that night for some reason, probably based on the idea that I'd never see her again.

I started talking to her and we hit it off. We hung out at the pool for quite awhile and then headed to the elevator to go back to our rooms. While walking to the elevator, my stomach started recalling whatever greasy crap we had for dinner, but I was determined to be cool for the remainder of the elevator ride.

We get in, go to the 2nd floor. The doors open up, she says goodbye, touches my arm (a big deal for me at the time), and gets out of the elevator. I'm elated at this point since I was a suave sonofabitch the whole night. As the doors slowly close, I relax and ended up releasing an absolutely paint-peeling fart. It was atrocious, one of those where you can practically see it. You can barely stand it yourself.

Moments, and I mean moments, before the doors fully shut, the girl sticks her hand back in the elevator doors so they open back up. She smiles, clearly embarrassed, and says she thought we were on the third floor. The pool was technically the basement, so that third beep only meant floor 2, not floor 3.

She then sorta bounce-steps back into the elevator with me.

The doors close in agonizing slow-motion and I just froze. I stared forward and abso-friggin-lutely froze.

That fateful night in Tennessee, I bore witness to this poor girl's face gradually transform from an almost flirty smile to something resembling "pre-projectile vomit face" in a matter of seconds. She starts coughing... then gagging... before giving me this look that I can only describe as a look that a poisoned victim gives to their murderer moments before collapsing.

I'll never know how long it actually took for the elevator to travel one floor that night, but I'm sure it could have been timed with a calendar. As soon as the doors opened up, she darted out and ran down the hall, never once looking back. Meanwhile, I rode the elevator up another floor and then took the steps back down to the 3rd floor, preferring to ride another floor in the fog versus possible accidentally catching her gaze again.

And yes, I saw her at the continental breakfast the next morning because WHY NOT?

 

[Clones123]

Went to work at my food service job early one morning. The first hour or so was fine, but by around 7am, my stomach was killing me. Was in the back talking to a coworker and boss, when I needed to urgently fart. Fortunately it was silent so nobody knew, UNfortunately it was definitely not dry...

I immediately ran to the bathroom and spent what felt like an eternity trying to clean myself up. Had to throw the underwear in the trash (took the garbage to the dumpster immediately). Told my boss I needed to run home, a 1/4 mile away real fast because I "forgot my meds".

I came back after showering and tried to keep working, thinking it was something I had eaten. By 9am, I had used the restroom probably 5 times with urgency. I figured something was up so I got permission to go home sick for the day. By the next day, I had literal bruises on my butt from being on the toilet so much, and was so dehydrated that I don't know how I even drove myself down the street to the urgent care clinic.

I couldn't answer their simple questions as I was so disoriented from dehydration. They gave me an IV bag which was completely gone in maybe 15 or 20 minutes. They sent me home with the souvenir of a stool sample collecting kit.

Anyway, they call me saying I have a severe foodborne bacterial illness. They prescribed me a week of antibiotics the day before I was to drive from DSM down to Lubbock for the ISU @ Tech game in 2017; Luckily my symptoms had mostly subsided by then.

Fast forward to the last day of taking my antibiotics. The lab calls me again and tells me the other test just got done and they had found an additional strain of bacteria, one that the first round of meds wouldn't kill. So then I got a fresh week's worth of more antibiotics. I don't remember what one of the strains was, but one I'm almost positive was Campylobacter.

-------TLDR; Food poisoning is no joke, and I am still scared of farting in public

 

[coolerifyoudid]

I don't know exactly how embarrassing this is, but I was absolutely mortified when it happened. My family was sitting at church when I accidentally let out possibly the loudest fart known to man. The way I was sitting on a wooden church pew in the balcony it absolutely reverberated throughout the church. All couple hundred people burst out laughing. My pre-teen self was worried what the girls were going to say about it at school the next day.

It turns out nothing was said at school. In fact as the story was retold throughout the years somebody else was blamed for it. My dad was sitting right next to me and he thought another person that was on the other side of the balcony let it rip.

Those wooden pews were unforgiving.

 

[Jer]

I could add an event from a moment ago when I tried to use the bed urinal at hospital. Let’s just say it didn’t go well but I’m too wired up to things to clean it up. Just patiently waiting for the next nurse to come in and say what the ****!

