How bad are athlete's parents?

[CoachKM]

As a high school coach, I would hope after 22 emails from the same parent my AD or principal would get involved and facilitate a face to face meeting with me and the parent. Show some video, state your case then let them know the matter is finished. Easy to say, I guess.

 

[jcisuclones]

As a high school coach, I would hope after 22 emails from the same parent my AD or principal would get involved and facilitate a face to face meeting with me and the parent. Show some video, state your case then let them know the matter is finished. Easy to say, I guess.

Where I went to high school, the AD was involved with (and still is, I've heard) with the politics involved with playing time. Those who have parents who donate a bunch to the booster club, more than likely will see more playing time.

 

[CoachKM]

Where I went to high school, the AD was involved with (and still is, I've heard) with the politics involved with playing time. Those who have parents who donate a bunch to the booster club, more than likely will see more playing time.

I totally believe this. Sad but true.

 

[Sigmapolis]

what is it about all sports that make people go crazy?

we've got a days worth of posts about how terrible the Iowa state coaches are and how bad the players are. And everyone is sure they don’t care about winning.

My pet theory is that --

We are physiologically and psychologically cavemen. Humans were hunter-gatherers for 200,000 years before being serfs/peasant farmers/slaves for roughly 12,000 years before we developed a modern economy and society ~250 years ago.

Evolution has not kept up.

When we were hunter-gatherers, athleticism, tribal oneness, and violence was the name of the game. They directly led to food, safety, survival, and reproduction.

The practical circumstances of our lives and bodies started diverging from that with the agricultural revolution around 10,000 BC and completely decoupled from that around 1700 with the industrial revolution but, again, our brains/bodies have not.

So when we have instances to let those old instincts fly... tribal loyalties, hatred for the other side, violence and blood-lust, the desire for conquest and domination, man oh man all those old, barbaric sorts of ways and thoughts come out in us.

Sports and politics are those two places where we can be cavemen again and enjoy it. And we do it enjoy it -- hating Iowa/the opposite party shoots your brain up with dopamine. We are programmed to do that, to feel that way, to hate, because feeling hatred of outsiders, fear of any unknowns, avoiding unnecessary risks, and relying on your tribe were how you survived as a hunter-gatherer. That naked ape is far from gone, however, and you can see it breaking out of our civilized veneer from time to time in moments.

 

[srjclone]

I may have told this story before, so SIAP, but I had 2 friends who had helicopter dads throughout all of my youth sports. I played on baseball, basketball and football teams with these kids, and the dads were at every single game. I kid you not, not one game went by where at least one (if not both) completely blew up at a referee, the coach, or their own sons. For reference, one was the father of our best athlete, kid was unreal at everything he touched, an old school athlete per se. His father was the biggest of the two hot heads, and every time he blew up, it effected my friends game. He would go into a shell and not be assertive, especially in basketball. It was obvious and upsetting, really. Our coach who was a hardass(affectionately) even tried to take him aside when he saw this happen. It never really worked.
Fast Forward a few years, my buddy moves out to the west coast for his dads job, and went on to be tied for 2nd in the nation in interceptions as a HS senior. He had offers to play safey at Boise State, Oregon State, and a few mid majors. He decided to go to Boise State.. for business. I asked him why he didn't at least give football a shot if he ended up at BSU anyways, his only reason? He didn't want to give his dad a reason to interject in his life anymore... when he said that ****, I got sad/mad/whatever you want to call it, because one of the best true athletes I have ever seen just lost the love for athletics because his dad felt some superiority against officials and coaches. Be better parents, sports aren't everything in this world, and your actions have a lasting affect whether you think they do or not.

 

[PabloDiablo]

Part of it is financial. Some of these parents are pumping in tons and tons of money and not seeing the results that they 'deserve'. It's bizarre.

I'm perfectly okay with my daughter wanting absolutely nothing to do with sports.

This is huge part of it from my perspective. If you are dropping the money on it, you want some sort of return on your investment. There has to be value to you and/or your child to offset the cost.

The whole system is irreparably broken. Hopefully the bubble pops on full time youth sports coaches and leagues!

 

[VeloClone]

My daughter plays a club sport and our club puts out criteria for kids and how they make different level teams. The criteria include such things as skill and effort but also includes how good of a teammate they are and attendance at practices and games. The part that applies here though is the attitude of parents. I think it is generally a non-factor unless you are a parent whose behavior is detrimental to the team. It doesn't really matter if a parent is grumbling about Jimmy or Jane's playing time as long as they aren't doing it on the sideline or where their kid hears it. If they are calling/emailing/confronting coaches or raving on the sidelines it is a problem and should be dealt with. I have spoken to a coach before (when I wasn't coaching myself, that is) about my kid's playing time. But it wasn't about asking for playing time, but rather asking what the coach thought the player needed to improve. Generally as they get just a little bit older we expect them to have those conversations with the coaches themselves.

