Your most embarrassing experience

[Mr Janny]

I ran track in school. I'm not a runner by any means, but I did it anyway. The school was on the edge of town, and the coach used to have us run the section, not every practice, but usually a couple times a week. It wasn't quite 4 miles, but it was close enough. I usually lagged towards the back. One time, when entering mile two of the section, I noticed a garbage bag in the grass, partway down the ditch. It was April, and the subject of Earth Day was being discussed in class, so I did the responsible thing, and retrieved the bag. It wasn't too heavy, maybe 10-15 lbs, so I slung it over my shoulder, and started up running again, with the intent to throw it in the trash when I got back to the school. Soon, the few runners who had been behind me, caught up and passed me, and asked what I was hauling. "Not sure" I said, as they ran ahead of me. But before long I was at the very back of the pack, making my way around the section.
Everyone else had finished by the time I made it back to the school, but a crowd had gathered as word of Janny and his mystery garbage bag had made its way through everyone, and people were curious.

It hadn't even occurred to me to think that there might be something interesting in the bag. I just figured it was garbage. But upon finishing the run, I heard a chorus of calls to "Open it!" and "See what's inside!"

The crowd loomed above me as I tore open the bag. Dozens of pairs of eyes peered closely, trying to get a glimpse of what was inside....


Dead skunk.


Everyone recoiled in disgust.

"NASTY!!!"
"Gross!!!"
"What the ****, Janny?"

The coach told me to tell the custodian, and he threw the bag in the trash, and that was the end of it.



Or so we thought....

The next day, the other custodian burned the trash, and the entire school smelled like skunk. The elementary school teachers thought there was a skunk around, so they didn't let the kids go outside for recess all day.

I got a lot of flak for that one. Not just from other students either. There were teachers that would give me grief over it.

 

[JM4CY]

Yeah.... not going to post that in here. No reason to get arrested today.

 

[TXCyclones]

Two words: Western Sizzlin'. Back in 1996 I took a job in Richmond, VA. I had to move out there w/out my wife for a bit while we waited for the house to sell in DSM. My first couple of weeks I stayed in Comfort Inns and ate at local restaurants. The first night I ate at a chain called Western Sizzlin' which is basically a Golden Corral. I finished eating my steak and drove next door to run into a Winn Dixie (grocery store) to grab a Sunday paper to peruse for apartments and job ads that might fit my wife. I parked out front and walked into the store, grabbed a paper, and proceeded toward the checkout lanes. Suddenly I felt a bit of urgency... and thought... ****ing Western Sizzlin...

I uncomfortably looked for where the restrooms might be. I couldn't tell if it was at the front of the store or back, and that momentary pondering was too much and the urge became a clear and present danger. I decided my best bet was out the door and maybe around the corner of the store. I gingerly headed the 12 steps toward the sliding doors. Two steps past the threshold and it was too late. I couldn't even make it to the side of the building so I walked to the SUV. The floodgates opened and with each gingerly step there was more and more. I laughed out loud alone in a dark parking lot and thought... "now what?" I pulled a sleeping bag out of the back of the SUV that I had packed for the cross-country drive, and spread it over the car seat, and climbed in doing all that I could to drive with my butt lifted so it wouldn't touch the seat. I drove the 1/4 mile to the hotel and pulled into the parking lot and thought... "now what?" I couldn't just walk through the lobby! So I decided I needed to go to the end of the building near the elevator. I got out of the car and headed up the sidewalk, only to see people walking down the hallway toward the elevator (or door I was trying to get in). But it forced me to think "what if you get on the elevator and somebody else gets on or is standing there when you go to exit the elevator!!!??" After a couple of minutes and nobody coming out the side door I headed in. I reached down and peglegged/rolled the cuffs of my jeans tight. I tucked in the door and immediately shot around the corner up the stairs. I ran up the four floors skipping every other step as I hurried up as fast as I could. I stuck my head in the hallway and saw it was clear and started down the hall to my room... but a cuff came slightly undone.