 

[CYdTracked]

Could almost do a "sickest I have ever felt" or "most pain I have ever been in" threads like these too while we are at it. Some of the embarrassing stories kind of cross over into that. LOL

 

[ruxCYtable]

I worked in a 20+ story building. Toward the end of the day I went to drop one. Nothing special about the deuce itself, which I know you were all hoping for. I get done and I'm washing my hands and see someone has put a can of Glade in the restroom. Unusual in a corporate facility but I figured what the hell, I'll use it as long as it's here. A nearby meeting let out and about five guys came in, right as the photovoltaic alarms were tripped by the mist from the spray. Sirens started going off and the voice of God Himself rang out, "A fire has been reported on the 16th floor. Please evacuate immediately." Knowing it wasn't really necessary to evacuate, I went back to my desk but decided it's almost the end of the day, I'm just going to cut out. Well, some of the people who were in the bathroom had ratted me out and as I exited the building I was greeted with a Hilton Magic level roar from everyone who evacuated. The next morning the can of glade was on my desk with a sign that just said NO.

 

[Saul_T]

-------TLDR; Food poisoning is no joke, and I am still scared of farting in public

Food poisoning is the absolute worst. As a fellow pants pooper, I share your pain.

 

[ISUTex]

royally messed up a speech once. Big crowd. Wasn't prepared. Got really nervous even though I don't really get nervous speaking in front of crowds. It was bad.

 

[Cyclonick182]

**** it why not.... reliving trauma is good for you right? lol

I once joined a bachelor auction for charity. I went for $20 bucks which was roughly 1000% less than the next closest winning bid for a bachelor. I learned that night that good causes aren't always good for you.

 

[2122]

So many to choose from. There's the time I was mid20s and new to Chicago, started doing temp work, girl there invited my to a get together to meet people. Like 20-30 people on deck, she introduces me, I know no one. Accept a beer and brat. Halfway through brat, and I don't notice a hornet has landed on it. Next bite and wham!, sharp pain in mouth. Reflexively eject brat/bun across deck, spill beer. Dead silence. Everyone's like, what's up with the stranger.....

 

[ImJustKCClone]

Sorry. No poop stories.

Any of you who are familiar with gospel anthems might know the song "Shut De Door". The soloist sings the lines of the verse, and between each line, the choir has a response.
Our choir was singing it for the anthem one Sunday. I was singing the solo. We've done the song numerous times, I know the whole thing so stupid fool that I am, I left my music in the pew when we stood up & moved to the middle. Choir starts out with the chorus; everything is just going swimmingly. We get to the verse, director looks at me, and...

MASSIVE BRAINFART.

I completely blanked on the words. So the verse went something like this:
Me: La la la la la la la la
Choir: Shut de door, keep out de debbil
Me: La la la la la la la
Choir: Shut de door, keep de debbil in de night
Rinse, repeat...

Choir director was barely holding it together, choir just kept doggedly doing their responses. Finally, one of them handed me their music and I was able to get the lines for the third verse.

The weirdest part about all of it? I don't think that a lot of the congregation even realized what was going on...except my husband & kids, who told me I had a raw look of sheer panic on my face.

 

[Cyclonepride]

I was working a showroom with another salesperson, and a lady pulled up outside and started walking in. I said, "there you go (insert salesperson's name here)", and he immediately started in with the questions "oh, you like her?" "what do you like about her" etc. It was his wife, and he thought it was hilarious, and would not let it go.

 

[2122]

**** it why not.... reliving trauma is good for you right? lol

I once joined a bachelor auction for charity. I went for $20 bucks which was roughly 1000% less than the next closest winning bid for a bachelor. I learned that night that good causes aren't always good for you.

How long you been married to her?

 

[Cyclonick182]

Did you make it worth her $20?

Truthfully after the auction had ended I gave her 20 bucks and left. I was not in a good frame of mind to stick around after that one.

 

[8thfloor]

A couple from college:

I think it was finals week and I’d been hitting caffeine pretty hard. Was taking a final in the Gilman auditorium sitting towards the front when the bowels started acting up. Tried a couple small pressure relief farts but they only made it worse. Realizing I was now pushing cotton decided to say f it with the test and hand it in. As I’m walking back up the stairs another fart came out right by some poor dudes head. Not sure how many people heard it but as I was almost out another one came out quite loud. Thankfully I don’t think I ever saw any of those people again. Ran to use the can but ALL were being used. Ended up at Atanasoff and it was surprisingly clean.

The other one from college…accidentally called a woman by the wrong name during activities. Still feel bad about that one to this day…

 

[RoseClone]

In an interview at Farm Bureau for a computer programming job in the early 90s I was explaining my background with personal computers and told the interviewer how experienced with PCP I was. Awkward silence.....no second interview.