Do you visit graves/cemeteries?

[carvers4math]

This is a good question. When my mother was mobile, her and my sister used to go out twice a year and put flowers on graves. I found the whole process to be dumb and never visited anyone's grave after they died. My wife and the rest of my family find this to be cold.

On the other hand, I've visited a lot of WW1 and WW2 grave sites and find those interesting.

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[Al_4_State]

I do. Most of my family is buried in the cemetery owned by the church we all grew up going to, were baptized in, many generations were married in, and it's surrounded by the first farm my grandparents bought, where they raised their family, and where my uncle lives today. I have 3 first cousins buried there (2 that I was close with on a daily basis growing up) who all died before they saw 17. My daughter is named after one of them.

I don't necessarily go on specific days or at specific intervals, but I've spent a lot of time at those gravesites over the years

 

[DesertClone1]

Whenever I am in my hometown which is VERY rare these days. I usually go an lay some flowers or something on my grandparents grave, and have a quick chat with them, catch them up on all the things that are happening with my family. I miss them so damn much somedays.

 

[wxman1]

Not really, at least not at this point in my life. I do drive by some old Pioneer ones at times and get to thinking about the history within them.

 

[CyCrazy]

No all my family is buried in Illinois. Also I will be cremated so my kids wont have a headstone to visit.

 

[singsing]

God no, and there's no way I'm having my remains dressed up and put in a box. Only reason this all got started was to get a body in the ground so you wouldn't have to deal with the smell and scavengers taking the remains in sight. I have pictures and other items to remember the people I lost.

 

[BigTurk]

Every Memorial Day my mother places flowers at my father's, my step-father's, her parents, her grandparents (both sets), and many unmarried uncles and aunts. Her brothers and their spouses would always meet at the grave of their parents, drink beers and talk about the old times. I've joined them a few times and enjoy the history lessons.

Unfortunately, as my mom gets older, I don't see it continuing. She has lost two brothers, one is pretty old and unable to get around, and the other won't continue that tradition. I can find the graves of her parents, but that is about it.

Occasionally I visit the graves of my grandparents, father, and step-father. It has been a few years, but it is something I like doing. Since I live in Des Moines and they are all in Dubuque county it isn't so easy to get back that often, and when I do there are a million other things to do. As someone else mentioned the cemeteries are just really peaceful.

Two interesting stories. My grandparents in the Worthington IA cemetery, and in the spring of 1990 a tornado ripped through Worthington and destroyed some headstones and gorgeous trees. It has come back some but not like it was, but give it time I guess. My dad is buried in the Petersburg IA cemetery. On the western border of the cemetery there is a cow pasture, and my dad said before he died he did not want a plot along the fence and have those cows sh!tting on him. He got his wish.

My wife has told me that when I die she won't be visiting my grave. The whole thing creeps her out, and it isn't something she will do, but to be honest it really hurt to hear that. It made me realize how quickly people forget. I am two generations removed from my mom's aunts and uncles and I have no idea who they were or where to find their graves. That will be me someday.

 

[LivntheCyLife]

God no, and there's no way I'm having my remains dressed up and put in a box. Only reason this all got started was to get a body in the ground so you wouldn't have to deal with the smell and scavengers taking the remains in sight. I have pictures and other items to remember the people I lost.

So you prefer others have to deal with the smell and scavengers of your remains?

 

[coolerifyoudid]

I enjoy seeing the history of some of the older cemeteries, but I struggle if I have to go there for someone I know. I replay their life and how they passed and will inevitably break down if I don't steel myself beforehand.

I envy those that can celebrate someone's life versus mourn them in death. Anytime I walk through a cemetery I get a profound sense of sorrow that almost gives me physical pain. I don't handle death well at all.

 

[LivntheCyLife]

I've been to a cemetery in Pennsylvania that had graves of some of my 1800s ancestors. Also been to a cemetery in Norway that almost definitely had ancestors although didn't know which specific graves. So I like the history and the idea of someone long in the future visiting my grave.

For loved ones, I don't go out of my visit but not opposed to going if a family member wants to.