I got into my hotel room and immediately jumped in the shower to disrobe, laughing out loud at myself. I tossed my wallet and contents of my pockets across the bathroom onto the counter and shoved my jeans, underwear, and socks into the trashbag. I showered up, using all the soap available to me, and thought... "now what?" I couldn't just leave the trashbag in my room; I was going to need to find a trash can to get rid of the "evidence". I decided to go back outside near my car to the trash can by the side entrance. But again... what if somebody what on the elevator?? So I headed to the stairwell, only to see that about every 6' or so there was a small spot on the hallway floor... the exact distance of where my left foot hit the floor with each step where my pantleg had uncuffed... yep... THAT was on the floor. Mortified yet laughing I headed down the stairwell and out the door to the trashcan. From there I headed to the car and checked the sleeping bag. While relatively ok it was not worth salvaging, and to the trash it went too. I rolled the windows back up on the car and headed upstairs, on the elevator this time, smelling of hotel soap... a LOT of hotel soap.

I changed hotels the next day.

It's funny how embarrassing that was, especially considering there was nobody around but me. Not a single witness in that entire situation. But it is still the most embarrassed I've ever been. And I've never eaten at a Western Sizzlin, Golden Corral, Ponderosa, etc ever since.

 

[Drew0311]

Went out with a girl a few times, we were getting it on for the first time when I had one of those taco bell type poops coming on. I was young and it was a one bedroom apartment. Bathroom attached to the bedroom. I tried every thing in my power to hold it back. It wasn't having it. So this fresh new girl that I started dating got to hear me blast my ass in the toilet right next to where we were about ready to get it on. Obviously there was so much force that the water and poop splashed up and hit my legs. I had to shower really quick and try to go back out and work up the magic. When I walked out of the bathroom she was just sitting there trying to pretend nothing had just happened. Well it was a one bedroom and the smell could not be ignored. I just grabbed her and took her to the bar to get more drinks. I had nothing I could say. I was so embarrassed. I did complete the mission later that night but I know she told all of her friends because her friend mentioned it to me the next year after we were broke up.

 

[Jer]

Working in Dahls produce during the summer in college. Needed to fart so I just let it go since nobody was around. Well, the fart turned into squirts that absolutely exploded all down my tan pants. I went to the bathroom. a little old lady saw it. walked out of the store, went home to change, and came back. Boss didn't know I left.

Hey, don’t feel bad, **** happens.

 

[Antihawk240]

My freshman year of high school we had basketball practice. I forgot shorts and wore blue jeans that day. This was in the 90's when-- lets face it you skip practice and your parents executed you. That and you do not practice in jeans you wore shorts. After discussing the problem with my coach and no other teammate had an extra pair we dug through the lost and found and the closest thing to shorts we could find was............. a large pair of Boxer Briefs. My coach shrugged and they encouraged me saying were pretty similar to "bicycle shorts" and told me to wear them and handed me a XXL practice jersey to try and hide the obvious.

My teammates new the drill and I was fortunate to receive their kinds hearts. Half way through practice the girls varsity team walked in ...... and gave me WTF looks and giggles........ then the varsity boys team walked in saw me and gave me WTF looks followed by hysterical laughter.

Fortunately for me after a few days of ribbing it blew over. But for a Freshman to go through that was by far the most embarrassing experience. I cant even really recall a close 2nd to be honest.

 

[Gonzo]

Went out with a girl a few times, we were getting it on for the first time when I had one of those taco bell type poops coming on. I was young and it was a one bedroom apartment. Bathroom attached to the bedroom. I tried every thing in my power to hold it back. It wasn't having it. So this fresh new girl that I started dating got to hear me blast my ass in the toilet right next to where we were about ready to get it one. Obviously there was so much force that the water and poop splashed up and hit my legs. I had to shower really quick and try to go back out and work up the magic. When I walked out of the bathroom she was just sitting there trying to pretend nothing had just happened. Well it was a one bedroom and the smell could not be ignored. I just grabbed her and took her to the bar to get more drinks. I had nothing I could say. I was so embarrassed. I did complete the mission later that night but I know she told all of her friends because her friend mentioned it to me the next year after we were broke up.

"Neptune's Kiss"

Pretty classic story.

 

[CtownCyclone]

Oh my gosh, I have the best one! With a life lesson thrown in.

