Toxic Boss - How do you cope?

  • After Iowa State won the Big 12, a Cyclone made a wonderful offer to We Will that now increases our match. Now all gifts up to $400,000 between now and the Final 4 will be matched. Please consider giving at We Will Collective.
    This notice can be dismissed using the upper right corner X button.

Peter

Well-Known Member
Feb 21, 2010
6,862
12,576
113
Madison, Wisconsin
I work for an art dealer and my boss is insane. She treats everyone like her personal assistant and is constantly playing mind games. You never know when she will blow up about the slightest issue. Recently she tried to pressure me into attending a New Year’s Day party at her house by suggested that my career “might” depend on it and then guilt tripped me hard for spending NYE with my family.

It has gotten to the point where I feel stupid all the time and am making silly mistakes because my stress level is so high. I’m actively looking for another job but until then I need to survive as best I can. For those of you who are/have been where I am, how do you cope?
 

isufbcurt

Well-Known Member
Apr 21, 2006
25,649
39,119
113
44
Newton
I work for an art dealer and my boss is insane. She treats everyone like her personal assistant and is constantly playing mind games. You never know when she will blow up about the slightest issue. Recently she tried to pressure me into attending a New Year’s Day party at her house by suggested that my career “might” depend on it and then guilt tripped me hard for spending NYE with my family.

It has gotten to the point where I feel stupid all the time and am making silly mistakes because my stress level is so high. I’m actively looking for another job but until then I need to survive as best I can. For those of you who are/have been where I am, how do you cope?

Interesting, very, very interesting. Sounds like she wanted to seduce you.

Also, sounds like Jennifer Aniston's character in Horrible Bosses. Is she hot? Pics will be required to assist (if they aren't appropriate for this board feel free to PM them to me).
 

Cy$

Well-Known Member
Sep 1, 2011
23,930
5,516
113
Ames
I work for an art dealer and my boss is insane. She treats everyone like her personal assistant and is constantly playing mind games. You never know when she will blow up about the slightest issue. Recently she tried to pressure me into attending a New Year’s Day party at her house by suggested that my career “might” depend on it and then guilt tripped me hard for spending NYE with my family.

It has gotten to the point where I feel stupid all the time and am making silly mistakes because my stress level is so high. I’m actively looking for another job but until then I need to survive as best I can. For those of you who are/have been where I am, how do you cope?
I've been in a similar situation.

I left because the stress got too much. You have to understand the risk you're taking if that's the route you go. A person's mental health is more important than money or anything career wise IMO. I was pretty messed up after quitting but found a job I really like and am happy I left.

Some questions to consider:
1) Are you ok with taking a lower job in the meantime if you quit?
2) How quick would you find a job similar to the one you have?

It's your call but it sounds like you should consider quitting if it's effecting you that much. Life is too short to be miserable. The director and my boss got demotions out of the ordeal after other co-workers talked to higher management...so don't be afraid voice your opinion to her boss if you can.
 

MeowingCows

Well-Known Member
Jun 1, 2015
35,522
33,817
113
Iowa
Always take care of #1, even if that means GTFO. Until then, I'd say just keep looking forward and not at the now. If you're job hunting, you know your current status is temporary and only a means to the next stage in life. Treat it as such; don't let your current spot bring you down knowing that something better is out there, and you're trying to find it.

I've seen more than a few people get ruined by **** jobs or bosses. If nothing changes, the best option is to head out for your own well-being. I'm sure you know this, evidenced by the fact that you're already telling us about the specific issues you're facing.
 

mb7299

Well-Known Member
Mar 15, 2013
1,313
582
113
Iowa Falls
I second the life is to short for a job that makes you miserable. Move on but realize you might make a little less money in the short term but you'll make up for it in happiness.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Peter

throwittoblythe

Well-Known Member
Aug 7, 2006
3,428
3,782
113
Minneapolis, MN
I work for an art dealer and my boss is insane. She treats everyone like her personal assistant and is constantly playing mind games. You never know when she will blow up about the slightest issue. Recently she tried to pressure me into attending a New Year’s Day party at her house by suggested that my career “might” depend on it and then guilt tripped me hard for spending NYE with my family.

It has gotten to the point where I feel stupid all the time and am making silly mistakes because my stress level is so high. I’m actively looking for another job but until then I need to survive as best I can. For those of you who are/have been where I am, how do you cope?

The long term answer, in a simple sense, is likely to just find a different job. Of course, that can be complicated given the specifics, but we don't have all those at this moment. This doesn't sound like someone who values you and is not someone I would want to commit a significant portion of my time to.

That being said, I dealt with this early in my career as well. I had a boss who would constantly berate and/or throw me under the bus during meetings. I was a new-hire right out of college, and if I didn't do it right with no instruction, I was the one who was screwing it up, not him. I sought counsel from other leaders who helped with a few things, but ultimately, I couldn't work with that guy. I eventually was placed under a different leader which kept me from leaving the company. But I was fully prepared to quit had that not happened.
 

CloneFan4

Well-Known Member
Aug 5, 2010
5,882
5,593
113
West Des Moines
Do you meditate? Sticking to it is hell for the first couple of weeks but you'll start to look forward to it day in and day out. It will really help with your stress levels. I sympathize with you on making the dumb mistakes. I get crazy brain fog when I'm stressed and then it feeds into anxiety/depression and it's a vicious cycle.

Like I said, try meditating, make sure you're eating enough healthy fats, workout. See if that helps but the important thing is you're being proactive searching for another job rather than just ******** about it. Good on you
 
  • Friendly
Reactions: Peter

Macloney

Well-Known Member
Feb 28, 2014
5,194
5,667
113
Up Nort
I work for an art dealer and my boss is insane. She treats everyone like her personal assistant and is constantly playing mind games. You never know when she will blow up about the slightest issue. Recently she tried to pressure me into attending a New Year’s Day party at her house by suggested that my career “might” depend on it and then guilt tripped me hard for spending NYE with my family.

It has gotten to the point where I feel stupid all the time and am making silly mistakes because my stress level is so high. I’m actively looking for another job but until then I need to survive as best I can. For those of you who are/have been where I am, how do you cope?

I worked for an insane boss who was basically the owner and the lack of professionalism was off the charts. He would belittle people constantly, yell profanities, talk about "throat punching" people and started a serious relationship with an HR intern who was a VP's family member around 20 some years his younger. He ended up leaving his wife for her and brought her on with no experience as our HR Manager.

I was kind of always okay with his craziness because it wasn't ever directed at me. Until it was. Dude was berating an employee who legitimately messed something up big time. Then he proceed to jump me because I was mentally checked out. He couldn't provide any examples and I had just gotten back from vacation, so maybe that was it?

Anyway, I always said that if he yelled at me like that I would quit. I walked out and called my wife (for permission) and quit 10 minutes later. Best two week notice ever.
 

cyclone4L

Well-Known Member
Jun 30, 2013
3,931
7,215
113
I had one bad boss in my career, and he was REALLY bad. He always picked favorites. He never showed up on time and he would blame the workers for the poor performances.

ALWAYS choose the leader who elevates you and you would go into war with.

Also.... if you have to post in a forum about how bad it is, it's time for a change.

Best of luck. We can help with editing your resume if you would like.
 

GTO

Well-Known Member
Mar 25, 2014
28,004
36,677
113
North DFW, TX
Interesting, very, very interesting. Sounds like she wanted to seduce you.

Also, sounds like Jennifer Aniston's character in Horrible Bosses. Is she hot? Pics will be required to assist (if they aren't appropriate for this board feel free to PM them to me).
If she is, hit it (the boss) and quit it (both the boss and the job).