Drunkest You've Ever Been Story Thread

[Goothrey]

I guess haven't done anything too crazy(knock on wood). But I remember(blackouts are for the weak) back during freshman year, veishea, i had everclear for the first time. Had a little of that and a friend and I took down a bottle of SoCo. The concerts were done and we were heading back to the dorms and we had to **** like race horses. So we some how stumbled into the armory and looked everywhere for a bathroom. Asked a lady that was working there(i assume, but it doesnt make much sense a person would be working at a time like that) where the bathroom was, but then we saw a guy in a police outfit and bolted. Still had to go and decided to just relieve myself on Gilman. Kind of proud of that. The lecture halls there are the worst on campus......Made it back to our dorm and I passed out on friend's futon. Woke up the next morning and the hallway was filled with smoke. Apparently somebody had lit the posters and papers on the wall on fire. Had slept through the CA pounding on the door and the fire alarm and whatever other commotion was going on out in the hallway. I would have been dead if the dorm was more flammable.

 

[CyBer]

So I was at a party last year and one of my friends who is a huge lightweight passed out after 4 or 5 shots. Some of my other friends thought it would be a funny idea to cut some of their P*bic hairs off and stuff them in his mouth. It was ******* Hilarious and mean at the same time. This isn't the "Drunkest we've ever been" but it was a pretty funny story.

Are you a little light in the loafers?

 

[jdoggivjc]

That last sentence sounds like a challenge sir.

Not happening. Having a family kind of forces you to grow up a bit. That, and if you were paying attention, the last time someone tried doing that to me I nearly died (according to my friends, anyway).

 

[SplitIdentity]

So I was at a party last year and one of my friends who is a huge lightweight passed out after 4 or 5 shots. Some of my other friends thought it would be a funny idea to cut some of their P*bic hairs off and stuff them in his mouth. It was ******* Hilarious and mean at the same time. This isn't the "Drunkest we've ever been" but it was a pretty funny story.

you put your ball hair in some other dude's mouth?

 

[CyBer]

He must be a hawk fan.

 

[cysox2]

In Liberty, Mo for Nationals softball tourney. Thursday night before tourney started. We came down early, stopped at Victors in Des Moines to eat and watch ISU football on tv. Got to Liberty and went to a bar. Beer, shots, beer, shots, etc all night. Met a cop and his GF at this bar. Went to their place to continue drinking and playing darts all night long. Real cool people. Woke up in the front seat our Town n Country mini van with another teammate in the back. Other 2 guys were laying in the yard and woke up when school kids were getting on the bus. Renamed the van the Town and Country Inn after that.

Story continues at Perkins after waking up. We were inside and this other table of dudes were looking at us. We were like, "what the ****" to each other. They asked us, "don't you guys play for such and such team" We looked at each other, "uh ****, what did we do last night" We said yes, and why do you ask? They said, "oh we are xxxx team from Des Moines, and you guys killed us at State" Thank God that was all. Whew. We had no clue who those guys were.

I was one of those guys that woke up to bus brakes and the group of kids standing about 20 ft away waiting for the bus. I wish I could say that was the drunkest I've ever been.

 

[CtownCyclone]

So I was at a party last year and one of my friends who is a huge lightweight passed out after 4 or 5 shots. Some of my other friends thought it would be a funny idea to cut some of their P*bic hairs off and stuff them in his mouth. It was ******* Hilarious and mean at the same time. This isn't the "Drunkest we've ever been" but it was a pretty funny story.

Gorilla mask?

 

[peteypie]

Drunkest I've been, there is no memory of.....so here is one that I can remember details

Vegas for when ISU played UNLV for football. Drinking all day, and I was an avid poker player at the time. So I talked my two buddies into playing poker for a while. My wife at that point told me she was tired so she was going to bed.

Well me and my two buddies all got 60 dollars worth of chips and sat down at a table. One buddy was out with in 5 hands. Other buddy held on for maybe a half hour. I was winning, and there was a guy at my table that was an *** and I really wanted to take down a peg or two. I told them to go on with out me.

Well, I played tight unless I knew the guy I didn't like was trying to push the table around.

About 3 to 4 hours later, waitresses would come to our table(free drinks if you were playing) and ask if anybody wanted a drink. I just remember the one waitress saying...."well, I know you want one, Mr. bud light guy, but does anyone else" I can't say no to a free drink while I'm winning money. BTW they were big 24 ounce Bud lights.

Well we played for hours and I couldn't take this guy down. I won money, but when I didn't have a hand, he would bully the rest of the table and win it back.

Last thing I remember is trying to turn in my chips, and then having to **** so bad I could taste it. I remember riding the elevator up to my room floor, unzipping my zipper, and ******* while I was walking to my room.

The next morning, my wife said I locked every single lock on the door and told her that if they were going to come kick me out, they had to wait until the morning.

 

[peteypie]

Oh, and by the way, there is a huge difference in drunkest I've ever been, and stupidest **** I've ever done when drunk. By most of the replies, this thread should be renamed "stupidest **** I've done, or funniest story while drunk"

 

[CRcyclone6]

I was one of those guys that woke up to bus brakes and the group of kids standing about 20 ft away waiting for the bus. I wish I could say that was the drunkest I've ever been.