I was working for a day in an inner-city hospital in Birmingham doing an inspection of sorts. I was literally the only white person I saw all day. Life lesson #1 was that I had a small taste of what it is like to look different than everyone around you and how uncomfortable that can be. Any way, I am eating lunch in the hospital cafeteria and I've got my very southern tray of food and I am looking for a table in a corner where I can sit and read my newspaper and have no one see me. That's when the heel of my shoe plants and I start going down. It is the most SPECTACULAR fall that you've ever seen. I didn't go down right away, but instead flailed my arms and fell down in slow motion where my entire tray of food is surrounding me. The food is some sort of stewed tomato thing that goes EVERYWHERE. (I bet people still talk about that white lady who fell like that.) As soon as I hit the floor the sweetest boy around 15 or so is at my side concerned if I am hurt. He insists on helping me up and then everyone is worried that I am hurt and insistent that I get a new tray of food. Life lesson #2, there's NO way a 15 year old in Iowa would be the first to someone's side if that happened. Anyway, I have to get a new tray of food because these nice people insisted on it and I manage to make it the rest of the day without falling on my ass. I still think about that kid and how exceptionally nice he was.

Cooper Green?

 

[Jer]

Two words: Western Sizzlin'. Back in 1996 I took a job in Richmond, VA. I had to move out there w/out my wife for a bit while we waited for the house to sell in DSM. My first couple of weeks I stayed in a Comfort Inn and ate at local restaurants. The first night I at a chain called Western Sizzlin' which is basically a Golden Corral. I finished eating my steak and drove next door to run into a Winn Dixie (grocery store) to grab a Sunday paper to peruse for apartments and job ads that might fit my wife. I parked out front and walked into the store, grabbed a paper, and proceeded toward the checkout lanes. Suddenly I felt a bit of urgency... and thought... ****ing Western Sizzlin...

I uncomfortably looked for where the restrooms might be. I couldn't tell if it was at the front of the store or back, and that momentary pondering was too much and the urge became a clear and present danger. I decided my best bet was out the door and maybe around the corner of the store. I gingerly headed the 12 steps toward the sliding doors. Two steps past the threshold and it was too late. I couldn't even make it to the side of the building so I walked to the SUV. The floodgates opened and with each gingerly step there was more and more. I laughed out loud alone in a dark parking lot and thought... "now what?" I pulled a sleeping bag out of the back of the SUV that I had packed for the cross-country drive, and spread it over the car seat, and climbed in doing all that I could to drive with my butt lifted so it wouldn't touch the seat. I drove the 1/4 mile to the hotel and pulled into the parking lot and thought... "now what?" I couldn't just walk through the lobby! So I decided I needed to go to the end of the building near the elevator. I got out of the car and headed up the sidewalk, only to see people walking down the hallway toward the elevator (or door I was trying to get in). But it forced me to think "what if you get on the elevator and somebody else gets on or is standing there when you go to exit the elevator!!!??" After a couple of minutes and nobody coming out the side door I headed in. I reached down and peglegged/rolled the cuffs of my jeans tight. I tucked in the door and immediately shot around the corner up the stairs. I ran up the four floors skipping every other step as I hurried up as fast as I could. I stuck my head in the hallway and saw it was clear and started down the hall to my room... but a cuff came slightly undone.

I got into my hotel room and immediately jumped in the shower to disrobe, laughing out loud at myself. I tossed my wallet and contents of my pockets across the bathroom onto the counter and shoved my jeans, underwear, and socks into the trashbag. I showered up, using all the soap available to me, and thought... "now what?" I couldn't just leave the trashbag in my room; I was going to need to find a trash can to get rid of the "evidence". I decided to go back outside near my car to the trash can by the side entrance. But again... what if somebody what on the elevator?? So I headed to the stairwell, only to see that about every 6' or so there was a small spot on the hallway floor... the exact distance of where my left foot hit the floor with each step where my pantleg had uncuffed... yep... THAT was on the floor. Mortified yet laughing I headed down the stairwell and out the door to the trashcan. From there I headed to the car and checked the sleeping bag. While relatively ok it was not worth salvaging, and to the trash it went too. I rolled the windows back up on the car and headed upstairs, on the elevator this time, smelling of hotel soap... a LOT of hotel soap.

I changed hotels the next day.

It's funny how embarrassing that was, especially considering there was nobody around but me. Not a single witness in that entire situation. But it is still the most embarrassed I've ever been. And I've never eaten at a Western Sizzlin, Golden Corral, Ponderosa, etc ever since.