 

[Fishhead]

Not the response you were looking for, but I go to cemeteries to look for birds. They are sometimes great for birding, especially the old city cemeteries, which are heavily wooded and sometimes skirt woodland areas

 

[Cyclonepride]

No, mainly because my loved ones who have passed are scattered in somewhat distant places, and my mom's urn is still at my dad's house waiting to be interred when he passes. I am sure I will after that happens (destined for a spot at the veteran's cemetery in Van Meter, which is a really beautiful spot).

 

[CRcyclone6]

I visit my grandparents from time to time to see them. Both sets are in the same cemetary. Now my wife and her friends have gone out to 13 Steps near Palo a few times for fun at night. **** that. They've taken pics and you can see floating orbs and one looks like a growling dog. I will pass on that.

 

[JayV]

I wish that I visited my family's graves more often, but I never seem to make the time. I need to get better at that.

I do visit historically important people's graves when I travel sometimes. It makes the history feel more real. And some of those graves have interesting stories.

 

[BoxsterCy]

Speaking of grave sites. A few months ago I visited a German grave site in Belgium. At one point after WW2, the Germans had over 100 different grave sites in Belgium. Just random grave sites that were in farm fields and other places. Some had nazi propaganda present. After the second time they tried to destroy Belgium, the Belgium people had enough and forced them to consolidate. The German grave site I went to had as many as 12 people per head stone. 80 years later, the Belgium people are more forgiving and when a body is found, they have ceremonies.

Here's a photo my dad took in either Germany or Belgium 80 years ago in the winter of 1944-45. WWI graves for sure. In December 1944 they were in Germany and were called back into Belgium for the Battle of Bulge so can't say for sure which country it was. There was snow in both locations. I know there was snow in their Germany encampment because I talked with a guy who was in my dad's unit a couple of years ago and he said he was tobogganing and when they pulled the sled back up the hill everyone else was starting to mobilize to bug out and counter march back to Belgium. Yeah, it was a very quiet sector! Day later back in Belgium, not so quiet.

 

[JayV]

I visit my grandparents from time to time to see them. Both sets are in the same cemetary. Now my wife and her friends have gone out to 13 Steps near Palo a few times for fun at night. **** that. They've taken pics and you can see floating orbs and one looks like a growling dog. I will pass on that.

Pro-tip: the number of steps does not change when it changes from day to night.
Edit: or of you go up forward vs backward, whatever the legend is.

 

[KnappShack]

So do you CF peeps visit cemeteries and graves? Just popped into my head since I'll be in my hometown in a couple of weeks for a single day. Not really envisioning me ever being in that town again so maybe that is why it popped into my head. I think the only time I've ever done the graveside visit thing was as a kid being dragged there by my mother or father. My mother used to do the flowers on graves thing. Got me wondering if that was sort of just an older generation thing or maybe something that just runs in families or something.

Note: Not counting military related stuff. As an adult I did go by choice to ceremonies in cemeteries on Memorial Day or Veteran's Day with my dad and his fellow veterans. I am more talking visiting family graves.

I do not want a grave because I don't want family to feel guilty about not visiting a stone in the groud.

 

[Chitowncy]

Interesting question.

I would say I rarely visit a grave or cemetery of a loved one. Perhaps once a year, if that. That said, I find it honorable and important to visit graves to honor those who came before us, remember them and teach these lessons to our children. I commend those of you who do. I don't visit as much as I feel like I should though.

 

[JayV]

I do not want a grave because I don't want family to feel guilty about not visiting a stone in the groud.

I don't want anyone to feel guilty about not visiting, but I do want a grave site. It's one of the very few ways you can preserve green space for almost forever in the United States. There are exceptions, but it's rare to disturb a known grave site.

And laws may change. Religions and feelings may change, but as of today, a grave is basically green space forever.

 

[ISU22CY]

More so to make sure they are mowed around and the headstones aren't wonky or the vet markers aren't bent to hell. Small town cemetery and the crew they hired does less than a stellar job with the maintenance. Lots of family buried in the same location so it's easy enough to do. Usually take the dog with and let him run around chase some squirrels.

Then every memorial day mom and I go around to the various ones where relatives are buried to put flowers out. Usually learn something new about someone. Did it with my grandma before she passed away and use to do it with my other grandma but she can't get out and about any longer.