I know, I know. Too many drunk times to count. But this was one of the most fun.

 

[Jambalaya]

Lived in So florida and flew up to Chicago in summer in '85 for Springsteen concert at Soldier field.

Friend had my ticket and I was meeting him and 30 other people from eastern Iowa I.

Lightning in Miami delayed flight and I arrived late. Took the wrong train and emerged on a street near Cabrini Green @ 7pm on that friday summer night

Barely found a cab to take me to a Loop restaurant to drop off my suitcase. Ducked down as Cabbie drove through Cabrini Green area about 50 mph

finally got to Soldier field and EVERYONE was inside. No Ticket (there were no cell phones). I was in chicago without a ride back to eastern Iowa. No way to communicate with 30 friends.

Totally fu#k'd, or so it seemed. By myself, and hung around one of the ticket takers.

He had ONE extra ticket--gave it to me for free.

Got in and there were 80,000 people. I had NO IDEA where everyone was seated. totally fu#ked, or so it seemed. Stranded in Chicago by myself.

As dusk was setting in as I was up in the stands--I focussed on the 50 yard line. One of my friends was 6'4" with curly hair. I saw his afro from the grandstand!

I went out tothe field and ended up finding everyone....Drnking the whole night

We went bar-hopping after and drank a lot more.

We all went to a guy's parents in SOUTH CHICAGO. Kept drinking all night. 4AM came and scribbled the address where I was at, and put in my pocket. Got a ride back downto Rush street. Had to pick up my suitcase, and return to South Chicago for a ride back to eastern Iowa.

Stumbled through Rush Street. Only white dude around in the middle of the night.

Got suit case and was almost comotose. found a cabbie and he got me back to s. Chciago. crawled backed to brownstone and layed down. 1/2 hour later had to get up and drive back to eastern Iowa for FOUR WEDDINGS on that Saturday.

 

[CycloneYoda]

Shots of liquid tide, a scooter, some cows, and missing clothing.


Never put down a bottle of Tequila in one sitting ever again.

 

[SNEDDS3]

Woke up on CyRide bench one Sunday at 6:21am. Next to Lake Lavern on Welch. Or....the time I went to the un-named grocery store and I stole imitation crab meat and put it in my pants. The store employee stopped me and saw what looked like I pee'd my pants. Let me go.

 

[oldman]

When I was in the Navy, a buddy and I were in Thailand. We rode a ferry boat from our ship to shore, and they were serving on the ferry. Beer in Thailand is 12%, but tastes the same as here in the States.

There are a lot of "outdoor" bars, that have seats right off the sidewalks. We decided to have one beer at each bar we came to, and proceeded to make a big loop around the town.

I'm not sure how many bars we actually stopped at, but I'm guessing in the neighborhood of 12-14.

The last one was the Green Hut, and I remember thinking I'd been ripped off by the owner, and yelling "The Green Hut! I'll remember that name and tell all on my ship never to stop here!" and storming off down the street (my buddy had disappeared and woke up the next day in a half of a car in a junkyard).

Its not a good idea to wander drunkenly in a foreign country by yourself. And I got the bright idea that I was going to go back and get my money.

The owner acted like I was his long lost friend, gave me a free beer and put me up in a hotel for the night.

I didn't puke until the next day, then couldn't stop for most of the morning. Luckily, we'd just taken on a supply of fresh milk, and I probably drank a gallon from about noon on. Best mik I ever had.

 

[Tre4ISU]

My story comes from being at Dan McCarney's house on his final game night. The short story is that I told him that I couldn't move the firetruck out of his driveway and that I was getting a ride home. He said that's alright I can still get out for work in the morning. That's when I apparently told him, work? you don't have a job. Needless to say I don't remember saying that. I was told by the guy that drove me home. I felt so terrible about that. I sent him an email the next day and he was really cool about it.

If true, that's really funny.

 

[stateofmind]

If true, that's really funny.

I have the email from Dan, and had to show it to my coworker this morning. Dan is a great guy! I ran into one of the coaches that was at the party, not too many of them left, and introduced myself again as it had been a few years. He responded with, yeah that was one heckuva party, he said, "I was so hungover my hair hurt."

 

[Al_4_State]

Oh, and by the way, there is a huge difference in drunkest I've ever been, and stupidest **** I've ever done when drunk. By most of the replies, this thread should be renamed "stupidest **** I've done, or funniest story while drunk"

I agree.

The drunkest I've ever been has no story attached, because I just drank way too much and passed out somewhere. Not exactly much of a story.

The best stuff happens when you're really drunk, but not so drunk you pass out.

 

[dmclone]

I was so drunk at the insight bowl that I walked straight into the pool fully clothed. After realizing what I had just done, I looked up right as the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders were walking by. That was about 4 hours before our flight home. Had to ride all the way home with wet shoes and a bruised ego.

 

[DesertClone1]

well.. it's after new years.. time to fire this up again!