Reminds me of what my wife and I call “The Best Buy Incident”. I won’t go into details, but I also won’t go back to that Best Buy.

 

[CtownCyclone]

Not mine, but one of my first bosses had an incident at work. Had to sneak out, clean up at home, and sneak back in. His advice to me: Never trust a fart.

 

[Cyismymonkey]

I laughed through most of this thread. Why is poop humor so universally funny?

 

[jsb]

Cooper Green?

I don’t remember. It was a county hospital, I’m sure. Downtown.

 

[MeowingCows]

Fine, I’ll go first.

Was at a church for my grandpas funeral. Went to the bathroom and an old guy that couldn’t see well and was weak was nearly in tears tugging at his zipper. He had his left testicle stuck in the zipper.

I’m way to nice and helped him breaking it free. Yeah, I touched an old wrinkly prune.l with my head and eye level.

Still have nightmares.

Brave. You did the right thing.

 

[CYdTracked]

Fine, I’ll go first.

Was at a church for my grandpas funeral. Went to the bathroom and an old guy that couldn’t see well and was weak was nearly in tears tugging at his zipper. He had his left testicle stuck in the zipper.

I’m way to nice and helped him breaking it free. Yeah, I touched an old wrinkly prune.l with my head and eye level.

Still have nightmares.

LOL! You had yourself a moment from Something About Mary!

 

[Drew0311]

Another.

I was suffering from Heat Exhaustion out in the desert when I was in the Marines. The temp was around 125 degrees. I was dehydrated and suffering. World was spinning. Doc said I need to get my internal temp taken. The only way you do that in the field is to take the silver bullet. That means up the butt. The only doc out there was the cute female doc, the one we all had a crush on. The other doc went back to the rear for supplys. So the hot doc got to ram a silver bullet up my butt to take my temp. This is someone we would hang out with at the bars, in the field, basically everywhere. She was there. I am still friends with her on facebook. Occasionally she will message me "Overheat lately"?

 

[Fishhead]

Working at Fareway as a kid, you kind of get into a lull saying the same thing over and over again. Definitely told a woman "have a good day, sir!" and then realized it and then shouted "UM, I MEAN, UH, LADY!!".

I worked at Fareway too. Open the door for customer with a cart I just carried out earlier and instead of saying would you like a cart? I would say paper or plastic? Same thing at checkout spot to bag. Would you like a cart instead of paper or plastic

 

[Clones123]

In elementary school, probably 2nd-3rd grade, I got a pair of those tear-away pants for Christmas, you know the ones with the buttons that go all the way up each side - thought they were the coolest thing.

That was until I wore them to school the next week and some ******* yanked em all the way off at the bus stop, right as the bus had pulled up... 2nd grade me didn't even consider wearing gym shorts under them, so there i was in my tighty-whities. Pretty sure I never wore those to school again after that.

Same here... Was climbing on the the monkey bars at recess and a friend tried to pull me down by my legs. Hanging there with your pants around your ankles showing off your underwear in front of everyone is certainly something

 

[ClonesFTW]

I was dating a girl in college, we were in the honeymoon first year stage.

Came back to stay at her place after the usual late night out on Welch Ave. Well in the middle of the night apparently I went to take care of some business on the porcelain - most likely firing out some Fighting Burrito. In the morning she wakes me up in the most innocent way asking if I could go clean up the bathroom as she needed to use it. Confused, half blind (no contacts in), and hungover I go take a peek and it turns out my drunkass sat too far back on the toilet and half of my excretion was just smooshed along the very back of the seat. There's not many words you can say to overcome that moment as I turn around and look her in the eyes.

We've now been married 4.5 years, God bless her soul.

 

[IASTATE07]

I don't know exactly how embarrassing this is, but I was absolutely mortified when it happened. My family was sitting at church when I accidentally let out possibly the loudest fart known to man. The way I was sitting on a wooden church pew in the balcony it absolutely reverberated throughout the church. All couple hundred people burst out laughing. My pre-teen self was worried what the girls were going to say about it at school the next day.

It turns out nothing was said at school. In fact as the story was retold throughout the years somebody else was blamed for it. My dad was sitting right next to me and he thought another person that was on the other side of the balcony let it rip.

 

[BoxsterCy]

Asked to play this game.