The short answer is that in this environment if a coach was getting 22 emails a day from a parent the kid would be sitting for the entire next game with just a single email sent to the parent letting them know why. "Parent, you are a distraction to the entire team and your player is paying the price for your unacceptable behavior, please adjust this behavior immediately because we would really like your player to be available for his/her teammates.

 

[SpokaneCY]

My kid is going out for Frosh baseball and I routinely talk to him about how he isnt going to get to play much if at all.

Not with THAT attitude he isn't...

 

[SpokaneCY]

As a high school coach, I would hope after 22 emails from the same parent my AD or principal would get involved and facilitate a face to face meeting with me and the parent. Show some video, state your case then let them know the matter is finished. Easy to say, I guess.

Man - I'd rather just let the coach make a decision and not be forced to justify a damn thing. Too much 'splainin' going on when certain people aren't entitled to a damn thing.

 

[IASTATE07]

I knew Tori in high school. It's not surprising she was having success as a coach. Certainly disappointing it had to end this way for her.

 

[Cyclone.TV]

The short answer is that in this environment if a coach was getting 22 emails a day from a parent the kid would be sitting for the entire next game with just a single email sent to the parent letting them know why. "Parent, you are a distraction to the entire team and your player is paying the price for your unacceptable behavior, please adjust this behavior immediately because we would really like your player to be available for his/her teammates.

I don't think the answer is taking it out on the kid because of what the parent does.

 

[VeloClone]

I don't think the answer is taking it out on the kid because of what the parent does.

Well you can ban a parent from games, but that is only if their game day behavior is the problem. If they are a distraction to the team, you get it to stop. If that means you lose the player as well you are probably still ahead.

It stinks for the kid, but this is a solution that often works. Please provide your alternate solution.

 

[Cyclone.TV]

Well you can ban a parent from games, but that is only if their game day behavior is the problem. If they are a distraction to the team, you get it to stop. If that means you lose the player as well you are probably still ahead.

It stinks for the kid, but this is a solution that often works. Please provide your alternate solution.

Yeah, it sure does stink for the kid. You are hurting them because of their parents actions.

It depends on the situation and what the parent is asking for, but if its bad enough, you bar them contacting the coach and if they want to come to games they can't be a problem. If they are, they are gone from there, too. Eventually it will probably pull the kid out depending on whose side the kid is on.

 

[VeloClone]

Yeah, it sure does stink for the kid. You are hurting them because of their parents actions.

It depends on the situation and what the parent is asking for, but if its bad enough, you bar them contacting the coach and if they want to come to games they can't be a problem. If they are, they are gone from there, too. Eventually it will probably pull the kid out depending on whose side the kid is on.

The coach is not hurting them. The parent is. It is laid out for parents and players in the information they get from the club in the very beginning that parent behavior can affect a player's standing with the team and club.

I'm certain @srjclone's buddy would have gladly sat out a game early in his career if it would have changed his helicopter dad's behavior.

 

[Cyclone.TV]

The coach is not hurting them. The parent is. It is laid out for parents and players in the information they get from the club in the very beginning that parent behavior can affect a player's standing with the team and club.

Right, but the kid somehow has control over what the parent does? That's not how it works.

 

[VeloClone]

Right, but the kid somehow has control over what the parent does? That's not how it works.

Neither does the coach. Either the parent changes behavior or the entire family is no longer associated with the team. You are focusing on one player. The rest of the team deserves to not be punished as well and a parent who is a distraction is damaging the entire team.

Kids of parents who end up in jail don't deserve to grow up without one of their parents but it happens all of the time.

 

[jcisuclones]

My sister played on a traveling softball team back when she was around 10 years old. The coaches picked the players for the team based off how good and fun the parents were. The team wasn't that great, but they didn't care. They had fun playing the game. I think only 2 of the girls kept playing softball into high school.

 

[bluestarcyclone]

Part of it is financial. Some of these parents are pumping in tons and tons of money and not seeing the results that they 'deserve'. It's bizarre.

There's probably a little bit of desperation for the chance at the college scholarship as well. That gains more value every year with the rising cost of tuition.

 

[Cyclone.TV]

Neither does the coach. Either the parent changes behavior or the entire family is no longer associated with the team. You are focusing on one player. The rest of the team deserves to not be punished as well and a parent who is a distraction is damaging the entire team.

Kids of parents who end up in jail don't deserve to grow up without one of their parents but it happens all of the time.

Like I said, you take the parent out of the equation and remove them from the situation all together. If the kid is part of it, do the same with them. But if not, they stay and the parent can no longer be around or have contact.

 

[GrindingAway]

Joke I've heard that relates....

AAU basketball coach at the start of the game sends all ten kids on the roster onto the floor to start the game. Kids look at him funny but he says get out there.

Ref says sir you can only have five players. Coach doesn't respond.

Eventually the ref calls a technical foul for having too many on the court.

Coach turns to the parents and says "see I told you all of you kids can't start."