Helicopter Parenting

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Sparkplug, Aug 8, 2019.

  1. Sigmapolis

    Sigmapolis Well-Known Member
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    #41 Sigmapolis, Aug 9, 2019
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2019
    Good post -- some things I agree with in particular...

    -- A year of JUCO can be a good idea for about anybody to get their feet wet, knock out general education classes cheaply, and oftentimes have better instruction. I took a good number of DMACC classes before I showed up in Ames, which helped me adjust to the new level of material from experienced or full-time instructors, and especially Dr. Woods with calculus, rather than an inexperienced or overwhelmed graduate student giving their first class.

    -- Everybody's home situation is different. "Living at home" might imply a watchful parental eye, but my father worked for the UPRR and was thus gone much of the time for work. I basically had free reign much of the time, including in high school, so it was not new. The balance there is different for everybody. Ask yourself what the young adult has handled so far and how much more they can handle rapidly and plan accordingly for you and them.

    -- I feel like, despite being 32, that I had more of an upbringing associated with older generations. I was walking or biking to school by kindergarten, driving when I turned 15, and my parents never had a strong interest in my academic career or my social life. They were too busy with work and their own friends to pay me much mind. I had help when I asked, especially from my grandparents more than my parents, but I knew at a young age this was mostly on me.

    I look what I got in terms of parental involvement compared to what I see from your average family of defense contractor dad, corporate attorney mom, and 2.5 kids in Fairfax County, Virginia, and it about gives me whiplash. My father cannot spell "cheese," in comparison.

    Those helped ease the transition for me.
     
  2. Scruff

    Scruff Active Member

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    Is this a good place to rant about my in-laws and their extreme free range parenting? Their kids range from age 21 - 26. The one graduated high school and literally took 3 years to play video games all day in their basement and no he wasn't streaming for cash it was a for fun thing only. If you're the parents and they live under your roof, you're allowed to make them get a job!
     
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  3. Cyched

    Cyched Well-Known Member

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    If they’re 18 or older I think you’re allowed to charge them rent.
     
  4. agcy68

    agcy68 Well-Known Member

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    Personally, I mentored from afar. Told/encouraged my kids to get to know their adviser, join a couple clubs on campus, get good grades (it will matter), and look for an internship. He was in a similar major as mine was and it was fun to catch up every few weeks and hear how it was going.

    My wife likes to send gifts, ordered from the emails you will get. Met them for dinner a couple times a semester. Other than that (oh, and paying his U-bill on time) - let 'em go.
     
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  5. Alex

    Alex Member

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    Parents attend orientation?
     
  6. CycloneErik

    CycloneErik Well-Known Member

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    Ohhhhh, yeah. It's a fun look around campus. Some of the students are together with their parents and apparently fine with it, some are pretending they're too cool for it but still with their folks. It's a large mob of people roaming around with their guide.
     
  7. BryceC

    BryceC Well-Known Member

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    I was the third kid and my brother is 14 years older than me. My parents didn’t go to orientation or anything with me and I’m pretty sure they came to visit like 3 times I was on campus.

    I agree with the don’t come home for a month thing. If you leave right away on the weekends it’s over.
     
  8. BryceC

    BryceC Well-Known Member

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    I started school in 2000 and was the only kid in my group without parents. Everybody looked at me like I was an alien.
     
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  9. VeloClone

    VeloClone Well-Known Member

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    When I was in school 30 or so years ago I was shocked to learn a classmate I was working on a project with had never spent a night away from her parents before she started college. If the parents were going out for the evening they took her with them. She had never even had a babysitter. I don't know how one can be ready to run - and that is what living away from home in a college environment is - when you have never been given the opportunity to walk or even crawl.

    I think either extreme of being too protective or too lax is a problem. It is up to each parent (or set of parents - or even sets of parents) to find that happy medium for their situation. I'm pretty sure the amount of independence that is right for my daughter is going to be greatly different than what is appropriate for my son.
     
  10. Sparkplug

    Sparkplug Well-Known Member
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    Should parents come visit for a weekend?
     
  11. moores2

    moores2 Active Member

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    I don't know about a whole weekend. Maybe show up for a football/basketball game. Take them out to eat (maybe roommate too), catch up, buy some groceries, and head home.
     
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  12. cyfanatic13

    cyfanatic13 Well-Known Member

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    As a recent college graduate, I liked the way my parents did it. Checked in about once a week via text or call. Not overbearing at all like my roommates mom kinda was. They came to a couple games throughout the year and took us out to eat and I probably went home like three times a semester maybe. (Hour and a half away)
     
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  13. Sparkplug

    Sparkplug Well-Known Member
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    #53 Sparkplug, Aug 9, 2019
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2019
    Went to a few games. Didn’t tell son. Was seen by my son’s friend and he told him.

    We figured going to game with his friends was more important than going with us.

    Think he appreciated that.
     
  14. CyCrazy

    CyCrazy Well-Known Member

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    And the wasteland. Might as well add CF to your portfolio you strip mall bar owner failure.
     
  15. Cyclone.TV

    Cyclone.TV Well-Known Member

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    Awwww you sound upset. Relax, it’s friday.
     
  16. CyCrazy

    CyCrazy Well-Known Member

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    Awww Sorry Ellen, truth hurts.
     
  17. Cyclone.TV

    Cyclone.TV Well-Known Member

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    Love you sweetie.
     
  18. mcblogerson

    mcblogerson Well-Known Member

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    My dad gave me two pieces of advice that stuck with me.
    1. Dont call me if you end up in jail. I wont show up with bail.
    2. Dont get a credit card until after college or you have a steady job. All your friends will get them, max them out and will spend years regretting it.

    Then he said give it your best shot. If you quit college, you’ll need a job if you want to live with us.

    My mom cried and said a bunch of stuff about loving me, useless info.
     
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  19. NWICY

    NWICY Well-Known Member

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    If your down for FB or VB let them know but that 1st month let them start to make their own life.
     
  20. CycloneErik

    CycloneErik Well-Known Member

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    Door wide open here.......
     

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