Things You Completely Didn't Understand As a Child

[Cydewayz]

It's fun now that I have an almost 4 year old to see her misunderstand things....from song lyrics to just how the world works. She loves the Wizard of Oz...and when the munchkins sing "ha ha ha, ho ho ho, and a couple of la la las" she always says, "and a chocolate la la las." She also calls ISU "RAH RAH" because of the fight song. We were watching a football game and said, "Who is 3, daddy?" and I said, "Aaron Horne" and she quickly got mad and said, "NO, 3 is Melvin."

 

[CyorDie]

The radio broadcast portion of Meat Loaf's song, "Paradise By The Dashboard Light."

RADIO BROADCAST
OK, here we go, we got a real pressure cooker going here,
Two down, nobody on, no score, bottom of the ninth,
There's the windup, and there it is, a line shot up the middle,
Look at him go. This boy can really fly! He's rounding first and really
turning it on now, he's not letting up at all, he's gonna try for
second; the ball is bobbled out in center, and here comes the
throw, and what a throw! He's gonna slide in head first, here he
comes, he's out! No, wait, safe-safe at second base, this kid
really makes things happen out there. Batter steps up to the
plate, here's the pitch-he's going, and what a jump he's got,
he's trying for third, here's the throw, it's in the dirt-safe at
third! Holy cow, stolen base! He's taking a pretty big lead out
there, almost daring him to try and pick him off. The pitcher
glances over, winds up, and it's bunted, bunted down the third
base line, the suicide squeeze is on! Here he comes, squeeze
play, it's gonna be close, holy cow, I think he's gonna make it!

 

[AllBig12Drinker]

When I was just a little feller (5 or 6), for some reason I thought horny=mean.

Decided to lay this knowledge on my parents and their friends at a party. I was asked about the next door neighbor girl who babysat me, I explained I didn't care for her much. When asked why, I responded "because she's horny". I still remember my parents and their friends losing it.

 

[dcxme1183]

I was always confused when riding in the car why the big hills in the distance seemed to flatten out when we got to them.

 

[Acylum]

Why I couldn't have anything I wanted as a child since when either of my parents wanted something, they just had to take out this rectangluar notepad, scribble a few words down on it, and hand the note to the cashier.

 

[mywayorcyway]

Why I couldn't have anything I wanted as a child since when either of my parents wanted something, they just had to take out this rectangluar notepad, scribble a few words down on it, and hand the note to the cashier.

Ha! That one rings true with me. When all of my Dad's friends were buying massive, beautiful new tractors and Dad still had his old ones, I asked him why he didn't get a new one too.

Dad: "Because they're expensive."

Me: "Then buy it with a check. You have like a thousand of them in the desk."

 

[GrindingAway]

I always wonder about parents who do that. Like, did they just not look at the initials of the name they were choosing before doing it, or did they see it and go, "Meh, that's going to be just fine"?

To be fair to her parents she was really RJ (Rebecca/Becky). My first suggestion was if you wanted to use initials use RJ. She thought BJ sounded better. I said you know that stands for.... She said "no way I've never heard that." Then I said "I think we should see other people."

 

[Acylum]

Ha! That one rings true with me. When all of my Dad's friends were buying massive, beautiful new tractors and Dad still had his old ones, I asked him why he didn't get a new one too.

Dad: "Because they're expensive."

Me: "Then buy it with a check. You have like a thousand of them in the desk."

For several years I thought my parents were quite selfish.

 

[Cydewayz]

I remember having that moment of thinking Santa was a jerk...why did we get cool presents and such, but needy kids didn't and we had to buy gifts for the tree at the mall for needy kids. Even as an ego-centric young child I thought it was common sense Santa should provide for needy kids, not someone like me with a decent life.

 

[Rhoadhoused]

My mom used to live in a house that was green, and I thought she lived in a greenhouse.

I grew up in a house on the property of a municipal airport, and I thought everyone had an airstrip in their backyard with hangers and planes.

 

[jtdoyle1]

As a child I thought it was theoretically possible for an airplane to take off from a treadmill whose belt was moving in the opposite direction but exact same speed as the airplanes wheels using only the power of the turbines, but now as an adult whose has basic knowledge of how flight works I know this is impossible.

 

[oldman]

I walked into my uncle's barn when he and the vet were pulling a calf. My uncle ses me and yells,"Get the hell outta here." So I scrammed. That night for dinner we had roast beef, and it was similar in shape to what I glimpsed getting pulled out of the cow. I thought that they were just getting the meat for dinner.

 

[00clone]

To be fair to her parents she was really RJ (Rebecca/Becky). My first suggestion was if you wanted to use initials use RJ. She thought BJ sounded better. I said you know that stands for.... She said "no way I've never heard that." Then I said "I think we should see other people."

"OK...just put your head down here..."????

Epic missed opportunity, dude...

 

[Acylum]

boobs

At a fairly young age, I concluded these things had potential and were something I should keep my eye on. However, the time span between that revelation and actually discovering they were dual-purpose items ended up being embarrassingly long.

 

[Cycl1]

At a fairly young age, I concluded these things had potential and were something I should keep my eye on. However, the time span between that revelation and actually discovering they were dual-purpose items ended up being embarrassingly long.

I thought they were like perfectly round, so i dont really mind fake boobs, they look like i thought all boobs did when i was younger.

 

[BKLYNCyclone]

When I was 5 or so I walked in on my aunt breast feeding my cousin. I point blank told her that if she got tired or ran out my mom could take over since she has "those things" too...

Mind you, I was lactose intolerant and fed only soy formula as a baby, but I still remember this entire conversation. My aunt must have died inside but she did a great job of saying I don't think it works that way.

 

[carvers4math]

Am I the only whose parents didn't bother with the "sex talk"? Thank goodness the school at least covered girls' "health" just in the nick of time. The rest of it I learned from fairly unreliable sources.

 

[TXCyclones]

2 things.

Always thought Washington D.C. was in the state of Washington.

And I remember how disappointed I was in the term ****job after convincing the neighbor girl that apparently she just had to blow on it - horrible horrible let down.

 

[GrindingAway]

Am I the only whose parents didn't bother with the "sex talk"? Thank goodness the school at least covered girls' "health" just in the nick of time. The rest of it I learned from fairly unreliable sources.

Are your initials RJ?

 

[GrindingAway]

When I was 5 or so I walked in on my aunt breast feeding my cousin. I point blank told her that if she got tired or ran out my mom could take over since she has "those things" too...

Mind you, I was lactose intolerant and fed only soy formula as a baby, but I still remember this entire conversation. My aunt must have died inside but she did a great job of saying I don't think it works that way.

When we had our first kid my wife's grandparents came to visit. He was "rooting" a little on her grandma. Her grandpa said "why don't you whip one out and let him nibble on it a little?"

I threw up in my mouth.